"I wish you didn't have to go."
There was a sad look in Lenore's blue eyes as she laid beside me, running her fingers gently over my cheek. It was almost five in the morning now, and I knew that I was really pressing my luck staying there this long, but it had been extremely hard to get up and leave after such a beautiful few hours being with her.
"I know." I whispered back, gently kissing her hand, "I hate leaving too, but I don't want to put you in danger. I promised you that I'd keep your secret about being here."
"Yeah, you did, and I get it." Lenore relented. She moved closer and kissed me again, "Just promise you'll keep coming back."
I smiled, leaning my forehead against hers, "You know I will. There's no way I'd ever leave you now."
I meant every word of that. She'd become everything to me, and I was convinced that she was the one I was meant to be with.
The air was cool as I kissed her one more time before getting up from the bed. I didn't bother getting dressed, only putting my clothing back into my bag and heading outside before I transformed back into a full fox. I knew I'd better hurry and get home. Hopefully I wasn't too late. Sean might be up by now.
I lucked out as I got back to the house and jumped up to my window. There was no sign of either of my parents being up, and it was just about five in the morning. I didn't bother getting dressed before curling up in my bed under my covers. My body felt lighter than I ever remembered it being before, and my mind was swimming in elation. Lenore really was mine now. Not only was she my girlfriend, but she'd let me claim her as mine.
Even if I was only fifteen, I knew how things worked when it came to Foxes like me and my dad. There were two ways that we could claim a female as our own. The first was how my dad went about it. He'd made a special ring infused with a small piece of his own essence for Mia, and it connected them as soon as she accepted it and put it on. She still wore it today, and I had always admired that beautiful stone. I had even been able to see the foxfire flame dancing inside of it at times.
The other way that we could claim a female was much more primal and straightforward. The female just needed to consent and sleep with us. That worked to forge the connection between us too. While I'd never thought that I'd take that path instead of my father's if I ever met a girl I wanted to spend my life with, I had no regrets. It had made for a hell of a good way to forget about the rest of my troubles.
Sleep came quickly for me after that, and thankfully, I didn't dream. When I woke up again, it was nearly noon. I sat up in my bed, feeling a little surprised that no one had tried to wake me. But it was also a Saturday, so I could get away with sleeping in if I wanted to. I just normally didn't do it this late.
Sliding out of my bed, I got dressed and headed to the bathroom to clean up before going downstairs. I could hear the TV in the den room, and saw Seraphina sitting down there watching one of her favorite shows that she'd recorded.
"Hey sis." I greeted her as I came in to sit with her.
Seraphina smiled as she saw me, "Hey. You slept in for once." she teased.
"It can happen one in a blue moon." I teased back. I glanced around us, "Where's Mom and Dad? Did they go out?"
"Oh, Dad went to visit with Pop and Grandma. He said that Manake had sent him a note saying that he was stopping by there to see them, so Dad wanted to see him too because it's been a while. He thought about asking you to come, but you were sleeping so well that he didn't want to wake you. Mom's here though. She was just fixing some stuff in the garden." Seraphina explained.
While I understood where Sean would definitely want to let me sleep, considering he knew that I didn't sleep well most of the time, I really wished he had woken me up and let me come with him. With everything with Lenore, I was a little worried over Manake's sudden visit. What if he knew that she might be around there?
But there was nothing I could do about it for now. If I said too much, then they all would definitely get suspicious of what I'd been up to.
"Guess I get that, but I do kind of wish he'd woken me up. I haven't seen Manake since we were little kids. Why didn't you go?" I asked her.
Seraphina shrugged, "I didn't feel like it this time. Actually, to be honest with you, my back's a bit sore this morning, so I thought I'd just stay here and rest. Mom stayed too because she wanted to make sure I was okay."
"Seriously? Already?" I muttered.
"It's okay Sevee. It's not hurting that much, and Pop and Uncle Raphael told us that it could take a few weeks or more before I really start the process with my wings, so I'm fine." she promised me.
"I guess."
Seraphina moved closer to me, laying her head against my shoulder. This was something she'd always done when she wanted to be close to me. Not that I minded. She was my little sister.
"Anyway, are you feeling any better now? It seems like you've been having even more trouble sleeping lately." she continued.
"I'm okay, and it is getting a little bit better now. Besides, you saw that I was able to sleep in, so that should stand for something." I reminded her.
"True." Seraphina acknowledged. She sat up a little, glancing around us like she was making sure we were alone, "Hey, where did you go last night?"
That one caught me by surprise, and it took all the effort I had not to tense up.
"What are you talking about?"
"I saw you come back to the house this morning, and it was nearly five in the morning. Were you roaming the woods again?"
Damn it. In all my checking for being caught, I had failed to think about my sister possibly being up. I'd worried too much about my dad. But she'd only seen me come back, and apparently didn't know when I'd gone out. I could work my way around this.
"Yeah, I was. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, so I thought that would wear me out. Guess it worked." I lied.
"Seems like it."
I had this distinct feeling that she didn't believe me, but she didn't push the issue. Instead, she went back to what she'd been watching.
I stood up and stretched, "Hey, I'm gonna let Mom know I'm up." I told her.
"Okay. I wanted to finish catching up on this." Seraphina responded, flashing me a smile.
She suspected something. I was sure of it. But I didn't say anymore, instead opting to go see our mom. I could always figure out how to deal with this issue later.
I opened the patio door near the kitchen, stepping outside onto the deck. The day was already warm, even though there was a decent breeze blowing. The sun was shining brightly, and the sky was a clear blue. It definitely felt like the beginning of summer now.
Mia was out in the yard, sitting on her knees as she looked at some of her blooming flowers. She heard me come out, looking up and smiling as she saw me. The sunlight beaming on her, along with her pretty complexion and blonde hair made her look as angelic as the bloodline she carried.
"There you are. Did you get some decent sleep Sevee?" she greeted me.
"Better than a lot of times." I answered. I stepped off of the deck and joined her, "Looks like everything's bloomed this year. You and Sera figured it all out."
Mia smiled, "Well, we do have your dad to thank for that too. He's always been good at figuring out the best ways to get these plants to thrive."
That was true. Sean was good at a lot of stuff like that. I guessed it came from his growing up with the other Foxes.
"Seraphina told me that he went to see Grandma and Pop, and said that Manake might be visiting there. Is anything up?" I asked her.
Mia let me help her stand up, "Not that I know of. I think he just wanted to come by and see how your grandma's been doing." She looked towards the nearby bench that had been placed under one of the trees, "Let's sit over there. I'm sure it'll feel much better in the shade."
I agreed, following her over to the bench. I was thinking about how to approach some things with her now. Namely, the stuff from her childhood. If she would tell me more about it, then maybe I could piece together whether it fit with my nightmares.
I could feel her watching me as we sat down. As usual, Mia could read me like a book when something was on my mind.
"You're thinking about something, aren't you? If you wanted to talk to me about it, then I'll listen. This might be a good time too since it's just us." she suggested.
"Maybe." I agreed. I considered my words carefully before continuing, "I know this might be prying, and you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but I was wondering about some stuff with you. You and Pop don't talk a lot about when you were growing up. Is there a reason for that?"
"Oh." Mia looked a little startled. She must not have been expecting me to ask something like this. But she still answered me, "Well, I guess we just don't think a lot about it now. It's been a long time, and we do have you and Seraphina. You two have always been our main focus."
"I guess I get that, and like I said, I'm not trying to pry or anything like that. I've just been thinking about it recently and got really curious." I explained.
Mia shook her head, "You're not prying Sevee. You have every right to ask, and I wouldn't hide anything from you that you wanted to know, so go ahead and ask whatever you'd like. I might not be able to give you all the answers, but I can tell you what I know and remember."
This was going much smoother than I expected, although I knew that my mom wasn't the type to keep secrets from us. Seraphina and I really had never asked about this stuff either, so it made sense that they didn't bother talking about it.
"If you want to talk about it, then I'd like that." I told her.
"Okay. What did you want to know?" Mia responded.
"Well, I remember hearing before that you grew up in Miami. Your mom was separated from Pop back then, right?"
Mia nodded, "Yes. I was only two when that happened, and I don't remember it. I didn't actually see your grandfather again either until I was eight. That's when he was able to find my mom and arrange for me to start staying with him for the summer."
That caught my attention.
"Wait a minute. What do you mean find? Didn't Pop know that you were in Miami?" I asked her.
"No, he didn't. The truth is, my mom ran away with me. I don't know all of the details, but I think that she didn't originally know what our family truly is, and when she saw your grandfather develop wings, it affected her really badly. She ended up running away with me and went back to Florida to stay with her parents. They helped her hide with me for five years until your grandfather and uncle finally found us, and as far as I know, things were worked out to keep her out of trouble and let me come back and know our family." Mia explained.
"Wait a minute." I interjected, "You're saying that she basically kidnapped you and hid you from your dad for five years. Why didn't he have her arrested for that?"
Mia sighed, looking a little sad now. That was strange. It was like it hurt her to think back on all of this.
"I know what you're saying, but there was more to it than just that." she answered, "When I said that what happened affected my mother very badly, I meant that it seriously did. She wasn't the same after that. She really declined mentally, and they diagnosed her with Schizophrenia when I was three. She only got worse through the years. None of the medicines they tried helped her for very long, and my grandmother ended up taking care of me when she couldn't. Your grandfather still loved her too, and he was kind enough to work things out so that she wouldn't suffer any more than she already was. That's why things ended up done like they were."
No wonder they didn't talk about my other grandmother. Things must've been extremely fragile with her back then. No wonder Mia and Michael didn't like talking about her.
"I get that, and it was good that he still cared enough to do that for her. But what ended up happening to her? I don't remember us ever seeing her or hearing from her. I know this sounds harsh, but did she end up killing herself?" I had to ask.
"No, she didn't." Mia hesitated before continuing, "She did die before you were born, but it's better not to get into what happened. It's really hard to talk about, even if it has been a long time now."
For as much as I wanted to push the subject and find out what had happened to this woman, I couldn't do it. Not with how upset my mother looked. She may have been trying to hide it, but I could easily see it in her eyes. Something really bad must have happened to her mom, something that she might've even seen. That was enough for me to let it go and pulled her into a hug.
"I get it, and it's okay if we don't talk about it anymore. Thanks for telling me this much." I said softly.
Mia hugged me back, "I promise I'll tell you more about it one day. It's just hard right now, okay?"
Her words haunted me as the day went by. While I still had a lot of questions about what had happened back then, I also worried about pushing the subject now. I didn't want to hurt my mom, and even though I probably could talk to my dad or Michael about it, I didn't want them telling her that I had.
Yet I couldn't deny that inkling of darkness still plucking at the back of my mind. Was it possible that my nightmares were somehow connected to the grandmother I'd never known?
This thought plagued me as the night fell, and I knew I wanted to talk to Lenore about all of it. She'd helped me with some insightful thoughts before, so she might've been able to help me piece more of this together and tell me if I was on the right track or overthinking things.
I snuck out as usual at around twelve thirty, heading to the house and changing back before I got there. Lenore was outside as I arrived, and a big smile crossed her face as she saw me.
"I was wondering if you'd come back early again." she commented as she hugged me.
"I was able to, so I took my chance." I responded. I kissed her before continuing "Is everything okay? You're usually not outside like this when I get here."
"I'm okay. I was a little nervous, but there hasn't been anything coming around, and I feel a lot better now that you're here." Lenore confessed.
"You mean because another Fox was around this area?"
"You know? Did you see it?"
"No, but everything's fine. This Fox wouldn't be interested in looking for you. He's an old family friend who was visiting with my dad and grandmother. That's all. He's gone back to the other side now." I reassured her.
Lenore breathed a sigh of relief, "I see."
"It's okay. I wouldn't let any other Fox come her and try to hurt you or take you back to the Veil. Besides, we don't usually see any others around here, so you don't need to worry too much about it." I continued.
"I guess you're right." Lenore relented. She held my hands between us, "Do you mind if we go back to the shoreline? I wanted to see it again."
I returned her smile, "Sure. I'd like that too."
It didn't take us too long to get to the creek area again. It was another mostly clear night, although the moon was only at a quarter now. It felt comfortable sitting on the grass with Lenore, sharing long kisses and listening to the quiet sounds of the night around us.
Yet I couldn't stop my mother's sad face from entering my mind as I did. It had bothered me all day, and still was, no matter how good all of this felt. I just hated seeing her upset like that, and even though I loved being there with Lenore, I also felt like I'd abandoned my mom, at least in a sense.
Lenore touched my face as we pulled back again, looking into my eyes as she caressed her slender fingers over my lips.
"Are you okay Sevee? It seems like something's been bothering you." she commented.
"Sorry." I breathed. I hated thinking that I'd just broken up our romantic moment with my intrusive thoughts.
"It's okay." Lenore kissed me again.
My eyes fluttered closed as I took in the soft feel of her lips caressing mine, and I let out a long breath as she pulled away again, resting my head on her shoulder and kissing the side of her neck.
I heard her let out a soft sigh as she continued, not allowing me to dodge the subject with her, "Do you want to talk about it? I'd listen."
I decided to go ahead and give in. We could always continue this afterward, not to mention it might help me get over my guilty conscious about my mother.
"I guess I can. I have had some pretty heavy stuff on my mind lately. Maybe you can help me sort some of it out."
Lenore kissed my cheek, snuggling against me.
"I can try. You know I'm here for you too, just like you've been for me."
I held her as I began explaining some of what was bothering me, "You know those nightmares I told you about? Well, I thought about what you told me before, and I decided to ask my mom about some stuff from when she was a kid. I thought that I might be able to piece something together or say that it's all in my head depending on what she told me."
Lenore nodded, "Makes sense. So, what did she say?"
"She wouldn't tell me a whole lot that I didn't already know, but it did make me wonder if there is at least a little bit of a connection to my dreams. Remember when I told you that I'd heard before that Mia lived in Miami with her mom? She confirmed that one to me, and she said that she didn't know her dad until she was eight years old. Her mom had run away with her, and had become really mentally ill with Schizophrenia."
"Schizophrenia?" Lenore's eyes widened as she heard that one, "Was she even able to take care of your mom? That can get really bad if it's not treated right."
"Mia said that her grandmother stepped in and took care of her after that, and that was why Michael didn't press charges on her mom when he found them. Her mom did have treatments for her illness, but none of it really worked and she just got worse and worse. I'm glad now that Mia ended up living with Michael and got away from all of that." I answered.
"That's so sad. That poor lady, and your poor mom. It had to be so hard on her to see her mom like that when she was growing up, and then to not even know her dad for so long." Lenore whispered, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Yeah, I totally agree. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if my nightmares might be connected to some of that. That room I saw with all of the writing on the walls. Maybe that was her mom's room." I reasoned.
Lenore pulled back a little to face me, "That sounds very possible from what you described to me before. I've heard of mentally ill people writing all over their walls and tearing up whatever's in their rooms when they go into psychotic rages. Plus, you said that you saw that other room that looked like a little girl's with that picture of your mother in it. But some of it still doesn't make sense to me. If you've never met this lady, and you've never been to Miami or seen this house, then how are you dreaming of it?"
I shook my head, "I don't know. It's all really weird to me. I've wondered if maybe it's something with Mia being my mom and maybe some kind of inherited memory thing, but that doesn't feel like it fits."
"Do you know what happened to your grandmother? Did Mia tell you?" Lenore probed.
"No. She said that she'd died before me and my sister were born, but she wouldn't tell me what happened to her. I think it was something really bad, but I didn't want to push it because Mia looked so upset just mentioning it." I confessed.
"Um, Sevee," Lenore hesitated before continuing, "I know this is going to sound horrible, but you don't think this dead woman you've been dreaming about could be your grandmother, do you?"
No, I never wanted to believe that one, even if the thought had crossed my mind more than once since my talk with Mia. I didn't know what had happened to her mom, and she hadn't said anything about what had happened to her grandmother either now that I thought about it.
All of this sent a chill up my spine. It felt way too possible.
"I don't know." I finally responded, "I don't get any of it. If it does have something to do with her, and if it's her ghost, then why is she coming after me? Why would she show me these things and scare the hell out of me since I was a little kid?"
"There has to be more to it, especially if we're right. If your mom can't talk about it, maybe you should talk to your dad or your grandfather. They might be able to tell you more about what happened to her." Lenore suggested.
"No, I don't think I can do that. I don't want to hurt my mom if it gets back to her that I kept pushing the subject. I feel bad enough about earlier."
Lenore sighed, looking back at the water. I followed her gaze, my mind spinning a little. The more I thought about it, the more I was sure this had something to do with Mia's mother. What the hell was it? What had really happened back then?
"You know Sevee," Lenore suddenly spoke up, "if you don't want to hurt your mom by asking anyone else, then maybe you could look into it yourself."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you could try to find the information on your own. You said that you saw pictures in that house, and the one of your mom as a little girl and that woman were clear to you. There's a chance that your mom may have those pictures stored away somewhere. She also told you that her mom died in some terrible way, so there could be something about it in the news somewhere, like an article from the paper or something like that. Do you know your grandmother's name?" Lenore continued.
"No. I didn't ask. But she was married to Michael, so she probably still had the Renaldi name as her last name."
"It could be a start."
She made good points, but I wasn't that convinced that I could find anything.
"You're probably right that there could be information about what happened to her out there, but she didn't live up here. As far as I know, she stayed in Miami even after Mia moved in with Michael." I reminded her.
"That's true, but there's a chance that you could find something on the internet. But I'd start by looking for those pictures. If you can or can't find them, then that might confirm whether or not your dreams are real." Lenore reasoned.
She was right. I did have a lot more resources at my disposal than I was thinking about, and our family name didn't seem that common. Even if I didn't know her first name, I might still be able to track the information down, and starting with finding those pictures might be the best place.
"It's worth a shot. If I can get some answers with this, maybe I can stop those dreams." I affirmed.
Lenore snuggled against me again, "I hope so. You shouldn't have to suffer like this."
I wrapped my arms around her, taking in her beautiful form as I ran my ringers through the back of her long white hair. My father's words about Astartes ran through my mind as I did. She was a forbidden creature, created from someone who had committed suicide, and her creator had been a Fox.
"Hey Lenore."
"Hmm?"
"Do you remember your past, before you were an Astarte?"
She remained still against me, "I remember pieces of it. Why ask?"
"Just curious. That's all."
In the end, I couldn't ask her to tell me anymore about her past. I didn't want to mess anything up in this beautiful relationship we now had.
But also, there was a piece of me that didn't want to know that original painful end that she'd suffered. I wanted her to be happy how she was now, and with me.
I closed my eyes, leaning my head on hers and relaxing. This did feel nice. At least I could forget some of my troubles while I was here.
"Fox..."
My peaceful moment was shattered as I heard that whisper. I immediately sat up, whipping my head around to find where it had come from. The woods remained still, and the feeling in the air had returned to normal. But I was sure that I'd felt her there, at least for a few seconds.
"Sevee? What is it?" I heard Lenore ask me.
She looked alarmed as she held onto me, also looking around us frantically.
I did my best to pull myself together. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her. She'd already been nervous about Manake showing up, even if he was just visiting with my family.
"It's nothing." I assured her. I stood and helped her up with me, "Let's go back to the house. No sense in taking chances out here."
It was obvious that she didn't believe me, but she let it go.
"Sure. Let's head back now."
I knew I couldn't stay out there. Not when I was so sure of what I'd heard and felt. Getting back to that house was at least enough to make me feel a little more secure. We were inside, away from anything that could be watching us.
Lenore moved closer to me as we got up to her room, laying her hands against my chest.
"Are you sure you're okay Sevee?" she asked again.
"I'm fine." I promised her, "I just need to stop thinking so much about all of that. I'm freaking myself out with it now."
Lenore leaned up and kissed me, giving me a seductive smile as she pulled back a little.
"I know a way to help to help you stop thinking about it." she whispered suggestively.
Who was I to turn her down? I'd been wanting to experience being with her again since the night before.
"You know I'm more than game for that." I whispered back, kissing her again.
It had already become so natural for me to make love to her, not to mention getting lost in it turned off everything that burdened my mind. All I focused on were the pleasant and lustful sensations that ran through every fiber of my being. Even if it sounded sacrilegious with half my heritage, the whole act felt like being in heaven for that time.
Lying with her afterwards, I watched her drift off to sleep against me and relaxed. But even though my body felt satisfied, my mind was quickly returning to what had happened earlier.
That voice and presence had felt way too real out there. I'd never experienced anything like that before, say for when I'd woken up the night before after that nightmare. But I'd pegged that one to still being half asleep.
I huffed a little, frowning to myself. No way any of that was real, I was telling myself. I was freaking myself out with all of it, just like I'd told Lenore.
But even as I tried to convince myself of that, I kept thinking about what Mia had told me about my grandmother and what I'd seen in that house I kept dreaming about. I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd found at least a part of the answer to what was happening to me. It had to be connected to her. Whatever had happened to her was somehow now affecting me.
A yawn escaped me, and I held Lenore a little tighter as I closed my eyes. Just a little more time with her. I could enjoy that, then head home.
Of course, there's that old saying that when it rains, it pours. I was about to experience that when I next woke up. Although I didn't end up dreaming, I realized that the sun was starting to come up as I opened my eyes, the gentle light poking through the shadows of the trees near the windows.
I immediately jumped out of the bed, cursing loudly. I'd been there way too long, and now I more than likely was going to get caught where I'd snuck out.
Lenore didn't try to stop me, only calling out to me to be careful as I transformed and raced into the woods. I was mentally cursing at myself the entire time.
How could I have been so careless?! Now they might definitely catch me out there!
I had made it to about ten feet from our house when a shape stepped out from the surrounding trees. I stopped two feet from it, immediately recognizing the silver fox who was now glaring at me.
Damn it, it was my dad.
Silence passed between us for a few long minutes. I didn't dare move, feeling both guilt and anger at myself for all of this. He'd caught me red handed out there, and now he was extremely pissed with me.
"Honestly Sevee." he finally spoke, keeping his voice even, "You really thought I wouldn't catch on to you sneaking out?"
"I was hoping not." I responded quietly.
I didn't know what else to say. Even though I'd gotten into trouble off and on for years, I'd never done anything like this. Sean had always been able to trust me about staying in at night and telling him when I wanted to roam as a Fox. Doing this behind his back was like betraying him.
Sean moved to a foot in front of me, looking at me squarely.
"You already know what you've done here. We were worried sick when we woke up and realized that you were gone. Your sister also told us about you sneaking out and coming home at five in the morning yesterday too. Whatever you're up to, it ends now. You're not going to continue sneaking away from us." he continued.
"I wasn't trying to scare you or Mom. I just wanted time to myself." I countered.
"Don't argue with me! I'm tired of always dealing with your rebellious attitude, and I'm putting my foot down this time! You're not sneaking away anymore, and I'm going to make sure of it! Now get in the house right now!" Sean ordered.
I wanted to argue with him so badly, but knew better than to do it. I'd never seen him so angry before, and I didn't want us to end up doing or saying things we might regret later. For now, I had no choice but to concede and hope everything blew over quickly. I wouldn't be able to get back to Lenore until it did. I was sure of that.
Yet as I began to follow him, that familiar sense of darkness prickled up my spine again. I stopped, turning to look behind me, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.
"Let's go Sevee!" I heard my dad growl.
I sighed inwardly, forcing myself to follow him. No sense in overthinking it. Right now, I had a lot more pressing problems to deal with.