Sain gaped he grabbed Neil's shoulders and shook him gently. "You remember?"
"I wish I remembered, but Lia accidentally said that Skylar and I are siblings."
Sain seemed strangely relieved by Neil's narrative. "What's wrong, Rika?"
Sain shook his head and said, "I hope you never remember the past, Neil. I don't want you to get sick again, instead of asking to forget it again."
Neil blinked. "Why? It's just a memory of my children and my childhood."
Sain suddenly lunged at Neil and hugged him very tightly. Sain then whispered, "Please don't. It was so terrible Neil and I don't want you to forget me again."
Neil was stunned to feel something wet hit his neck. "Wait, Riksa? Why are you crying?"
Neil embrace to see Sain more clearly and for the first time, he saw Sain cry. Was the past that bad? And they have known since childhood?
Sain didn't say anything in response. Neil's hand rose to wipe Sain's wet cheek, this time Neil stepped forward and hugged Sain back. Embracing the warm body clinging to him. His palm rubbed Sain's wide back, soothing him. This time maybe Neil wasn't alone and he felt needed.
However, in the end, Neil would come back to face the fact that everything he had was going to leave him. Sooner or later. Neil just needs to get ready.
"Neil, if we finally find a way out. I'll tell my parents about us and take you to them."
Neil bit the inside of his cheek, he couldn't stop himself from grinning at Sain's sudden statement about his parents. Why did Sain say that? Who is Neil to him?
Neil realized something deviant like this would never be accepted especially by Sain's parents. He didn't want Sain's parents to be ashamed.
Things sometimes don't have to be owned for his good, Sain deserves the best. A girl for example.
Let Neil be naive about this. The stage in loving him has reached where Neil wants Sain to be straight, and live his life normally. Not with him who has been bent and can't give Sain a future.
Neil only answered with a faint smile, but the invisible needles managed to pierce his chest. "As long as you're happy."
...and your parents are proud. Being normal, getting married, and having kids.
Neil doesn't mind letting Sain go for someone else's sake. Neil doesn't want to take Sain away from the people who love him because they are not normal.
***
Neil blinked and silently wiped his tears without Sain knowing. He stared blankly at the glass window, in the slow-moving car down the road. His mind seemed to be buzzing with the many things he was thinking, even though he didn't want to.
If they found the cupboard today, then this would be the last time Neil would see Sain. Neil wishes him a good farewell.
"What are you thinking about?" Sain asked suddenly breaking the silence between them since earlier.
Neil shook his head slightly without taking his eyes off him. He sighed and looked at the clumps of clouds that followed quietly.
"Do not lie." Sain pulled the hat attached to his head and ruffled Neil's hair.
Neil took Sain's hand away after he pinched it until Sain's skin surface turned red. "Only unimportant things."
"As?" Sain glanced at him with raised eyebrows.
"You've become normal," Neil said lightly, but it was too hard for him to accept his own words and felt awkward to his ears.
For a moment the car swayed slightly until Neil had to hold on and calm down again. He didn't dare to look at Sain and feel his anger.
"Never bring that up again," he said dryly.
Neil couldn't promise because at any moment he would mention it again. Neil couldn't be selfish about himself nor could he continue toying with his life now or Neil would regret it in the future.
The car pulled by the side of the road, and he could see Michelia's house which was closed there. Sain got down first then walked around, and Neil rushed out before Sain opened the door for him. He is not a woman who should be treated like that.
"This is his house?" asked Sain. Although Neil himself wondered how Sain knew that night, Neil went to Michelia's house.
Neil just nodded and started to enter the yard through the unlocked iron fence. They had been standing at the door and just as Neil was about to ring the bell, the door swung open.
"Neil," she greeted and Michelia's eyes rose to see Sain and immediately greeted him. "Sain."
Michelia closed the door behind her looking like she had prepared to leave. "We have to go fast, my parents here won't let me out of the house."
They ended up getting back in the car with Michelia sitting in the front with Sain and Neil in the back so she could daydream the whole time.
"Sain, long time no see. I didn't expect you to disappear here." Neil knew that Michelia was trying to make small talk. Neil leaned his head back against the back of the chair and sighed heavily, his eyes still glancing out the street looking at the high-rise buildings they passed.
"We have to prove it first before bringing Faiz too, later," Neil finally spoke, he closed his eyes tightly this time. Somehow today felt very hard for Neil to live. He was tired as if walking for miles without stopping.
"Yeah. Let's try the place where Skylar lives with his mother first."
Neil didn't listen to what Michelia said next, because he was suddenly distracted by a stinging pain in his neck right where the mark was coming from. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep a moan from escaping his lips.
The pain was so deep that Neil's hand went up to press his neck firmly hoping the pain would go away.
"Neil? Neil?" He heard Sain calling his name until Neil opened his eyes still feeling the same pain.
"Hmm?"
"What is it?" asked Sain looking worried from behind the wheel. Neil just shook his head, timidly the sound he let out trembled from his lips.
However, the pain persisted but Neil was trying to sit up straight he didn't want them to notice him.
"You are sure?" This time Michelia asked, Neil doesn't like being looked at like this as if he is weak.
Neil locked his lips tightly, he pushed down the hat covering half his face and took the vibrating cell phone in his pocket.
Neil opened the foreign number listed on the screen showing a short message making Neil frown.
'You forgot your mother? Where are you now when I need you?'