I am Ladi, I turn 28 this year. I am married and blessed with a beautiful son, my son is too good to be true. one of my undeserving blessings. To be honest I still don't know what I did right to be blessed with the joys of motherhood.
I come from a polygamous home, my father married 2 wives at least the ones I know. Because people say he had married one before my mother. My mum is the youngest wife and I am the first of 3 children of hers while my stepmother the older wive has 5 children 4 boys and a girl. Her 4th child is 8 years older than me, while I'm just a year older than fifth.
Growing up in my household was difficult for every member of the family. Mentality, emotionally, psychologicaly and financially. We had our struggles just like every other family. So much competition amongst our mothers each trying to prove a point. In my family's case my stepmother wanted to prove to my father that he made a mistake marrying another woman and my mother trying to prove she has good intentions. For us the children we were all about proving to my father who the most hardworking, best behaved, brilliant and most intelligent child is and that would prove our mother has been doing a great job at playing her role in raising us.
As for Daddy, he was doing his best at providing for the family. He took responsibility for our school fees which was a must that each child goes to school, and we went to the best public schools. We ate well as he was a farmer. Whenever he sold farm produce he gave our mothers money to shop nice clothes for us. I'd say we were comfortable, he could afford the basic things for his family.
Daddy was well educated, he was a teacher form his early years and later went into politics, in politics/farming he went back to her a degree in political science after which he proceeded for his master in international relations. He wouldn't stop telling us how important it is to go to school. One of the sweetest things about Daddy was making sure I and my 2 sisters got double of everything he gave my brothers and I.
I could go on and on gushing over Daddy. For all my family's imperfections Daddy's sweetness made me particularly love our dramatic family even more.
About my siblings; Goje the first born and the black sheep of the family, Killa the second born the industrious brother, Ibro the the green snake and the most focused in the family, Vivian the only girl of her mother, the prayer warrior and pretentious, Jerry the spoilt and disrespectful last born of all Safiya's children (my stepmother). Now me the book worm, the social butterfly, the pretentious, the most well behaved I'm all personalities my siblings posses I mean I'm also the sweetest it depends on which side you meet first. My immediate younger sister, another black sheep, the neautral person, the street fighter of the family finally the overall youngest and the only son of Maggie the second wife, Sam is the quiet and rude one he's also very silly and spoilt.
Well it's difficult to tell which mother is the best as I wouldn't want to be bias but hey Mama is the best. If mama Ladi doesn't like you she doesn't need to pretend about it. She's blunt and not afraid to express herself. Mama Vivian on the other hand might not like you but still be sweet around you, support and assist you if need be and condemn you when she gets the chance to. I have a special kind of love and respect for my stepmother because she also raised me. I and my sister spent holidays with her sometimes and she'd cook, bath and look after us. My half siblings also came over my mother's place whenever they're on holidays to spend time with us.
The relationship between all my siblings and I were mostly tricky because I feel we were only tolerating each other because we the same surname, for Everytime our mothers got into an argument we are forced to take sides. And it remained that way until they started talking again.
My childhood are my best days
Childhood was fun for me, while I have sad memories the good and fun ones make up for those bad days and tragic events.
so many fun memories like religious camping, school debates, quiz, crafts etc, road trips with Dad, farm days with family, genuine friendships and lots more. I had no favorite TV shows while growing up because we had no TV but everyday we listened to the news and read news papers to help us stay current. Mostly everything we did as children we did together.
I loved how we all ate from the same plate was like a ritual in my family. It was only at that time that nobody fights or argue, we all ate in silence and have healthy conversations after before we retired to bed. Truly this would be the only time I was genuinely happy, no worries, no pressure and no bills to pay.
when Daddy left
my older siblings went to school got jobs and while I and my younger siblings were still in school. And my greatest fear happened, Daddy passed, me own Daddy died, my only cheerleader, my best friend, my father. I couldn't take it, when it happened I was right there. I and my sisters were there when he took his last breath we were watching. It was the most heartbreaking thing we went through as a family. Prior to that moment my stepmother and my Dad had divorced, the cause of the divorce is still unknown to us. 2 weeks to his death my Mother had travelled to her hometown to go take care of my sick grandma.
Daddy had a brief illness that took his life, oh death! I always thought we had more time with Daddy, I always wanted to see him play in our big backyard with his grandchildren. I wanted to see if he'd be soft on them because was always tough on us. A part of me died with Daddy, nothing made sense to me anymore. I tried not to question God as we were told it is wrong, but I needed answers to why such a strong man would die so soon.
I kept wishing it was a dream and I'd wake up to see my Daddy reading his Daily Trust newspaper or listening to Ray power on the radio. We called his family to notify them about his sudden death, they came and immediately we all accompanied his lifeless body back to our hometown where he'd be buried.
The next day Daddy was buried those who came from far and near went back to their destinations, and it was just us.
The real drama began, my mother was frustrated and thrown out of the house and we left with her, my siblings became strangers accusations on who had killed Daddy etc. It was painful, what no one knew was my mother had health issues while Daddy was alive and it got worse after he passed. We suffered in silence and took all the heat from family, neighbors and friends.
I fell into depression, I saw my future in a bottle of liquor and booze. No day passed without me drinking myself to stupor, it got to a point that no matter how much alcohol I consumed I wouldn't get drunk.
My life was a total mess at that time, I needed a purpose, I needed a 'why' life was worth living. Yes I had my mother and siblings but I was closer to Daddy than any other member of the Joseph Sarki's family.
Along came Victor
I met Victor at a bar I always go to get my daily dose of alcohol, he asked someone to call me. I'd guess be didn't have the courage to walk up to me that day or maybe he feared I'd embarrass him. C'mon Victor a bottle of whiskey would have done the trick but he didn't get it. Anyways I walked up to him and we exchanged numbers and we got talking ever since. From what looked like a big joke to me, we got closer and closer and just like that without a formal proposal we got married at a registry and in church, we were blessed with a very sweet boy shortly after.
The birth of Aaron brought me so much comfort, so much peace and it was a closure at least it healed me and for the first time in the 4 years Daddy passed I felt genuine happiness. Yes Vic was sweet and very supportive but he understood the pain I was going through. Grieve would either break or make you. As for me Ladi I have experienced both, nobody ever completely gets over the loss of a loved one we all try to seek solace somewhere or in someone. We are only left with the good memories to hold on to for the rest of our lives.
Even after all these years, I still feel a void and it hurts like it's today.
When Daddy left, I was broken, I am broken and always will be.