'She was crying again.'
Lucas' heart ached slightly as he tried to reassure her by massaging her back. He waited for her tears to dry and let her cry out the last of her worries.
"And here I thought I was done crying. I am sorry once again. Oh no, your cloak got wet."
Her voice seemed to tremble in his ears. It left a sense of bitterness in his mind. He didn't want to hear this tone in her voice.
"Are you ok?" Lucas asked while reaching up to cup her cheek.
Her expression changed slightly but it quickly disappeared again before Lucas could decipher what it meant.
"I will be. It is already so late in the day. We should probably start our training now."
She moved away from him and the loss of warmth was so sudden that Lucas needed a moment to process what she said.
The fake smile she had often used at first came across her face. It felt cold. Her eyes were shifted away from him and she would not look at him.
'Why?'
He wanted to ask her, but would she hate him if he did? The warmth that she had shown him was real. She didn't push him away like before. Yet now there was so much distance in between them.
Lucas stared at her from where they had embraced as she began practicing the hand to hand combat moves he had taught her.
His hand balled up into a fist as he slammed it onto the ground. He was not really angry. It was his way of expressing his frustration at somehow missing his opportunity.
He had wasted so much time trying to decipher his own feelings and decide what was best for her that he forgot to protect himself.
'And this is her answer.'
Lucas shut his eyes against the pain. For a moment he hunched over digging his nails into the ground. The feeling of being rejected yesterday was much easier than this pain.
He had felt her in his arms and let himself completely surrender. There was no room for him to doubt what his feelings were. All the same time, she had given in but for a moment.
The change in expression clearly came into view in his mind. The glimmer of hope had solidified into joy at that expression. She loved him, too.
Then she escaped from his embrace and acted like it was just another day and another moment. Was that the only chance he was ever going to have?
He looked over to where she was practicing diligently. She was crying as she went through the motions. Lucas thought back to when she told him about what had happened to her.
'I was supposed to be married. He.. My father chose someone for me and he was supposed to take over our family name. Instead, he murdered them and so I escaped.'
Her dark expression from that time as she hugged her knees had made him not push her further. The nightmares she had most nights were proof enough at how traumatic the experience had been.
'Can she not move past that?'
No, it must be something else. Her goal this entire time was to reach the Capital and become an adventurer. There was a system in place that the human king had enacted.
Lucas racked his brain for the answer. Oh, to become nobility you could earn merits throughout the kingdom by completing missions. It was something the elders often laughed at.
They had said it was a fruitless venture, because not even a human king would keep his words for an elf. They had lamented about how young elves were leaving to earn these merits for themselves.
They had then shushed themselves when they realized he was within earshot of their conversations and ushered the merchants, who they were discussing this with, into a nearby building.
'If she earned those merits then would she look at me with that look again?'
He hated himself for that thought. Normally one would move on after experiencing the rejection he had just felt, but he could not. Even now, she wore the cloak he had offered her.
It was weak for him to use that to justify himself, but he knew that if push came to shove that he would use it to stay close to her. Even if he had to watch her grow older and eventually die.
Life would cease to have any meaning without her. He picked himself up and brushed off the dirt and bits of grass from his clothes. He took a deep breath and strode over to where Eva was still practicing.
"Lower your stance." His words felt rough as they came out.
This was the decision she had made, so he was going to honor his promise and train her to the best of his ability. If only for her sake.
Each order that fell from his mouth felt strained and anyone paying close attention could hear the pain in each of his words. He could have just left her here or decided not to help her anymore.
The truth was he could never do anything to harm her. If not for his feelings, and then the imprint that she had left upon him, he would rather die.
At some point Eva had become the world he revolved around. He had ceased to hate himself for it. For her, he could be the strict drill instructor, mentor, companion, and lover if she wanted him.
That was the decision he had come to while his mind raced on the ground. Lucas would be her everything if she would let him. So he just needed to carve the memory of himself into every aspect of her life until they finally reached the Capital.
To be able to gently caress her cheek before guiding her hand into the correct position. Or to get close to her when he restrained her while sparring. It wouldn't be his fault that she had fond memories of that, now would it?
It was a desperate plan, but what else could he do?
******
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