"I—" Her mouth went dry. What did he mean by that, she wanted to ask. But she supposed it was a natural thing to offer when she had been navigating around like a living corpse. She wouldn't overestimate her acting skill, thinking that could still fool everyone in this kind of situation. Goddamnit, exactly how awful she must have looked? "It's okay," she tried to say. "Don't worry about me, Seth. I just need time to digest everything."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Ugh, no. She shook her head firmly.
Sebastian stared her down, his blue eyes so piercing that Shalei felt herself being taken apart piece and piece and seen through for every scar and worse hidden inside. Had anyone ever told him how intense he might be if he just stayed silent like that? If no, it seemed like Shalei ought to be the one to break the news that nope, he wasn't allowed to look at anybody like that lest he wanted to cause a heart attack. That's a goddamn awful crime.
Fortunately, Sebastian averted her eyes after a short while and Shalei let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding. "Well," he offered. "If you need me, just call for me and I will come."
Then, Sebastian started to walk away and for some reason Shalei couldn't comprehend, her heart abruptly jumped to her throat. "Wait!" The word tumbled out before her brain could process it and both of them stilled at the same time. Sebastian turned around and tilted his head in question.
Ugh, this was the worst. What the hell are you thinking about, Shalei? She raked her fingers through her hair, frustrated. "It's… It's silly." She stared at her own feet because it was much easier to speak when she wasn't so self-conscious of Sebastian's gaze. "I want to be alone, but I don't want to be left alone either." Realizing how ridiculous it sounded, Shalei chuckled and shook her head. "What does it mean anyway? It's okay, don't mind me, Seth. You may—"
"Then, is it okay if I am in my other form?"
Shalei slowly, slowly turned to meet his eyes. "...What?"
Sebastian grunted, a perpetual frown on his face. Once again, Shalei was reminded of how taciturn he was when they first met. He had really warmed up to her over the last few days, even though Shalei was certain that he wasn't a man of words to begin with. "In my wolf form, if you are more comfortable with that."
The image of enormous, fluffy white wolf flashed behind her eyelids and she found herself asking, hopeful. "You don't mind…?"
Now that Sebastian had dangled the offer in front of her nose, Shalei found that there was nothing more she wanted than cuddling a soft, fluffy animal. But no, there's no way she could ask Sebastian to do that but… merely touching was enough, right? Sebastian's human presence was too strong and distracting but if he was in his other form, it would be… perfect.
Without a word, Sebastian shifted in the next second, leaving a pile of clothes on the floor which he kicked to the corner of the room. Then the snowy white wolf trudged closer, tails swishing lightly and Shalei had to coo at how adorable he was. Her heart almost melted into a puddle of rainbow goo in an instant and she patted the empty space beside her with an expectant look. "Come here."
Sebastian landed in an elegant jump and to her surprise, laid his head across Shalei's lap with his large body half covering her cold feet. Shalei deliberately wriggled her toes and received an exasperated look in return. Seeing such a humane expression on a wolf was enough to crack her up.
She dissolved into giggles and couldn't help reaching out to pat his head, slowly from his temple to the line of his neck, again and again. It was so soothing that Shalei felt herself smiling, genuinely this time. And if Sebastian minded her scratching him behind the ear, he didn't react.
His eyelids fluttered shut and a soft rumble erupted from deep within his throat.
Shalei's hand stilled. "Seth, you…" She blinked then blinked again, unable to believe the vibration beneath her palm. "Are you purring?"
The wolf froze and he started to shrink away only for Shalei to hold him by reflex. "Noo..." she drawled, laughing. "Don't go. I swear, I am not laughing at you! It's just…" She giggled again, uncontrollably. "Oh dear, my heart can't take it. Who allowed you to be so cute? You fluffy, big plushie." She mushed the beast's face and cooed softly. It was so easy to forget that the wolf was Sebastian because he was too adorable like this!
Seth's ears flicked back and forth and he merely gave a huff.
"Alright, alright I won't tease you anymore." Even though Shalei said that, her naughty hands went to scratch the wolf behind his neck again and this time, she added with a tickle beneath his chin. The wolf almost melted in an instant, eyelids falling into half-lidded gaze and the rumble returned in full force, louder this time and it reminded Shalei of the machine rumble that the construction workers used when they built houses. She felt the exhaustion and stress from the day melted away under the thick and fluffy fur of the wolf. "Does that feel good?" She asked in a soft and gentle voice.
He gave a garbled 'woo', neither moving nor opening his eyes.
Shalei smiled so much that her cheeks started hurting and her eyes turned into crescents. She had no idea how long she spent patting the wolf until she gave a huge yawn.
Sebastian's ears perked up and he pushed his snout into Shalei's palm. "Hmm? No, I am not tired." She wasn't sure if she could sleep and if she did, that meant that Sebastian would leave right? Somehow, the notion of being left alone at times like these sound especially unbearable.
"Awoo~"
Shalei blinked. "You will… stay here?"
In response to her inquiry, Sebastian merely moved to the side of the bed and plopped himself flat on the surface, front paws elegantly crossed under his chin. The movement was so regal and elegant that Shalei couldn't resist squealing inwardly. She bit her cheeks so hard to refrain herself from hugging the wolf to her chest. No, that would be presumptuous of her! This was Sebastian and not any random animal!
Shalei laid down on the bed beside the beast and turned her body to the side so that they were face-to-face. It was funny how calm she was in the presence of wolf-Sebastian, contrary to how nervous and jittery she was with human-Sebastian. Seriously, it was illegal how someone was allowed to be hot and cute at the same time.
"Thank you," she found herself whispering, a wry smile on her face. "I'm just not ready for… everything, I guess. Having you here really helps."
The wolf scooted closer in response, and after receiving no rejection whatsoever from Shalei, scooted closer again… until Shalei's face was buried into the thick fur of his neck. She laughed and almost had a mouthful of fur in her mouth. "Seth, do you really allow me to do this? Once you do, there's no taking back. You won't be able to get rid of me, I swear." She teased in a joking tone, but only she could detect the veiled bitterness hidden beneath.
For her mother, she had always been not enough but for others, she was too much; too arrogant, too nosy, too self-complacent. She always thought that she could do something to others when all she did was to mess things up. She wondered when Sebastian would realize it, would then come to despise her and leave her alone, just like everyone else.
He merely nuzzled its snout against her temple, and Shalei took it as a confirmation.
It was warm. Shalei closed her eyes and heard another set of heartbeats close to her. How comforting. It seemed like she was really weak tonight because she couldn't find it in herself to resist.
She leaned closer until her forehead was snug against the wolf's neck and slowly, slowly let herself relax fully. She could feel the wolf move to curl himself around her and the growing warmth was enough to make tears prickling on her eyes. She blinked it into the beast's fluffy fur.
And if Sebastian noticed anything, he didn't say.