My body feels languid and heavy, my breath is coming in short sharp gasps as I feel that presence hanging over me. His hands slowly creeping over my body and his breathe tickling my right ear as he whispers softly into my ear, "This is what I do to the girls at school. You will enjoy it too my little Ava". I don't understand what he is implying or why he is saying and doing this. Just what is going? I'm so confused, my head feels muddled yet my instincts are screaming. As if I am here yet I am not. Wasn't I just on the bus?
I cannot move and my eyes open wide in panic, pupils dilating, heartbeat pounding as I feel his large calloused hand moving underneath my underwear and into my girl parts. Touching me in places that no one has touched me before. "Mmm so sweet and ripe little Ava, soon you will ripe for me and only me. I won't let anyone else have you". He licked my ear lobe as he rotated his index finger on the little bud causing me to moan in pleasure and heat to gather in my lower body and the bud to swell. I had no idea what was happening to me, what is going on? Why is my body reacting to this? Why is he doing this?
He chucked in my ear as he felt my body's reaction to him, he kept slowly rotating that finger and breathing on my ear all while I'm losing my mind inside as the heat just keeps building and building. "That's it Ava let it come, good girl". He then inserted the tip of his pinky inside me moving it in and out but not going deep and my body could not handle it and just as I was about to explode….
I suddenly gasped awake jerking myself out of that horror fuelled nightmares, flinging myself forward in my seat and nearly head-butting the chair in front of me. I threw my bag into the chair beside me and flung the hoodie back off my head again to help myself breathe and not feel as constrained as I try to calm myself down.
My hands are shaking like a mini earthquake has hit them as I bring them up and run them over my tired face and then rest them on the top of the chair in front as I bend my head in between to try and steady my breathing with a teach inquest that I learned online called Navy Seal Box breathing. I take a breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, breathe it out for four seconds hold it out for four seconds then breathe in for four seconds and keep repeating until I am feeling steady again.
I found it while I was doing some digging around to help myself with panic attacks because they had become very debilitating recently and so far it is the only thing that seems to be helping. As I start to gather my whits about me, I grab my bottle of water out of my bag and take a large swallow while checking out where we are.
I look across at the lady in the next isle and ask her "Excuse me Ma'am but where about are we now?" All I see when I look around are big green signs saying Route 59 and lights trees of course cars, trucks and semi's. Shock horror, exactly what I've been seeing the whole way here…well maybe except for the different highways.
She looked any me and just said "Nearly at Naperville". She quickly turned her head back around, not wanting to engage with me anymore.
"Thankyou" I said and went back to my own world. My destination is Crystal Lake Illinois and I am really looking forward to getting there to find out if there really is a crystal lake there. Because that would be so COOL. It is the only reason I chose to go there while I was looking over a map while working out my destination at the bus depot in preparation for leaving.
I haven't done any research on the place nor have a clue on where I will stay when I get there or what the people are like. I just hope that they are nice and friendly because I don't like nasty people, but then who does? Not that I have had much experience with people outside of those people, now that I think about it. Never mind, that isn't going to change because I'm not good at communicating with other people. If I can get away with the bare essentials I will. The less I have to deal with people the better and the less they know about me the better too. I have a feeling that once people know about me and my history I will be labelled a freak, weird, wrong or worse. Even though none of it is my fault.
Because how can it be your fault when you are too young to know any better? When that is how you were raised? When you have been isolated, abused and brainwashed your entire life?
And if it wasn't for having defied them just once, I wouldn't have even known. Thinking back on my dream now and my current thought, how would I have known how wrong it all was when I was only 6 years old when that happened?