"You cannot do that to yourself, kid. Do not overdo it, okay?" Hov exclaimed, his voice filled with a seriousness that cut through the fog of exhaustion and frustration I was feeling. He locked his gaze on me, a sharp, protective look that felt almost like a father's, reminding me that someone cared, that I wasn't completely alone in this fight.
"Okay. I promise I'll try. Anything else?" I responded, my voice quieter than I intended, but the mix of frustration, exhaustion, and an overwhelming sense of helplessness was a weight I couldn't shake. My head was still spinning from everything, but I didn't want to let it show.
"Keep training," Hov said, his tone resolute. "Train every day if you can. It'll help your body get stronger. It's not going to be easy, but you have to do it. Let's try to make the most of these next two years. Let's live them as best as we can, alright?" His words were comforting in a way that made the weight in my chest ease just a little. There was still hope for the future, a sense of direction I could hold onto, one where I could fight back and regain some control over my own life. The relief that washed over me felt almost physical.
"Deal. So, how are the trials going? Have you heard anything about them?" I asked, needing something to distract me from my own self-imposed limitations, something that wasn't about my own pain, something I could focus on, something else that wasn't me.
"I didn't see much of the trials because I was assigned full-time to take care of you," Hov explained. His voice was calm and reassuring, and I appreciated that. "But I heard bits and pieces. The girls have been running around with a packed schedule. It's full of vocal training, modeling lessons, cooking classes, intelligence tests, sewing training, health care courses... all sorts of things like that."
"Boring," I muttered under my breath.
My fingers fidgeting with the blanket as I traced the edge of the fabric with absent-minded precision. My thoughts wandered back to my younger days.
"You know, Hov, when I was younger, Avy and I used to imagine what the Crown Prince Trials would be like. We would sit there and daydream about it for hours. She'd be surrounded by all these noble boys from across the Kingdom, all of them vying for her attention. She would have to keep them all at arm's length while navigating the politics and, of course, the constant scrutiny. It sounded like a nightmare, but it also seemed like a world of possibilities. She used to get so excited about it..." I paused for a moment, swallowing hard, the sharp ache in my chest making it hard to breathe.
"...Until she wasn't excited anymore," I finished softly, the bitterness in my laugh sharp and cruel. "At first, she was all hope and energy, thinking about how she'd handle it all, but then it all turned into a Crown Princess Trials, and now the spotlight is on Daisuke. It's all about him now. Everything's changed. I can't even wrap my head around it. How did everything go so wrong?"
"It must be hard for you," Hov said quietly, his eyes reflecting sympathy and understanding. His gaze softened as he watched me, and for a moment, it felt like he could see all the parts of me I was desperately trying to hide. The ache in my chest was raw, and I could feel the weight of everything pressing down on me, but his presence was a small comfort.
"Kind of. Yeah," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I wiped my eyes quickly, willing myself to keep it together, though the tears were threatening to spill. "I miss her more than I ever thought I would. She was supposed to be the next Queen, Hov. Not Daisuke. Not her brother. It was supposed to be her. She was supposed to lead, not him. I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to it. How am I supposed to get used to him being the one in charge?" My voice cracked, and I bit down on my lower lip to stop it from trembling.
The emotional walls I'd been carefully trying to build were threatening to come crashing down, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to let everything fall apart.
Hov squeezed my hands gently, his touch a steady anchor. He didn't need to say much. The simple gesture alone spoke volumes, and I felt a wave of emotion hit me so hard I had to fight to keep my composure. "I'm here, kid. I'm here for you," he said softly, his voice warm and steady, the kind of support that felt like a lifeline. That almost broke me. It was the kind of fatherly warmth I wished I could have felt from my own father, but that hadn't been the reality I was dealt.
"I wish my father was like you, Hov," I said, the words slipping out before I could stop them. There was no stopping the flood of truth in that moment, and I didn't want to. His presence, his patience, his understanding—all of it felt like something I never got to experience in my own life. And now, I was desperate for it.
Hov smiled at me, a sad yet genuine smile, and for a moment, I saw something I wasn't expecting: a sense of loss. "And I wish I had a daughter like you, Thya," he said, his words tender and filled with care. The weight of it hit me like a soft punch to the chest, and I felt the urge to cry again, but I held it back, because I wasn't sure I had the energy to do that just yet.
He got up and gently helped me sit up. "You need to start reacting now, kid. We can't let ourselves keep sinking back into the past. Don't let this defeat you," he said, helping me carefully as I steadied myself. "Be careful where you lay down. The scar on the back of your head will be there for a while, but don't worry, your hair will cover it. It'll be alright. But don't let anything hit that scar, alright? It's still fresh, and we don't want it to open again."
"Right," I said, the firmness in my voice returning as I nodded. I was determined to do what he said, to follow his advice, to take care of myself. "My legs feel numb, though," I admitted, leaning on him for support as I struggled to stand.
"That's normal," Hov said, reassuring me. "You've been lying down for a month. Your body's just trying to catch up with everything. But don't worry, you're strong. You'll be fine. You can get back to your training today, but take it easy. Don't push yourself too hard, alright?"
"I'm doing that right away," I said, a new sense of determination in my voice. I wasn't going to let anything keep me down. "I hate the feeling of lying in bed all day. It makes me feel like I'm just wasting away, like I'm a corpse or something." I chuckled darkly, trying to lighten the moment. My humor was darker than it used to be, but it was one of the few ways I could cope.
Hov laughed at that, the sound of it rich and genuine. "Gods above... You really do have a different view of the world, don't you?" he said, his amusement laced with affection.
"Kind of, yeah," I replied, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. "Avy used to say I had a morbid sense of humor. I guess she wasn't wrong."
"Oh, I can definitely see why now!" Hov mocked, teasing me in the way only he could. His laughter was infectious, and for a moment, the heaviness in the room lifted. I didn't feel so alone in my darkness anymore.
"Do you feel better now?" Hov asked gently, his tone softening as he looked at me, his concern still evident.
"Thanks to you, yes," I replied, my voice warmer than before. His presence had a way of making everything feel less bleak. "You know, my dad should have taken lessons from you on how to be a father. He could have learned a lot from you."
Hov chuckled, shaking his head as he stood up. His smile was tinged with a quiet sadness. "And you? You should have been born into a family that was better than yours," he said, his words more than just a passing comment—they were a reflection of everything I had lost, everything I had been denied. He gave me one last look, a mixture of sympathy and care, before he left me alone for a while to reflect on everything he had said.
I sat in the silence after he left, his words echoing in my mind. I had so much to think about, so much to process, but for the first time in a long while, I felt like I could face it. I wasn't entirely alone anymore.