CHAPTER FORTY TWO
Looking at the basket of goods, Feifei originally wanted these goods delivered to Guhya Village but, he only knows Aunt Xuefei.
And he doesn't know how to face Yuan's mother.
Or what kind of face to show.
When Yuan disappeared without a word, he was like a kite cut from its strings. He was aimless and lost.
But no matter how much desperate he was, he resisted the temptation from seeing Aunt Xuefei.
Just thinking of Aunt Xuefei makes him feel both guilty and ashamed at the same time.
It's a weird feeling.
He feels guilty because he has a secret. A secret that is now making him miserable.
He had an awkward involvement with her son. An entanglement Yuan's mother is unaware of.
And he couldn't just bring himself to share this sinful secret.
He is also ashamed.
Having experienced Yuan's intoxicating kisses and wicked touch, Yuan has awakened his shameless, wanton side.
Eventhough Yuan is obviously avoiding him, he still can't stop himself from thinking of him. From wanting him. This is still despite of everything else.
He isn't going rabid, is he?
Maybe he is not just strong enough to resist him. He is clearly not Yuan's opponent. He is no match for him.
It's better to leave.
Escape and forget everything.
Feifei stilled.
Escape.
There is one truth he chose to forget and escape from.
He doesn't know what he was thinking. But unconsciously, he intentionally or forgetfully neglected his identity.
He is not the woman whom Yuan thought him to be.
He is really lost and confused.
He was so immersed with the intense passion Yuan made him feel. So absorbed with the pursuit of pleasure and the taste of sensual indulgence.
That he intentionally or unintentionally omitted a fact.
He was afraid. He was so afraid of Yuan knowing. And that he might not accept him...yet.
A man loving another man. Is this a big hurdle?
Thinking of this, he feels his heart being squeezed tight. It hurts. Even breathing hurts.
Is what he did perverted?
Yuan giving him an elaborate show, making him a joke, is this the price he has to pay?
Is this his retribution?
He is choked with a powerful emotion that he can hardly breathe.
Still.
He doesn't deserve to be treated like this. With Yuan, he was truly sincere.
Him desiring another man, is it shameful?
Feifei bit his lips hard.
Liking someone is the most beautiful thing he had ever felt. The heart pumping, breath taking feeling of floating in bliss.
What he feels is not shameful at all. Its very beautiful.
Feifei choked.
His mind is in a mess while his heart is in chaos.
He is mentally tired. No need to think anymore. He will leave.
Leave everything behind.