CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED TEN
Yuan was staring at him. But Feifei knows, Yuan was actually looking right through him. As if he is mentally deconstructing him. Wanting to expose some hidden truths.
Is Yuan now having internal assumptions about him?
While Yuan was mentally taking him apart, Feifei was also mentally scrutinizing him.
Is he making a decision now on how to proceed with their relationship?
Yuan suddenly chuckled softly.
Feifei flinched in surprise.
Yuan kissed Feifei lightly on the lips as he wrapped his arms tightly around Feifei's waist.
"Let's talk more in the future, okay? Let's avoid giving each other mixed signals to prevent us second guessing each other's thoughts."
Feifei : !!!!!
Is that....it?
He spent half a year preparing himself how to tell Yuan the truth about his identity as a man. He almost killed himself with all the sleepless nights and lack of appetite.
Yuan just let his deception go that easily?
"No punishment. No criticisms?"
Feifei feels incredible! He can't believe things would end so...smoothly.
But.
He would always consistently suffer losses from Yuan's tricks.
Is there a catch somewhere? Feifei carefully watched Yuan for possible traps and danger. His guard went on automatic alert.
Yuan doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Feifei is the only offender who looks at the offended with vigilant eyes. The way Feifei looks at him, it is as if he was the one who offended him instead.
He really feels helpless against Feifei. But what else can he do aside from giving in to him?
Yuan sighed.
Feifei is also the only person he knows who voluntarily seeks punishment and criticisms.
"Would you want me to punish you?"
Feifei's body instantly stiffened.
"NO!" Feifei refused vehemently.
"But, aren't you angry at me?" He continued to ask.
Yuan silently looked at Feifei for a moment until Feifei is squirming on his lap. Nervous and twitchy.
"I am angry. Angry at you for only telling me just now. This matter you are hiding is a big undertaking. But I don't want to blow things out of proportion. We already suffered from being separated for two months. Instead of spending the time knowing each other and being happy, we wasted two precious months. The mental and emotional drain is too much already. I just want us to move on and move past this. Let's learn from this incident, alright?"
Yuan gripped Feifei's chin. With a chilly voice, he whispered in a low dangerous tone.
"I'm going to say this straight up to you. I'm not a good man. I won't be letting you go like this the next time you keep something big from me."
Yuan paused. Then emphasized.
"Because there will never be a next time between us anymore."
Hearing what Yuan said, Feifei's eyes widen with obvious fear. His heart instantly knows. This is not a threat. But a promise. Yuan is dead serious.
But, how big a secret is he not allowed to keep? Feifei can't help but wonder.
Silence.
"Why wait until now to tell me the truth?"
"I'm afraid you will hate me." Feifei whispered softly.
"I know I'm being selfish but I wanted to give you time to love me more. If I tell you my secret, I was hoping your love for me would somehow give me an advantage in winning you back. Me, being a man, I don't know if I am what you wanted." Feifei sobbed.
"This secret is slowly eating me inside. Its like a wound slowly festering inside me. I want to cure it. I want to air it all out. But if the price of treatment is losing you, I can't. I just can't. Yuan, I don't want to lose you." Feifei's vision blurred as tears flooded his eyes.
Feifei stroked Yuan's handsome face with the palm of his hand.
"You..you mean the whole world to me." Feifei's tears fell one after another. Until all his tears came pouring down.
"I never thought I could deeply love someone the same way I love you." Feifei softly murmured as he pressed his forehead against Yuan's chin.
"My worse fear is losing you." Feifei ended his words with a hitch on his voice.
Yuan's heart skipped a beat.
It's the first time Yuan heard Feifei talk about the intensity of his feelings for him. And it makes him feel warm and soft inside.
A smile slowly stretched his lips as he stroked Feifei's hair.
"Aside from the bodily functions, I don't believe there is an important difference between a man and another man loving each other. Whatever differences there are, can't we work things out together and overcome them?" Yuan kissed the top of Feifei's head.
"We may not have a child in this life, but my feelings for you will remain the same. My feelings may change, but it will only grow stronger every single day. Baby, you will always be the only one I will ever want."
"Chu Feifei, you for me is enough."
Hearing Yuan's words, Feifei bit his lips.
Yu Yuan, you for me is also enough. He echoed silently in his heart.
"Baby, let's communicate more in the future, okay? Tell me what you feel, I will tell you what I think."
Feifei watched Yuan's throat as he feels it vibrates when he talks.
He is fascinated by the lump at the front of Yuan's throat. It sticks out slightly and moves when he swallows.
"uhm." Feifei answered absent mindedly.
"I don't..."
Unable to control himself, Feifei licked the lump on Yuan's throat.
Yuan felt a sudden catch in his breath. His abdomen tensed. His words forgotten.
Feifei lapped at Yuan's throat as he moaned. Echoing the vibrations he felt when Yuan talks.
Yuan held Feifei's waist tighter. Anticipating his next move.
Feifei opened his lips as he gently sucked on the lump while stroking it with his tongue.
Yuan closed his eyes as he savored Feifei's warm breath on his throat. His hands are now slowly stroking Feifei's back, up and down.
Feifei looked up at Yuan with half lidded eyes.
"I miss you. Will you love me?" He huskily whispered in Yuan's ear.