I am fiddling with my fingers at the entrance of the hotel.
I want to go in and at the same time I don't want to. I am meeting Trevor tonight here. I know he is inside but that doesn't make it easier.
I just spent my whole day with another man eating grapes and laughing, having a good time and yet still, Trevor was the back of my mind.
There is no doubt in my mind that I do want to fix things between us. Why am I standing at the entrance though, like a woman who doesn't know what she wants?
I straighten my spine and brush my hair back, facing the brass doors. I get inside and I see Trevor and the minute he sees me he stands up.
He hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. I missed him. The hug lingers a little longer and then he pulls the chair and I sit down.
"You look exquisite," he compliments me. Leave it to Trevor to make you feel like you are the only woman walking on this planet.
"Thank you." I feel like I am on my first date with him. The last time we were together we were fighting and he reacted in a way I hadn't seen before. That led to a chain of events that I am yet still to process but as I sit across him on this table, I can't help but feel as if that was ages ago.
He is dressed in a black Armani suit that is fits him and moulds on his body like a second skin. His hair is ruffled like he just woke up. He has a thing of pulling a bad boy look even wearing a suit. His chiselled face reminds me of Chase, especially the nose and I immediately look away.
I am not about to go down that road, but there seem to be some similar features. I seem to be attracted to a certain type of men. The dark broody men that leave a lot to be imagined when you look in their eyes.
He holds my hands and I can't help but notice his hands. I have a thing for hands and they are the first thing I noticed when I first met him. His fingers are intertwined with mine and I look at his eyes. They are full of remorse and that breaks the wall I had created when I entered in here.
I didn't want to just cave and listen to whatever he would tell me; roll over when he said anything. I had been determined to set things straight with him but that seems to fly out of the window when we are looking at each other as we are right now.
One thing with Trevor, is that he is so intense and seems to have a whole different persona apart from what he shows the world; if he can just let you in enough to get a glimpse of it.
I am yet to see all parts of him and I am sure that there is not one part of him I wouldn't love.
"I am sorry, Hannah." He speaks and I feel it in my heart.
I now more than ever feel so guilty of what I did. The first time we had a fight I had to go out and cheat on him; forming a wholly different connection with another man. One thing I know for certain is that I can never tell Trevor about this.
He would kill the man. Just like I would kill any woman that Trevor told me that he had an affair or something happened between them. They say truth will set you free but I do not believe in that.
The truth is not sometimes the best thing. Truth is ugly and sometimes ends up hurting even more, so why not just let my secrets die with me without destroying what I have here?
"I am sorry too I left but after the way you reacted I needed a much needed space," I reply and he nods. "We have a lot of things that we need to talk about because the last weeks haven't been us, you have always been making excuses and not really at home at all."
"I have always been alone, my whole life. That is not an excuse to how I have treated you but this has been a huge change for me. I have never really found myself needing to commit to someone or take care of them, or even go home to them before. Work has been my sole focus; until you came in my life," he says.
Trevor takes a deep breath and clasps my hands between his. "I realize you have made huge sacrifices to make this work and I have not done anything, I have just been going on with my life like usual and that's not being a person I committed to you. That why I have decided to take time off and shift some of my responsibilities so that we are together more often."
I exhale and process what he is saying in depth. A move like that is so huge to him because he literally runs a multi-billion company and i cannot imagine or know how this will affect anything.
"Are you saying you are stepping down?" I ask unsure what he was saying really. What it really meant.
"No. I am taking less responsibilities but I am still running it. I will be working from home more, and overall I will be around more."
I nod, understanding fully what he is saying.
"I would step down too if it meant it's because of you. Hannah, I will always chose you, always. You do come above everyone and everything to me. I will forever chose you. I love you."
My heart is heavy and I can feel my tears but I swallow them down. I have never heard or experienced what he is doing for me ever before.
His love for me is incomparable and I do not have the words for it. I feel it all and I realize that it doesn't matter anymore. As long that Trevor is next to me, the world can die and fade away as long as he is next to me.
Because I will forever chose him. Now and forever.