I wake up suffocating, my hands at my chest trying to pull the nonexistent slime from my throat again. It's not there, I'm fine. I'm alive. I let myself just breathe for a few minutes soaking in the fact that I am fine.
I am free.
After what felt like forever I got out of bed and grabbed my clothes before heading to the shower again. It's been almost a month since Kiri and I started dating and things seem to be working out but I still haven't told him about the nightmares. I'm just not ready, not yet.
I see the clock before opening the door. Of course it's only 2:30 am, it's not like I need sleep or anything. I start to grumble to myself as I walk to the shower not even caring that Iida had gotten on the elevator with me to lecture me about being up so late. I mean fuck, why is he even up then? I just rolled my eyes and when the elevator stopped on the ground floor I made my way to the showers.
Once I was clean and dry again I made my way to the kitchen and started making myself some breakfast. Just a couple eggs and a couple pieces of toast. Just enough to keep me from getting too hungry later but not enough to upset my already angry stomach.
Icyhot and Deku came in and started searching the pantry again. This is becoming a nightly ritual. "Grab some plates," I grunted and Deku grabbed three while Icyhot got us some drinks. I think all we have is milk but whatever.
I serve the eggs and toast and we sit down to eat in silence. They looked as terrible as I felt. How are we all coming down at the same time anyway? We are all on differnt floors and I sure as fuck don't text them. I guess it doesn't matter anyway not really. Deku washes the dishes while I dry and Icyhot puts them away again. Yeah our nightly ritual or morning whatever the fuck you want to call it.
"I need sleep. But everytime I close my eyes..." Deku lets out a sigh, I raise an eyebrow at him. Is he really going to talk about it? What is he so afraid of anyway? I did a lot of unforgivable shit to him but even now he doesn't seem to hold any of it against me. So what is haunting him?
"When I was little my brothers and sister and I used to sleep together. We would hold each other and the nightmares stayed away for the most part. Not always but it was easier," Icyhot stated in his annoying monotone voice, maybe it's not mine so much as he is just too tired to actually care? It's a thought.
"We don't have siblings though," Deku frowned and I just turned away. Like hell I'm going to open up to them!
"Yeah, ever since the dorms it's not like I could do that anyway. Maybe that's why they're so bad again?" Icyhot shrugged, putting away the last dish.
"Maybe..." Deku started mumbling to himself about them maybe sleeping together.
"Nerd he can't understand you like I can," I groaned, snapping him back to the present and Icyhot just looked at him curiously.
"He wants to know if you would try sleeping with him to see if that would help you both out. Of course I don't need that shit," I grumbled and I think I see Icyhot actually smile. I must be seeing shit.
"If it works then I guess I won't be seeing you anymore. Night extras," I yawn while giving them a half wave before leaving the kitchen. Okay so we may have gotten used to each other's company, sue me for being a decent fucking person.
I went back to my room and looked at the clock. 4:48 might as well stay up and get some studying done.
Again.
***
It's been two weeks since the last time I saw either Icyhot or Deku in the middle of the night. They seemed happier at school too and I heard a rumor that they had started dating but I seriously doubt that.
"Babe?" I looked up to see Kiri giving me that starstruck look again, so cute. I waited to hear what he wanted to say and when he realized I wasn't listening he repeated himself. "We were wanting to have a movie night in the common area tonight and maybe sleep there too. What do you think? Can we join?"
I frown at that, "I don't have to be there for you to hang out with people. If you want to go then go." Do I really come off as that controlling?
"That's not what I meant, I mean..." he stopped searching for words I could only guess at. "Will you go... With me?" Oh. Oh! He wants us to be more open with the class and not just the squad.
I let out a sigh, "Do you really want to?" I see him light up at my words. Well that answers that. "Fine but I'm sleeping in my own bed when it's done." He smiled before wrapping his arms around my neck again. He has gotten so touchy feely and I honestly like it but not really around other people.
"Shitty Hair!" I growled, setting tiny explosions off in my hand. I can't bring myself to set them off in his face anymore, unless we are training. I know I'm an ass but I'm not an abusive boyfriend. I mean fuck. He laughed and stepped away letting me relax again.
The rest of the squad cheered that I was actually going to join which shocked Deku's squad but they at least pretended to be happy. I think only Icyhot and Deku were actually happy about it though. Iida and Uraraka looked like they were forcing their smiles, not that I care or anything. Tsu honestly didn't look like she gave a rat's ass either way.
Classes ended for the day and we all went back to the dorms to set up for tonight. It was Iida's turn to cook so I just worked on homework in the kitchen. I like the kitchen, it was the only time I could be myself without anyone staring. It was also the only time Iida was around me that didn't involve a lecture. Seriously? Does he ever just give it up?
We all cleaned up and after that we made some popcorn and settled down in the common area. I mean fuck how many times does Iida have to repeat the rules? It's a fucking movie for crying out loud! But fuck it all, I was good, I kept my curses to a minimum and to myself. Well for the most part.
"Sit your fucking asses down already!" I fumed at the fucking grape. I mean he is already short that doesn't mean he gets to walk in front of everyone just because. Fucking grape shouldn't even be in UA, even I think he is a creep.
Kirishima sat next to me once I was comfortable and the Bakusquad sat close by; Sero and Ashido were practically in each other's laps and Kaminari was sitting REALLY close to Shinso. The brainwasher had moved into the dorm last year when he transferred into our class. So everyone in my squad is happy? That actually seems to lift a huge weight off my shoulders, if I'm honest.
Iida turned the lights off and the movie started to play, it was just The Rise of All Might but that somehow made it better. The fact it was a movie from our childhood. I leaned back, relaxing an arm on the back of the couch and behind Kiri. Kirishima leaned on my shoulder snuggling against me, it caught me off guard but I just wrapped my arm around his shoulders holding him close. This is nice. I relaxed more and before I knew it, sleep had pulled me under.
***
"Babe? Babe!" I could hear Kiri but I couldn't find him. I was drowning; my head was being held underwater while they tried to get me to give them information.
"Fuck you! I'm a hero! Not a villain!" I spit when they finally let my head out of the bucket of water. Why am I always being tortured? What did I do to deserve this? Why do villains always want me?
"Who said anything about wanting you? Who would want you?" Handy man asked, smiling down at me. "I could touch you now, you would disappear and no one would even care. Why would they? Does anyone even like you? Does anyone even truly know you?" He laughed and took his glove off, he reached towards me.
"Nnnnnnnooooooo!" I sprang up explosions going off around me bringing me back to the present. I look around, I'm standing in the middle of the common area, all the extras staring at me. Did I say anything out loud? What did I do?
"Bakugo it's just a movie, calm down!" Iida lectures and I relaxed a little bit. I look at the screen and see the collapsed buildings just before All Might comes out carrying all those people and announces "I Am Here!"
Right so he thinks I was just reacting to the movie. That works, I guess. I feel Kiri grab my hand trying to pull me back down to him. "I want something to eat on. I'll be right back," I smiled at him and he nods back relieved, before letting me go again.
I walk into the kitchen and once the door shut behind me, I ran to the trash can and threw up. I'm shaking but I'm fine. I'll be fine. I have to be fine. I rinse my mouth out and clean up after myself and grab a piece of bread to eat. I can't stomach anything more. I run upstairs and brush my teeth and use mouthwash again before rejoining them all, again. Calm, or at least as calm as I get.
I sit down and see Kiri smiling up at me again snuggling into my chest. I relax at the contact and hold him to me. That's right Kiri wants me. I kiss his forehead and he jumps a little at the surprise display of affection. He turned to look at me with a big goofy smile on his face and he reached up to kiss me.
It was a sweet kiss, slow and tender. I opened my eyes to see him looking at me nervously before I nuzzled him, stealing more sweet and tender kisses that he quickly returned. I held him to me; one hand around his waist and another by his face helping the kiss along. Yes, he is so cute when he is like this.