I STILL CAN NOT BELIEVE this is happening.
Yeah, it's obvious that she betrayed my trust, used and abused me, manipulated and brainwashed me as well. But my mind's still trying to get the meaning of this. My heart and mind are conflicted.
For Mikla's sake, I'm her sister. We are twins after all!
I'm not lying when I say that I love her. It's not like there's a [STOP LOVING] button I can push and blow away the feeling I have for her. That's why it hurts so bad.
That doesn't mean I'm not angry. That doesn't make me stop wanting to kill her. Because I am furious. I want to scream and beat the shit out of her. My blood is boiling out of wrath. Yet my love for her is still here.
She always had people's attention and love, while I didn't. She was loved by our parents in a way I never was, but I was happy to see her being loved, especially because I knew how much it hurts to not have my parents' affection, especially my mother's. I was already bad when I was a kid, but she wanted to see it? What's wrong with her?
Did she hit her head when she was born or something like that?
And to be honest, she was right in one thing. I, really, never thought she would ever harm me. She was the person I carried the most besides my younger brother.
I wanted to see her smile, to see her happy just because she was who she was, the blood of my blood... But she architected my destruction since we were kids, she deeply hated me for being me!
Never crossed my mind how fucking heartless Dalilah could be. Although I never realized how foolish I was either.
All I wanted to do now is talk back, but couldn't do this, once they cut my tongue off for the lies she made me tell. But again, no one would believe in me if I could speak right now either. They never did! Why would it be different now?
Humans are always searching for a target, someone they could hate and gossip about. A person to blame for all of their problems. And right now, that person is me. At the moment, I'm their common enemy, all the rulers in Padaman, literally, asked for a piece of me. Pretty much everybody wants me dead.
I, indeed, am mainly being accused of murdering my older brother, who became the Grand Duke after my father's death (which I am also to blame for, thanks to Dalilah). But that's not the only reason. I wouldn't be having such a grand and public execution in front of the Imperial Palace just for that.
They discovered that I was the one who killed all of the Princesses, other nobles and innocents, which led them to believe that I was the responsible person who caused the world war, just like the prophecy my grandmother saw the night me and Dalilah were born. And when the other Kingdoms heard about that, they all asked for my death, for a piece of me. That's one of the reasons why I was dismembered, as well as to the 3rd Imperial Prince's pleasure.
Before I'd thought he had told them about what I did, because my sister, him, Octavian, and the late Empress, were the only ones who knew, once they were all on Dalilah's side, backing her. Although I always had the suspicion that Queen Olivia, late Emperor's 1st mistress, also knew about it, once she was like late Empress Francesca's shadow.
Especially because I killed Octavian, and the current Emperor, Joshua Caspien, killed his mother about a week before I murdered my brother. So it could only be Christopher or my twin, because I never had the assurance about Queen Olivia knowing what I did.
Now I see that it was all part of her plans. And that she was probably the one who told them all about it with him. Bringing me to where I am now.
Fuck-
What power would the 'Villainess' claiming has in front of the 'Saintess'? None! They would probably torture me a little more and make my death an even more painful and bigger event, by claiming that I was trying to accuse the 3rd Imperial Prince's wife, of such a hideous crime.
Dalilah made me kill our parents and our younger brother. H-how could I've done something like that? How could I do that to Val?
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why hadn't I regained my consciousness back then? Why wasn't I strong enough to fight back? To resist her manipulations?
Valerian... my dear younger brother who was always by my side and not hers. He may not have believed me when I said I had been born with magic, be he still was there on my side. Always picking fights with the people who said something ill-intended about me.
How could I do something like that to him? He trusted and loved me more than anyone in the world, and what did I do about that? I did to him exactly what Dalilah is doing to me now, but different from her, I cut his throat with my own hands.
Worst of all, he was only fifteen when she made me do that. He was still a kid.
I may love Dalilah, but I always loved Val more. And just that is enough to make me start to truly hate her because Valerian was a precious and powerful kid, who saw her true colors sooner than everyone. He tried to tell me, but I always fought with him because of it.
Goddess-damn it, I was so foolish and dumb. I should have listened to him, because he never lied to me. But I was so blind.
She made me the fucking villainess of this story and put herself as the main character!
Still holding my jaw in a hard grip with her delicate hands she gave me the most despicable smile I have ever seen, "See you in hell, dear sister!" Dalilah moved away and gave a signal for the executioner.
I could only see his deep ruby-red eyes shining bright, and I felt his gaze piercing my soul. But it was strangely familiar and warm, even though I'd never seen such eyes in my abhorrent life. At least, I don't believe I did.
Oh, fuck Dalilah! Fuck everyone! I don't want to die here.
I don't want to die today...
I don't want to die now...
I don't want to die!
If there're really a deity out there, give me another chance. If Mikla, the Goddess of Death, truly exists, grant me a second life so I can get my revenge. I beg you, don't let me go to your domain just yet!
Just one more chance and I swear I'll do everything better, please, Goddess don't allow me to die like this. Let me repent. Let me do it again. I'll do better.
Please!
I know I did malefic things and I'm deeply sorry for that. I, truly, am! And I won't say that it was only Dalilah's fault, once I was the one who did it. She may have been the one controlling me, but I was her dagger, and it's the dagger that makes others bleed. Although I don't regret killing a few of them, it wasn't my true self. I wasn't in control. So, please do not let me die here.
I want to live! I'll do everything in my power to make it right this time. Just give me one more chance.
Only one, that's all I'll ask you, nothing more.
After I do what I have to do, you can come to claim my tainted soul, Goddess. I don't even care if I have a horrible death after I get back at them. Just, please, I'm begging you, save me.
Save me, so I can save those who died by my hands. So I can save Valerian and my father.
It doesn't need to be the Goddess if she doesn't exist. Just... someone save me, please. Spare my life just this once.