"I can understand if you keep things from the kids. But why hide this from me? Am I untrustworthy? Or am I nobody in your eyes?"
Xin Ruo stormed into Ikasa's room as soon as they returned to the Mansion. All her life, she had been sheltered by Feng Yan. She had just breathed in some fresh air when another man she thought was important to her was sheltering her.
Their protection was a gilded cage. Xin Ruo was like a cuckoo bird kept safe from the world in this cage. It was made out of love and intended to protect her, but it was a cage nonetheless.
When she did not receive any answer, she looked at him with eyes filled with hope, begging him to answer her.
"We didn't tell you so you wouldn't worry needlessly," Ikasa answered under her relentless gaze.
This was the answer she had expected from him. Though it was not the one she wanted to hear.
She looked into his eyes and verbalized her expectations of him. Her clear earnest voice tried to make him understand her side.
"I don't need you to protect me. I want you to tell me when you need help. Share your problem so that I can be of help to you. You should just treat me like you would treat any other employee."
She saw him puzzle over why she was being so adamant. His eyes were looking at her but also looking at a different person altogether.
'He seems to be reminiscing about someone important to him.' She realized.
After a few seconds, Xin Ruo saw him close his eyes and sigh deeply. She looked expectantly at him, waiting for his decision.
Ikasa finally opened his mouth to speak. But what he said was not what she wanted to hear.
"Xin Ruo, I promise to give you more information. But you cannot do anything like what you did today. I am not your father. I will not accept your overstepping of the boundaries."
'What?'
She turned red with rage. Emotions she had been suppressing since this afternoon burst out like a volcano.
"Overstepped my boundaries? Is questioning you overstepping the boundaries? Is knowing how much thought you have given this sudden shift... Excessive?"
Her voice, filled with anguish, turned louder with every question. After expending her energy, she leaned on the wall and slid down until her bottom rested on the floor.
She pulled her knees close to her chest. A tear rolled down her cheek. It took her some time to gather courage, but she finally gazed up and met his eyes. Her voice choked up as she spoke.
"I hope you see my point of view, Ikasa. I felt helpless when the people from Li Family attacked. When I fought a trained assassin three stages higher than me, I didn't know if I would see any of you again."
After a brief pause, she decided to share the reason for her adamance.
"My father kept me in the dark as well and pulled all sorts of dangerous stunts."
She glared at him with accusing eyes and said, "You did the same today. What was worse is that he knew about it, but I didn't."
After taking a long, labored breath to suppress her sob, she found the strength in herself to continue. Her helplessness clear on her face, she tried to explain why she needed to know.
"If I knew about your plan, I could prepare myself. Find ways to help reduce risk. This would be my way of not feeling like a useless burden."
In the end, she had bared her heart to Ikasa.
Realizing this, she buried her head between her knees. Xin Ruo did not want to see what kind of expression he made upon seeing her vulnerability.
After she had vented her grievance, a few seconds passed in silence. Xin Ruo felt warmth of his arms wrap around her shoulders. Her heartbeat quickened at his touch.
"I am sorry you had to go through this ordeal. I will not lie and say this won't happen again. All I can say is we will be better prepared."
After apologizing and reassuring her, he addressed another point of her argument.
"You took down a trained fighter three stages higher than you. You were brave and wise. If this is what a useless burden is like, I want more of such burdens on my team."
A slight snort escaped her nose, but she smiled at the joke.
After giving a quick rub on her back, the hand retracted. She missed the warmth but knew this was not appropriate.
"As for overstepping boundaries, I encourage you to ask me your queries. Question my decisions. But it needs to happen when we are alone."
His soothing voice now had a sharp edge to it. Xin Ruo knew she was in the wrong and deserved this upcoming chastisement.
"When you interrogated me today, it was not because you wanted to know; it was because you wanted to embarrass me. Did you really believe I do things without thinking?"
She squeaked in embarrassment. Her meek voice was so low that Ikasa had to lean over to hear her reply.
"No. But you took a decision and involved my father, but not me. Before my father arrived, you used to tell me everything. Yet, you excluded me from such an important decision. So, I was jealous and angry. I am sorry."
He laughed at her answer.
"As I said earlier, we just wanted to protect you." He said, caressing her hair.
"And as you said earlier, you are not my father. So, you don't need to protect me." She lightly swatted away his hand that was caressing her hair.
"What does being a father have to do with it? I wanted to look after you, so I did." Ikasa said as if expressing a matter of fact.
"Then you will repeat what you did today again in the future. I don't need you to safeguard me from the information!" Xin Ruo grew agitated at his nonchalance and refuted his argument.
"No, I won't. Even though I feel obligated to guard you, to keep from you the things that might worry you, I respect your choice more."
"Thank You." She whispered, a sense of relief washing over her.
They both sat in silence, occasionally peeking at each other and avoiding eye contact when caught. Both had something to say but didn't know how to articulate the feelings in their hearts.
At one point, their eyes met, and this time, they continued to look into each other's eyes. Xin Ruo took in his intense greyish eyes. Without realizing, she was leaning toward him.
She could see the flame, reflected in his eyes, grow bigger and bigger, and their lips almost touched.
Knock! Knock!
The silent trance they were in was broken by the knock on the door.
Ikasa didn't get up. Instead, he shouted from where he sat, annoyance clear in his voice.
"Who is it?"
"It's me, Feng Yan. I have brought Yin Ying."
Hearing it was Yin Ying, he was confused.
"Why would she be here?" He mumbled as he got up to open the door.
Xin Ruo suddenly palmed her forehead, drawing Ikasa's attention.
"Now, what did you do?" He asked in an exasperated tone.
"I forgot to tell you about one piece of news."
"What is it?"
"I subverted Yin Ying and most of her men to our side."
Ikasa's eyes widened with joy. He excitedly held her shoulders and pecked her on the cheek.
"You are awesome, Xin Ruo! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
She blushed crimson from the sudden intimate gesture. Her brain went blank unable to process what had happened. So, when she heard his question, she blurted the first words that came to her mind.
"I just wanted to give you a taste of your medicine."
Realizing what she had said, she bit her lower lip. Before Ikasa could start scolding her, she escaped from the other door of the room.
Ikasa shook his head, half in amusement and half in exasperation. And then he opened the door for Feng Yan.