At lunch; I settled for a bit of brown rice, added chicken breast and a side of asparagus to my plate.
I had learned over the years, that a big part of what made me a dancer - way more than the moves and the capability itself.
Was what I put into my body.
But of course, me being the rebel that I am, I still turned a blind eye from time to time.
Especially when snacking opportunities were involved.
My return to school had however made me feel determined to eat clean again. Because I needed with every fiber of my being, to see myself performing at my peak again.
As I was, of course, still on probation.
While grabbing an apple from the fruit basket; I could see Abby and the rest of them already settled at our favorite lunch table.
My earlier temper over the email from my mother and my conversation with Luca, immediately shifted to the very back of my mind.
As I excitedly headed to join them at the table.
Christopher removed the thick book that he had placed next to him.
I placed my food tray on the table and sat beside him.
Which almost made him grow wings and fly away with excitement.
As a huge smile broke on his face, highlighting his joy even further.
I couldn't help but smile back at him.
Despite still hoping that he would get over his crush on me soon.
Because knowing that I couldn't bring myself to reciprocate his feelings and intentions, kind of made me feel guilty at times.
Especially since I had been friends with the boy since forever.
Which probably made the possibility of a relationship with him, way more sensible.
As being with him, would sure beat the alternative.
A small voice in my head said. The alternative in that moment, was of course, feeling all goofy and funny over the idea of being anywhere near or around Luca.
Abby watched my brief exchange with Christopher, with added interest.
And as her eyes locked with mine, I could tell that there would be a lot of discussion concerning that- as soon as we were alone.
"So, what did I miss?"
I asked, looking around at everyone's excited faces.
Things were always the same on campus.
Each time schools opened, everyone beamed.
Mostly for the sole reason of being able to reconnect with friends, that we hadn't been able to see for weeks on end.
But the high was always a temporary thing, that quickly faded.
When days passed and things got intense, both in class and in our personal lives.
The gloom and doom that often comes with the pressure, workload and the burdens of being a teenager - which were almost always about the troubles and drama of relationships.
Always became something that could be spotted on our faces, right from a mile away.
That's why we always tried by all means to enjoy the very first week of return, as much as we could.
"Everything that you'll continue to miss, I guess."
Jason teased with a shrug.
"Yeah, word is fully spreading about you already being worked by Bianchi to death." Christopher piped up.
"Well, I'm still alive though, Chris."
I joked back, and raised my arms a bit to lay emphasis on my point.
"Or aren't I?"
"We missed you," Abby chuckled.
"Yep, true!"
Christopher was the first to agree with an eager nod.
"I missed you all so much too!" I earnestly said.
And was slightly surprised to find myself battling some overwhelming emotions, as I said it too.
Around that table were the siblings that I never had. People that I had known and grown with for years.
The people I had always gotten into shenanigans with, the ones who always had my back.
Around that table were my good and special friends.
I blinked back the tears, just before they could start falling.
I was grateful to see that everyone was laughing, teasing and joking too.
As it meant that my almost emotional breakdown had flown, right over the heads of my unsuspecting friends.
Sharing emotional moments with loved ones, was for most people probably a normal thing.
But I knew it would have come to them as a total shock, if they had been attentive enough to observe it.
Because in that circle, I was notorious for being the most emotionally detached of the lot.
Which made me the most reliable too, as I rarely acted on how I felt.
"What's good, fellas?"
Marcus joined in and sat between Abby and Jason.
"Everything!"
Jason chirpily yelled.
He was the loudest of the group, and the biggest jokester too.
"Unwinding and catching up, for the rest of the week. Surely it doesn't get better than that, around here." Christopher stated.
"Are you sure?"
Abby raised an eyebrow at him. "Doesn't get better than that? Even with the dance coming up, in just a couple of days?"
I smiled to myself, deciding to sit that one banter out.
Instead, I began digging into my plate.
And only realized then, just how hungry I was.
"Oh, snap! Then there's that," Jason acted as if he was only just remembering about the dance too.
Making everyone laugh.
As we all knew that with him, it couldn't have possibly been the case at all.
Because parties were more of his thing, than any of ours.
"Speaking of the dance," Marcus began.
"How did the thinking go, Brianna?"
My head instantly snapped up, just in time to see Chris and Marcus locking eyes.
"Thinking about what?"
Chris enquired, as if on behalf of the whole group.
Silence fell around the table, as the tension between the three of us rose.
Everyone, including myself knew that Chris was into me. To a point of deciding to pointlessly wait on me, to change my mind.
Instead of going out with one of the many girls that were interested in him.
"Thinking about going to the dance with me," Marcus announced.
All eyes turned to me, in silent question.
It was at that point I realized I had a decision to make, and quickly too.
Screw it, I thought.
Marcus had asked me to the dance, Chris hadn't.
And there was no knowing for sure if it was something that he even had in mind, or not.
I wasn't into anyone between the two.
Chris and I weren't an item, so none of it would be a problem.
I calculated.
As with whatever decision I chose to make, I wasn't bound to hurt anyone.
"Sure, Marcus, I don't see why not," I cut to the chase.
"Awesome!" He beamed. "That's what I had to come here to find out."
He said and began to stand.
"We'll discuss the details later?"
"Sure," I slightly nodded.
All the while wondering if that had been the right call for me to make.
When Chris gave me a sharp and torn look, I just had to look away.
As it added to my sudden confusion.
"You're still going with me, right?"
Jason playfully touched Abby's chin, as he checked.
"I already said yes, didn't I?" She chuckled, and began playing with her hair.
What was going on there?
I wondered, as I sensed some vibes between my best friend and the biggest goof in school.
But with Chris' silent fuming near me, I decided that I'd find out all about it later.
"Good," Jason grinned. "Because you're really not allowed to change your mind."
"Oh really?" Abby giggled.
I decided to tune out the two after that, and focus on the meal in front of me.
Which as soon as I had eaten my fill, I mumbled a good bye to my friends.
I told Abby that I'd see her later, and gave her a stare that was meant to make it clear to her. That that said meeting, was supposed to happen without the boys being present.
And then I made some excuse about having practice with Bianchi, when it actuality, I still had a whole fifteen minutes to spare.
Fifteen minutes that would have been spent in the wonderful and cheerful company of my friends, if it weren't for the teenage tension and impending drama that then got in the way.
I was never good at confronting things.
Or talking about anything that involved the voicing out of my emotions.
That's why I often masked my emotional unavailability with dark humor and sarcasm.
As it was just so much easier for me to run and to hide.
Than to face things head on. Which is why after that awkward moment with Marcus and Chris, at the eatery.
I just had to take the nearest exit.
"Well, well, well."
Were Luca's first teasing words, when I pushed the dance hall door open.
"Look who decided to come to practice way earlier than they're supposed to."
He stood from where he had been sitting with buds in his ears, by the corner.
"Well, what can I say?" I shrugged.
"You have found yourself a star quality student in me, Bianchi."
He laughed out loud at my theatrics, making me unintentionally smile too.
It was the very first time I had heard him laugh.
The sound that came out of his mouth, was musical.
Very close to the sound of doves taking off, even.
I was in awe.
And luckily for me; I could stand there, and admire it all without him realizing.
Because his pale blue eyes were closed.
"I've noticed too that this star quality student of mine is knee deep in the habit of lying," he bluntly stated.
"Or you, Sir, are in the habit of not trusting or believing people."
I retorted, with narrowed eyes.
"Whatever you say," he chuckled and turned away from me.
I didn't like the idea of him leaving.
I enjoyed seeing that carefree side to him way too much to allow him to put an end to it- just like that.
So, I stopped him.
"What makes you think I'm lying?"
Was the first thing to fly out of my mouth.
Though I wasn't really sure if I wanted to find out his thoughts, theories and assumptions on that subject.
"Firstly, you were breathless when you got here."
He froze in his tracks, but didn't turn.
"Which can only mean that you've been doing what you know best."
"And what's that?"
Curiosity got the best of me.
"Escape," he confidently stated.
"I was just too eager to resume practice," I lied.
"I highly doubt," he said, way too quickly.
As if he was determined not to give me even the smallest chance to sway him, or talk him into believing my lies.
"There was surprise in your eyes, when you got here."
"So?"
I asked, slowly approaching his still turned back.
"So that means you didn't expect to find me here."
He responded with a chuckle. "And it might also mean that you rushed here to be alone too."
I wondered why he wasn't saying anything, regarding my approaching footsteps.
Because from the wide mirror ahead of us, I was sure that he could see every single one of them.
And yet remained unmoved.
"How do you know all of this?"
I found myself whispering, as I came to a standstill just a foot behind him.
"I've already told you that I'm observant."
He whispered back.
His tone turning into a whole caress.
For a moment there, I wondered what listening to him would've been like.
If he had been the one behind me, instead of the other way around.
But I quickly shook the thought out of my mind, the moment he resumed speaking.
"And as a result, I notice things. I learn things too. About everything that there is to know."
What did that even mean?
I was almost too afraid to ask. And so I decided not to.
"Let's say you're right," I began.
"Young lady, I am right."
He chuckled.
"Okay, fine, if that's what you like to think."
I shrugged, then asked him a question in both an attempt to change the subject.
And to know more about him as well, though I didn't quite know why that had suddenly gotten to the very top of my priority list.
"Didn't you leave for lunch?"
"I went to the house, and came back." He said.
"That was quick," I muttered.
I knew the instructors' quarters were around the corner, but I just had to continue the conversation.
The how part of the equation, didn't matter much.
"Fruit smoothies are hardly complicated, or even time consuming." He chuckled lightly.
"Those are nothing but empty calories," I protested.
"You need real food, if you're going to get me out of my probationary period."
He only chuckled more in response, but said nothing else.
Then right on the spot, I felt the strong urge to check if the electricity that I had felt while touching him that morning- was still there.
And that's when without once thinking more about it, I extended my hand towards his back.