I STILL REMEMBER that time when I realized the ache is too much. That this is absurd. That I should stop liking Qen especially in the first place he can't and never want to like me back. Then it happened. I made a man in my imagination.
I really can't make myself fall in love with others that's why I ended up that way. Maybe for the past few years of being in love with Qen, I already set all my standards at him—like as if I won't get to fall in love with someone if he doesn't have half of Qen's personality.
So, then, I ended up with Sam. I named him Sam because it was inspired from the word 'handsome.' I don't know exactly how I came up with the Sam. His features looked exactly like Qen. In short: I made a man on my imagination where I think it was the man I could easily fall in love with. And being as vivid as my imagination could be, I succeeded.
If only some people would get to know about this craziness of mine, they'll surely say, "are you insane?" or rather, "why create a man when you can only found someone else in the future?" Okay, fine. Maybe I'm crazy for starting things like this but could they blame me? Could they blame me for hoping a love I know I won't experience any pain? Could thay blame me for being like this? It wasn't as bad as stealing money, right? So what's wrong with this when I only want happiness in my life? What's wrong about choosing my own happiness when I know there's a quote, "happiness is a choice."?
But I suddenly realized something: now that Sam is here in my reality, could I really feel the love of being not in pain?
"Go on, just look at him and forget that I'm here," Sam said that made me pulled out of my reverie. That's when I remembered he pointed at Qen. But…
My eyes widen as I realize it all. We should escape now!
"Let's go!" I said as I drag him away from the SSG officers. Fortunately enough, he didn't say anything and ran with me. I was about to sigh in relief when I got to bump at someone shoulders.
"OMG, sorry! I was in a hurry that's why I…"
"No, it's fine," she said but I stiffened when I recognize the voice.
Wait… is this…
"Q-Qen?" She said with a trembling voice.
Sam Beside me knotted his forehead. He was about to speak something when a drag him away from Apple—trying my best not to make her think I was with Qen.
I was catching my breath when we reach our place. I inhaled a breath. "Apple saw you…oh, geez. This is trouble," I said as rub my plams unto my face.
He frowned. "So…?"
"What do you mean, "so"? Aren't you a bit concerned how Apple would react? She'll surely confront Qen and then… maybe the two would get into a fight because of me!"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it's not my problem anymore."
"'Not my problem'?! Sam, we could be the reason why would they fought and then you act like it's not our problem anymore?!"
"Then let them. It's not as if it's our responsibility if they'll fight over it or not. You're the one who got hurt. Don't act like as if you care about them."
"But still—" I groaned. "Whatever."
I sighed. What am I gonna do now?
QEN MADDEN
"THANK GOD I'm now finished," I said before stretching my body as I let out a yawn. It has been a long day. And I think it's enough. I need to take a break.
As soon as I got out of the SSG room, lots of students kept avoiding an eye contact to me—or rather their uneasiness when I looked at them. I suddenly knotted my forehead. It's weird. What did I do? Because as far as I can remember, I didn't do anything bad to them especially that I'm at the SSG's room all day.
I sighed as I shrug it all off. Maybe Paolo did something again to me this time. Knowing his—well—over childish mind until now, it's not new to me to experience things like this. Just like what happened way back my 8th Grade. What did he do, you say? Well, he just made me a laughing stock at school by presenting my baby pictures at a school event. And mind you, he really chose those pictures who are literally so embarrassing to be seen. Luckily enough, I had a great comeback to him.
I laughed in my mind as I remember that day. Poor Paolo, I said in my mind. I think he'll experience that again if I ever found out what he did to me this time.
I'm on my way to the Cafeteria when I saw Paolo walking towards my direction. Speaking of that troublemaker boy. I was about to ask what he did to me this time when he spoke first.
"Do you have a twin brother?"
I frowned at what he said. Twin brother? "I have a brother but he's not as the same age as mine—and definitely not my twin brother."
"Are you…sure?"
My face crumpled. "Why are you even asking me that? You do know that my little brother is the only brother I have. So what do you mean about me having a twin brother?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I saw a girl who has a friend who looked exactly like you that's why I thought of him being your twin brother.
I shook my head. "No. I don't have any. Maybe just someone who looked exactly like me." My brows furrowed. "Well, do you get the girl's name?"
"I didn't got to know especially I panicked at Carl's attitude earlier."
"The Peace Officer?" I rose an eyebrow. "What did he do this time?"
"Well, he's taking away the girl from him. Telling your other one that you got into a throuple."
I frowned. "Throuple?! What in the world, Paolo?" I rubbed my face using my palms as I sighed. "I told you about him getting replaced."
"I know. I just couldn't find one."
I nodded. Understandable. "Anyway, do you have something to do with the students' attitude towards me? They act like as if I did something to them."
"Why would it be me?"
I glared at him. "Did you already forgot what you did to me on our 8th grade? I almost—"
He laughed. "I don't know a thing about that," he said while pursing his lips.
My glare became darker. "Paolo, I swear—"
"Oh, I almost forgot. We need an emergency meeting with Sir Nicholas."
My glare fades as it was replaced by confusion. "Why?"
Paolo, then, explained me the reason why. I immediately led myself at the SSG's room to set a meeting with Sir. It didn't took minutes before Sir Nicholas came to the room.
"We need a replacement for Timothy."
My forehead creased at that. "Sir?"
"We need an immediate replacement for Timothy. He just got into an accident yesterday and he said that his injuries would take too long before it would heal."
"Oh," I slammed a hand into my forehead. That Timothy. I said in my mind. Such a troublemaker.
I shook my head in disbelief. What should we do now?
"Could we conduct any audition to find any replacement for Timothy, Sir?" Paolo asked.
Sir Nicholas shook his head. "It's only weeks before the contest. You think we have much time to conduct things like that?" Sir have a point. If we would conduct any audition, there's a hundred percent chance it'll took much of our time.
It was silence before I spoke. "Can I?"
All their heads turned to me. Their expressions are all the same: confused.
"What do you mean, Qen?"
"I'm willing to replace Timothy."
Paolo's eyes widened at me. "But, Qen, you know you can't do that especially that we, Officers,—especially you—are assigned to organize the event—"
"Then I'm making you to lead the organizing of the event, Paolo."
He gulped. "But Qen you know that—"
"Qen, you know that Paolo's not as good as you—"
"I know, but I believe in him." A deafening silence filled the room. No one dared to talk until Sir Nicholas nodded his head.
"Okay, Qen. I trust you."
I turned at Paolo. He's still dazed at what I said but I want to let him know he needs to show his talent. All they know Paolo sucks at this but the truth is, Paolo's doing it on purpose. He doesn't want anyone to know about his talent. He's shy, maybe. But I should let them know about this. A step to overcome his fear.
I tapped his shoulders—comforting him. He let out a silent sigh as he smiled at me.
Let's overcome your fear together, Paolo.
IT WAS MINUTES after the meeting ended. Paolo agreed to be the one to lead the organizing of event which is very relieving to me. Now, I'm inside our Cafeteria and in line when I saw Apple. I called her excitedly. Her eyes immediately settled on mine. But why does her eyes looks… terrifying to look at?
I think Paolo has to do something about this. Ugh, that Paolo!
"Can we talk?" she asked immediately after coming into my direction. My forehead knotted at her.
"Talk? Here?"
"No. Rooftop. I want something to talk with you…? In private?" I just nodded and follwed her to the Rooftop.
"Why are you with Laura earlier?" she asked after we came to the Rooftop.
Wait, Laura? Did I know anyone with that name?
"Laura who?"
"The one who became your classmate at your 7th and 8th grade. Laura Quinto, remember?"
Oh, yeah, Laura… we never got to talk again after not being classmates for years. And she's too weird for me. Hiw weird? Whenever I cross paths with her, she always avoids her gaze or rather rans away when seeing me. I don't know. Laura, for me, is very mysterious. She's very hard to read.
"Laura? I didn't. We never talked again since 9th grade. And I've been inside the SSG Room the whole day. So what do you mean about that?"
"Don't play dumb me, Qen. Ask your schoolmates and they will tell you they saw you with Laura. I even bumped with her and saw you with her. And guess what? When you saw me, you just raised an eyebrow! You raised an eyebrow at me before going away with that Laura, Qen!"
Is this what Paolo told me? Someone looked exactly like me? And with…Laura?
"Apple, please, listen to me. I am really not that guy, okay? Paolo told me about this and he thought I have a twin brother—"
"So he's just your twin brother?"
I shook my head. "No. But he's just someone who looks exactly like me. He wasn't and going to be me."
"But he really looks likes you—"
"Shush, Apple," I pulled her towards me before hugging her tightly. "Would you rather believe your what if's instead of me? Apple, you know I'm never going to cheat on you. And if ever going with Laura is true, I won't be naming that cheating. I would die first before cheating on you." Then I scoffed a little. "Or it could be you that would cheat on me in the near future."
She separated our hug. "Qen, don't say that! I won't ever cheat on you, okay?"
"But who knows if you—" When her glare intensified, I laughed before kissing her forehead. "Okay, okay. I'll stop."
She sighed. "I'm sorry for doubting you, Qen."
"No, it's fine. Communicating is better than doing actions because of your doubts. And at least, you didn't broke up with me after founding out about that."
I heard her chuckle. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
I'm still at dazed who's that person with Laura and why he looked exactly like me. In my whole life, I've never seen someone who looks exactly like me especially here in school. So who is that person? Who is that person who they thought was me?
LAURA REYES QUINTO
THE SCENE OF what happened earlier still lingers in my mind. It was chaotic—for me. There were dozens of different scenarios playing out in my head. I just couldn't take it all out.
Anxiousness filled my body as I think of Qen and Apple arguing with each other. What if they broke up? What if they got mad at each other? What if complications happened just because…of me?
I gulped as I play my what if inside my head. How could I fix this mess I made?
"It's not as if it's our responsibility if they'll fight over it or not. Besides, you're the one who got hurt here. Don't act like as if you care about them."
I shook my head harshly as I consider Sam's advice. He has a point, though. Why do I need to worry about them if they're not even my responsibility? Why would I even care about the couple who…brought a huge heartbreak to me?
I smiled bitterly as the flashes of memories popped out in my mind. I still can remember every detail on how it all began—on how my simple crushy thing with Qen became a huge nightmare to me.
If I could only bring back time…
I was pulled out from my reverie when someone flickered my forehead. It was obviously Sam. His bored eyes is directly staring at me.
"Are you thinking about him again?"
"Me? No! W-Why would I?"
"Yeah, sure," He rolled his eyes. "I believe you."
I threw him a pencil. "Don't believe me if you don't want to, then!"
"Why can't you forget him?" he suddenly asked. "I mean, he gave you so much heartaches. Doesn't even notice someone like you but why are you still loving him?"
"I don't know either… maybe this is just really love looks like…? Too be hurt so bad before finally moving on?" I tasted the bitterness in my lips as I let out those words.
"But I'm here now… remember? You wished for me in order for you to forget him completely but… you're still hurting and loving him."
I look at him painfully. "I don't know, Sam. I d-don't know…" A lone tear escaped through my eye. "M-Maybe because you're so grumpy?" When he glared at me, I forced a laugh before continuing: "You know, that's also my question to myself: why can't I forget him, why can't my feelings for him fade… like, really, you're here now. My wish… my wish came true but why does my wish of taking off my pain didn't came true?" My tears flowed freely down to my cheeks— racked with sobs as I let the out the pain out of my heart. I kept on sobbing when Sam pulled me into a hug.
"I really can't tell the pain you've been feeling right now but I can feel it through your tears. On how the tears fall into your eyes. On how your sobs kept on making a noise… I can feel it, you know. And on my part, I really, really, want to take away the pain in your heart like as I if own it. I badly want to erase your feelings for him and replace it with my love. But… I can't even do a single thing. I felt so useless. You wished me upon a shooting star for yoi to be happy but I can't even do a thing even if in I'm already in your reality. It frustrating the system out of me and I felt like I'm still on your imagination that can't do anything but to see your tears flow down your cheeks and try to comfort you the best that I could do.
"But…" He held my hand tightly. "Unlike in your imagination, I can finally wipe your tears," He used his thumb to wipe my tears. "And make you feel my presence." He took my hand and placed it in his heart. I felt the sound his heart as its pace goes slowly. "I may look like as if I'm still in your imagination but I can find an easy way to make the ache stop for a while. I can be your rebound or what—I don't care. As much as it makes your heart forget about the pain, I'm willing to do anything…for you.
"I'll just wait until you finally fell in love with me. And I assure you: You will never experience the pain you got with Qen. I will make you happy as much as I can," he said as he smile at me lovingly.
I nodded my head repeatedly. "I-I'll make sure of that, Sam. I hope… I hope I could do it."
"You can do it."
We stayed like that for a minute. Feeling each other's heartbeats while the silence is surrounding us.
"Come on, fix yourself. You look like a crybaby."
"Heh!" I quickly stood out resulting me for an out of balance. But Sam caught me in no time but not as quickly enough to recover as he joins me at my downfall. We are now both facing each other closely. He's beneath me now. I was about to get out when someone opened the door.
"Hey, Laura, let's go to the Mall—OMG, what is that?!"
I turned my head at that someone. "Claire?!" I said as I get out of Sam's beneath-ness at me. "Why are you here?!"