Recently, I had found myself joining a group of mass murderers, thieves, scoundrels and trigger-happy pyromaniacs to play a lovely game that could be roughly summed up as basically kindergarten.

At least, that's what it felt like. Half the time we would be chasing after our own members just to make sure they weren't posing a danger to anyone else or themselves. The other half was spent doing the same thing ourselves, and seeing how much danger we could put each other in. Sometimes doing both at the same time.

The reason I agreed to babysit these lunatics was on virtue of a friend who dragged me in by the legs a few weeks back.

'Do you have any friends?' He had asked me, abruptly one day

'Yes' I replied.

'Real friends?' He asked me again, cocking his head.

'Yes' I replied.

'Are you sure?' He asked me again, slowly and articulated.

'Yes' I replied.

He paused. He walked slowly and calmly right up to me, and shoved his head right up to mine.

'ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE LIVING, BREATHING, EATING PEOPLE WHO GO TO THE TOILET LIKE YOU OR ME?' he asked in a hurricane of words, faster than I could keep up.

'Yeah- no.' I replied.

The corners of his lips started to curl, into a smile. A sly smile that wouldn't look out of place on a fox who was eyeing up a hen for dinner. His jittery hands took mine, and shook it like he was the best salesman in the world, and just sold me a deceased driver's second hand car.

He immediately proceeded to hoist me over his shoulder and carried me kicking and screaming all the way to meet his group.

There was only one other person present there to greet me that day, however. Undeterred, he decided a proper introduction was all but required, and so we went round the table to say what each of us were doing.

Being the initiator, he stood up, puffed his chest, and said in a gallant voice, 'Gordon's the name, and I am looking through all these-' He cuts off, as he falls under the table, before coming back up with what can only be described as a massive globule of paper that was faded beige in his arms. 'Scrolls!' he announced. 'Here, have a lo-' He cuts off, as he falls under the table again, not coming back up. Scrolls were sent flying, unfurling as they came floating down, and covering him up like a mummy.

'He must've tripped on one of them.' I suggested, looking round.

The other guy was sipping on his orange juice in the corner, looking bemused. 'I'm Aiden' he said.

'And I'm, uh, drinking orange juice' he said. He dragged his eyes over to me, before they shot back at my friend on the floor, who was groaning in pain.

'Well, I'm Jim, and before I was rudely interrupted, I was looking for my buddy!' I said, as I strode over and offered my friend a hand.

'Oh really, weren't it a stuffed bird toy?' my friend asked, even if he clearly knew already, reaching for my hand.

'His name's Charles, thank you very much.' I said sternly as I pulled him up.

Aiden giggled at us.

'I don't have those anymore, my mom got rid of them.' he said.

'What?' I shouted in disbelief, as I let go of my friend, and looked over to him wide-eyed.

'You're telling me, that all your stuffed toys are gone?'

He nodded.

'Really? all gone?

He nodded.

'Nothing left?'

He nodded.

I felt my legs shaking. I needed to sit down. I strode over to the grand armchair in the other corner, and collapsed onto it. 'Oh come on! Like who else would you hug you when you've just given up! When all you want to do is to curl up in a ball and hide away from the rest of the world! Only they'll listen to all your worries without any judgement at all! They don't argue, and leave you, and, and-'

I stopped.

'Are you, alright?'

I asked Aiden.

He nodded.

However, his eyes were dewy, and he had trouble swallowing down his drink, snorting and sniffling.

'Ah, uh, look, I'll... make up to you' I panicked, rushing to comfort him somehow. 'I'll, uh, next time we meet, I'll get you a stuffed toy, how about it?'

'My favourite one was my plush snake' he said

'Right, right. I'll get you one next time, got it.' I stretched my hand, guided his to mine with the other, and took it in both. 'A big, plush green snake it is then'

We shook. He stopped sniffing, finally. His tiny hand was warm in my cold grasp.

So next time I babysit the group, I'll need to remember to get Aiden a very good friend, one who can give him a nice, big hug.

Actually, how do snakes even do that.