Fourteen days. It has been fourteen days since he threw me in this dungeon. I thought it will get easier in time ,that I will come to adapt the silence, the cold and the darkness of it but no. no one tells you that you are left alone with your thoughts, with your fears and its cold.
So cold.
I thought that he would come for me. He usually does come for me within a few days. Did he forget I was here? No. He is not one to forget his valuables laying around. He knows I am waiting for him. He is breaking me completely.
Trevor; my husband and lover. Who would have thought I would be ending up here?
He doesn't bring me food anymore. He only sends his servants and that's the only human contact I have come to know for two weeks. Or I am going crazy. I think I am going crazy at times but then I remind myself of the good days; Days I could feel the sun on my face.
My memories have started taking me back in my childhood more often. I remember me sitting on the grass my mother braiding my hair, she always sang as she did this. I am happy. I am playing with the dolls. I see my father coming from the ranch. He looks tired but he always had a smile on his face. He kisses my mother and pecks me. Such a warm gesture.
When I am with them, I feel warm and I can feel the sun on my face. I forget just for a moment where I am and how cold I feel.
I do not regret even a single thing. I am a romantic and I believe in love. Not even Trevor can take that away from me. I was fighting for my love. Or what I thought was love.
Two weeks ago I decided to follow him. Chase. He had left without saying goodbye. This was after news of me and Trevor trying for a baby. I had been having an affair with Trevor's brother Chase. Chase didn't know; I couldn't afford him to know.
When Chase left and decided to move to Seattle I decided to follow him against my better judgment and try work things out with him. I had underestimated Trevor.
I went to Seattle but Chase had decided to move on. He broke my heart. The love of my life shattered me in pieces, I think even after what I was going through with Trevor, nothing had managed to hurt me like that.
He didn't believe me. How could he? His brother's wife telling him that his brother is abusive and dark and twisted? His little brother? No, he chose him.
That was my first heartbreak.
I won't cry, I won't cry. If I break down now, he will see. I know he is watching me. Trevor is always watching me. So no; I will not break down, I will not let him see my pain.
I hear the metallic door to the dungeon creak open. Someone is coming.
"My sweet love, it's time to go home"
He came for me.
He carries me all the way from the dungeon back to the mansion and to our bedroom. "I ran you a bath. I know how you miss it. The water is exactly how you like it."
He undresses me, so carefully you would think he doesn't want to break me; His little porcelain.
"These are tainted. I will have to burn them." He takes the clothes and throws them in the burning fireplace. He then goes ahead and carries me and gently lower me to the bathtub.
I shiver at the impact. I am wounded. The water makes the wounds sting. He sees me wincing.
"Are you hurt? Let me see. Oh yes. I will take care of that. I will take care of you, I always do."
I don't say a single word. I am not ready.
He lathes me with soap and start washing me so gently. He is careful not to rub on the wounds on my knees, the cut on my hands and my wounded rib. I stare at the fire as it burns warming the house. It's winter time. There was a time I used to enjoy winter and laying in the heated floors by the fireplace with a book on my hand.
Our love was young and fresh, the ugliness of it all still burrowed deep not even detected.
Those were simpler times.
"The company is doing so well we are opening another branch office in Chicago," he tells me. "I was thinking when you feel better we should go and see how it is, just me and you. We will say it's a mini vacation, then later on we can go wherever you want."
He is rinsing my hair. It's all so methodical I know how to move, he knows how to move, we have been here quite a few times before.
"You are so beautiful. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I get to say you are mine. Yes you are mine." He sees the colored rib "I m so sorry my love." He kisses it.
"Why do you make me do this to you? I don't want to do this to you. You make me. You make me do these horrible deeds," he is kneeling by the bathtub.
"I don't want to do this anymore. Please forgive me pumpkin."
Pumpkin. I once told him my dad used to call me pumpkin and since then he started calling me that. I thought it was adorable and cute. That was before the ugliness crept in.
He takes me off the tub and dries me. He continues to lotion me up, all while being careful and gentle, and tucks me in under the covers. He takes his clothes off and climbs in bed to cuddle me.
"You are safe now"
I lost the definition of that word a long time ago.