"You're a wizard Desmond." Lucifer had declared, he had been expecting my reaction to paint something in the realm of astonishment, unaware that he had stumbled upon a very particular and quite popular reference. He had probably been expecting a stupefied look of raw bewilderment that would have left my jaw hanging to the floor. Instead he was bombarded with meaty, inflated and spurting laughter. All I could think of at the particular moment was a large half giant, with an equally large black beard saying the same thing to 'the boy who lived'.
"I'm a What?" I choked out in between sobs of laughter, trying to effectuate the proper accent and tone to complete the renowned scene turned meme.
As one might expect, Lucifer was less than pleased being the butt of some joke he did not understand.
"If you are finished…" Lucifer's voice boomed so loudly that all of the birds, insects and various critters of the forest behind me ceased all activity, an eerie quiet covering the dense wood like a blanket. My own laughter stopped dead in my throat, my lungs frozen in exhale, threatening to starve me of all oxygen for my transgressions.
All of which was frightening in and of itself, but was nothing compared to the change in visage on Lucifer's face. His anger had loosed something inside him, causing his once tan, perfectly symmetrical face, blond hair and pale blue eyes to morph into something terrifying. It had all happened in the span of a second.
His hair bled into a jet black so dark that I thought it might swallow all the light in the world. His smooth tan face melted into a grotesque red, bumpy and spiked horror like visage. His jawline and chin erupted into an assortment of seemingly random length tentacles that writhed about seemingly in pain. His eyes appeared to grow two sizes and the once pale beautiful blue changed to grey to white until they drained of all remaining light, wholly black and devoid of any life or color, matching his terrifying hair. All together it made for an utterly mortifying appearance, one that could have easily scared any mortal to insanity.
Lucifer however, was quick to notice his mutation, rapidly he turned away and after a moment he sighed, collecting himself. His hair being the only part of him I could see, I watched as it quickly reversed it's course and bled back into its beautiful golden blonde. Seconds later he turned back to me with a disappointed glare in his blue eyes. I wasn't sure if it was directed towards me, or himself. I hurriedly brushed the thought out of my head either way, scared he would hear my thoughts again; Either he hadn't, or he had chosen to ignore it, because he didn't mention it.
"My apologies. I do hate when I lose my temper, such an ugly thing anger. Much more becoming of my brother Satan. But, do not dare to bemuse yourself at my expense again. Do not forget that I am an immortal god, with whom but a snap of his fingers could crush you like the ant you truly are." Lucifer's eyes narrowed on me expecting a reply of confirmation.
"Oh, yeah… I'm sorry too." I answered awkwardly as my throat seemed to finally release and I gulped air into my lungs once more.
"Excellent. You will explain to me the humor of this situation at a later time. For now, I will explain what this particular development means, and why I am so intrigued by it, that is if you are prepared for serious discourse once more." Lucifer mused as he turned towards the open stone gate and beckoned me in with a wave.
Yeah, no thanks. I thought to myself as I considered explaining the humor of Meme's to the devil…. He beckoned me on and I thought it was strange that I was being shown around my own soul by someone other than myself, if this was my soul manifested, Then how did he know it better than I did? I didn't know what I was expecting, perhaps a spirit butler of myself to appear and show us around, offering various interesting facts about myself as we went. I shuddered at the thought, deciding that much like listening to yourself on recording, it wouldn't be a pleasant experience.
Lucifer led me into a large square courtyard, predominantly consumed by greenery. It appeared roughly 100 feet on all sides. A large dirt circle sat in what looked to be the perfect center of the courtyard. Four small evergreen trees sat in the four corners of the courtyard and looking up, I caught sight of the bridge and cage I had rescued Lucifer from the night before. It was impossibly high and I thought perhaps a small skyscraper could fit under it with ease.
Looking at the main structure up close I realized that it was much larger than I'd initially thought when I'd gazed upon it the first time. I knew from my experience on the bridge that the castle was at least twice as tall as it was long. The bridge sat about a third of the way up the castle's side, so I figured that meant that the castle was exceptionally large, obviously I had been astute in my observations.
At the other end of the courtyard lay stairs that led up to a large set of double doors made of a pale brown wood. Lucifer strode through the courtyard and to the doors, pulling them open to lead the way inside. He seemed to be on a mission of sorts, as he gave me precious little time to do anything other than follow closely at his heels.
As we walked, rows upon rows of candles adorned to the walls, blinked into life as if they had always been so. The stone hallways were as one might expect, except completely bare. Yellow stone bricks lined the floors, walls and ceiling. Small vertical embrasures lined the wall to my right, showing small glimpses of nature, topped with the still perpetual yet wonderful twilight sky. I remembered that outside those small openings lay the eastern side of the castle. A huge cliff edge and the massive valley below. I couldn't see it in this moment, but I remembered clearly the daunting depth.
"So uh, where are we going?" I asked as he led me on without a word. The halls were totally bare save for the candles that still began to dance to life as Lucifer and I passed. There were no stereotypical suits of armor, lavish carpets, or paintings that I expected from castle halls, though that was likely in large part due to movies I had grown up seeing. I'd expected Lucifer to answer my question gleefully, but he didn't. Instead He walked in measured silence. Passing many a corridor before finally taking a left to the west, into another hallway with many more off shooting passages. We walked by all of them.
As I peered down various halls I glimpsed small rooms, stairs, and even a large banquet hall; all were just as empty as everything else I'd seen up to that point. If there was all of this unused empty space, why the hell was this castle so damn big? I thought quietly as Lucifer continued his wordless march. Finally he turned once more, again to his left leading me up a spiral staircase. As we climbed I tried to make myself familiar with the layout of the wonderful stone structure. We climbed the stairs at the same unwavering pace and so I tired quickly, being unaccustomed to this amount of exertion.
"Isn't there an elevator or something?" I whined as Lucifer began to get further ahead of me. I took a moment to stop and catch my breath, gulping air like a fish out of water. looking out a doorway on my right, I saw that It led to what I surmised must be the 6th or 7th floor. At the end of the hallway looked to be a small library.
"What is this?" I whispered as I was drawn inside. This was the first room I'd seen with anything in it besides candles. I'd thought the castle to be totally barren and empty to this point, yet this room was lavishly decorated. Brilliantly colored carpets lined the floors along with three book cases that lined the walls, a large leather padded chair beside them and a single carved wooden end table in front of it. The leather chair looked brand new, yet the book cases and their contents looked beyond aged, covered in layers of dust. I peered at the spines of the books inquisitively, only to find everything to be in Latin, which I obviously still, and frustratingly so, did not know. I snatched up a random book and dusted it off.
Now dust free, I could see the title of the book "Dolor". It was a dark earthy green with frilled brown edges that looked pristine, yet just looking at the book gave me a twinge of sadness. "Really need to learn Latin I guess" I mused as I sat down with the book. The leather chair was perfectly suited for sitting, almost as if it had been tailor made for myself. After a few moments of taking in the exquisite comfort, I cracked open the book in my hands.
Of course the words were all in Latin much like the spine and title, but as soon as I began to peer about the various words on the page, the world around me melted away into darkness once again. I felt my mind reel and blurred images began to flutter through my head.
First I saw the dining room of a small apartment, children sitting around a single dark wooden table, with little pointy colorful hats adorning their heads, they were singing, but what were they singing? I couldn't quite make out the words… Confused, I tried to focus on the sounds of their voices when a man and woman carried a rectangular object alight with candles in their hands, their faces were blurred and I still couldn't quite make out what they looked like.
My mind was so hazy, and my thoughts were difficult to form. I turned my attention back to the kids around the table, something about this seemed so…. familiar. I observed like a ghost looking in from the outside, seeing more blurred adult figures enter from another room. An elderly man and woman whose faces also seemed familiar, if only I could see clearly. I looked around the area, trying to find any explanation of what or why I was seeing this.
My investigation was interrupted when another couple behind me entered, followed by a man with a heavier set build. As I locked my eyes onto the heavier gentleman, my chest tightened and my head began to ache.
What's going on? I thought, I grit my teeth trying to think through the slog and haze that continued to fill my mind, I brought a hand to my temple and braced myself against the wall as I tried to massage my painful thoughts back into a clear shape.
Collecting myself, I turned back to the heavier gentleman. Having gotten such a strong reaction from looking at him before, I walked right by the other blurred figures to analyze this newest one. It dawned on me as I walked about that no one could see me, which only served to puzzle me further. Each step I took caused my mind to grow murky and splinter in pain.
I stopped short of him, doing my best to focus my eyes, trying to bring him into focus, I felt like I was trying to look through fogged glass, it was so frustrating. I reached out to touch his face, my fingers brushing the side of his stubbled cheek. I was surprised by the successful contact, but more surprised by what happened next. As soon as the tips of my fingers grazed him, he snapped into focus.
His dark hair, round face and goatee suddenly solidified form in my vision. His thin black and white striped shirt and blue denim jeans. His eyes were kind and were ones I recognized immediately.
They were eyes that I hadn't seen in years, the deep kind that I would stare into as a child while he formed endless stories. Images of his raucous laughter filled my now clear mind, the pain seemingly vanished, only to be replaced with a deeper, longing one.
Tears filled my eyes as I tried to take a step back but before I realized it, I'd stepped forward instead to hug him tightly, and the world went black again. His form vanished into vapor between my arms and I was left hugging air.
I shot about looking for where he'd gone when thunderous rain roared from above, beginning to dance on my skin. The familiar pattering of raindrops on cement filled my ears, a dark road beside a lone street light filled my surroundings, perched under it was a single car, perfectly illuminated.
Trees lined the lonely road, and I stepped forward, recognizing the vehicle. Water dribbled down my eyes as I blinked furiously to keep them clear, It was a golden little four door sedan. Inside the back seat I perceived a young boy talking to an older woman, who I knew to be his mother. I balked, retreating backwards. The tears from this moment lined my eyes, threatening to burst like a dam too full to contain a raging rapid.
I considered trying to flee; but stopped myself as my mind recalled the memory of what it was I knew they were talking about. I knew what was being said. I needed to hear it, I needed to hear her tell him again, tell me again... That he was dying.
I strode ahead and grabbed the car door handle, the slick wet metal slid into my hand with ease. I pulled and the door began to swing open, the two figures in the car snapping their blurred faces in my direction as if I'd interrupted.
That's when the world faded to black again, the sensation of falling overtaking me. The air around me seemed to spin and whirl like a roller coaster until I found myself standing in a hospital room. I clutched at a nearby wall for stabilization.
Dizzied, it took a moment to steady myself. Satisfied I wasn't going to fall, or hurl, I turned towards the new scene unfolding before me, but I wasn't prepared. My breath caught in my throat as I choked back a sob. Blurred figures and children stood about the bed where the man from before lay, looking pale and sick.
Grey aged hairs filled most of his once dark goatee, and his brilliant eyes were sunken and tired. His skin looked yellow and lacked it's usual vibrant glow, yet he smiled happily, his laugh echoed about the room, dulled to my ears as if muffled. Moment after painful moment passed as I just watched, my eyes never leaving him, whatever this impossibility was, I needed to drink in as much as I could.
Hospital monitors beeped and rang quietly in the background. Mumbled voices spoke to each other and to him. They laughed… I didn't, I couldn't. I cried softly to myself as I watched them leave, the younger children hugging him tightly before they did, the adults offering waves of goodbye. My mother and I had been the last to leave. Minutes passed as I watched his blurred face, unsure when I'd ever get to see him again with even this much clarity.
The world began to slowly fade again causing me to panic. "Wait! No! I'm not ready!" I begged as I surged forward again, but my surroundings warped once more as the hospital bed grew seemingly further and further away with each step, until it faded from my sight completely, leaving me in total pitch black darkness, and alone.
The sound of a single flatlining machine echoed into my ears; doubling into two, then three, then ten. Catching my breath in my throat, it closed, cutting me off from oxygen entirely. I wanted to cry out, let this pain leave me in sobs, but it fought to stay in, refusing to release me from my agony. Finally a weeping broken howl left my lungs and I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate.
It was as if I was feeling all of my emotions on overdrive and I was reliving the loss of my father all over again. Images of memories I had with him skipped about through my mind like an old news reel, all the times he had picked me up from school, every board game, every game of catch. Everything. He had died just 6 years ago, but here I was battling his memory. I grit my teeth, palms squeezing against my head as I tried harder to block out my surroundings, to make whatever was happening here stop.
I stayed there, unmoving for what must have been an eternity. Eventually, I released my palms from my ears, hearing no heart monitor. Carefully, I opened my wet eyes, to experience the black void around me take a sharp dip; like a ship hit by a rogue wave, my knees buckled and I tumbled forward, somersaulting end over end, then jerked backward abruptly onto my rear, returned once more to the comfortable leather armchair. my lungs gasped for air as I lurched forward disoriented, feeling sick and ready to hurl, Lucifer stood above glowering down at me.
"I thought I'd told you to follow me." Clearly he wasn't happy that I'd taken a short detour. His blue eyes now appeared a dark navy. I couldn't hardly hear him though, my heart was pounding out of my ears. The vision of my past still sharp in my mind. My breathing was ragged at best, and steadily getting worse as I descended into panic. It was as if the reality of this whole situation was just now finally boiling over.
Lucifer had taken the book and was putting it back quietly, unaware of my inner turmoil. I felt my stomach turn and fell forward causing the table to flip on its side, I must have appeared to be some drug-addled youth struggling with an overdose while at the same time an earthquake seemed to shake the castle.
"This isn't happening, this is crazy, this is all too crazy!" My voice started as a whisper and slowly grew as I lost control of my composure. Lucifer, to his credit, attempted to console me, though I do not recall his exact words. As his hand touched my back soothingly, I recoiled.
"No! Stay away! This is all your fault! Go away! Leave me alone!" I screamed as I scooted myself backward away from him; a babbling mess, my back slammed into a stone wall and I shot up to my feet in a rather clumsy fashion.
"I want to go home!" I shouted like a child having a tantrum. I stiffened my body upright, shut my eyes tight and continued to yell.
"I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" I felt the world shift moments after.
My eyes still closed, I could feel myself in a sitting position. I peeked one eye open and saw the familiar sight of my bedroom. My one piece poster of Luffy and the crew stared back at me, his stupid toothy grin and closed eyes expressing his pure joy, in that moment I hated him.
I stood back up and sighed in relief. I put a hand over my heart to steady the rapid thumping in my chest. Is this shock? or a panic attack? I tried to control my breathing, sucking air through my nostrils, and exhaling through my mouth. Slowly, I began to calm down.
"Desmond…" Lucifer whispered quietly. I knew he wanted to comfort me, tell me everything would be fine, even explain what had happened, but I wasn't ready to hear it.
"Shut up!" I yelled, slamming the palms of my hands into the sides of my head, hoping it would disorient him like a fish in a shaken bag. I saw my phone vibrating out of the corner of my eye and surged for it, desperate for anything to take my mind off all of this.
I'd forgotten that my body was still tired and exhausted, so my vision went blurry and then dark- a sensation I was honestly quite tired of- which made my legs buckle, missing my phone by an embarrassing margin. My head slammed into the wall beside the stand my phone sat shaking on, and I rubbed what would surely be a rather large knot.
With my other hand I fumbled about the surface of the small table, searching for the device with touch alone, finally grasping the vibrating object, I investigated it's surface for the notification. Rhiannon.
"What the f-" I started to say out loud as I hit the answer button putting it to my ear. "Hello?" I asked, possibly a little more annoyed than I should have been, not understanding why she would call me.
"Where the hell have you been?!" She spat through the phone, anger boiling through her tone.
"What do you mean? I'm at home." I answered, not understanding, my brain still a cluster of stars from the crash just moments ago. No longer nursing my growing knot, I instinctively checked the window. Bright daylight filled the slits between the blinds. Light?! Oh fuck! I thought to myself. I knew then why she was calling. I was late for work. I must have seen the light before, but not registered it! Damn it! I chided myself.
"Home?! Would you like to explain where you have been the last two days?!" She practically yelled into the phone.
"What?" I asked as I tried to comprehend her statement. As far as I knew I was only late for one shift?
"Forget it. Just get in here, you can feed me your bullshit when you get to your desk. The inpatient report is way behind, don't even think you're going home tonight until it's caught back up!" growling like an angry bear she hung up.
I ground my teeth and restrained myself from throwing my phone. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath once more. It would take me at least an hour to get to work by train, so I might as well clean up, then head in.
I noticed that Lucifer was being quiet, which I was grateful for, as I did not want to deal with him at this moment. I stood up and leaned against the wall, bracing myself in case I went light headed again, but thankfully I didn't. I walked to my dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. This was going to be a long day…