Cherry felt oddly down as she went out that night and even dancing couldn't cheer her up. It didn't help that she didn't manage to score anything and went home emptyhanded.
What was wrong with her? She continued to feel off the next several days and decided she needed to do something to perk herself up. She was going to take a break from the club scene for a night and go to a show.
Shows always made her feel better. Everything about them reminded her of her best memories. The orchestra, the singing, the costumes, the dancing, the sets. She never felt closer to her granny than she did when she was sitting close enough to the stage to see the actors the same way she had back when they were performing dress rehearsals and she got to watch as her granny rushed around fixing costumes.
Cherry enjoyed herself but the high didn't last long. She was down again the next day.
What was going on with her? She couldn't possibly be lonely, could she? Was this just because she hadn't seen Scott in over a week because she had been avoiding him?
It couldn't be. She hadn't missed anyone in years. She had long accepted the fact that she was destined to go through this world alone.
Getting more involved with him was a terrible idea. She knew that. She couldn't give anything about herself away that he might be able to use against her. She had been causing trouble at his club; he had to resent her for that.
Cherry went out on the fire escape of her apartment and sat with her arms around her knees, letting the breeze blow through her hair as she looked out over the city. The sun would be going down soon. She really ought to go get ready for the night but she wanted to stay here longer.
She ended up singing "On My Own" from Les Miserables before laughing to herself. She was being so dramatic.
She was no Eponine. And Scott was no Marius.
They weren't even properly friends. She didn't know what they were but it was nothing really. He had helped her out a few times but that was the extent of it.
Maybe she was feeling strange because she wasn't used to being helped and she was coming to depend on it. Or maybe she had liked having someone to talk to about something she liked. She didn't get to do that very often if at all.
Most of the people she talked to were creeps and she had to pretend to be someone else while she did it. Nothing about Cherry Radcliffe shone through any of her other personas. She changed everything from the way she spoke to the way she walked.
Cherry might be upset solely because she felt invisible. She had thought she was used to it but now she stupidly wanted someone to see her as she was despite knowing they wouldn't like what they saw.
She needed to get over this. The stupid feeling would pass soon enough and she would be able to go back to business as usual.
So what if she was invisible? She had more than she ever thought she would after her life went downhill. She had been able to pay off her granny's debts, keep her apartment, and live how she wanted. No one was stopping her.
"Being invisible is a good thing," Cherry said aloud to herself as if that would make it more convincing. "I am anything or anyone I want to be."
She didn't only have nightclub clothes. She had a variety of daytime fashions beyond her Sherry outfits. She could be whoever she wanted in the day too but she usually didn't bother since she didn't want to do multiple makeup looks in a single day. That took so much time and effort!
If Cherry wanted to go on normal dates that didn't involve clubs, she totally could. But they didn't suit her purposes so there wasn't a point.
She could dress her usual self up to look like an adult if she wanted. All it would take was the right clothes and makeup. No padding or wigs would be required. There were plenty of flat women out there and fashion choices that worked around that and gave the illusion of curves.
She tried to change her shape as much as possible for the sake of her exploits so she wouldn't be recognized but occasionally, if she wore super high heels, she could manage with outfits like that sans padding. As long as they weren't looking for someone super short and curveless, she would be fine.
Pulling herself off the fire escape, she went back inside to get ready and decided to go for a look like that tonight. It involved six-inch heels and a spaghetti strap v-neck dress with a gold sequined top and flared black skirt with a tight waistline.
Her smoky eye was simpler than usual and she wore pink lipstick to look more innocent. Her wig was a lilac long bob. The hair would be a lot more noticeable than the body shape this way and it had been a while since she bothered wearing a colored wig. The time had come.
Several people hit on her on the subway on her way to a club called After Midnight and she summarily ignored them. She didn't need compliments when she looked nothing like herself. She didn't need attention from those she couldn't benefit from either. There simply wasn't a point so why bother engaging?
Cherry was an accomplished flirt but never bothered unless it suited her purposes. She had never been on a real date and never been kissed. She was able to get away with getting close enough to snatch wallets without resorting to that.
She didn't see that changing either. Not as long as she continued to live like this.
She had some standards. Flirting with creeps was way different than kissing them to get what she wanted. She wasn't that desperate.