"Wake up, child," a silky-sweet voice called out to Pete.
'Ah, finally somebody rescued me,' Pete thought and opened his eyes. 'The nightmare has ended.'
Blink! Blink!
He had been sitting up already. The boy woke up completely alert. However, the scene that greeted him was bizarre.
Glassy skyscraping walls rose on all sides. They seemed to be miles away from him.
'Err. What kind of room is this?' Pete wondered, scratching his head.
The most unusual element in the space was the person before him.
A young woman, a ravishing beauty, smiled at him. She wore a traditional dress; the peculiar attire had wide cuffs, flowing tails, and a collar like a phoenix's tail. Pete blinked his eyes several times and realized that the woman's clothes were made of plants. Literally, vines and leaves were entwined to weave layers of fabric.
The dress's front was an embroidery of interlocked, sprawling tree branches and tendrils rising to her sleeves. Both male and female flowers grew out of the nodes.
The woman sat on a throne that looked like a goat head. It took Pete several minutes to register how ridiculous the scene was.
"Where am I?" he asked, intending to be rude. However, his voice came out feeble and good-natured. It was as if he had just had a shiatsu massage.
The beauty smiled at him and replied, "WHERE does not matter, dear child. You ARE no more."
"I don't understand." The boy felt annoyed that nobody had offered him a snack yet.
"You died."
Pete was startled and looked down at his body to confirm the news. The boy was completely naked and yet entirely unharmed. He remembered being trampled under the feet of his fellow gamers. 'There is no way I escaped from that without bruises!'
Flab and meat hung from Pete like always. But he felt weightless and had an uncanny clarity of mind.
'Am I drugged? Or is it an elaborate prank to make fun of me?' Pete thought. 'If that is true, my father will hear of this! I will sue these people into oblivion!'
"It is not a prank, dear," the pretty woman observed. At times, the surrounding leaves rustled, giving a glimpse of her naked skin.
Pete gulped. 'Did she just read my thoughts?'
"Can you-" he began.
"Read your thoughts?" the beauty cut him off. "No. Unfortunately, I have no access to the human mind. Neither do I have a tool to bend the human will. You are just a simple kid and thus easy to figure out."
Pete crossed his arms and made a face. "Alight. If I am dead, prove it!" He decided to call the lady's bluff.
She sighed. "Why is your generation so oblivious to the spiritual world, child?" she mused, more to herself than to the boy. "But sure! I will show you some TRICKS."
The beauty snapped her fingers. Tinkle! The skyscraping walls and the rest of the world around Pete cracked like glass shattered by a sonic boom. For a moment, he could see only a blazing firmament of light.
Whoosh! A blanket of aquamarine sky fell above them.
Zip! A yellow sun rushed to settle above him.
"Wha-!" Pete lost his balance and fell over. But he rebounded back as if he were in a bouncy castle.
The boy's mind raced. He went down on his knees and touched the floor. "What!" It was surprisingly fluffy, spongy, and frothy. Things were getting weirder and weirder.
Pete rushed to the floor's end and peeked over the edge. There was no ground below. It was a steep drop to nowhere.
He was up in the skies! Tens of thousands of feet high!
"Wh-what's going on?" the boy stammered.
The woman's smile broadened. "Dearest, you are dead. And now are resting on a cloud with me."
"A cloud? Wh-who are you?"
"Ah, finally, you are asking the right questions. I am Lady Aisling. The goddess of reincarnation. And you are the chosen hero." She raised her chin gracefully, and the vines on her body writhed, revealing more skin.
"Lady-whatever," Pete said, regretting that he missed a glimpse of nudity, "This isn't funny anymore. Please return me to my dad. I will pay you a million dollars. Please! I want to go home!"
"I'm afraid that ship has sailed, child," Aisling said with an adorable frown. "Your body is already buried six feet under. The only thing I can offer right now is reincarnation and a new destiny."
Pete sat back on the spongy cloud and contemplated for a few minutes. Everything Aisling said seemed genuine. No way could anybody create such a realistic prank.
'So, I am to be reincarnated, huh?' he asked himself. 'This is not so bad. Not bad at all. I can finally live a life like video games even though I sucked in every damn game I played. I can be an awesome hero and have a lot of friends and followers. Perhaps I can finally get a girlfriend or even a harem!'
Pete nodded to himself excitedly. Aisling raised an eyebrow.
"Okay!" the boy declared.
"Okay, what?"
"Okay, reincarnate me. Beam me down!"
***
"I'm glad you are being cooperative, child," Aisling said with a smirk. She got off her throne and strolled around on the cloud. Her vegetation clothes shifted, revealing ample parts of her breasts, thighs, and buttocks. Once, the boy could swear he saw something explicit.
"Where am I? Where are we?" Pete posed, not waiting for her to continue.
A flock of birds shot past them. "Well, this is earth," the goddess said with grace. "Not your earth, of course. Your immediate duties begin here but may end somewhere else."
"I don't understand. I have so many questions."
"You will have answers to all your questions in due time, child. In your future adventures, you shall traverse more than one land and live more than one legend."
"You're being too vague."
"That is intentional. Anyway, here's the first decision you must make. Name the first legendary hero whose life you wish to walk into?"
"Wow! A legendary hero?! Wait, let me think… Umm… Can you make me Robin Hood?"
Aisling smiled as if it was the answer she expected. She nodded and rolled her eyes up in their sockets. Her vegetation clothes wriggled and creaked.
The entire scene looked scary and outlandish to the boy.
"Hello?" Pete called to the beauty, but there was no answer. He walked around the cloud, peering over the edge at times. 'What would happen if I jumped?' he wondered.
A long time passed, what felt like half an hour to Pete. Out of patience, he walked over to Aisling's throne.
The boy waved a hand over in front of her. "Are you in some kind of meditation?" he asked impatiently. When there was no response, he picked at a tendril covering her bust.
"Is this dress a live plant?" Pete asked, pulling at the node. Snap! It broke. Thud! Aisling's dress turned into sand and collapsed.
The boy fell backward and bounced up. "Oh shit!" he exclaimed.
Aisling's eyes opened, and she immediately covered her exposed breasts with her arms. "What were you doing to me, you pervert?!" she thundered.
"I- I'm sorry, lady! It was an accident!"
The sand at Aisling's feet formed branches, tendrils, and leaves again, covering her body with a dress.
"You are certainly the worst version of yourself!" she barked at him.
"I'm so sorry! I'm grievously sorry!" Pete apologized on his knees. Deep inside, he was jumping with joy. He had perhaps seen the most exquisite pair of breasts in the universe.
"Fine! I'll let this one slide," Aisling replied with a murderous glare. "You can have Robin Hood to boot."
Pete sighed in relief. He had been scared to death that the goddess would cast him into hell as a punishment.
Aisling spoke a few outlandish words and raised her arm. Puff! A large stone tablet rose from under the cloud. It had strange symbols engraved on it. At the center was a keyhole.
"Just sign this, and we'll be ready to go!"
Pete got to his feet and inspected the object. "What is this?" he asked, trying to read the letters. "THE ROSTER OF LEGENDARY HEROES."
Aisling pouted. "Well, that is self-explanatory. It is just mandatory paperwork. Get on with it. I don't have all the time in the universe."
Pete placed his hands on his hips. "I can't help but suspect a mysterious document," he observed. "It looks so ominous." The boy's knowledge of anime told him to negotiate with the goddess: dot all Is and cross all Ts before giving his consent.
"Who do you think you are?" Aisling barked. "How dare you question the roster in which the most extraordinary destinies of creation are captured?
"Alright!" Pete said submissively. The boy did not want to annoy the goddess further. He had already stripped her without permission, and pushing the envelope would be unwise. "How do I sign it?"
The beauty pointed a finger at him. "Well, there's a key in your hand. You can use it to unlock the roster."
Pete looked at his hand with a raised eyebrow. There was indeed a large key in his fist. "Whoa! How did this get here?"
He raised the key to the tablet, inserted the head, and turned the bow.
Click!
The symbols on the contract glowed electric blue, and the stone tablet dipped back into the cloud.
"Okay? What next?" Pete asked with enthusiasm. The accident with Aisling aside, he was very excited to become a legendary hero.
"Get ready to go through the gate, boy," Aisling instructed with a sneer. She took a seat on her goat head throne and glared at him with loathing.
"What gate?" Pete asked, trying to avoid her eyes.
The goddess waved a hand, and the clouds under his feet parted. An enormous, ancient-looking gate appeared beneath. Its knockers were as giant as trucks. Outlandish engravings adorned the surface, with portrayals of heroes wielding weapons. Pete was captivated by the imagery.
Rumble! "Whoa!" The floor rumbled as the gate began to grind open.
"I almost forgot to tell you something!" Aisling shouted over the doorway's noisy mechanism. "You're a real piece of shit! I believe you are not fit to be the hero we are looking for! I'm going to ensure you don't get very far!"
The boy's eyes widened in panic and confusion. Was the goddess punishing him for his indecency?
"Wait! Let me-"
The colossal gate opened with a reverberating bang, and Pete fell through!