I do not want this day to end.
Have you ever had a day where you feel like you are in a fairy tale and that this must be a dream because it feels like a dream?
I keep pinching myself to reassure myself that I am awake and that I am not sleep.
Chase had arranged a lunch picnic and it was absolutely beautiful, romantic even. I lie on the grass, a smile on my face looking at the sky.
Blue.
That reminds me of Trevor's eyes and suddenly I am not smiling so much.
"So what's going on with your relationship?"
It's like he can sense the shift because he is asking about my relationship right now. I sit up and he removes a grass that is stuck in my hair.
"We fell in love too quick, moved in too quickly, everything was too quick and I didn't realise that we had so much differences," I reply sighing.
"Is not that the whole thrill of it? The unknowing of it, taking the leap of faith in everything but trusting that you will always find love in each other?"
I think about what he is saying and I can't help but agree with him. We had decided to choose each other and love each other. He didn't force me to quit, I had made the decisions that we are fighting about right now.
"Relationships are always hard and complicated, not exactly how they show in the movies," chase speaks up and I look at him smiling.
"This definitely feels like it."
"It is, isn't it?" he acknowledges.
I decide to ask him a question that has been bugging me. "What about you? Do you love anyone?"
He is quiet, looking at the far distance. "I did. But then it was just too twisted and complicated," we laugh when he enunciates the word complicated.
"What happened?" I know I am asking too much but I just want to know.
"I was in love with my brother's girlfriend," he sighs and I wince.
"That really does sound complicated. Was it true love?" I ask him.
"Well it didn't start out that way," he chuckles but it is a forced laugh. "The girl was supposed to be fun at first, to spite my brother but then, along the way I fell in love. My first love."
"That must not have been good for your brother," I comment as I take a sip of my drink.
He nods, clearly the subject is not so good and comfortable.
"Are you not close with your brother?" I ask him.
He sighs and runs his hand in his hair. "I have not been the best big brother, I have always been guilty about it. I shouldn't have done what I did because I knew he wasn't like me. Him and I are so different."
I tilt my head. His brother seems like the quiet type that never goes out. An introvert. Whereas chase is the extrovert, the playboy and girls are away throwing themselves at him.
"You were young, you can't really blame yourself for what you did in your teenage years," I try to comfort him.
"It doesn't matter, it created a bigger gap that was already there between us. I knew what I was doing. I was just so stupid and a kid," he answers. He is clearly so torn about this.
"Seems to me like you have to talk you two. Apologize?" I suggest.
"It isn't like I haven't tried. It's just not as easy as you think. It was just the start of a long disagreement and I don't think it is something that can ever be resolved."
I have no siblings so I have no idea or the first clue about sibling rivalry so I can't really relate about what he is going through. I hope they are able to solve their differences one day because chase seems to be so eaten from the inside about it.
He is blaming himself about the disagreement.
"My god, I didn't mean to make the picnic gloomy with my problems about my family, I apologize."
I wave him off. "What are you talking about, I am just getting to know you. The good parts and the bad too."
He looks at me, in silence in awe. "You are a gem. I have never met a soul like yours. How do you make everything easier?"
I shrug as I blush and he holds my hand. "This is not a short term thing; me and you. You entered my life in a simple way but then it was magical from there on. I am never allowing you to get out of my life. You are a gift from the universe."
I laugh and I see that he is serous and that makes me have butterflies in my stomach. "I hope that you don't."
"Oh not even the fan girls can make me forget about you," he jokes and I slap his arm.
"You have fangirls?" I ask him as we laugh.
"Yes. I do have fangirls. All over the world. It's the life of a rock star."
The minute he says that, I just as well might have even a glimpse of how big of a deal he is. I look at him and he is a rock star that's for sure.
From the tattoos to his whole outfit, everything that doesn't go over the top but he is. As if he wasn't already irresistible.
"What do you do?" he asks me as he feeds me a grape.
When I swallow I answer him. "A journalist. Although I quit my job months ago. It used to be so fun. The uncovering of stories, the thrill of it."
He is watching as I talk and I ask him what.
"You seem to be talking about it with such passion that I know it's how I feel about my music. Why did you quit something you clearly love doing so much?"
I shrug in a nonchalant way. "I guess priorities change. Plus my boyfriend didn't want me to continue working after I did a story that almost threatened my life."
"A lover is supposed to raise you up. Support you and protect you as you do what you love doing. Doing what makes you soul burn. Not diminish it."
I take a bite of a strawberry, not really tasting it. My throat is all choked up because what chase is saying, I realize is what I have been missing since Trevor and I came together.