Days passed in a blink of an eye. I'm about to get discharged. Just thinking about the mountain pile of activities makes me want to extend for more days in the hospital.
Chai visited me today, although she didn't need to come. Since we study at different universities.
"Don't you have a class today?" I asked while punching the contents of my bag to make room for more.
"Don't worry. I only have class in the afternoon today. And, besides this is a perk of an online class. I could listen to the lecture anywhere. Of course, as long as there is a stable internet connection."
As I listened to her stories. My thoughts drifted to one person. Well, that actually makes two. I'm imagining those two lovers are on another date today. Eric didn't do anything wrong. He just got in a relationship that's all. It's absolutely normal. But still, it infuriates me, if he was gonna be like that, he shouldn't give me false hope. The day I confessed he should've rejected me directly. Because that is what I deserved. He's not the bad guy, but that doesn't clear him from faults either.
"Am I selfish Chai?"
"That came out of nowhere. It depends. What are you referring to?"
"It's as if you're admitting I am right" I stared in betrayal.
"All of us are selfish in our own ways. That's why we don't really have the liberty to judge others"
After hearing her I pose in a dynamic position of what I think looks shocked. I really am full of sarcasm, right? Yes, you are. Oh, look at me, answering my own thought.
"Woah! Liberty! You don't hear that word quite often. Oh, Master since you are well-versed in academe, please do me a favor and share my burdens with me" I said clinging to her.
Her facial expression could scream for herself saying 'Hell no!'
"You're the one to talk. It is as if you're forgetting something important"
"I have a short term memory loss thus I do not know what you are saying"
She removes her arms from crossing each other. Then I felt pain in both my cheeks.
"Cheeky brat, you who always rank first in everything stoop this low?" Her right brow raised forming a high arc.
"Master, your words hurt. I just have too many things on my plate" She let go of my cheeks that turned red due to her pinching.
"You also know why that happened in the first place" Oh boy here we go again. Look at her. She's staring at my face with mockery. I know. I know. I was shallow and stubborn and too drunk in my one-sided love.
It's as if she read my thoughts. She replied, "Yes... yes... you were so motivated. Doing everything so that you'll be his equal"
She sat down on the bed and motioned me to follow. "But don't be like this. You're gonna regret it" she added.
"I know... I'm fully aware of what's going on. So as its consequences. But what can I do Chai? Every time I try, memories of him flash and it hurts so much"
"This time, do it for yourself Shy, not for your family with their high standard nor for you to catch up to Sir Eric"
I looked at her in the eyes and said, "It's easier said than done. I tried Chai. I tried really hard. But it's just that I can't escape these feelings of emptiness, and spite" I cried. I was already shedding tears again.
I don't know myself anymore. I'm too weak. I tried to be strong as always but it's so exhausting. I'm flawed. I consistently tried to be better. But some things don't bore the fruit of what we expect. She hugged me and I continued to wail at her. Thank God, most patients are either in surgery or too far to hear me.
"How about finding another spark of motivation?"
I scowled at her. And go through all of that again? No way.
"I'm not saying he's supposed to be a you know. But someone that'll also make you flustered every time he's near" she gently push me and stared straight. "As you said, you have the personality that makes you cuckoo in love in your own way. Plus, you tend to get attracted to those with high IQ both real and 2D"
I rolled my eyes. I couldn't refute that fact. At least I know my tastes. Seeing that I couldn't strike back. It's like she wanted to strike the iron while it's hot. She attacked again
"You also haven't had a boyfriend. You're an NBS!" she pointed.
Ouch! The arrow felt like a sniper did it. Bullseye. I was gonna open my mouth to state my defenses but to my dismay, she's going all the way.
"Remember how you complain that your cousins that are much younger than you had already two or three?"
"Don't say I'm different to me again. Remember the time you were a bit jealous of them?"
"Shy, you might not think of it right now but you're already twenty. You had your come of age two years ago. I'm not pushing you to marry, I just want you to experience the world. There's plenty of fish in the sea"
"So you're saying I've wasted my five years on him? Well, I also think that." I sighed. It's too late for regrets anyway.
"Oh look at you. A year ago you're so serious he's the only one who you can picture to be your lifelong partner"
"Ugh, so embarrassing... Did I really say that?"
"Want me to remind you? Madam who has memory loss but knows his daily schedule even on weekends because he reports it to you"
"Hey! I didn't ask him to! He's the one stating it on his messages."
Yes, I was always the person to go to, when they were trying to find him. What can I do? It is as if I have a perfect memory with even just a passing glance. I can predict his location by its direction and his nature. Damn, I was too obsessed.
"Just date someone and don't reason out you don't know. Learn it."
Oh, Chai are you my friend or my nemesis right now? I sighed. She's still eagerly staring. I reluctantly nodded. Hey, I didn't say anything. So it doesn't count. Hehe.
"Uhm, excuse me. Sorry to bother you but we need to prep the bed for the next patient"
Both of us froze in our seats for a moment. Then hurriedly cleared the way. I'm not sure if the nurse heard it. Ah, I'm so embarrassed. My cheeks already burning. Even without looking at a mirror, I'm red as ketchup. Like those ketchup Jollibee serves. Red but sour. My mood's a bit sour. Look at the mastermind just humming as if nothing happened.
She smiled when she noticed me burning a hole in her. I sighed again. I'm sighing too much these days. Although I'm unfortunate in love, I'm lucky enough to have a friend like her.
We stepped outside the dessert of a road. Our country gave us two choices either toast by heat or cold when it's raining. We're already used to typhoons being inside the pacific ring of fire.
I suddenly remembered the paper. It's still under the pillow.
"Chai, I need to go back. I forgot something"
"Sure, I'll wait there" she pointed out to the thick tree with a wonderful shade.
I dashed to the entrance towards my bed for a few days. I saw the nurse fixing the bed. As soon as she saw me, she gave me a warm smile.
"Are you looking for this?" She asked, showing me the paper.
"Yes. Yes, thank you" I was about to pull the paper but her grip tighten so I looked at her again.
"You can do it," she said reassuringly and give it to me.
"O-okay, thank you," I said before leaving. I was walking outside again and saw Chai playing with her phone in the shade.
Then it occurred to me. Did she hear some of our conversations? I flattened the crumpled paper. It has Mr. Avareste's contact info. Oh gosh. Did she think that..? This is too much. Can someone dig a hole and bury me in it?
I look like a dalmatian with my bruises in a darker color than my skin tone.
"Shall we go now?" Chai asked.
"Yeah" It's not like I'm gonna see that nurse again. I'm not planning to take another trip to a hospital.