At some point Lucas returned to the campsite fully clothed. He paused when he noticed the expression on her face. Her eyes looked dull and he could see where tears had fallen down her face.
She looked into the fire, but he could tell she really wasn't seeing what was in front of her. The look of haunted memories was something one does not forget. The usual greeting was omitted as if she didn't even realize he was there.
It was at times like these that Lucas knew that she was thinking about her dead family and the events before they met. He had seen this look before on the face of someone who lost everything. His uncle had told him not to approach them.
The feeling of his uncle's warm hand as he pulled Lucus away from the man who had entered the village came clearly into his mind. He remembered asking his uncle why he acted that way.
"Those that lose everything are unpredictable. It is best to give them space," his uncle told him later.
Lucas grabbed the items he needed to hunt and forage and started to leave quietly.
'If I were to pull her into my embrace would her gaze soften?' he wondered.
It was foolish to think this way. Even still he took one last glance towards her. Taking away her pain was not something she would probably allow him to do. It seemed that there was only one thing that was on her mind now. Still...
He wanted to tell her that she had not lost everything yet. For she still had him to rely upon. Would she understand his feelings if he told her that? Or would he be just placing his own feelings upon her forcefully. And why would she accept his feelings in the first place?
To her he was just someone who found her in the forest and forced himself upon her. She must think that I am only worried about making sure the one I saved does not die, or that I took pity on her. How many more times could he be near her and not show the ever growing feelings in his heart?
Lucas gritted his teeth as he lightly kicked a stone. So what if she knows my feelings? The real reason he couldn't confess was the fact that he knew she was not capable of returning his feelings. The thought of rejection would break him, all because he had imprinted upon her.
"It is better to just let her live her life as soon as we get to the Capital."
His thoughts filtered out into the air and he paused to make sure no one heard him. Silence met his ears and he let out a breath of air. There was no win for him in this situation.
'All I can do is train her to protect herself. That will have to be enough,' he thought.
Closing his heart felt painful.
'You could tell her of the imprint,' his mind said, offering up another solution.
That option had its own dangers. What he truly wanted was for her to love him. If he told her of the imprint then what if she took advantage of him?
Sure she had been a trustworthy companion over the last few weeks, but what if she realized that all she had to do was ask and he could not deny her? It would be easier if it was just love. Lucas touched the wound on his shoulder.
'What if she asks me to sacrifice myself?'
The answer was clear: he would do it without question. Since he had become aware of the imprint the response he felt troubled him. For now it would cause her trouble if he were to die.
'No, what am I thinking?' he thought.
Leaning on a tree near him he realized the train of thought he just went down.
'It is like my mind is no longer my own.' Lucas shook his head trying to clear out the foreign thoughts. 'It is too dangerous to mention the imprint.' He sighed. 'I can only do what is best for her while she remains unaware of the imprint.'
Those thoughts seemed to make sense and his urge to speak of the imprint faded and fell back to the edges of his thoughts.
"That was dangerous."
He breathed heavily taking in fresh air to clear his thoughts. The light around him felt dimmer than when he started his walk. He looked around and realized much of the day had passed while he was struggling with his inner thoughts.
He now knew why some of the elders spoke of imprinting as a curse rather than a gift from the Spirits. It scared him how his thoughts willingly agreed with just dying for no reason and losing his freedom. For now, his mind was strong enough to resist his urges, but what about in the future as he grew closer to her?
He swallowed down the saliva that had built up in his mouth. Losing his freedom and having a reason to stay by her side for the rest of his life or letting her go so he could at least live freely? Which was more important to him?
'Is this even really the choice? What if she loves me back?' His heart desperately wanted that ending. The ending where he could live with her and have a…
'No, what are you thinking? She is a human. It's not possible.' He cut his thoughts off.
In the end he was an elf and she was a human. The world wouldn't be so kind as to allow them to live happily. Maybe he would change his mind in the future and give her control over his life. Today was not that day.
The thought terrified him. The urge to survive at all costs was still strongly embedded in his body. It could just be the influence from the fight with the beast though. Either way his time with Eva was insufficient to give her so many years of his life. At least for now.
Lucas pushed the tree in front of him and turned again to the forest. He soon found some herbs nearby and gathered a good portion. The calm foraging helped him settle his conflicting thoughts. It felt much easier to just focus on simple tasks.
He would have to drink some medicinal tea to hide the pain in his shoulder until it was healed. Not moving for a few days would help him recover the quickest, but he couldn't reveal why they were staying in one place for a few days.
From the frequency in which Eva ate he should at least hunt something small. After he filled the pouch where he kept herbs in he got up and started taking in the forest again. It did not take him long to find a rabbit of sufficient size to make a stew with.
Drawing the bow almost made him faint from pain, but he endured. It only took one shot, but he knew that it didn't hit where he wanted it to. He held his shoulder as it burned. Kneeling on the ground for a moment he let the worst of the burning pass before clumsily bleeding out the rabbit and putting it away in the hunting bag.
Immobilizing his shoulder would be the most beneficial, but that would alert Eva that he was not in fact healed. He cursed his foolish pride at not wanting to look weak. Something had to give, so he reluctantly decided to immobilize his shoulder in case he damaged it further.
He finally made it back to the campsite albeit a bit frustrated. It looked like Eva had finally moved on from her stormy thoughts and was tending to the fire. Setting his things down he began digging into his pack for cloth to make a sling out of.
Every motion he made caused his injury to ache and burn. Small hands took his pack from him.
"What do you need?" Eva asked.
"Cloth to make a sling," he muttered.
Her gaze fell to his shoulder and she nodded to herself. "You should have told me that you were not completely healed," she said lightly.
There was no accusing tone in her voice, which made Lucas feel slightly better.
"It must have been deeper than I thought." It was a weak excuse, but he could not think of anything better to say.
Eva reached around his chest to tie a shirt around him. The sudden closeness caused Lucas to freeze. A sweet smell distracted him from the pain as she placed his arm in the sling. Lucas blinked and she was no longer touching him.
'An unexpected benefit.' His thoughts betrayed him.
Eva rummaged through the things he had dropped earlier. "Tell me which herbs." She motioned toward the bag.
Lucas refocused and explained to her what herbs were needed to make the tea he needed to heal quicker. He watched as she heated water and brewed the tea.
"It is my time to repay you a little for taking care of me," Eva said.
Lucas almost missed the quiet declaration. He pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and hid his face. There was no way to explain the bittersweet feelings that came fluttering up to the surface of his mind.
To be taken care of made him happy, but the reason for taking care of him made him feel bitter all the same. If at all possible he would like her to take care of him for something more than a repayment of services he had provided her. Yes, what he would like is for her to love him back.
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