August's POV-
I wanted to go after Emerald, but I knew she wanted some space from me right now. I didn't purposely share that memory, but talking about hurtful memories in general with her just sorta brought it out of me. Even with the distance, I could feel how angry she was, and the burnt handprint around my arm was still fresh, and it was more painful than all the other times I felt her heated touch.
She wanted it to hurt, so I guess she made sure of it. She tried to hurt me, and I don't blame her. As badly as I wanted my mate more than anyone else, I still had needs and being a virgin for years was not something I was willing to do, even for my unknown mate.
Now is different, though; now I wish I had just withheld from it and had better self-control. I knew one day I'd find my Luna and sort of knew she'd eventually find out that I had been with others, but I also figured she would've been to.
I was glad she wasn't. I was relieved to know I would be Emerald's first and only lover, but now I just feel unworthy of her. I felt like I was dirty, and the way she looked at me...
"If you ever fucking think about touching me again, I will make sure you hurt every day."
My chest tightened when hearing her words again, and I ran my hands through my hair multiple times while pacing in the front yard.
She doesn't have her phone, not that she'd pick up if I called her. I could find her if I wanted to and follow her scent, but I didn't want to upset her even more. I also don't want her to be this far away from me. What if she was around other males? What if she wanted to even the playing field and get back at me?
I don't even know where she would go. A part of me thought that maybe she'd run to Jody, but thinking about that only brought a sharp pain through my body.
'Find my mate.' Zeb demanded, but I was quick to shut him up.
'She is mine, and it would be smarter to wait for her to cool off first.' I said back to him.
I didn't know what to do, but I knew we had a flight to catch this afternoon, and mad or not, Emerald was getting on that plane.
I went back into the house and made sure to pack any of my belongings. Luckily Emerald had a suitcase of her own that wasn't being used in her closet, so I began grabbing all of her clothes and throwing them in. More clothes than I first thought and even more folded on top of a rack. I went to grab some down, but when I did, something heavy hit the floor.
I looked down and saw a thick black book with a black strap around it was now on the floor. I raised an eyebrow and went to scoop the book up. I undid the strap and opened it to the first page, and I could immediately tell by the penmanship that a child wrote this. The words were slanted and sloppy, and some of the letters floated off the lines, but I could still make out the words quickly.
'Helen says now that I can spell that I have to write things down in a book. She says other girls write their thoughts down to keep them secret. Girls are stupid, though. Don't they know they can keep secrets in their head? I miss Kacey. She is the only girl I like, but I can't play with her anymore.'
I sighed, reading it, and wondered how old she was when she wrote this. I turned to the next page and quickly read it too.
'A girl named Courtney told me I had worms today at school. When I went to recess, I dug a hole and found real worms and put them in her backpack. I hope she screams when she gets home and finds them. I hate her.'
I chuckled when reading this one and made my way to her bed to sit down and continued flipping through pages and reading the small cliff notes of Emerald's childhood.
'I am the fastest kid in my school, but today a boy named Danny asked if I would let him win. He has blue eyes like Alpha August, so I let him beat me today at gym class. I don't like Danny very much. When we were running, I pretended he was Alpha August. I miss him a lot sometimes.'
My heart fluttered when reading her innocent words, and I re-read the small passage a few times before flipping the page.
'I don't write many secrets down in you because I don't know if I should trust a book.
I have a superpower. I can make fire if I want to, and sometimes it feels like it's talking to me. It wants me to play with it, so I sneak away sometimes to practice. Whenever I feel sad or mad, the fire makes me feel better.
It makes everything better.'
I sat up straight in the bed and began to flip pages quickly and tried to scan the short paragraphs for any more words about her fire.
'I can do a lot of cool tricks now with my fire. I practice all the time because I found a secret tunnel that nobody knows about. I can be free when I'm in the tunnel. I can make my fire dance, but I accidentally lost track of time last night and was late for dinner. I lied to Helen and told her I was with Jody. I don't like to lie.'
I flipped a few more pages, but I kept finding Jody's name, and whenever I would stop and read it, I just felt jealous again.
I stood up and closed the book before throwing it into my bag instead of hers. I finished packing her things and grabbed the few books she had by her bed. I snatched my old shirt that was still under her pillow and threw it in her bag. Everything else could be replaced, and if she really needed something from here, I can just have Alpha Paul mail it.
I was carrying the bags down the stairs when I suddenly dropped them both because it felt like someone was taking a sludge hammer to my fingers. I looked down, and my hands were fine, but they were throbbing in pain. I hissed when I could feel hard gravel smacking against them again with full force.
'She's hurting herself.' Zeb said lowly.
I didn't hesitate to start running down the stairs and when I reached for the door again, my hands felt like they were cracking, and my knuckles felt raw even though they weren't bleeding or scratched up at all.
I scrambled to open the door, but when I did, I ran right into someone and knocked them down to the ground.
"Uhm, rude?"
I looked down to see Jody on his ass, looking up at me. I went to hold my hand out to him but dropped it immediately when a wave of something hard smacked down over my fingers again repeatedly.
"Fuck." I hissed and grabbed my knuckles with my other hand.
Jody got up and looked down at my hands for a minute.
"What's wrong?" He asked and looked behind me to look inside the house.
He must've noticed the bags on the steps still because he looked at me and gave me a concerned look.
"Where's Em?" He asked.
"I don't know," I growled through gritted teeth.
"You have such an attitude problem. No wonder you're her mate. You're basically the same person." He said, and even though I really wanted to dislike Jody, he always made comments that confirmed that Emerald and I were supposed to be mates.
Those comments always made me feel good.
"Sorry, she's.. unhappy with me right now, and I think she's hurting herself to hurt.."
I dropped to my knees and gripped my elbow immediately. I yelled out when I felt the sensation of bone-shattering, and I could feel a sharp pang hit my chest again. My Luna was hurt, and now I wasn't sure if it was her doing or if someone else was doing this to her.
"Oh shit... Ww..where did she go? Why would she be doing that?" He asked, and I couldn't answer because I immediately felt the same excruciating sensation of my elbow being smashed to bits again.
I leaned down until my head was against the grass and held my elbow even though it was fine. I groaned, trying to shake the painful feeling away, and Jody wanted to help me to my feet as best he could.
"She's really, really unhappy with me," I grunted.
"What the hell did you do to her?" He asked, and a surge of jealousy went through me hearing him sound so concerned about my mate.
"Do you think I would ever do anything to hurt her purposely?" I asked, looking down at the skinny boy in front of me.
His shaved blonde hair had grown slightly more, and he still wore the same multiple earrings in each ear. I hated knowing that; at one point, Emerald found this boy attractive.
"No, but just because you're her mate doesn't mean you're incapable of it." He said, staring right back at me.
I growled but ran my hands through my hair for a minute to try and calm myself.
"She's upset because we're starting to share our memories," I said as I rubbed my hands over my face.
"Okay, either I'm stupid, or you're being vague as hell. What memories did she see?" He asked, and I looked at him sternly.
"Are you an Alpha?" I asked him, and he looked shocked and then busted out laughing.
"No, hun, I'm not." He said back, but I didn't change my exterior.
"Well, if you ever meet your mate, you better hope he isn't one because it will all come back on you when they get ahold of your memories and see all the things you've done before them."
Jody's eyes went wide, and he matched my serious face.
"I see." He said lowly.
I sighed and stretched my arms and fingers to try and get some normal feeling back in them again.
"Is there some type of abandoned tunnel or cave in this town?" I asked him, and he furrowed his brows for a minute.
"I have no idea. Why?"
I ran my numb fingers through my hair and fought the urge to pull it out.
"I think that's where she goes when she's upset," I muttered more to myself.
"A tunnel? There's an old storm drain like right outside of town that kids go to drink and smoke at, but I wouldn't call it much of a tunnel."
I turned to look at him, and it finally hit me that before Emerald left, I had never seen her pick her phone up to call or text anyone.
"What are you doing here, by the way?" I asked him, and he gave me a snarky look.
"To check on my girl? You both never showed up for the blue moon, and I haven't heard from her."
I took a step toward Jody, but he immediately took a step back.
"What the fuck is your deal with, my mate? You claim she isn't your type, so what is it about her that keeps bringing you back around here?"
Jody laughed and rolled his eyes.
"You need to relax. Emerald is just a friend, but she's a real friend, and those are hard to come by.. especially around here." He said and looked away from me.
"I don't believe you," I said, and I didn't hide my Alpha tone either.
"Emerald, you are so lucky I love you." He muttered to himself while shaking his head, and I growled loudly before coming at him.
Jody went to step back but tripped and fell, and I stood over him, seething with anger. I couldn't allow another male to say that about my Luna, even if he was her friend.
"Cut it out! She gets me, okay?!" He screamed at me, and I sucked my canines back in when I saw the tears pooling up in his eyes.
"Emerald was the first person I ever came out to, alright? The people here might seem friendly, but they're only friendly if you're just like them."
I unclenched my fists and my jaw when hearing his cracked voice. I won't sugar coat it; I don't have much experience with gay people, but there is a boy in my pack who came out to me when he was fairly young. He was afraid to tell his parents and worried about how other people in our pack would treat him. It wasn't that difficult of a situation for me to handle because I assured him it wasn't an issue and that the moon goddess doesn't make mistakes when making us.
"She didn't even blink when I told her I liked boys." He said, chuckling while fat tears ran down his face.
"She didn't know what gay meant and just said, 'So what, Jody? I like boys too, so we can both be gay.' She just didn't care and made me feel like I shouldn't care either." He said while wiping his face and getting to his feet.
He looked up at me, and I didn't use my influence to make him back down.
"You're her mate, and I respect that, but I love her for what she did for me, and I won't apologize for it."
He stuck his arm out to me, and I looked down at his shaky hand before looking back up at him. There had been several passages written in her diary about Jody. The first time they met, the first time he made her shoot milk out her nose from laughing so hard, the first time she learned the meaning of curse words.
He was the only companion she mentioned in her diary, and I wondered if Helen embellished how many friends Emerald actually had.
I wanted to dislike him. I wanted to give in to that possessive feeling for Emerald and hurt this boy for being the one to get to watch her grow up. He got to have that special friendship with her that I had lost, and I envied him for it.
I also admired that he was willing to take a beating from me for defending his friendship with her. If I touched him, she would never forgive me, and if I wanted her to ever be remotely civilized around me again, I would need to make peace with this and just let it go.
I shook his hand and nodded to him before letting him go.
"So.. do you know where this thing is?" I asked him.
He gave me a sly grin.
"I sure do, and I'll even give you a ride on one condition."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just want to get to watch her kick your ass when you try to take her out of that storm drain."