The next day was predictable… and strange.
It was predictable because it was snowy, but the walk to the bus was easier now that I knew what it would be like. Faces were becoming familiar and everyone was not as shocked when I passed them, at least not to the degree they were the day before. Elijah and Liam switched to the rows right before me in all our mutual classes, they also sat with me in the cafeteria, my classmates dragged around more tables and chairs and the class was sitting at one big table now.
A couple of friendly girls finally introduced themselves and we spoke about Portland or the weather, it was extremely healthy to have normal conversations — ones that did not involve me signing anything.
The football team was having its first friendly match training with me since I officially joined them yesterday, it was against another football team that was coming from another school. I looked forward to releasing energy on the court as always. My teammates kept flocking my way, I think I got introduced to them all. Everyone was super excited and looked forward to the match — even if no scores were going to be taken, and no one was going to win or lose.
It was strange because no matter how hard I tried; I still couldn't understand what came over me yesterday when I felt that the girl belonged to me.
If I had to embrace the moment of temporary insanity, I'd admit that it wasn't a feeling. It was a doubled voice that sounded less man and more demon.
It wasn't me.
It was also strange because in one of the classes that I didn't share with the twins, the girl who asked for my autograph was now sitting in the row in front of me, turning and waving every ten minutes or so until I pretended not to notice anymore.
And it was strangest because my eyes kept looking for a certain someone, she was missing in action — while her Ram was dominating the rest of the poor trucks in the parking lot.
All day I was questioning myself, how could I have developed these OCDs when I had only met the girl yesterday? A big part of me wanted to see her again only to prove to myself that she was not what I had remembered her to be, that all the glory around her image was a fraction of my imagination, it simply ran wild yesterday.
While I was counting sheep in my bed again the night before, I imagined I was breaking the arm that prompted her to get in the car, I imagined it several times without consciously initiating it.
I had always felt that it was unfair for others to get scared of me just because I was a very big guy, but yesterday got me thinking that they might not have been completely wrong about it, as it turned out, I might have some tendencies toward violence, those tendencies were just beginning to emerge.
Each class I went to, and each corner my eyes spotted, it was an attempt to locate her. It was almost as if I came to school today only to see the girl; I was losing it. I looked forward to the football training today more than ever just to blow off some of the steam that kept building up inside my body. And when it was time for the match, just when I finally lost all hope to see her today, there she was, sitting in one of the front seats.
I sighed in relief when I only saw that senior girl from yesterday with her, I was still traumatized by yesterday's sight, and I was not very sure how much more I could handle before hitting another man for the first time in my life outside of kickboxing or my father's training.
I haven't touched the gloves in a long time, that part of my life was probably over.
I shook my head twice; I didn't want to think about my father right now. I focused on the smell of grass, the shouts that were coming in slow motion to my ear, and the beating of my own heart, which ran a bit faster ever since I laid eyes on today's little fugitive.
As the quarterback, I had to know the responsibilities of my teammates along with all the other players out there on the field with me by heart. Whether it's blocking assignments from the offense, the routes of different options, and crucial decision reads that had to be made about the tight ends or receivers until reaching defensive techniques or habits, I needed to hold the boys accountable, and they needed to trust me on that.
I knew they already do, their excitement to have me was palpable in the air.
Quarterbacks had to have enough strength in their arm to throw in every way possible or necessary, it was not only about strength, they needed the accuracy to place the ball away from the reach of cornerbacks, last but not least, quarterbacks needed the stamina and physical ability to avoid dominant pass-rushers who were out there mostly for one thing and one thing alone, taking quarterbacks down, hard.
No problem there. It was the one place I was glad other men found me intimidating.
I once stood tall while delivering an accurate dart across the middle of the field when a 6'6", 270-pound man was bearing down on me with a clear path.
I became famous afterward.
It was time to put the thoughts about my deceased parents and the girl that kept confusing me in a drawer in the back of my brain. I needed to focus and intensely become devoted to the mental side of the game I was about to play. A quarterback was the coach on the field. I needed my mental acuity and devotion to the boys around me right now.
In my old high school, anyone who watched me working during the pre-snap communication with the offensive players was able to see the result of great preparation, we were playing seriously together for the first time, but the roles were similar, and with similar roles came similar personalities. I trusted my special ability to process information quickly and calmly.
***
My first game ever with my new teammates went well.
By the time the coach whistled declaring the match was over, more than half the school was watching from the seats, no one had gone home, which was a significant indication of how good everyone played, our audience were teenagers at the end of their school day — They chose to watch us over plugging back into their electronics they hated separating from so much. It meant a lot.
I took off my helmet and laughed with the boys who were shouting and jumping to bump body parts with me, I was trying very hard to postpone looking at the girl, too afraid to see her, and too afraid not to.
Did she watch as I poured my heart in here today? Or was she bored enough to turn her back and go home in her Ram?
Even though I put thoughts of her in a drawer before the beginning of the friendly match, I had to admit that I unintentionally put on a show for her, everything I did well, I was happy to think that she saw me while doing it, and everything I wasn't satisfied with, I felt bad that she had to watch. So when I finally found the courage to swallow the heart that reached my throat at the thought of seeing her sitting where I left her, my eyes searched and found her again...
.
.
.
How I wish they didn't.
The girl that sat next to her was no more, she was replaced by one of the men that I saw her with yesterday, I did not focus enough on them to be able to distinguish who was who, but right now that didn't matter at all. What mattered is that he was pressed to her side, whispering something in her ear, covering her entire neck with his still attached hand that I cut so many times in my head yesterday.
The sudden rage that took over me was one that I was unfamiliar with, I saw red for the first time in my soon-to-be seventeen years of life. I peeled my eyes off his hand but not without difficulty, wanting to see the look on the girl's face, praying to see her repulsed or extremely bored expression, and afraid to see her amused one. When I finally reached her eyes, I saw that she was looking at me, her face stoic, but one second later her lips curved up.
'Jealous much?'
Who the hell said that!
I hit my head and blinked twice at the feminine voice I heard inside of my brain this time, when I looked back at the girl, she had her index finger pressed against her lips, shushing me.
I cursed under my breath.
My arm went above my eyes, wiping the sweat away and clearing the scene that did not make much sense to me, by the time I put down my arm and looked her way again. Her seat was empty, and the guy next to her was staring at me instead, unnaturally light-colored eyes didn't break contact with mine, his arms were folded over his chest, and his head was tilted slightly, causing his dark brown hair that was divided in the middle to lean to the direction of his tilted neck. His expression was calculative. Then he nodded once at me.
Why?
What was happening here?
I was unable to stand still any longer with the boys jumping up and down, trying and failing to push or pull me. My feet started walking aimlessly as I allowed my teammates to drag me around. It was Elijah whose voice I registered right by the time we had reached the locker room.
"Theo! Theo! Theo! My main man! We will never lose another match again ever with you on our side!" He was high and giddy with joy.
"I know right! It was so unfair that the match had to be unscored, we wiped the floor with the other team! I think I saw one of them crying! Haha! Imagine what will happen to them when the time for the real games comes soon!" Liam Johnson answered his twin instead of me. I liked his brother way more, I tolerated this Liam guy less with every passing day.
After showering and changing, it was time to head back home. The twins declared that they will be driving me back every day. It was not much of a disturbance because my house was really on the way to theirs, still, I hated the idea of being indebted to someone else like that, and I also knew deep down inside that there will be days when my toleration quota towards one of the twins would be filled, when that day came, I had to have the option to take the bus, so I needed to manage their expectations before that day came.
While I mused on an appropriate way to decline their offer at least for today, the silhouette of a girl caught my eye, she was standing by the exit to the parking area where we were headed, and my stomach did a couple of flips when I thought it was the girl that shushed me and left a while earlier, but when my brain registered that it wasn't her, the level of my disappointment surprised me.
The discomfort came fast once disappointment cleared the way for it. The same girl who had asked for an autograph the day before and kept glancing at me in class today had ambushed me. Though I signed her name yesterday, no matter how hard I wracked my brains, I couldn't remember that name again. I think I unintentionally suppressed it.
To make things even worse the twins stopped walking and tried to push me forward, they weren't able to, not when I didn't want to, but their cheers and slaps annoyed me so much, that I had to refrain from shouting at them to stop. There was no way around breaking her heart.
I decided it was better now than later.