-TEN YEARS LATER-
The stress from the past decade had done horrible things to my hair. It was no longer inky black like my mother's. It was now completely gray and silver almost looking like ash. I was only thirty one, but between the silver hair and milky eye, I looked older from a distance.
It was stress from still not finding Scout and many of my pack members had tried to tell me that he was probably an old man by now or dead. They always assumed he was dead finally because we never ran across anymore rogues with strange collars, but I was still convinced he was out there somewhere.
I was still without a Luna and the tole from not having a mate had taken its time on Zeb also. He hadn't spoken to me in a couple years now even when the blue moon comes he never says anything. Autumn had found her mate a few years ago, so we no longer saw each other. I would still bring home a random girl every once in a while, but not long enough to ever actually get to know her.
Johnson and I only talked work and nothing else. I just couldn't swallow my pride and forgive him. I think I could've handled not having a mate or even finding Scout if I had let Emerald stay. She still wouldn't talk to me and refused to see me every year and I had started calling less and less as the years went by.
This year I hadn't made a single call.
I don't know why it still bothered me so much, but it did. It hurt to know that I had caused her so much anger towards me for sending her away. It only made it more clear to me just how hurt she was by my rejection. I thought about just going to her and showing up several times, but I didn't want to force myself into her life if she didn't want me in it.
I thought about her just as often as when she first left if not more then that. I wondered what she looked like or what kind of friends she had. I wondered if she enjoyed school and was going to go to college or do something else. The last time I talked to my aunt she said Emerald had a part time job now and that she had graduated at the top of her class. I always knew she would be smart and even though I couldn't tell her.
I was proud of her.
I had to admit that I was lonely. My pack was twice the size it use to be, but we could only be so strong without a Luna. Johnson had offered several times to take over things to let me travel farther away from home when looking for my mate, but there is only so much time in one night. I was angry at the moon goddess for making it so difficult to find my mate. One night a year wasn't enough and I had grown jealous over the other males who were younger then me and had already found their mates and starting a family.
Even though I was still young and strong from the slow aging, I was tired. Tired of waisting my time with woman I didn't care for and tired of just waiting around for me to stumble upon my mate. The blue moon would be back in about a week or so, but I didn't look forward to it like I use to. It was just another night to officially confirm that I still didn't have a mate.
Even Fin had found his and was building them their own house among the other pack houses. It just didn't seem fair and I felt like a helpless child wanting to stomp their foot and throw a fit. People would talk and whisper about me and the fact that I still didn't have a mate. Rumors spread that I didn't have one and that it had to do with my scar and my thirst for revenge.
They would say the moon goddess was punishing me for being obsessive over the man who killed my parents, but it wasn't even about them anymore. It was about her and making sure that if he was still out there that he could never get to her again. I could still recall her glowing green eye if I wanted and it was almost pathetic how much I missed it.
I hated myself for sending her away and even though it was too late to do anything about it now. I still would daydream about what life would've been like if she had stayed. At least then I would've still had my little friend to go on runs with and to teach things to and I missed our important talks most of all.
Sure I was heavily involved with the children here and their training. I made sure to let them know my door was always open if they needed to talk or vent. I loved them all and enjoyed watching them grow up to their full potential. They weren't Emerald though.
I had even visited the cave where we first found her a few times a year. The fires, her eye, those frizzy blonde curls that stayed a mess.
Everything about her flooded my mind constantly and I had wished so many times that she hadn't wondered here. It would've been easier if I had never met her, then maybe I could find something to bring me some type of happiness. I shook my head at that thought.
No I was glad I found her. If I hadn't then she might have stayed a wolf for even longer and not given the chance at a regular life. I wanted to be selfish though and keep her around where I could watch out for her. Even the picture of my parents holding me seemed different now when I looked at it. All I could see was her small hands holding it and staring at it like she was trying to put together a difficult puzzle.
I was a little concerned about the fact that my aunt still wasn't here. Usually she shows up a couple weeks early so she can visit with everyone, but I hadn't heard from her. I was debating about wether I should call her, but I didn't see why it really mattered if she came or not. It's not like I was going to find my mate this time. It would be the same just like all the past years.
I was in bed even though it was the middle of the day. I was just staring at the ceiling and letting my mind roam free about all the things I wish I could change. I wish I had control over it all. I wish I could go back and make different choices. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even hear the knock on my door, but I did look up from my pillow when Johnson opened it and poked his head in.
"Alpha, is this a bad time?" He asked giving me a concerned look.
I flicked my eyes from him and back at the ceiling. I didn't say anything, so he came into the room more and shut the door behind him.
"I just got off the phone with Alpha Paul." he said in a shaky tone.
I sat up in bed and gave him my full attention. Alpha Paul was my aunts Alpha and Emerlad's.
"Well? What's wrong?" I snapped.
Johnson took in a breath and looked back to the ground.
"It's your aunt Alpha. She's been sick the past six months and is too weak to get out of bed now. He just wanted me to let you know of her condition and understands that with the blue moon being close that you might not come to see her before.."
He didn't finish his sentence and he didn't need to either. I had no idea she was even sick or that she was in such bad shape. As selfish as it was though, all I could think about is Emerald and what she must be going through.
I stood up from the bed and went to my closet to grab a duffel bag. I tossed it on the bed and started to throw several pairs of clothes into it.
"Alpha, you should wait until after the moon. Your mate is out there and if you leave you'll risk another year without her."
I didn't say anything and started to throw some socks into the bag next. I went into the bathroom to grab some toiletries and came back to put them in the bag too.
"August look at me."
I stilled with my back to him as I was looking down at my bag. It had been a while since he had used my name and I knew he was going to try and have a heart to heart with me. I didn't turn to face him, but that didn't stop him from continuing the conversation.
"We both know you're only going because of her."
My chest had a stinging pain shoot through it and I let out an annoyed grunt before turning back to face him. He was even older now and had more wrinkles around his hazel eyes and forehead. Their were more grey streaks that ran through his brown hair then before, but he still had most of his color unlike me.
"She's basically about to lose her mother. She's going to need someone there for her."
He gave me a soft look and nodded his head.
"I understand that you want to be there for her, but she has a pack of her own and seeing you could upset her more."
I turned back away from him, so he couldn't see that his words hurt me. I looked around the room for anything else I might need and when my eyes landed on the picture of my parents I snatched it up and sat it in the bag too before zipping it shut.
"I've given her all the time she wanted to forgive me. If she still doesn't want to talk to me then that's fine I'll leave, but I'm going to let her know that I haven't forgotten about her and my aunt has traveled to see me more times then I can count, so I think I can manage one visit before she passes."
I grabbed the bag off the bed and tossed it over my shoulder before turning back to look at my old friend. He didn't argue with me near as much as when I was younger and I knew it was because our friendship had gone a bit stale after Emerald left. I still held more respect for Johnson then any other person on the planet, including my father. He was smart and always did the morally right thing and I knew in my heart that he was right to have me send her away.
"I still think this is a bad idea, but I can't hold your hand through everything. I have to let you make your own mistakes." he said to me.
I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders. We hugged for only a second and I waisted no time in going down the stairs and out the door.