I miss the girl I used to be
Before I met you and fell in love
Before the arguments
Before the after school hangouts
Before the heartache
I miss the girl who could stop thinking about you
The girl who didn't set aside time to get to know you
Because now whenever you're around I'm always tempted the devil on my shoulder is egging me to taste you one more time
To remember your touch that I buried deep within my mind
The feeling that never quite left my body
I miss the girl I used to be before we had sex
Because no matter what there will always be that spark between us waiting for the perfect time to ignite
I try to forget you but it's like the more I try to remove you from my archive of memories the more you start to appear
like black and white movie clips they give a sense of melancholic nostalgia
It's as if my mind is telling me not to forget
To not forget the love we shared and the time we spent together
Maybe a little piece of me yearns for you
But not like I used to
I'm no longer blinded
The naive girl you used to know died after we split
I no longer fall madly in love
Instead I tread on the border of head over heels and caution
The doubt I'll always harbor is my life jacket just in case I slip into the chaotic flow of love
I miss the girl that didn't know what love was but even so I'm happy she's gone
The bittersweet taste love leaves is something I'll always crave but never want to seek out
I wish we could've worked out just to see what path would've been paved before us
But that's like changing the chapters in a published book as if no one turned those ink stained pages and dissected the words written in a tongue we created
It's a childish thought but none the less a reoccurring one
But now I just wish for my friend back
The person I could tell everything to without fear of being judged
But the question I have to ask myself is if we become close again will I be able to resist temptation
Will I stay on the line or will I try to dive to the depths once again falling madly in love with you
I'm scared as to what my answer would be
And that's why I miss the girl I used to be
Before I met you and fell in love
The girl who couldn't explain the feeling because she had never felt it
Because the girl I am today
Has had her heart stomped on and set aflame
She's been bruised and broken
Been in so much pain that some days leaving her bed felt like climbing a mountain with her hands tied her back
A near impossible feat
The girl that stands before you today who's experienced that sickly bittersweet feeling is scared to keep loving and letting others hold her delicate heart
Yet she finds it in her to keep loving and try trusting
The act of loving with everything you've got is a courageous thing that isn't for the half hearted but for those with conviction to never stop loving their special person
To be understanding of them, their past, and the things surrounding them
To come with an open mind to face every obstacle together as a team
A unit
A partnership
That is the kind of love the girl I used to be wished for
The kind of love I have yet to fully receive
Now I no longer miss the girl I used to be
Instead I pray the girl I am now finds peace