Althea's
I was dumbfounded as I walked back to the office, the pain is still lingering in my heart. It's so heavy, and I don't care if everyone will se me crying. I want to chase him and tell him to come back to me, that I will do everything I can, and choose me again. Why when I feel pretty okay that he will come and talk to me? I was feeling even more hurt than before.
Do I deserve something like this? After giving my all to him? When he was the one who has problems, I was with him the whole timw and didn't leave, but why did he leave me when I was the one suffering with a problem? Why is he so unfair?
Fritzie met me at the lobby, and she was carrying my things. I looked at my wrist and saw that it was six o'clock, time to go home.
"Bes! What's wrong with you huh? Your eyes are so swollen! Madam was angry because when she went to your cubicle earlier, you weren't there, I just said you were in the clinic because you are feeling sick. It's a good thing she did not confirm it. What's the matter --- "I hugged her and cried and cried. I felt her caressing my back. "Shhh .. all right, just cry, Thea."
I cried even harder and tightened my grip on her. But I don't feel better, and I'm in so much pain.
"Let's go home so that you can rest" We walked, and the bus arrived just in time.
The whole trip, I held back my tears and prayed that I would be able to go home because I wanted to cry my heart out and cry myself to sleep.
When we got home, I immediately went to my room, and I didn't even think to wash and hurriedly went to my bed crying like a kid as I dropped my body.
I just cried and cried as all our memories flashed back, how happy we were. The pain hurts like hell, that sometimes I just wish that I disappear... that I can be run over; at least it's not suicide, is it? I hugged my pillow very tightly. And I thought... I stood up and approached my cabinet, and I took a box containing the ones he gifted me and our pictures.
I took the scissors from my table and cut out our pictures while I was crying. I heard Fritzie come in, and she snatched the scissors from me because I was cut in my palm; she hugged me, so I cried even more.
"The pain is killing me bes, and it hurts so bad! How will it go away? How? I'm so tired" until I sat down, I covered my face with my hands. "I want to disappear .."
I felt Fritzie sit up and hold my wrist, and she removed my hand from covering my face.
"Well, you were able to do it in the past, weren't you? You can do it again now. Don't give in to the pain that you are feeling. Shhh, go to sleep first, huh?" He led me to my bed and hugged me.
I turned my back on her and forced myself to sleep even though my tears were dripping like a faucet. Please tell me if I deserve it? Because I will accept if yes, but because I feel like I didn't do anything wrong. We're okay, why is it like this?
Here I am again on the bridge, and I look at myself. I am wearing a black dress. That I don't know why, I walked until I reached the flowers, rolling my eyes hoping I could see Nixon, but I couldn't see him, so I went straight to the lawn and lay down.
I stared at the blue sky, very sweet to the eye, but I was not relaxing; I could still feel the pain and weight of my chest. I quietly cried.
'How long will I cry for that one?'
I was exhausted, my heart, as well as my mind. I know it's not that easy to forget four years, but I hope I don't cry anymore because it hurts my eyes. Amp.
"Oh, you're here again!" I woke up and turned to look at him. "Wait, why are your eyes swollen? Are you crying?" He remembered asking me and sat down next to me
"Mm. My heart hurts, eh" I forced a smile on him.
"What happened? If you don't mind me asking," I asked him.
"My ex went to work earlier, and we talked."
"Why did he even go? What did he tell you?"
"He apologizes to me, but there seems to be a mixture of criticism. He knows I wasn't the only one who had a problem then, and he also said he needed sympathy. He only thinks of himself. And he said he didn't mean to like that woman. "Ha! What do you think of me, you idiot?"
"How come it's unintentional? They're the same as my girlfriend .. this ex-girlfriend and friend of mine said that they didn't mean to like each other and something happened to them. I wasn't born yesterday."
We sighed once more. I'm still crying because the pain I'm feeling still won't go away.
"Let's go" When I looked up, he held out his hand to me, and he was smiling.
"Where will we go?"
"On the mountain! We will shout everything we want to shout to reduce somehow the pain we feel." I took his hand and smiled.
While we were walking towards the mountain, he looked at me. I wonder why I turned to him.
"Why? Is there something on my face?" my face?
"I just can't believe that you're still beautiful, even if you're crying. Even if your eyes are swollen, your beauty hasn't diminished." I feel like I blushed at what he said.
"Inborn" I shrugged yet he laughed.
"What's the wind here?" So I laughed and punched his arm.
He just teased me until I reached the top of the mountain. The view is beautiful, and the clouds seem to be within your reach.
"I'll be the first, right?" he nodded. "Fuck you Ty! I gave you everything! But.. but why d'you have to hurt me? Do I deserve this pain huh? You make me feel happy, loved but you also replaced it with so much pain!" I cried and cried as I shouted that, but I felt that I was gradually feeling better.
I looked at him, and he smiled at me.
"Are you done?" I nodded. "My turn."
He walked to my place. He took a deep breath.
"FUCK THE BOTH OF YOU !! DUMB CHEATERS !!!" He turned to me and smiled at me. "I'm done"
"Eh? That's it?" He nodded and held out his hand to me because I was sitting.
I took his hand, but I pulled him to sit next to me instead of standing up.
"Ahhh .. fuck" he whispered softly, he seemed to be hurt he turned to me and gave me a bad look, so I smiled at him as he got bigger and I signed peace.
"Tell me about it," I said while looking at the sky.
"About what?"
"In your life"
"Hmm. I am the youngest of our family, my parents died in a car accident .. none of them survive they're both dead on the spot. It was 2 years ago, yet it's still vivid in my mind, I was with them when that happened, and I'm the only one who survived. "She sighed and smiled sadly. "I still wish, I just died there. But it seems that my purpose in this world is not over yet."
"Right. The past maybe haunts you, and the memories but instead of making it your weakness, make it your strength" he smiled at me.
"Well, my sister and brother lives in Canada, they'll only call me when I need to attend a meeting with the company my parents left. They won't even ask how I am, what I'm doing. They don't. t bother and it sucks. "I saw a helping tear on her cheek. "I don't even know why and how I'm this vulnerable here, maybe dahil dream 'to, because in reality I don't talk that much." I heard her weak laugh. "How about you?"
"Hmm .. I'm the eldest, I have a younger brother, still in high school. I'm a breadwinner, My dad is in a coma, and my mom is just at home. We used to have a business, our life was luxurious then that's all my daddy had an accident and he ended up in a coma "I gasped. "I always pray that daddy wakes up, cause it hurts so much seeing him that way." Wipe my cheek at the same time.
I miss daddy, his smile and laughter. I have to share Fritzie's apartment to reduce my expenses because we need too much at the hospital tho we have a business and daddy's siblings help me, it's still hard.
We were both just quiet and feeling what we were going through.
"Maybe we met here in a dream because we are both sad, and have a painful journey," he suddenly said.
Maybe so. So we met here, so that somehow we knew someone was willing to listen to our feelings.
"Baka nga no? To help each other? For us to know that someone out there is ready and willing to listen to all of our rants and problem"
He nodded. "I'm glad because somehow I was able to get the ones I was holding out. It's not that heavy on my chest anymore"
I didn't answer him and I just looked at the scene and felt the wind. When I remembered I saw him at the bus stop.
"Ah Nixon, there's a bus stop ---"
I stopped asking when I saw him slowly disappearing as if a dandelion had been blown. And when I look at my hands, I look exactly the same as his.
When I opened my eyes, I was already in the bedroom, and Tyler was in front of me!