I'd always longed for a place I could call home.
Even though I knew that Mama had loved me as much as she could, her smothering of me really didn't help when it came to feeling like I belonged somewhere, and to add to that, there had also been Saffron's off and on presence. I'll admit now that as a child, I'd craved his attention when he showed up. Did I sense that he was my father? I know that I at least suspected it. After all, the two of us did bear an uncanny resemblance to one another that I put together at a very early age.
But also, there was that feeling of attachment. It wasn't just from the way he treated me or the things he tended to do for me. As a child, I'd felt safe with Saffron. I'd felt like I had at least one person in the big, lonely world that understood and cared for me.
However, as I sat at the table in the large dining room that morning, I felt conflicted about all of that. Even with the bright sunlight pouring in through the nearby bay windows and glass doors, it felt like a darkness had fallen over me.
I frowned as I looked at my stone, thinking about what Chris had finally revealed to me. This stone wasn't really a blessing. It was a limiter. If what Chris had said was true, then I had as much power as he did, and it was all locked inside of me because of Saffron's selfish desires.
I shook my head as that thought echoed through my mind. It was unfair that I had to live in fear because of Saffron's selfish desires. I wanted to be free, both from this heritage and from him.
I heard the chair slide out across from me and looked up to see Israfel sitting down. Since it was just us in there, I studied him in what I hoped was an inconspicuous way.
I admit that from the moment I'd laid eyes on Israfel, I'd had a hard time believing that he was another Shadow Wing. There was something that seemed too pure about him. Maybe it was his looks. While Chris had lighter features, Israfel's somehow stood out more. His brown hair practically shined, and his flawless skin was the same way.
But the biggest thing that caught me were his eyes. Israfel had very vivid brown eyes that almost looked golden at times. They were somewhat unnerving.
"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" he asked me with a friendly smile. It reminded me a bit of Zane.
"Somewhat." I replied. I looked around us, "Did you see Chris and the others? He told me that he was going to talk with Will, but I haven't seen him for a while now."
"Yes. I heard them talking when I was coming back from an early morning walk. I believe they were out back. They seemed to be having a fairly serious conversation." Israfel answered.
I looked at the stone again, then let it fall to my chest, "Yeah. I think they all think I'm a serious subject now."
Israfel remained quiet as he looked at me, but I noticed that his expression seemed a little more understanding.
"I guess we could expect that, especially when it comes to the power plays and what your father's done. It certainly isn't helping in the current situation." he finally said.
"You know about all of that stuff too?"
"You could say that."
I watched as he laid a hand over mine. It felt so soft and warm.
"You know, you're really strange." I heard myself blurt out.
"You think so?" Israfel asked.
I glanced around to make sure it was still just the two of us, "Sorry. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you really don't seem that much like a Fallen's kid to me." I explained.
"No offense taken. Trust me, I've gotten that a lot since I came here, but I don't have any bad intentions. Besides, I feel better about making sure that Zane Hedel is completely alright now. He wasn't in that good of shape when I found him." Israfel admitted.
His words immediately grabbed my attention. That was right. Zane had been hurt in that confrontation with Saffron.
"Was he really that badly hurt?"
"I wouldn't say it was that bad physically, but Zane has always had a hard time emotionally. I suppose that comes with what we are, but he hasn't exactly had the easiest life, and I suppose that Saffron didn't help matters."
I let out the breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. Zane had been depressed over things. While a part of me had always suspected that, I'd known that he'd never admit it. Even when I'd tried to broach the subject while we were together, he'd always brushed it off, claiming that I worried too much.
"So, he was lying about that." I sighed.
Israfel gave me a sympathetic smile, "I wouldn't call it that. I think Zane didn't realize just how depressed he was about his life up until that moment. He'd been through a lot, and most of the time it wasn't easy for him to keep up his content act. But the dam always has to break with such things, and sometimes when it does, it actually makes us stronger." he told me.
Silence fell over the house as we looked at one another. His words made so much sense to me. In fact, they almost felt like a good piece of advice for me too in all of this. I again studied those golden-brown eyes and wondered about this Nephilim in front of me. What was it about Israfel that felt so different? Who was he?
"Now you're passing out advice? How admirable of you."
We both looked over to see Saffron standing in the doorway, leaning against the right side of the frame. I felt a mix of emotions as I saw him. Dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt and dark pants, he looked as he always did. Yet I got the distinct sense that he was slightly weaker now. It made me wonder if he'd been hurt during that confrontation the night before, but it still wasn't stopping him from keeping that air of superiority that he always seemed to have.
Israfel didn't seem bothered by his sudden appearance, "I see you've decided to come out of hiding. I'll take it you've recovered more."
"Recovery for us is always quick, as it needs to be. But more to the point, I've noticed that you've taken it upon yourself to seek Ariana out. Are things going according to your plans here?" Saffron responded, eyeing him with what seemed like suspicion.
This wasn't something that he normally did with the other Shadow Wings I'd run into. It reenforced my belief that there was something very different about Israfel.
"You know that I have none. Personally, I think you're just sore because all of this has ruined your own. Did you really think that it was in her benefit to hide what you have?" Israfel asked him. He clearly had no fear of him.
Saffron eyes narrowed in anger, "You'd do best to hold your tongue. What I do with my own is my business." he warned him.
I stood up, hearing my chair screech on the hardwood floor.
"What you do with me should be my business too! Why didn't you tell me that I had more power? And why didn't you tell me about what this stone is really for?!" I demanded.
Saffron gave me a stern look, "Back down child. I've done what's best for you."
"What's best for me?" I said in disbelief. I stepped towards him, "You let that woman hide me for my entire life. You never told me what I was or who you were. You even tried to make me use Chris and the others for whatever you wanted from them. How is that fair?"
"Do not make me out to be the bad one here! I've done everything in my power to give you the safety that none of these others have ever had. You will not question my methods for protecting you!" Saffron shot back. There was an undertone of anger in his voice now. I'd just struck a nerve.
"You're not protecting me. You even got yourself locked up before you could tell me the truth. If you were even planning to."
I had no clue of where this sudden bravado had come from, but I was using it to my advantage. For the first time in my life, I was going to stand up to my father.
"Of course I was." Saffron argued, "There's no choice in doing such, especially with those wings that are now hidden within your back, and there was no need to worry about me being locked away because I knew that you'd be found by that boy. He knew that you existed, and I knew that Jade would not hide it from him once he confirmed that I was gone. Everything fell into place just as I knew it would."
Israfel stood up, crossing his arms, "Always planning. That's something you've always been good at, but even you know that not everything can always go according to plans, no matter how well you've laid them out. You cannot control a living being completely, no matter how much manipulation you try to use." he reminded him.
"Be silent. This is none of your concern. I will do as I please with what I create." Saffron snapped.
His words only spurred me on, "You may have created me, but you can't control me. I'm sick of being controlled by you and everyone else around me, and I'm not giving up on all of this. I don't want to be hunted and I don't want to live the rest of my life under you. I want to be free to live how I please!"
"You will follow what I tell you and that's that." Saffron ordered.
I felt the stone against my chest grow warmer with his words, and pain shot through the back of my head. But I still fought against it. No, I wasn't going to bend this time. Enough was enough.
"I won't!" I declared.
"Stop fighting!"
"I said no!"
I felt a blazing hot surge rise up in me, and my wings suddenly came out. With them came a quick burst of black power that shot out around me in a circle, literally sending furniture flying back against the walls.
Israfel immediately brought his own wings out, shielding himself from the surge. But Saffron wasn't as quick, and it hit him in the chest. He actually doubled over a little, holding onto the doorframe with one hand while the other held his chest tightly.
But before I could say or do anymore, I felt someone come up behind me and wrap an arm around my shoulders. A hand reached up and touched my forehead.
"Calm yourself down this instant. There's no need to have such outbursts when you cannot control what you may tap into." I heard Jade say.
I felt a calm sweep over me almost instantly. My rage was completely gone. But looking around me, I was shocked at what I'd done. I heard a small chinking sound come from my chest. Glancing down, I realized that there was a small crack in the upper right side of my stone. I'd cracked it when I'd lost my temper.
Jade let out a frustrated sigh as he let me go and walked over to Saffron, "And you will back off, you damned fool. You've already been substantially injured from the Dark One, and now you're pushing your child into releasing a power that even you aren't sure she will ever be able to control. Are you looking for her to inadvertently kill you?" he continued as he crossed his arms.
"Not all. But perhaps a re-evaluation is in order here. It seems that you and yours have tainted her more than I believed." Saffron breathed. He slowly stood up and limped away.
"Tainted, huh?" Jade sounded amused now.
By then, the others were coming in through the cracked glass doors.
"What the hell happened?" Chris demanded as he saw Jade.
"Calm down. This was none of my doing, but it seems our little girl here has a nasty temper when she's provoked." Jade responded as he looked at me.
I noticed that he looked rather smug about the whole thing. Maybe it was because he was able to gloat over Saffron on how he'd apparently failed with me.
"None of this was her fault. It seems that Saffron likes to push too much at times." Israfel added, brushing his shirt off as he stood up straight.
I barely heard him. I was holding my pendant and looking at the cracked stone. I could still see the faint glow within it, but the crack in the side gave it an odd, spider webbed look.
Will came over in front of me, gently taking the stone from my hand to look at it, "At least it's not too badly cracked, but we'll have to be very careful now. I don't think it's a good idea for it to get too badly damaged yet." he admitted.
Chris let out a relieved sigh as he gently hugged me from behind, "Pull your wings in and let go so that you can relax completely." he whispered in my ear.
I agreed, pulling in my wings and feeling the power within me subside. I was glad that they were there. I wasn't sure of what might have happened if at least Jade hadn't been.
But thinking about that, I looked back at him.
"You knew how to stop me." I noted as Chris let me go.
"Trust me, I have a lot of experience with such things. This renegade beside you has given me that much from an early age, but you are also a lot like that father of yours. No matter how much thought goes into whatever you're doing, you will always have a tendency to lose your temper and unleash your power without thinking. In that retrospect, that stone is the best thing for you. Until you truly grow up and learn your place, you will never be able to control those powers that are rightfully locked away within you." Jade told me.
His words stung more than Saffron's about me just being his puppet, but I managed to keep a good hold on my temper this time.
"You can say what you want, but you're the one who's been following me ever since you found out about me, and I know that it's not just because of Chris." I informed him.
"Is that so?" Jade mused, "If you think that much, then you should understand your place. You're simply a child in this game of pawns between Heaven and Hell."
"Maybe I am, but even though all the ones like you keeping calling me a child, you all seem to think that I'm valuable with this whole redemption. But I don't care if I am or what you think of me. All I care about right now is figuring out who I am and where I'm going; and I'm going to find a way to make all of this stop, even if it means I have to let Saffron go. I don't want to live like this anymore, and I won't let you or anyone else stop me." I countered.
I brushed past him and left the room. I was mad again, but I was able to control it enough to be sure that nothing else happened.
When I made it to the foyer, I sat on the stairs and put my face in my hands. I'd had about enough now. Not only had I managed to stand up to Saffron, but I'd apparently hurt him more with my little outburst. While a part of me felt proud of that, a part of me felt upset too. I didn't want to hurt Saffron. I felt like I wanted to love him and for him to love me.
But love is a pipe dream when it comes to the Fallen. I was becoming sure of that. No matter how much he may have wanted to, Saffron could never truly love me as his daughter. To him, I would always be a pawn for whatever he wanted.
I was so lost in this that I barely noticed someone sit beside me.
"Hey, are you going to be okay?" I heard Chris ask.
"I don't know. This is too much." I admitted.
"I get that, but seriously, you need to pull yourself together now. I know it's hard, but you're doing what you have to, and losing it now is only going to make things worse." Chris reminded me. His voice sounded understanding yet stern. Apparently, he'd been working on finding the balance between the two in the time we'd been apart.
Unfortunately, it didn't feel like that much of a help at that moment, "I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can stand up to him again." I managed.
"You can and you will. It's the only way you'll get through all of this and keep surviving. Just remember that we have things worth fighting back for now. We're so close to getting the hunts to stop. We can't give up because they're against it." Chris went on.
"You really think we're getting close?" I asked, forcing myself to look at him as I wiped my eyes with my palms.
"I know we are. The first big step was getting that Sapphire clan on our side, which has as good as happened. Their leader is being swayed along with Kinsley Martell. No matter how much our fathers dislike it, the movement has already begun." Chris continued. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white handkerchief for me to dry my eyes completely.
"I don't get it. Why wouldn't they like it if those hunts stopped? That would mean that we could live without any fear of those angels." I went on. I was finally getting my full composure back, and my mind was starting to think straight.
"Because it would limit them as well." I heard Will say.
Chris and I both looked up to see him coming over to us, "You decided to join us huh?" Chris commented.
"I had to make sure that everything would be okay. I was getting worried about our little lady here." Will admitted, kneeling in front of me and giving me a gentle smile.
Will hadn't changed since the last time I'd seen him. He was still just as nice and open towards me. Dressed in blue jeans and a loose dark blue shirt, I couldn't help thinking that Will always had this really casual style to him. But then, Will seemed pretty laid back most of the time. It made it hard for me to believe that he was Lucifer's son, especially with how he tended to be with others.
"I'm fine. I just needed some time to calm down." I managed.
"That's good, but we'll have to be a bit more careful now. There's not a whole lot I can do about this." Will admitted, running a thumb over the crack in my pendant.
Chris let out a long breath, "It's not too good, is it? I'm not that sure of how to begin training her to control this."
"It's not something that's easily done." Will agreed, standing up straight again, "Typically, our fathers would handle this. While my own didn't handle me, he did have another who took his place in teaching me at an early age. It doesn't help either that we couldn't even begin to really tap into the true power within her when she first awoke. I was hoping with all of that training we did that we could, but we didn't even scratch the surface from what I've seen today."
"And here you made me look like a slave driver for nothing." Chris muttered, resting his cheek against his hand.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him.
Will laughed, "Sorry. I guess we've been keeping some thing to ourselves too. Back when Chris found you, it was at my suggestion that we begin training you right away. He'd wanted to hold off a little longer, but I wouldn't let him. You could say I was worried about all of this. That and I wanted to see just what you could do in the early stages. I know all about your father and I really had no doubt that you could be very strong, even for a female Shadow Wing. But I didn't count on the extreme steps that Saffron took with you. He's much craftier than we tend to give him credit for." he explained.
So Chris really wasn't the driving force in the training back then. The whole thing had been Will's idea. But with that came some doubt for me.
"So, you were using me too just because you wanted to see what I could do." I surmised.
"Yes and no." Will answered, "Please don't look at me as one of the bad guys, Ariana. I have no intention of doing anything that would harm you. You know very well who and what I am, and with that I feel like it's my job to protect you and all of the others like us, even if I sometimes have to do things in the sneaky way."
"You don't need to be too suspicious of him. Trust me, the whole fiasco that happened with Judiel wasn't anything that he thought could happen. He just had to follow orders at that time, although I've told him that I still owe him some pain for that." Chris added.
"Yes, you did promise me that." Will sighed.
I laughed a little. This felt normal now.
"Hey, no fighting. But seriously, what are we supposed to do now? Just sit around and wait for them to make their decision?" I asked them.
"No. It's never going to be that easy. But we did get a good start with you and Zane releasing Lacy Manson's spirit back in Fallsburg." Will answered.
"Never thought that one could happen. Even if Saffron decided to let go, that spirit was so deranged in death that she didn't even understand that she was trapped by her own rage." Chris commented.
"Maybe, but she was always afraid too." I reminded him, "I think she always doubted things even before she died. She really wasn't a bad person at heart. She just got herself into a really bad situation."
"I don't think it's that unusual. We've been around long enough to see all kinds of things like that. We've seen our own fathers lure people in with false promises many times. Mankind wasn't made to be perfect, and neither is anything else that comes to exist. I believe it is true when they say that the great I Am is the only perfect being in existence." Will stated.
It felt odd for me to hear him say that. I suppose it was because of who he was and what we were. We had been born to the ones who had turned their backs on God. Yet at times it seemed like we almost yearned for His blessing. How odd when I thought about it.
Chris seemed suspicious as he watched him, "You're awful laid back about all of this." he noted.
Will shrugged, "There's no reason for me not to be. Besides, I think having Jade here has helped some of this. He did stop her."
"Only because he didn't want the house destroyed, and he didn't like the idea of being spotted this soon." Chris scoffed.
"I doubt it. I think Jade might actually want to help her more than he says." Will countered.
"You really think so?" I asked.
Now that would be interesting. But at the same time, I did think that he was right. Jade had so many opportunities to harm me, even now; yet every time I ran into him, he ended up helping me. Thinking back to my first encounter with Astaroth, I could definitely say that. He didn't have to step in like he had, but he'd made sure to distract Astaroth long enough for Zane to get the upper hand.
Chris still didn't seem convinced, "You know they all do things for their own benefit. Jade's just not letting on exactly what he thinks his is."
"You know you really do have issues with him at times." Will commented.
"I have good reason. I know how he's always been." Chris countered, standing up. He offered me a hand to help me up, "Either way, it might be better if we took Ariana out and got some things to make her more comfortable. There's been enough drama this morning."
"Alright, but I think you should take Zane with you. I've still got a few things to take care of and I want to make sure there's no more trouble around here." Will agreed.
"There will be no need. I'll be accompanying you."
We all turned to see Jade coming in there. Chris immediately went on the offensive.
"Why the hell would we do that?" he demanded.
"Because it's the sensible thing to do. Abass here knows as well as anyone that his dearly beloved father is still out there, and that if he finds her, he will attempt at this time to harm her. Unless you have me with you, you will not be able to stand up to him." Jade answered in an equally defiant tone.
Will shook his head as the two stared each other down, "Well, as much as I hate admitting it, he does have a point." he lamented.
"Do you still think that Zane should come?" I asked him.
"It may be a good idea, if nothing else to keep the peace. He might be able to do it better than you can for now. No offense or anything." Will answered.
"None taken."
I looked at the two standing near us. I had to agree with Will on me not really knowing how to handle the tension between them. I'd never really known how even before Saffron had reappeared.
Chris finally seemed to back down as he heard us, "Fine. But Zane comes too." he reluctantly agreed.
"Very well. Make sure you're ready in the next hour. I will not wait." Jade ordered. He turned and walked away.
"How do I always end up in the middle of this?" I moaned.
"Just look at it this way; at least you know what you're dealing with when it comes to a father-in-law." Will joked.
"Not funny. I have enough father issues." I complained.
"Don't worry about it. It all comes with the territory. Let's get ready." Chris interrupted, putting a hand on my back and leading me upstairs.
"Good enough. I'll see you this afternoon." Will told us as he gave us a quick wave. Then he headed back to the dining room.
I looked at Chris as we reached the top of the stairs, "Are you sure about this? What if Jade's really up to something?" I questioned.
"There's no way we can avoid this now. Jade's just selfish like this most of the time. Once he has his mind set on something, nothing changes it, so we may as well suck it up and be glad that Zane can tag along. But first we need to find him." Chris explained.
I noticed that he sounded a little exhausted now. He was probably tired of dealing with Jade constantly.
The two of us went down the opposite end of the hall until we came to the last room on the left. Chris knocked several times on the dark wooden door.
"Yes?" I heard Zane say from the other side.
"Hey, are you decent?" Chris called back.
"Yes. Please, come in."
Chris turned the knob and opened the door, revealing a room that was very similar to ours. Bright sunlight poured in through the black lace curtains directly in front of us, illuminating the off-white walls and wooden furniture.
Zane was sitting on the bed, sorting through some old black and white photos. He smiled at us before turning back to what he was doing.
"This is a surprise. To what do I owe the sudden visit?" he asked.
"You've been up here this entire time, even with all the commotion downstairs?" Chris guessed, leaning against the dresser by the bed as he watched him.
Zane didn't bother looking up, "I have. I wasn't that worried about it because I'm well aware that two Fallen are in the same house. It's not unusual for Jade and Saffron to fight like that." he answered.
"No, except that it wasn't them this time." Chris informed him.
That seemed to catch Zane's attention. He looked at him with some concern, "What do you mean? Did something else happen?"
"It wasn't anything too bad, but we almost had a problem. Ariana lost her temper with Saffron and managed to crack her stone." Chris explained.
Zane immediately looked at me as I sat on the bed near him, "How in the world did you manage to do that? Are you alright?" he asked me.
"I'm fine. Jade stopped me before I could do anymore damage, but I almost ended up hurting your friend, and I think I might have hurt Saffron a little." I confessed.
"Guess it's a good thing Israfel's so quick." Chris noted. He didn't sound too concerned about any of it, but I knew that it may have just been an act for Zane's benefit.
"He's got more to him then you may give him credit for, but what concerns me is this stone. Does Will think that it can be repaired?" Zane asked as he took a closer look at my pendant.
"Not really, but he's not that worried about it right now. The crack isn't bad enough to release anything aside from that small amount of power from before." Chris explained.
"I see. Well, at least that was in our favor." Zane sighed. He looked back at me, "I'm sorry. I've been assuming things too much since you came here and keeping my distance. I know it hasn't been very fair to you."
"It's okay. I kind of get it with everything." I replied.
"Yeah, so stop assuming and start acting normal around us again. It's getting on everyone's nerves." Chris added.
"If you must be blunt about it." Zane responded, giving him a sour look.
"By the way, what are you looking at?" I spoke up, trying to change the subject. I'd never really liked it when they started arguing. Any arguments between Will, Zane and Chris tended to make me uneasy. Maybe Will and Chris had traumatized me with that one major fight.
Zane turned his attention back to me, "I was looking through some photos that I brought back with me from my old house. I was hoping that they wouldn't be lost when I left, and it seems that luck was on my side." he explained.
Chris leaned down to take a closer look, "Are you serious? You really kept all of those?" he said, sounding a little shocked.
"I did. I've told you that I like to keep memories of good things close." Zane responded.
I looked at the pictures on the bed. To my amazement, they were old pictures of Chris, Zane and Will. The clothes they were wearing looked like they were from the twenties or thirties, and all the pictures were in black and white.
"When were these taken?" I asked as I looked through them.
Zane took a moment to think about it, "I'm not that sure. They were taken throughout a couple of years when we traveled together. I suppose that it was probably during the 1920s or maybe early 1930s. I do recall one of the major wars had ended and another was just starting to take shape."
"I'd say probably late 20s to early 30s. I remember it because towards the end Jade was really preoccupied with that woman and I didn't see much of him." Chris added.
"That's right. That when all of that stuff started with Faith Evans." I recalled as I continued looking through the pictures. It was so strange to see them now. It was a stark reminder of just how little life experience I had compared to the rest of them.
"Yeah. The only good thing then was that it made him leave me alone longer." Chris said.
"You really act like it's such a bad thing that Jade checks up on you. At least he isn't attacking you every time he sees you." Zane reminded him.
I listened for the bitterness in his voice but detected nothing. That was kind of odd. Zane never spoke of things with his father without at least a tiny bit of bitterness.
"Yeah, I guess you have a point, but it never stopped him from interfering with my life either." Chris countered.
I was half listening to them as I looked through the small stack of pictures. I stopped as I came to one in particular. This one wasn't of any of them. It was of a girl that looked like she was my age. She was very pretty, dressed in a light-colored dress with a skirt that came down past her knees. She had light hair that I assumed to be auburn, and what looked to be a pale complexion. But the thing I noticed most about her were her facial features.
She looked a lot like Zane.
Zane noticed that I'd stopped and glanced at the picture in my hand, "My, you look surprised." he commented.
"I guess, but I've never seen this person before. Is she one of us?" I asked him. I honestly had no doubt that she was.
"Yeah. You could say that. She was Zane's sister." Chris told me.
"Sister?"
Zane nodded, "Well, half-sister. We had the same father but different mothers That would be rather obvious though, wouldn't it?"
All at once, a memory flashed through my mind of what Saffron had said before he'd taken me away from Fallsburg. He'd said something about me being a replacement for Zane's sister. Could this have been the same girl that he was talking about? Zane had mentioned having quite a few half siblings, but he'd also admitted that they were all gone now.
"So why keep this one picture? I thought you got rid of all of them after what happened." Chris went on.
"You could call it being sentimental. I did burn the rest of them, but each time I picked this one up to throw it in the fire, I would find that I couldn't do it. Maybe there is a small piece of me that likes to hold onto this one happy memory." Zane admitted.
There was a soft smile on his face as he spoke. It was so genuine and spoke of an old inner pain that had been hidden from the world for probably decades.
"What happened to her? Did your father kill her too?" I had to ask.
Zane shook his head, "No. It was like I told you that evening. There were some that my father would test and kill, then there were some who feared him so much that they didn't give him the chance. My sister Ester was one of them." he answered.
One couldn't mistake that. I looked down at the picture in my hand again, "I'm sorry. I probably should've left it alone." I apologized.
"Don't worry. You're not hurting me by asking. To tell the truth, it's been an old wound that's only recently begun healing for me. Not facing it only made it worse." Zane admitted.
Chris sat down next to me, "You're finally willing to let go huh?" he noted. His tone was more understanding now.
"I can't say that I have much of a choice, but I do feel like I've been able to close that chapter of my life in the recent months. I'll admit that I'm glad you let me meet Ariana. Being around her allowed me to consider my life and what direction it was headed, and looking back on what happened with Ester, I began to realize that it very well could've happened to me." Zane explained.
"What happened? Why did Ester take her own life?" I had to ask.
Zane looked at the picture of her. He seemed to be thinking over his words before finally speaking.
"Maybe it was just fate in the end. After all, I'm not that certain that I was ever meant to find Ester in the first place. I just happened upon her when she was a young child, and it was very easy for me to sense that we were related by our bloodline. So, I took her in and decided to raise her myself and help her however I could. She was a very beautiful girl, although from an early age, she was very fragile, and learning what she was and what would become of her life didn't help her with that."
"No kidding, though you have to admit that she did try for a while." Chris added. I noticed that he had a faraway look in his eyes. He'd apparently known Ester for at least a while.
"She did." Zane agreed, "Even after she changed, she was still willing to try and fight to survive. But sadly, all of that was lost in her after the first time Astaroth came for us. It was shortly after this picture was taken, and the entire thing was a terrible disaster. I was badly injured that night, and although I was able to survive and eventually recover, Ester was never the same. She believed that it was her fault that I had been hurt so badly and could never forgive herself for being what she considered so weak. I tried very hard to help her, but she never listened to anything I would say, and in the end, she made the ultimate choice in the matter. She ended it all."
Chris sighed in resignation, "It was an open wound for me and Will too. We've spent years wondering if we could've stopped her that day. I know they all say that you can't change the past, but there's always that regret there." he confessed.
"I honestly don't think you could have Chris. It was far too quick for us to even realize what was about to happen, and she certainly hadn't shown any signs of her plans." Zane told him.
"What did she do?" I dared ask.
Now I was feeling a lot of morbid curiosity about this. Obviously, Chris and Will must have been there when Ester had died, and whatever she'd done, it must have been extremely quick.
"She threw herself in front of a train at a station in California." Zane answered.
My eyes widened in shock as he said that. In an instant, I saw a vision pass before them. A bright day on a train platform. A beautiful young woman standing there near three all too familiar guys. A train was coming, roaring down the tracks at full speed. The woman glanced at the guys as she took a few small steps forward, and just as they turned, she took a running leap to the tracks as the train barreled down...
I breathed hard as I came back to the present time. Zane gently touched my cheek.
"I'm sorry you saw that. I keep forgetting that you can tap into those things." he apologized.
"It's okay." I breathed, "I can't help it, and I can't change it. I think I get it about why you guys are so protective of me sometimes, but I'm not taking that way out. I don't want to die, whether it's from angels or Fallen or even me. I'm not giving up without a fight."
"We know because you're a lot stronger than that. We'll make sure that you always have us to help you too. We're going to make sure that there's no more needless deaths." Chris promised as he put an arm around my shoulders in a comforting embrace.
"Indeed." Zane agreed.
This was the first time that I was beginning to understand a lot more of where Zane and Chris came from. Perhaps all of the older Shadow Wings carried regrets in their lives about those they could not save, but I was determined that I would break that cycle for us. Our kind wouldn't have to live in fear much longer. We would be redeemed one way or another.