-By Toru-
I once heard someone say:
"If you hadn't been born, my life would have been better."
I wondered if that was true...
I found an answer after a lot of thought and...
It was then that I made a very stupid decision.
...
...
I realised much later that it was the worst thing I could have done in my life.
But I could no longer change that fact.
I couldn't change anything...
...
And yet, after so many painful experiences, I decided to live.
No matter if the world is against me, I will live even if I hurt others.
As long as I win. As long as everything goes my way...
Haa... it sounds like I'm a villain...
However...
Does it matter? If I have to, I'll be the worst there is. Then I'll smile happily next to the people I care about the most.
If I have to kill, I will kill, if I have to destroy, I will destroy.
I just have to keep moving forward without stopping...
-Einzbern Castle, Iskandar's Reality Marble-
He stared at the blade of the sword with his empty eyes. The blood was still pouring down his body, spreading over the hot sand of this mysterious desert. Even the sunlight was too strong for a place created from someone's imagination.
Toru already knew it from the beginning, but this Noble Phantasm is incredible...
'Oh... my eyes... everything looks blurry...'
How when he was still alive in the Shinobi World, it was only a matter of time before his death would be a fact.
Alexander looked at the boy and, even though he was going to kill him, he took pity on him. He knew that Assassin is in agony from his earlier battle with the soldiers.
'I'm surprised he didn't die earlier.'
He possesses undeniable resilience. One more thing about this boy that this man respects.
And, to hold him in even greater respect, he decided to ask one final question before releasing the Assassin from his suffering.
"What is your name?"
...
At the same time, Artoria's eyes widened at Alexander's question.
A name...
People need names. Names are important and more so for the so-called Heroic Spirits.
The name begins the legend that transcends time in the world, like a tale that sticks in people's minds.
A name remembered for centuries to come. Just like Arthur Pendragon, Alexander the Great III and Gilgamesh.
Her beautiful emerald eyes lit up when she saw the Assassin smile for the first time.
That smile...
She remembered her life before she pulled the sword from the rock. A life where she could smile just like this boy on his deathbed.
'Now that was a life'
She said to herself, but still in her mind were the ideals that she follows faithfully without deviation.
It was difficult to change her mentality, but... What was she to do...?
It was then that a sudden answer came to her mind.
With Assassin's words...
"Many looked upon me in my death..."
His name...
"All knew me..."
The name that woman gave him.
"Wrapped in the flames of my emotions..."
How was he known in that place?
Yes, they all knew them. Yes, everyone looked at them...
And that was something that became all too familiar to Artoria. That everyone knows her. That everyone would look at her...
The name of the boy who, like her, sacrificed himself for what he wanted to protect.
"Asahi Toru..."
...
At that, Alexander nodded his head. His gaze was cold, but he held respect for this boy.
"I would have liked you to be part of my army. At ease, boy."
...
Slash... the sword moved cutting through the wind.
Artoria tried to tell Alexander to stop, but it was too late. The man slit the boy's throat.
Toru looked at the sun as he fell backwards.
The light was too strong.
It hurt too much...
But his wish...
'Rin-san... Sakura... Aoi-sama...'
...
...
'Okaa-sama...' ...
...
...
A couple of tears crumbled down his face until they fell onto the sand. Blood splattered from his neck and he slowly closed his eyes.
...
"Asahi Toru..."
With Toru bleeding out on the ground, Artoria called out the name of the boy she had just finally met.
Toru... as in "transparent" in Japanese.
He finally lived up to his name.
And what was horrible for this girl was that she understood the meaning behind Toru's name. In the end, he turned out not to be a liar as she thought, but still, he as Toru fought desperately to fulfil his wish, caring nothing more about himself...
She lowered her gaze.
'That's not how someone should die...'
Toru's corpse looked up at the sky, as slowly the desert space began to fade away like fog in the night.
Toru's body then began to crack, as if it was turning to stone, to slowly crumble like sand, fading away along with the wind that accompanied the humid night.
Artoria watched this in silence.
Everything she knew of Assassin stuck in her mind, but the person in question vanished in front of her eyes.
A deep silence, after the desert space disappeared, filled the scene completely.
Waver looked at the ground, where Assassin was supposed to be. Irisviel also did the same, only she had a faint look of concern for Saber, for looking at her face, she could see the disappointment on that girl's face.
She wasn't disappointed in Toru or herself, but rather she was disappointed by the situation itself. Something like that was not fair... ironically... There was no justice in that moment.
Clap, clap, clap. With applause, a show of this calibre really entertained Gilgamesh. He had a satisfied expression on his face. He looked at everyone with a slight smile because it seemed that only he realised that this "show" was quite good and well put together.
"I expected nothing less from such an interesting jester."
Said the golden man. Alexander sighed. He didn't find it amusing.
"That was depressing..."
He put the sword away with regret. After that, he turned around to take a drink from the wine barrel, but....
'Hmm...?'
The barrel wasn't there.
'Did my Noble Phantasm take it?'
He didn't really care that much. So he ignored that and went back to wearing the clothes he had before.
"Well, I guess we can end the feast here."
Artoria clenched her fists tightly. Everything Alexander said earlier, along with everything she saw about Asahi Toru, left her overly pensive.
"Iskandar, wait. I-"
"Be quiet, child."
The man's words were rather cold and cutting.
"Tonight's feast was between kings. However, Saber, I no longer consider you a king."
Recalling the Servant who just died, he continued.
"Even Asahi Toru is more worthy of being a king than you. So let's consider that you weren't here and he was."
"What...?"
This was unheard of. Artoria opened her eyes. Again she realized things.
Compared to her, Toru did follow his own wishes, besides mentioning something about returning together with other people.
Alexander simply shut this girl's mouth and she could no longer object.
"Let's go, boy."
He said. Waver nodded and quickly and fearfully climbed into the war chariot that suddenly appeared enveloped in the glow of the mighty lightning.
"Listen, child. You should wake up from that silly dream you're stuck in before you sink deeper into the hell you've created for yourself."
With this last, Alexander left beside Waver, flying high into the sky, disappearing into the clouds.
'Everything went better than I expected. Did you have fun fooling everyone, Assassin?'
Gilgamesh smiled. The sight still shocked him. In fact, he felt a little excited about the denouement of the Assassin Act.
After calming his excitement, he looked at Artoria, the beautiful girl with a foolish desire that will only plunge her into despair. In his eyes, somehow, Artoria had become a very attractive woman. Just the thought of how she would fail on her way to the salvation of her nation ignited the flames of passion in his selfish heart.
So, putting aside his arrogance, he decided to woo the girl with kind words.
"Hm... it's better if you don't listen to him, Saber."
He stood up and put away the wine and chalices used before. Then he continued.
"Continue with your dream. Do what your heart desires, because I quite liked that part of you. So you must not feel bad."
"... ¿?"
Artoria obviously looked up confused by Gilgamesh's words. She had just been humiliated by Alexander in front of Irisviel and the late Assassin, and now this jerk was coming with such words of encouragement.
"Who knows? Next time we meet, in exchange for making you mine, I might give you the Holy Grail. It's up to you alone to decide."
"You... you fucking bastard..."
Such words were not to Artoria's liking, who simply decided that she had not heard anything that this smug fellow had said to her.
However, Gilgamesh decided to insist.
"It's obvious that we'll see each other another time. The show Assassin gave us could be considered our first night together."
...
...
"If you're only going to stay to say stupid things, then you should be prepared to die."
"Easy. A smile would do your pretty face good instead of such a stiff and serious expression. Anyway, see you, Saber."
The man conspicuously faded into the shadows, wrapped in flashing golden particles.
When the golden-armored man left, a crushing silence enveloped Castle Einzbern. Besides, there was no one there anymore besides her and Irisviel.
...
After everything that happened at this banquet, with the memory of the Assassin's blood spilling onto the sand, Artoria suddenly felt tired. She fell to her knees, closing her eyes tightly, and slammed her fist into the ground, breaking it in the process.
Irisviel looked at her silently.
'I want to live'
Assassin's wish.
And yet, Alexander killed Toru mercilessly. There was no way that boy's wish would be fulfilled. That was not fair...
The denouement of this banquet was heavy and depressing.
"I remembered something from long ago..."
And with the boy's death, a memory rose from deep within Artoria's memories.
Irisviel moved closer, sitting down beside Artoria to listen to her in silence.
"At the time it was something I took no notice of, but now I remembered that as clear as day. That knight, before he defected, said to me, 'King Arthur does not understand the feelings of others'"
She didn't understand that until today, but this too was ironic, for in order to understand the words of that knight, she had to understand the feelings of the Assassin who fought to live.
"Assassin somehow felt desperate. He wanted to live with great passion. Even without being able to read his mind, I could know, I could feel what he felt. And through that, I could feel how that gentleman felt at that time."
It was all her mistake, and though she wants to remedy it, she began to doubt whether her wish is the right thing to do, to finally think of the lonely, sad Assassin, who died trying to move forward, not getting caught up in his regrets of the past.
Artoria touched her forehead to the ground as she tried to find an answer, but everything became so confusing.
"I... I don't know what to think, Irisviel... I'm so confused right now. I... I don't know what to do...,"
Irisviel looked at the kunai stuck in the ground. It hadn't vanished, which was rather strange, but she still thought about Assassin before answering this girl.
"Assassin was someone strange."
"¿...?"
"I mean the moment Assassin cried in front of Rider. Somehow he looked like a scared and sad child, but then he stood up with the look of a determined man. At that moment I thought he looked a lot like you."
She put her hand on Saber's shoulder.
"You should start there. How about trying to stand up and follow what your heart desires. You may not have an answer to all your questions now, but if you keep moving forward you might find out what is right and wrong in what you desire."
...
The meaning of right and wrong had never been so ambiguous to her. Still...
"I... I guess I'll do that... I must try. That's why I'm here."
-On the outskirts of the Einzbern Forest-
The boy's quiet footsteps were barely noticeable amongst all the gloomy trees that spread throughout the forest. His body was still bruised because he had received some wounds from the soldiers, and although his plan was risky, he was able to carry it out successfully.
Over his shoulder was Iskandar's wine cask. He carried it with great ease and care that the drink did not spill.
"I was almost killed..."
...
...
Toru was still alive.
...
His eyes glowed with the light of a rainbow in the darkness next to the organic X rotating inside his iris. He sighed, thinking that at some point he would be discovered.
At any moment someone would discover his rookie genjutsu.
At the start of the fight, the moment everyone looked them in the eye, the show had begun, the genjutsu had been placed on everyone present.
'It was too risky a tactic. If they realised it before they would have definitely killed me. But I didn't think such a basic genjutsu would be able to fool everyone. I'm sure they would have noticed by now, but by now, I'm alive. Besides, I was also able to use my senjutsu for a few seconds. I wonder if I could also force myself to use the Rinnegan...'
Drip... drip....
"Uh..."
Tears.
-By Toru-
When I saw the tears streaming down my face, I understood something I thought impossible before.
I understood that I could finally change.
"I used to think I didn't need these emotions"
I said to myself. I couldn't realise it because I can't see my own face, but in this moment I am smiling calmly.
The emotions that were waiting in my heart are bubbling up. I finally can't hold back all that sadness and pain, which is coming out in the form of tears.
The past still hurts me. It still hurts like you have no idea.
And yet it's okay because that's the point of changing. Even if it hurts, I don't have to be consumed by the past again.
I'm...
"I'm finally myself..."
To be continued...