It was pouring heavily, the gloomy sky with shades of grey, black, and white, blended painfully beautiful. It seemed like the sky was weeping sorrowfully or it was finally venting all its miseries upon us. Walking shoulder to shoulder oh how I wished this moment, this ticking time would never cease, as if I could even feel the wetness in his other shoulder, the tilting umbrella, our grazing shoulders tugging the ends of my heart. How I yearn for him to be mine completely, how wishful thinking. I fell for him at this moment I realized I was smitten, my dear my shivering heart how do I stop it.
I could not walk anymore. I felt as if I was rooted, as if this step had been the heaviest thing to take at the next moment. It is strange, these uncomfortable feelings welling up, it saddened me very much. I stuttered, I opened my mouth, I seemed to be ready to utter the words, but I felt numb. He gazed towards me, scrutinizing asking me what was the matter with me, if I was all right. Which I am perfectly not, oh how must I reason this to you my dear? How would you fathom this, what conclusion would you end up with it, I am terrified, perhaps I fully know the outcome. I could go no further; I must leave by all means from here and now, how unmanageable.
(I am sorry, I must go back, it seems I left something behind, you should go-ahead)
(It shouldn't be that much of an important thing to go all the way in this condition, does it? Let's just go anyway we only have this one umbrella. )
It would have been just like that one ordinary day back then, how I visited his house, his own room which I was already familiar with, and we used to start chiming about things we found interesting to each other, our favorite writers from talking about lemony snicket's "I love you as an iceberg loves the ship" to the tragedy of sinking of titanic, to the Scott Fitzgerald's lovely statement of describing his love and utmost appreciation towards his lover still being an understatement. Some nihilistic thoughts, and some of Bronte's lovesick quotes.
I happened to be in a rare sense of entrance, his presence brought me this sense of overwhelming sensitivity, I felt my intuition as my heart was beating increasingly fast, as I followed behind him towards his room, his wide shoulders, his silky black hair, how I felt at that moment I longed to caress those hairs and give peace to my own wondering pair of hands, nervously and possibly embrace him. I was alarmed, thinking if I was tempted or even more lusting for him. His voice resounded, waking me from my own reverie.
(This should do , better wear this so as not to catch cold)
The pleasant fragrance lingered upon me by wearing his clothes I felt as if it was my own, as he handed me the steaming cup of tea, it made my gaze unfocused and somehow blurry until I noticed his somewhat perplexed look.
(You are tearing down?)
(What?)
As he got on his knees, he silently wiped my tears with his warm hands, which was surprisingly comforting, I unknowingly touched his hands which were resting on my face. I felt his long slender fingers, his somewhat callused knuckles. I couldn't believe I kissed his palm until I saw the shock in his eyes, which made me realize what I did must be outrageous and stupid. I frantically apologized, as I pushed him aside to rush away the moment, I was trying to run away I heard him plea, (please don't leave me. Please!)
Turning around I saw him taking his steps forward ..