Shui felt at a loss. As his words registered, her pulse quickened. Unconsciously, she clutched her purse closer to her chest.
Her lips broke into a nervous chuckle, and her words faltered. "What are you even talking about, Jun? Where does Jin come from?"
"Jin was always there!"
As his patience snapped, so did his voice. Startled, Shui took a few steps back.
"Jin. Was. Always. There!" He enounced. "You love him. He loves you. I am the one getting in the middle of your beautiful love story, isn't it!?"
"Jun, you are mistaken-"
"No, I am not! In fact, I have been blind all this time!" His laughter grew crazier but at the same time, there was a hint of loneliness in it. "You love my brother, that's why you find my presence so sickening. That's why…you lied to me that day. You said you had to stay back with your friends for an assignment, but it wasn't the truth. You were already done with all the work. But you lied because you didn't want to be with me."
She froze.
Her reaction made the pain in his heart strike even harder.
"Since when have you been lying to me, Shui? Or should I ask since when you started liking my brother?"
Shui wanted to retort about this nonsense.
Jin…No. T-there is no way I love him. I-I am dating Jun. Why would I have feelings for Jin?
She tremblingly shook her head in dismissal. But the words of disagreement never escaped her lips.
"You should be happy that I broke up with you. In fact, now is the good time to ask. Did you confess to Jin? Are you two dating already? You should be. There is no roadblock named Liu Jun in your way anymore," he frostily said.
Her thoughts were in a complete disarray. Her feelings for Jin were something she had realized a few years later in the past life. The stage at which she was right now, she indeed unknowingly began to feel an attraction towards Jin, but her emotions weren't clear to her.
It was causing confusion within her because she was dating Jun until he broke up. She loved him, then why was some other man making a place in her heart?
Shui was ignoring this onset of new emotions, but then Jun exposed everything. All of a sudden, she felt as if she was standing naked in front of him. The new feelings that were buried deep inside her were out in the open. She didn't know how to deal with them.
He was making her realize something, but what she felt more dangerous was the fact that she was unable to condemn that he was wrong.
Jun smiled. "You are not able to disagree, right? So you have your answer right there."
A lump formed in her throat. "That's not…" she whispered, "That's not…how it is…"
"Then how is it!?" He exclaimed. "Stop lying already, Han Shui! To me and to yourself too. You love Jin, so go! Hold hands with him, hug him, kiss him or sleep with him! Do whatever the hell you want, but don't ask me for an explanation anymore!"
She broke from her trance of her disbelief. Hearing what Jun just said, anger couldn't help but course through her veins.
Her nails bit into her palms as she spoke through a clenched jaw, "You are…going too far, Jun."
With a wet gaze, she looked up. "Don't talk like I cheated on you."
He let out a dry laugh. "Well choosing someone else over a man who always loved you ever since you stepped into this world…what else do I call it then? And more so with my…own brother! You are asking me for reasons when you already know it so well! Why, Shui? Isn't it already enough that you love my brother that now you want to rub it in my face by acting so clueless!?"
His stinging eyes let out the warm tears they have been holding.
"Reasons," Shui sniffled. "Yes, I am asking you the reasons for our breakup. You are doing nothing but shouting at me as if it's all my fault! But did you really think about your own mistakes? I still don't understand my feelings for Jin. It might be true, and if it is, then did you stop to think why that might be the case!? If I began to like Jin when I was supposed to be your girlfriend, then did you wonder what was wrong on your side instead of only accusing me!?"
He blankly stared at her.
"Where was I wrong, Shui? The only thing I ever did was to love you. Ever since you were born, I have been dreaming of the day when you would be my wife. My loving you was not a mistake!"
"Your love wasn't a mistake, but your suffocation was!" She exclaimed.
He froze.
Shui felt her heart pounding furiously. She was herself stunned by what she just expressed. But then she finally realized what was wrong between Jun and her for a long time.
She laughed as she cried. "Maybe I do like Jin. And maybe it's because he is not controlling like you! Maybe because he gives me space to breathe. Maybe because he doesn't feel he has to cling to my side all the time. With you, it's as if we have to do everything together! Whether it's picking me up, going shopping or parties or dropping continuous text messages, I feel…stifling! It's as if you are watching me all the time, and it makes me uncomfortable!"
Jun felt his ears ring. His heart felt a tight squeeze as if somebody was twisting it.
"...I suffocate you? Me?"
"Yes!"
"If you felt suffocated with me, then I wasn't any happier either! You are talking as if you put up a lot for me? Then what about the times I had to agree to your stupid parties when what I just wanted was only a peaceful time for the two of us? I hate loudness. I hate when there are people around me, and you know that. But you never once respected my desire to spend some time alone. Did you ever make me feel that we were a couple for God's sake?"
Shui stood rooted.
Heat rushed up to his cheeks. "So what am I doing wrong if I want to be with you all the time? Because hey! You spend all the time with others that you are supposed to do with your boyfriend! I am not suffocating, Shui. It's how I love!"
"And that is scary, Jun!" Shui broke down. "Your love is intimidating! At first, I-I felt it was a beautiful fairy tale story. But then your love started to make me feel afraid."
Jun trembled. The warm tears in the chilly air kept falling which he couldn't stop no matter what.
Afraid…The woman I loved felt afraid of me…
She cried in despair. "You are too possessive, and a-as we grew, I felt it was dangerous to be loved by you. I couldn't take it anymore!"