December 2012, Star Town. Japan.
On the same day, she failed to commit suicide. She received an unexpected confession from the person she had always liked.
It should have been the start of her happy love story. But, the events of that day led to her romantic misfortunes and losing what trust and faith she had left in the world.
There exists a story in everybody's hearts.
But it is not easy to tell that story.
'Now shall I tell you a tale? The story of someone who lost something vital as a child.'
A tale of forgiveness, pain, anger, happiness.
This is 'my' story, but this tale can apply to those searching for 'happiness' in this difficult world to breathe in.
…
A pitch-black and grey world, those are the colors she sees whenever she looks up at the sky.
'No matter how much you dislike this world, you can't die. Please don't go to the other side.'
The first time she truly could not take despair, she failed to commit suicide. But she took somebody's life in return for that failure. The pained cries and pleases of her companion fell on deaf ears.
With her own hands, she ended another person's sorrow and failed to end her own.
'I have fallen into darkness, a darkness where nobody can escape.'
Whenever the day started, she would wake up, staring at a blank ceiling and entertaining ideas of death. Today had been no exception; she did not bother going to the next town. But tried to do so in this town, but it did not work again.
'I had to kill him.'
'I had to end his suffering. It has to be me. '
Ah yes, it is the same this time too. She was on her way back after another failure when those people called out to her. At first, she ignored them, she wanted to leave as quickly as possible. But they did not allow her; they taunted and mocked her with such poisonous words.
These people are suffering too; they are suffering living in this world where the strong rule. They are only doing this because they are being ordered to do so. What pitiful souls, it is time for her to end their suffering.
Sumire whipped out a gun from her side pocket. The weight of a gun is heavy; it carries the sins of the thousands of lives she has taken. Today, it is heavier than usual.
Is it because she tried to end her life rather than endure the cruelness of the world?
It only took a few seconds for her, three to be exact- to end the lives of her attackers. There were only five people, but it was enough for their blood to splatter onto her clothing and her face. It was enough to dirty the silver-colored gun in her hands.
The rain is falling again, almost like it wants to wash away the sin she just committed. The blood that belonged to her attackers slowly faded into the drain nearby.
Sumire did not waste a second before she turned and walked away. She did not spare a glance at the bodies to check if any survived. They are dead; there is no doubt.
Her thoughts wandered as she made her way home.
She has already lost count of how many times she has 'failed to commit suicide.'
No matter how many times she tried to die, it would end up the same way.
This world will not let her die.
Even though she went to such a faraway location, they still found her. Somebody still ended up saving her.
'I have tried everything, jumping from a high place despite being afraid of heights. I even went so far as to look for poisonous medical herbs from traditional doctors, and even tried to stab myself with a knife.'
There was the old-fashioned hanging herself, but if she even attempted to purchase a rope, she would be stopped.
The familiar-looking house came into view, and she unlocked the gate. The moment she entered the house, she locked the door and hurried up the stairs.
Sumire tosses the gun onto the bed.
'It did not help how I got ambushed after walking away.'
She should have just allowed them to kill her. But, dying in the hands of such people would be dull. Does she truly want to die if she is so picky about how to die? If she didn't fight back, maybe those people would have beaten her.
Her gaze fell on the gun. Since the knife did not work, maybe a bullet would be faster?
Sumire sighed deeply. She went to a strange-looking oracle and asked for advice regarding this before, and that oracle provided her with some helpful information. 'Have you heard of the law of casualty? That law prevents people from dying before their destined time.'
Her destiny, huh? Is it her destiny to continue living in a difficult world to breathe? A world where she feels suffocated every day, a world where her very existence causes pain for others.
She tried to do some work after getting changed. But, her mood only turned worse. She has to submit a report regarding those attackers and make a phone call.
Where is her phone- she recalled the face of the underground doctor who saved her yet again.
'I should charge it before he nags.' But even the strength to do that was beyond her.
During rainy days she feels the most restless. Sumire left her desk and slumped onto her bed. She placed her hand over her eyes.
'Another failed performance.' The events from earlier remained fixed on her mind. During the rehearsal for her first TV program, she broke down when she stepped onto the stage.
'Why am I like this? Even though I love to sing, why is it every time I get on stage, I end up with such a bad stage fright?'
Her breathing becomes unsteady, her vision turns blurry, and her heartbeat rapidly. It was so stupid when she collapsed like that, but she saw the look on people's faces before she did.
Those people genuinely seemed worried for her. Only a year has passed since she decided to switch companies. The procedure took longer than she wanted, but she finally managed to leave that hell. Unfortunately, even with her change in environment, she still continued to get mental breakdowns.
The moment she steps onto the stage, huh? If this was just simple stage fright, there would be many ways to cure it. But she no longer thought that way. Even though she loves to sing, why does it feel so suffocating standing on stage?
This is no good; at this rate, she cannot stand on the same stage as him.
Her gaze darted towards her calendar. Christmas is coming up soon, but she has no plans again this year. She has no relatives who are alive.
'Maybe I ought to work overtime then.' By work, she does not mean her career as an idol to be but other work.
'A delinquent wants to become an idol?' Ha, if the media got word of her doing work for the underworld, debuting would be impossible. The president of her company knows this, but he has not advised her to stop; he allows her to openly do those jobs.
Sumire extended her hands out towards the ceiling.
'Even with my hands stained in blood. I still want to sing.'
For her, singing is the same as being able to breathe; she will be unable to survive without it.
If singing disappeared from this world, she would also vanish.
Her thoughts broke off when she heard the sound of somebody throwing stones at her window. Huh? She quickly peered out and saw somebody there. Who is- she quickly spotted black hair and bolted up.
Sumire immediately rushed out of her house when she realized who was standing outside in the rain. Despite her rush, she managed to grab an umbrella on the way out.
There standing at the gate of her house, was a man with black hair and chocolate brown eyes wearing a gray overcoat with white fur on the top. Sumire peered at him curiously, realizing that he hadn't seen her yet.
"Yuhi?" Sumire called out.
There was still no response, so Sumire took a few more steps forward. Now that she got a proper look at his face, she finally understood why he hadn't responded. There was a large gash right across his cheek, and his entire face was pale. The expression on his face looked so devoid of life, unlike his usual self.
Sumire immediately tugged on his jacket, and the moment she did, she spotted patches of blood.
"Yuhi- are you hurt?"
It was a stupid question; of course, he is hurt. Due to the rain, it was difficult for her to see the full extent of his wounds.
Yuhi still didn't reply, and she gradually became more concerned. But she did not push him to speak and just waited. She held the umbrella out towards him, shielding him from the rain.
He must have just returned from the mission. Normally they would report back to the leader after a job is done, but it seems Yuhi came here.
She was touched that he came here to see her, but he should have headed to the base first to get his wounds treated.
Sumire suppressed her emotions and grabbed hold of his hand.
"Yuhi, let's go inside shall we?"
He didn't say a word, but his sudden grip on her hand indicated that he heard her.
Sumire hurriedly leads him inside the house. The rain suddenly increased, and she felt the temperature drop even more. She sighed in relief once they were inside the safety of the warm house. However, the moment they got inside, she managed to get a good glimpse of his wounds.
Her eyes widened, horrified at the sight before her.
It was right then when he collapsed into her arms. A deep sigh passed her lips. He truly is hopeless; he should have headed to the base. But with Yuhi's personality, she understood why he came to her first.
This fool, he should learn to get along with others better.
But it is not like she is any better. Sumire managed to get him to the couch and laid him down. She hurriedly went over to a chest of drawers but did not find the medkit. Did she move it? She opened a few more drawers and rummaged around until she found a familiar box.
In this world filled with nothing but darkness and pain, there is a single source of light. A person surrounded by color, seven to be exact.
She did not have synesthesia, but perhaps she was more sensitive to colors due to her being an artist.
Terashima Yuhi was the source of any hope in this world for her. If he, finds out about her attempts. Would he be disappointed? If he leaves her side just like the others, perhaps her remaining attachment to this world will vanish.
Would she truly be able to die then?