Let it be known, that Alan, was no coward. He would rather embarrass himself than not do a stupid dare. That was just him, that was always him. But right now, as Alan lay alone in his room. He refused to let himself think of the future chance of playing basketball, but he couldn't stop either. The urge to bounce the ball, run and shoot. He could not escape it, a thrill he could not stay away from. He wanted to play, he needed to.
Alan tapped his fingers on his mattress, a random rhythm playing off his fingers as he nodded his head in thought. Alan looked around his plain room, aware that his stuff was everywhere. Almost making the room seem homie as if he had lived it in for years.
Alan!" Charlie shouted from downstairs. "You have a guest!" Alan didn't move, he was frozen in his position. Still tapping and looking around, unwilling to move his body. It happened to him sometimes, like his body was no longer his. All he could do was lay and tap. "Alan?" Charlie's voice grew closer as the creaking of the stairs grew louder. "Alan your friend is-" Charlie stopped talking in mid-sentence as he knocked and entered, taking in the scene. "Alan, are you okay." Alan had stopped tapping once he heard the knock, letting his hand go limp by his head as he faced the wall, unable to see Charlie in the doorway. "Alan, answer me." Alan listened to Charlie's footsteps as he walked to the other side of the bed and sat down by Alan's feet that were under the cover, staring at Alan as Charlie waited for him to speak.
"Please leave me alone, I'm trying to sleep." Muttered into the pillow.
"It's 5 P.M., Alan, it's not bedtime," Charlie said in a quiet voice. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just resting." Alan's eyes were closed as he spoke to Charlie, not willing to look at him as they spoke in the shadowed room. "Whoever is over can just come over tomorrow."
There was a pause as Charlie listened to Alan, then just his breathing before responding. "Okay." Charlie stood from the bed without another word, leaving Alan alone again himself. Alan wanted that, yet he didn't. The mixture of abandonment and overwhelming feeling consumed Alan physically. Yet his mind never felt so clear before, like he could solve the world's problems and end world hunger. He was never medicated for his depression, no foster home wanted to go through that much trouble for a foster child. Yet it caused them more trouble as he would lay in bed for days, missing school and failing grades. Even to the point of lashing out and getting into fights. Alan's depression had its mind of its own, and it was owning Alan as every moment passed. Alan pulled the shirt over his shoulder and then above his head before peaking his nose out for air, knowing full well he would be awake for the next couple of hours drowning in the heavyweight of sadness.
"Alan?" Alan's heart dropped as his door opened to reveal Eric standing in the doorframe, blocking only the hall light from Alan's room. "Alan, what are you doing in bed on a Saturday?"
"Resting for Sunday." Alan's voice cracked as he pulled the sheets tighter around his body. "
"Forget resting," Alan listened to Eric's bare feet as he walked in and sat something large and heavy on Alan's feet. "It's movie time. And I have not only brought the movie, but I also brought the DVD player and the T.V." Laughed Eric as Alan listened to Eric rearrange his desk before lifting a widescreen T.V onto it. Alan didn't want to appear sad, or depressed. He knew foster homes never kept a depressed child, especially a depressed teen. Alan untucked the blanket and sat up, watching as Eric plugged in random cords to on outlet behind his desk as if he did it every day.
"You're weird." Alan scoffed more to himself than anyone. Eric looked back as he set down the DVD player and looked back at Alan with a smile.
"I know." He smugly said.
"And you act like a child." Grumbled Alan as he whined.
"Yep." Eric chirped as he went back to plugging things in.
"Why are you here?" Alan changed tactics as he squinted at Eric. "Don't you have college work?"
"Always," Eric scoffed. "But once you learn to manage the school work, you learn to live the rest of your life. If you know what I mean."
"I'm really bad at managing actually, that's why I fail most courses."
"I was like that until I finally found something I wanted to do, then it got way better." Laugh Eric as he stood up and climbed onto the bed. "Then I worked hard so my grades would rise and I would get a scholarship and go to a fancy college so I could waste the rest of my life to make people regret their house design choices." There was no remorse as Eric spoke, barely taking a breath as he explained his evil goals to Alan who just listened.
"Was getting your grade up hard?" Alan questioned, curious that if he would try, how long would it take him.
"It took a lot of studying for English class." Eric sighed at the memory. "I was horrid at it since middle school. Some things I will never learn, and English was one of them" Eric looked stressed as if he was back in high school, trying to do it all over again.
Eric and Alan shared a smile as Eric laid his head down while he clicked the remote, lighting the T.V up. Giving both the boys a slight glow to their features as they spoke
"It's okay to fear judgment, you know," Eric said randomly, not caring to look at Alan as he spoke. "As long as you never hold yourself back from doing something you want to do."
"That sounds very smart of you to say." Hummed Alan, deflecting the statement.
"It's true though, if you let people hold you back then how are you supposed to go forward in your life?" Eric asked the empty room, but he would never gain an answer. "If someone said you couldn't play basketball... They were wrong." Eric's voice grew in-depth as he spoke. "You have talent and now you have support. Don't let the past keep you from this opportunity you have." "Okay." Alan had listened closely to Eric's words as they penetrated his heart but refused to let him know how deep his words cut him. "Mom."
"Don't mom, me." Argued Eric as he turned to face Alan with a joking angry face. "Do I look like I birthed you?" Eric said with sas in his voice.
"Yes." Alan smiled as he insulted Eric with his response. "Yes, you do. You have that face."
"I am NOT your mom," Eric barked out. "You stay away from me sinner!"
"Well, your brother fostered me which makes you the uncle." Alan paused as he did the math.
"Don't-" Eric cried out as he dramatically placed his arm over his head as if he was about to faint.
"Uncle Eric, you are old." Snorted Alan as he rested his back on his pillow, watching from a slouch position.
After Alan and Eric had their talk, Alan soon realized that he would play basketball, no matter what. Eric was right, Alan had support now, and he has hopes. He no longer feared for his life so now he could live it. After they laughed for an hour or so, they had watched a random movie neither paid attention to. They were bonding as if they were brothers. Alan had never experienced such a thing, but he thought it was beautiful. He would never admit it to Eric, but he hoped it would happen again. Eric was like a child, filled with jokes and good times. While Alan was more on the realistic side of the world, filled with facts and the will to understand. Their personalities combine like music, willing to grow from each other.
The night grew into the day, neither had slept. Just talking like they were best of friends their whole lives.
If Alan didn't know better, he would say they were best of friends. But Alan would dare not believe it quite yet, having a friend and having a family were very different. Alan only hoped to have one, but deep down, he only wanted a family. And as time grew on, he wanted Charlie and Eric to be his family. But he could only hope, that's all he could do as well as remember. Something he held dear, memories. That's all he had that made him a real person in such a cruel world. Memories and hopes, that was Alan, but Alan wanted more.