(Hokage Tower – Hokage's Office)
Hiruzen stood on the lookout point at the top of the tower with Naruto standing behind him. He knew the boy was there, Naruto had been standing there for at least five minutes, probably trying to correctly word what he wanted to say. Hiruzen could tell from Naruto's lack of a boisterous greeting that it was important so he hadn't goaded him into speaking.
"Old man…" Naruto finally said. His voice was rather low, showing the brevity of whatever it was he wished to speak about. Naruto swallowed down a lump in his throat and finally chose to raise his voice closer to its normal timbre, "I've read some things recently… and I know that my name is from a clan. A clan that was supposed to be pretty famous. The book told me lots of stuff, about how they were the best at fuuinjutsu, and what the crest on the back of my clothes meant. So I just want to know two things now."
Hiruzen turned around to face Naruto, showing the boy that he was taking his questions seriously, "Alright. Go ahead and ask away Naruto-kun. I'll answer what I can."
Naruto nodded and began to fire away, "Are there anymore of them left or is it just like what Shikamaru said? The part saying clan is extinct."
Hiruzen let out a sigh as he answered, "It is true. It happened long, long ago. Any of them that may be left are scattered to the corners of the world, and none of that bloodline claim the surname Uzumaki any longer. I'm sorry."
"Huh…" Naruto said, as he had expected that much from the whole 'they're extinct' thing, "Well that sucks."
Hearing Naruto's blunt summary of his clan's current state actually put a small smile on Hiruzen's face, "Yes it does I would imagine. I have worked with members of your clan in the distant past and I can certainly tell you that the book you read was accurate. They were fearsome fighters, energetic much like you but not nearly as much so." He said with a chuckle, "And they were as good at fuuinjutsu as you were informed. It eventually led to their downfall in the end. Having a village spearheaded by masters of such a complex technique led to their enemies teaming up to eventually destroy them in the end. I'm afraid all of their possessions were lost with them so there's nothing I can hand down to you in that respect."
Naruto waved it off. He didn't care much for anything material at all, "Don't sweat it, I've dealt without for this long back when I didn't know anything, it doesn't matter now right? I'll make my own clan stuff." He scratched the side of his head and laughed uncomfortably as he asked his next question, "If you knew anything about my family, anything worth telling me, like about my mom or dad could you tell me?"
'Well now that he knows his clan was famous and extinct it isn't so farfetched to believe that someone would know who his parents were. I mean how many people named Uzumaki existed in this village? He had to come from somewhere and someone would know of that name.' The old kage thought before he was struck with something else, 'Well he's telling Naruto about what's within him so he can tell him this too.' "I'll tell you what Naruto. There's a man that you'll find in this village at some point. He's a big tall man with long wild white hair and he wears wooden sandals. He's a pretty flamboyant person, you can't miss him."
"How will I find him?" Naruto wondered, excited at possibly meeting someone that could tell him about his parents, "I mean, finding one guy is hard when I've never met him and the only person with white hair that I know is Kakashi-sensei."
Hiruzen let out a chuckle as he put his hand on Naruto's head, "Trust me Naruto-kun he won't be that hard for you to find at all. He'll probably drop right into your lap. I hope this helped, and when you do talk to Jiraiya, I want you to know you can come to me and I'll try to fill in whatever he couldn't." Naruto nodded and smirked before making the ram seal and vanishing in a puff of smoke," Hmm, he is just as fast as Kakashi and Asuma said he was."
XxX
(Days Later – Team 10 Training Ground)
It had been a few days since Naruto's meeting with Hiruzen over his desire to bring his clan back to prominence. Time was winding down and preparations were coming to a close with training time for the chunin exams that would be taking place in Tetsu no Kuni. Any jounin sensei in Konoha worth their salt was making sure that their genin squads that intended on participating were up to snuff for the harrowing challenge.
Including the jounin sensei of Team 10, "Come on people. Laps, laps, laps. Keep those hands moving! I'd better not see you miss a single seal in the line-up!" Asuma currently had his team running full-speed laps around the edge of the training field while making hand-seals on the fly. This sounded like something ridiculously easy for Naruto, and it was… even with two backpacks full of rocks strapped to his chest and back, "Shikamaru pick up the pace you're three behind Ino and ten behind Naruto!"
They had been doing this for the last two hours straight.
"I'm not Naruto Asuma!" Shikamaru uncharacteristically yelled, "Why are you even comparing my lap count to his? He can do this for the rest of the day as long as we stop for lunch. He could outrun you if he had to."
"So *pant pant* tired…" Ino huffed as she kept moving. She had fought back the urge to puke not too long ago so she was cool to keep going as much as it sucked going full speed.
Asuma cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled to her, "Stop complaining out loud you guys! Talking makes you tired faster!" He turned towards Naruto as the boy was about to book it past him again, only the sweat pouring down his face telling Asuma that he was even feeling it, 'Yeah this isn't doing anything for him.' He stuck out his arm and stopped Naruto in his tracks, "Hold up. You're done. Ino and Shikamaru will only have to do two more each and then we can move on."
"I can keep going." Naruto insisted.
Asuma nodded, "I know you can, that's why I'm ending it here… because the point of this was to get you tired and make you keep pushing through it. If I wanted to do that with you we'd be here all day long and most of the night. So for now I'll teach you how to add your wind chakra to your weapon." He pulled out his trench knives, "It's simple after you've gotten splitting the leaf down. Just treat the weapon as if it were the leaf itself. Generate your chakra the same way around the blade."
Naruto pulled his machete from his waist and began to do what he had been accustomed to doing with his leaf before today. Like with the leaf he could feel his chakra had reached cutting potential, but seeing as how he couldn't cut metal with just his chakra, it further sharpened the already razor-sharp edge of his weapon, "So…"
Asuma gestured towards the edge of the clearing where there were trees abundant, "Go hack into something that you know that you wouldn't have gotten close to cutting through before this."
Naruto shrugged and ran towards the nearest tree that wasn't their unofficial team meeting point with a battle cry before jumping at it with a diagonal slash that cleaved cleanly right through the wood, "Whoo! Yeah!" Naruto exclaimed happily, celebrating his weapon's newfound cutting prowess by jumping around. He used both hands and started swinging around his machete in a theatrical manner while making whooshing noises with his mouth, "All hail Uzumaki Naruto's clear-cutting machete! Fear my high-flying flow!" He pointed the machete at Ino and Shikamaru who stopped to look at him rant, "Fear it!"
"Oookay." Ino said, hands on her knees as she took the time to catch her breath.
Shikamaru on the other hand was laying on the ground, not even looking up at Naruto from where he was still gloating to the world with his machete, "So what's next Asuma?" He asked the bearded jounin who walked over to them.
"There's only a week left before we head out to Tetsu no Kuni." Asuma started to say as he grabbed Shikamaru's hand and dragged the groaning boy off of the ground, "I want to do something together as a team before we go and right now is as good a time as any while I'm letting you all come down from that workout." Hearing this, the blonde boy and girl followed behind their sensei.
XxX
(Konoha Hot Springs)
Naruto, Shikamaru, and Asuma shared a on the male side bath, sighing in relief while sitting in the hot water. Asuma cupped a hand in front of his mouth and yelled towards the gate separating the two sides of the hot spring, "How you doing over there Ino?"
"I'm fine!" She yelled back, enjoying this time given to her to just rest up, "It's fine since I can still talk to you guys over here, it's great!" Being on the women's side and knowing who was on the other side closest to the fence made her feel rather safe, as neither Naruto or Shikamaru would be the type to try and peek on her, especially not with Asuma there too, "So do you think we're really ready for the exams Asuma-sensei?"
"Absolutely…" He said, leaning back against the wall of the bath he was in, "Ino, your new offensive attacks are going to catch tons of enemies off guard if you actually have to fight. Shikamaru's actually been training in-depth and managed to get some offense behind him now that doesn't consist of him sneaking up on someone-."
"Whatever…" Shikamaru replied in response to the playfully backhanded compliment, "Troublesome adult."
Asuma just smirked at him and kept talking, turning his attention to Naruto who had gotten a cigarette in the bath with him and was currently partaking in his smoke, "And then we've got Manic McSpaz Pants over here-."
"I am not a spaz!" Naruto replied heatedly before blowing his smoke directly into the air, "I haven't done anything spazzy in..." He started counting on his fingers before speaking again, "At least a week."
Asuma shook his head in amusement, "Well you having your nose in that book of yours is keeping you occupied. Are you getting anything out of it so far?" He asked Naruto in interest, wanting to know how another facet of his student's private studies were going. He didn't know anything about fuuinjutsu, so having one of his genin begin learning it was kind of cool, especially if he was teaching himself.
Naruto made a tiny hand gesture as he grinned, "A little bit. The basics. I'm not nearly good enough to do anything cool. I'm doing exercises that just amount to me making storage seals. I tried to read further but I didn't really get what it was talking about. It said something about how just sealing objects was thinking too small. I don't know what that means since the book said that you could seal pretty much anything. So why would sealing an object like a house or something be thinking too small? It's a brain-teaser…" He said, running his hand through his hair.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes, "That Shiho girl and I told you that fuuinjutsu was going to be hard Naruto. Just don't try skipping ahead and blowing off your arms. We need you in one piece so we can take that test."
"I'll be ready to roll, don't you worry." Naruto said, slapping some water over at Shikamaru jokingly.
Ino spoke from her side of the hot spring, "I thought you didn't want to go do the exams in the first place Shika. What, did Goldie finally kick you into gear with that energy of his?"
"Don't call me Goldie…" Naruto said, seething at the name, "You're blonde too."
"Not blonde like you though…" Ino responded, and Naruto could just see the smirk on her face through the wall, "…Goldie." She heard a thump bounce off of the wall and let out a laugh, "Oh cheer up, it's a term of endearment. You should be happy yours is so nice. Asuma-sensei and Shikamaru aren't so lucky."
Asuma's eye twitched in reference to the conversation, "Yes because the names 'Bum' and 'Smokestack' are so endearing Ino." He then noticed Naruto getting out of the hot spring on their side, wrapping a towel around himself to leave and get dressed, "Where are you going Naruto?"
Naruto looked over his shoulder, cigarette still hanging out of his mouth, "I've had enough of soaking in the water, I'm going to go for a little walk. I won't go too far."
"Alright." Asuma said, dismissing Naruto to do what he wanted to. Sitting in one place doing nothing was still something that was just out of Naruto's range of possibility.
XxX
Naruto's walkabout outside of the hot springs were just so that he didn't fall asleep while he was in there. How could his team just chill out and relax like that? He was all fired up for the chunin exams, he wanted to get rolling again! He was ready for whatever was in store for them, no matter what it was. This exam was a test in more ways than one. It was a test to see where they stood among ninja that were supposed to be on their level. No fighting shinobi that were supposed to be head-and-shoulders better than them like Haku. And he wanted his rematches; with both Sasuke and Tenten. Sasuke because they never truly got going with their fight, Tenten because he wanted to get his win back to say the very least… and that wasn't even mentioning Tenten's teammates, especially the kid with the white eyes.
He knew that there was no way they weren't getting themselves a piece of these chunin exams as well. He almost felt like seeking Tenten out just to brag about the fact that he was going, but the element of surprise appealed to him more.
He then heard some light giggling, but he decided to ignore it until he heard it again. He looked around but didn't see anyone, however once he heard another set of giggles he growled to himself, thinking someone was messing with him, "Chakura Hankyouteii no Jutsu (Chakra Echolocation Jutsu)…" Naruto's control of the jutsu at this point was so great he could walk around blindfolded if he kept letting out constant pulses of the jutsu. He had never done this to test it out, but the way things were now, he could see up close with his eyes closed and feel things at a distance out of his eyeshot, and to his right behind the shrubs and bushes he could feel a large living presence.
Naruto dropped his cigarette from his mouth and stomped it out under his foot before he walked over through the foliage and saw someone crouching by the fence keeping the hot springs away from the outside, "Um, what are you doing?"
"Quiet kid." The man said, not even turning to pay Naruto any mind, "Are you trying to get me caught here?" He then let out a thoughtful sound, "Hmm that blonde girl looks like she'll probably wind up being a 10 when the time comes… something to think about for later." He said to no one in particular.
Naruto's face twisted in confusion before he realized what was happening and gave the strange man a deadpan look, "Are you really peeking on the women's side of the springs?" A set of giggles gave him his answer, "That's really sad, you know that?"
The man waved him off, "Whatever kid. Hey, you want to get in on this?" He offered, "A kid like you needs to learn about the healthy female figure at some point. Now's as good a time as any. Consider it a gift from the magnanimous Jiraiya-sama."
Naruto's eyes widened and he fished through the pockets of his windbreaker before pulling out the book that he had been reading recently. As he read the name of the author on the front he lowered the book in shock, "You're Jiraiya? You? You're the guy that wrote the book I'm reading!"
Hearing Naruto almost yell, Jiraiya turned around and stood up to his full height, towering over Naruto as he walked closer, "Get real kid. There's no way a runt like you has read my works. They're for adults only."
Naruto gave him a strange look and held up his fuuinjutsu help manual, "This is for adults? I know I had to take a test to read this thing but other than that there wasn't a restriction. Are you sure?"
Jiraiya squinted and looked at the book in Naruto's hands, meanwhile Naruto scrutinized Jiraiya's appearance, 'Wild spiky white hair… big, tall man… big wooden sandals. Holy crap this is the guy that Hokage-jiji told me to talk to!'
Jiraiya's face finally smiled as he recognized the book Naruto had with him, "Oh yeah, that thing. I almost forgot that I wrote that. You managed to get into it? Way to go kid. It's almost like you're my student. So what's your name?"
"Uzumaki Naruto." Naruto told him, "And the Hokage told me that you were the guy I needed to ask about a few things."
After smiling at having found Naruto so easily, Jiraiya's face turned grave, 'So he knew enough about what was going on inside of him that he went to Sarutobi-sensei? Man, this was good timing to meet the kid anyway from the looks of things.' He smirked and pointed his thumb at himself, "I'll answer any question that you've got for me kid! There's no way I can let an apparent disciple of mine go without knowing things that the grand sage Jiraiya can inform him on!"
"Great!" Naruto said, getting excited now. Not only did he find the man he needed to see rather effortlessly, it was also the guy that wrote his book. What a great day to be him. And then the female voices from over the fence started acknowledging their presence.
"Who's talking out there?"
"There's a hole in the fence!"
"I see orange!"
Jiraiya and Naruto both paled, knowing their fate if they were to be caught here, "We need to get out of here now kid!" Jiraiya hissed in a whisper as he grabbed Naruto and took off running before any women could get dressed and chase them, or worse, knock the fence down and kick the crap out of them.
"We?" Naruto asked indignantly as he found himself tucked under Jiraiya's arm, "What do you mean we? I didn't do anything, you were the one peeking!"
"They won't care!" Jiraiya yelled as he used Shunshin to cover his movements of leaving the street, "Lesson one; female anger is an unguided weapon!"
And just as they disappeared without a trace, a crowd of women wearing towels emerged from the changing room, charging out onto the street to search for whoever it was they saw getting looks at them, "Damn it! Whoever that was they were fast!" The woman who spoke pointed to the side, "Some of you go over the bridge and search over there. The rest of us will keep going this way and search. Remember, orange." And with that, the angry mob split up and took off.
As the sounds of the angry women vanished from the area, Jiraiya's voice whispered, "Man kid you are strong." Under the bridge crossing the steaming water of the hot spring, Naruto had his palms and entire body stuck flat to the underside while Jiraiya held on to him like a leech, "Is your entire body stuck to that thing?"
"Yeah…" Naruto said, focusing on keeping himself stuck to the bridge with the heavy extra added baggage attached to him, "Can you let go now? I think they're gone."
"Are you sure?" Jiraiya asked almost fearfully. He didn't want to get himself beaten up today on the word of some kid he met not even five minutes prior.
"I don't sense anyone." Naruto assured him, as with the positioning he was in he couldn't see through the bridge with his jutsu, he could still sense life though, "It's all clear Jiraiya-sensei."
Jiraiya dropped off of Naruto and landed on the surface of the water, barely blinking in surprise when Naruto did the same, "Jiraiya-sensei?" Naruto pulled out the book and tapped it, "Oh! Okay, I've gotcha kid." They both started walking on the water and jumped back up onto the street now that the danger had subsided.
"Naruto."
Both Naruto and Jiraiya turned to see Asuma and the other two genin on Team 10 walking towards him, fully dressed like himself. Once Asuma saw Jiraiya he quickly acknowledged him, "It's good to see you Jiraiya-sama. We should have a talk sometime."
"What's up Asuma-sensei?" Naruto said with a smile, "I was just going to talk with Jiraiya-sensei here. I've got some things to ask him about."
"I don't mind." Asuma said, looking down at Ino and Shikamaru, "Well that's all I had for us to do today. You guys are all dismissed for the day."
Shikamaru nodded, however Ino stood there with an angry look on her face, tapping her foot on the ground as she glared at Naruto, "You know all of the commotion just now was from someone wearing orange. You wouldn't happen to know anyone wearing orange, would you Naruto?"
Naruto grabbed his windbreaker, "No I don't." When he could feel enough anger radiating off of her to get Shikamaru and Asuma to step away he said more, "Oh this isn't orange, this is tangelo. See? Tangelo."
Ino narrowed her eyes and pointed at them with two fingers before pointing back at Naruto and walking away, "Hmph."
Shikamaru put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and shook his head, "Yeah, you're dead Naruto. Watch your place for traps when you get home later, that's what I'd do. Later."
Asuma waited until his other two genin had left before turning to Jiraiya who nodded. Jiraiya looked towards Naruto, "Hey kid do you have a place to relax so that we can talk? Some of the stuff you're probably going to ask me might be sensitive information."
"Yeah, sure." Naruto said, gesturing for them to follow him, "Let's go."
XxX
(Hokage Monument)
Naruto sat down on the head of the Yondaime Hokage and looked out over the entire village for a moment before turning around to look at both Asuma and Jiraiya who were standing beside each other with similar looks on their faces, "Hey why are you here Asuma-sensei?"
"You don't want me to be?" The man asked in amusement, getting Naruto to fervently shake his head, fearing that he might have offended him, "Calm down Naruto. I'm just here to help. Who knows, I might be able to help with something that you find out here."
Naruto didn't know what that meant but it didn't matter in the end. He saw Jiraiya take a seat on the ground as well and let off a sigh, "It's kind of ironic that you picked this head to sit down on."
Naruto grinned at him, "Well the Yondaime Hokage was the coolest, at least as far as I'm concerned. Whenever I look at his face up here it just, I don't know, clicks with me for some reason. I can't explain just why he's my favorite when I actually personally know Sarutobi-jiji but he is. Why'd you agree to do this so easily anyway? And seriously Asuma-sensei why are you here? I thought you'd be more inclined to go find that Kurenai lady after we were done like you do sometimes."
Asuma sat down on the ground as well, only with more weight behind it in an irritable manner, "You guys just love to take shots at that don't you? You saw me with her once."
"-That you know of." Naruto replied cheekily. He then got serious, "So really, what's this about? Because Jiraiya-sensei you shouldn't know me well enough to be okay with me just asking you any kind of question. I expected some kind of fight or something."
Jiraiya crossed his arms, wondering how he should start this, "Well the thing is Naruto, I'm here to tell you something. It's pretty important, and it has to do with the Yondaime Hokage, which is a reason that I'm the one telling you since he was my student."
Naruto's eyes widened, "No way… I thought the only person you trained was that Namikaze Minato guy that you talked about sometimes in your book."
Jiraiya gave Naruto a dry look, "Don't they teach you kids anything in the Academy these days? That name is the name of the Yondaime Hokage… that's him. And I'm here to tell you something that you didn't know. It's actually a major secret that no one is allowed to talk about, and it's directly about you."
"About me?" Naruto asked as he could feel his heart start to beat faster. What was special about him enough for there to be a secret surrounding it? He was just some kid, and even though he found out just recently that he was a part of a fallen clan, that wasn't a good enough reason. He wasn't special… yet. That would come when he could prove to others that he was, "What about me? What is it?"
Asuma could see that Jiraiya didn't know how to word things, and for some reason his father Hiruzen wanted the toad sage to be the one to tell this, so all he could do at the time was nudge things along, "Naruto tell me what you know about the night that the Kyuubi attacked the village." And like a switch was turned, Naruto told them everything that he knew about it, the only topic that Naruto fresh out of the Academy could recite back to anyone with textbook accuracy. Just like they expected him to know, "Good job Naruto, all of those things are absolutely right. But do you know how the Kyuubi was defeated?"
Naruto squinted his eyes in thought, not quite remembering what was told about how the demon was defeated, "I don't know. A really super-huge big-ass jutsu?" Jiraiya shook his head, "No? I'm wrong? So wait, I've heard that the Kyuubi could flatten mountains and make tsunamis with swings of its tail. How could anything except a huge jutsu beat that?"
"Fuuinjutsu kid." Jiraiya said, seeing Naruto's eyes widen, "You see why it's important now?"
"So what did he do?" Naruto asked, excited that the new thing he was studying was the source of such a huge victory, even more inspired by the fact that the Yondaime Hokage was the one that did it, "Is it something that I'm going to learn?"
Asuma frowned at that, "I hope not Naruto… what the Hokage used to defeat the Kyuubi took his life. I never want to see or hear about you using anything like that. You're not supposed to die before me, especially like that."
Jiraiya nodded in agreement. If Naruto got that good at fuuinjutsu he'd be proud of course, but he was nervous when he found that Minato learned the Shiki Fuujin (Dead Demon Consuming Seal), and the damn thing wound up killing him in the end, "Still, Naruto I want you to tell me, have you ever felt… I don't know, different? Have you ever felt any kind of strange sensation coming from your body?"
Naruto raised an eyebrow in confusion, "Why in the hell are you trying to give me 'the talk'? I know what 'the strange sensation' is Jiraiya-sensei, I'm not stupid."
Jiraiya palmed his face as Asuma began laughing at the legendary ninja, "Not that strange sensation you brat! I'm being serious here, I mean have you ever felt overly angry, scared, helpless?" Naruto nodded grimly, remembering that he felt all three of those things when he thought that Haku had killed his team. Remembering that having befriended a spy almost got his team in serious trouble, "Can you remember what happened when you did?"
Naruto started to think, trying to remember what he did when he fought Haku, "I caught up to her… and I beat her up pretty bad. I don't know how I got to her so fast though, Haku had more speed than me. It was like I was seeing red or something. I didn't stop until I was just about to beat her to death. I think I broke a tree." His eyes then widened, "Wait, I did! I almost broke a tree with just my body, I couldn't do that before and I haven't done it since!"
Jiraiya figured that in the heat of battle Naruto didn't care much why he was so strong, just that it happened and it got him the win that he needed, "Naruto there was no way for Minato to actually kill the Kyuubi. It's not mortal in the sense that you and I are, it's a force of nature more than anything else. All he could do was seal it away. What do you know about sealing? You've read my book, what is the basic concept of it?"
Naruto looked at his hands as he realized where this was going, hoping that he was wrong about it, "Fuuinjutsu seals things within another object… that's the basic concept of the art." That was the definition given when Naruto first started the actual manual portion of the book.
"Now when were you born Naruto?" Asuma asked him, "When's your birthday?"
"October 10th." Naruto said without missing a beat, "Same day as the attack…" He then let out a sigh, "I have been thinking about how weird it was. So it's sealed inside me? Where?"
Jiraiya lifted Naruto's shirt, "Channel some chakra." Naruto did as instructed and a spiral mark with eight prongs around it appeared around his navel, "That's where the seal is."
Naruto looked down at it with a deep frown on his face, "Well if that isn't a kick in the head. And to think, if I'd actually done more things shirtless I probably would have caught that. That kind of sucks." Naruto took a few deep breaths, trying to process what he had just been told, "I'm having a little trouble wrapping this around my head… um, who all knew about this?" Asuma pointed behind Naruto at the village they were overlooking, "Everyone. Okay, well that's fun for a bunch of different reasons." He said sarcastically, "Here's another question. Why am I just now finding this out?" He asked, waiting for a damn good excuse.
"Dad thought it would be better if you didn't know so you'd think you were normal. Only the adults knew, and they weren't allowed to tell the younger people, no one was even allowed to speak of it." Asuma tried to explain. It didn't explain why no one told him after he became a ninja, but seeing as how Naruto hadn't compared himself to the demon itself that book on fuuinjutsu was a good thing, and he hadn't asked that so it hadn't crossed his mind, "I was honestly going to tell you, but dad told me to wait for Jiraiya-sama here to return from his missions to tell you himself. You had to find out eventually, there was no way you could walk around forever without knowing. That's irresponsible for a ton of reasons."
Jiraiya watched Naruto's stone expression, "How are you feeling kid?"
Naruto was currently running his tongue over his canines as he thought, "So what does this mean? I have the Kyuubi sealed inside of me. What? Am I supposed to unseal it or something and do something with it? Because I don't know how to-." He said, lifting his shirt up and making a half-ram seal as he attempted to unseal the Kyuubi as if it were equipment.
"No!" Both Jiraiya and Asuma said simultaneously. Jiraiya because that was a dangerous route of thinking, Asuma because he didn't know much about how complex sealing like this worked and if Naruto actually could do something like that.
"Then what the hell does any of this mean?" Naruto yelled back, pointing at his stomach, "Everybody knew about this thing; that explains why no one ever hung out with me or anything, why the adults didn't trust me, why nobody liked me before they ever even met me. Tell me what the fucking point was!" Naruto yelled as he jumped to his feet, "Why me? Why was it me? Did he just grab the first orphan from the attack he could find and stick the Kyuubi in me?"
Asuma let him get his anger out as did Jiraiya. He was still just a kid. How else was he supposed to respond to finding these things out? He had questions, questions that Asuma couldn't answer. Why was it him?
Jiraiya let Naruto pace around angrily for a few more moments before speaking, "The Yondaime believed that you could hold that power back, and he was right since you've done a fantastic job so far."
Naruto whipped around towards Jiraiya and narrowed his eyes at him, "Why?" He nearly hissed out, "Why did he know that? How did he know that? What made him so damn sure that I could do it? I was just some random baby." And he was since no one seemed to know about his clan roots. Being angry at something he had no original control over and no actual person to vent on just wasn't in Naruto's nature. What had happened happened. It was done to save the village, and in the end it had saved him too. If there was no one else then that's all there was to it. Nothing had changed from two hours prior when he didn't know, except now he had more things to think about.
Naruto lay down completely on the cool stone that made up the head of the Yondaime Hokage on the Hokage Monument, looking up at the sky. After a while he let out what seemed to be his millionth sigh of the day, "So, what does this mean exactly?"
"Nothing." Asuma said firmly, "This doesn't mean a single thing. Absolutely nothing has changed now that you know these things Naruto."
Jiraiya cut in at this point, "I'm telling you this now because you're a shinobi and you can either embrace this part of you that's been there since the beginning, or you can try to ignore it. But something like what happened with the Kyuubi before might happen again one day. Tell me how you felt when you fought this Haku person."
Naruto's eyes shut in the light of the blazing sun in the sky, "Like I wanted to kill her. That hurting her was the only thing that mattered, the way she hurt me and my team. I hated feeling like that but I tried to just forget about it and take the basic lesson from it."
Jiraiya nodded, "That was the influence of the Kyuubi's chakra. Have you ever felt so angry that killing someone was the first thing on your mind prior to this?" Naruto sat up and shook his head, "The angrier you get, the more influence the Kyuubi can have over your emotions. If you just ignore it then it can use its chakra to turn you into something savage. That time your anger was directed, the more power you feel flowing through you the harder it will be to remain in control, and you may attack those close to you."
"Man…" Naruto said, looking between the two elder ninja there with him, "What a day… I really didn't see this coming at all. I think I need to go home and think about this for a while." He looked over at Asuma, "Do I have to tell Ino and Shikamaru?"
Asuma shook his head, "I told you that you finding this out didn't change anything. You don't have to tell them if you don't want to, it's your own secret and everyone has something that they keep to themselves. It's your call in the end." Naruto nodded with a small smile and stood up as he walked towards the edge of the cliff, "Are you going to be alright Naruto?"
"Yeah I'll be fine." Naruto replied as he got to the end of the Yondaime's head, "I'm going to head on home Asuma-sensei. I guess I'll see you around too Jiraiya-sensei." With that, Naruto started walking down the face of the statue, "Man this would have been useful to know how to do right before I graduated."
Once it was clear that Naruto was gone, Asuma turned towards Jiraiya as the two men stood up, "Kid never even asked those questions he wanted to ask you..." He said in an off-handed manner, "So what are you planning to do now?"
Jiraiya looked at the edge of the cliff where Naruto had started walking down, "Well I'd like to have a hand in training Naruto. I think there are a few things that I can teach him that I think Minato would have wanted me to let him in on. And he technically is my student if he's reading that book of his." He noticed Asuma's frown, "Hey, I'm not going to take your student away from you Asuma, I just think it would be nice for me to teach him some things. I won't if you don't want me to. It's a week until you're supposed to take your kids to Tetsu no Kuni right?"
"Yeah." Asuma said, grabbing a cigarette and placing it in his mouth, "I've got 'em going into the chunin exams. They're damn good, they'll clean up for sure."
Jiraiya made a noise, signifying that he understood, "You know, maybe I'll head on up to see once they reach the final stage if they get that far? It's going to be some great gigantic affair. Every single hidden village is supposed to have a stake in this one. It sounds like it's going to be a total clusterfuck. Entertaining to say the least." He said with a grin.
Asuma returned the grin once he thought about it, "You know that all of that just means one thing. That it's time to show off."
XxX
(With Naruto)
Naruto was taking a walk through one of the forested areas that made up Konoha's namesake. Naruto stared at him hand as he walked along, "He trusted me with it… and even if that was a total load of crap what am I going to do, just let it get to me? I've gotten through tougher things than this. This isn't even a setback." He stopped talking as he noticed a rock following him. A square rock with eye-holes in the front.
The entire time he had been walking he had been trying to burn chakra by putting wind chakra into his hands for practice. However he hadn't been thinking of this. With his skills with Nebaiken and with as much time as he had spent using wind chakra to split leaves, building it and holding it had become something of a second nature to him. Smirking to himself, Naruto stopped walking, getting the rock to stop as well.
Naruto performed a theatrical gesture that ended with him slamming the palms of his hands to the tree, both of them linked by the wrists with one hand facing up and the other down, subconsciously sticking it there, "You know, there's one thing I hate… randomly placed rocks." Naruto stopped the flow of chakra to his hand and turned around, but his hand momentarily stuck fast to the tree. Once he turned around and he pulled his hand free, the tree inexplicably imploded in an area the size of his hands, felling it as it had been destroyed clean through.
Naruto was so surprised by this turn of events that he didn't even register the fireworks that came from the rock that had been following him, nor did he pay attention to the kids that came from the rock until one of them spoke, "Wow Boss that was so cool!" Naruto turned to see Konohamaru with two other kids. One was a girl with orange hair tied up in two very large pigtails and a red blush on her face, the other was a boy with brown hair and glasses that had a drip of snot hanging from his nose. All of the children were wearing goggles, all similar in design to Naruto's that he currently had on his head, "See Moegi, Udon? I told you guys he was a super-strong ninja didn't I?"
Naruto blinked and looked at the tree, 'How the hell did I do that? Can I do that again?' That was what he thought. On the outside his self-confidence needed a little pick-me-up and this was as good a reason as any for an ego trip, "Yeah I guess I am huh? How'd you guys like that?"
The girl, Moegi ran up to the fallen tree and looked at the destroyed trunk, "What do you call that move Boss?"
So now the girl was calling him that too? That was just fine with him. And now he needed to come up with a name for it? Well it technically was his jutsu, even if he'd be hard pressed to do it again if he had to right then, "Call it…" He stopped talking to think. He didn't want to be like Iruka and come up with a jutsu only to have it saddled with a shitty name. This needed to be catchy, "Call it Giga Shintou (Giga Impact). It's pretty badass isn't it?" Meh, he could claim it if he wanted to. He knew what happened, now he just needed to recreate it, or better yet get his clones to recreate it.
The boy Udon walked up to him with Konohamaru and sniffed before addressing him, "Wow, that really looked strong."
Naruto laughed and rubbed the area between his nose and mouth with his finger, "Well I have to be strong right? I'm going to the chunin exams next week in Tetsu no Kuni aren't I? If I'm going to get promoted I've got to be on my game!" As the kids stood wowed and started to beg him to play ninja with him, wanting to actually play with a real ninja, Naruto smiled to himself as he thought, 'Man I know that whatever all of this Kyuubi stuff brings me I can handle it. I don't know too much about it, and I still don't know why it was me. There are a lot of things I don't know, and I don't know how I'm ever going to look at a few things the same way again… but if the Yondaime Hokage really believed in me the way Konohamaru seems to believe in me without knowing much about me at all then I'm not going to let either of them down.'
XxX
(That Evening – Naruto's Apartment)
As Naruto walked into his apartment he blinked as he saw the Hokage sitting in his living room, "Hokage-jiji how did you-? Nevermind, you're the Hokage, duh." He said to himself as he walked in and shut the door behind him.
"How are things Naruto-kun?" The old man asked him as he looked out of Naruto's window at the Hokage Monument, of which Naruto had a clear view of from there, "I know that you know of your burden by now. How do you feel? Do you have anything to ask me?"
Naruto shook his head as he held his stomach, "No, I think I've got it. The Kyuubi's in me, I can somehow use its chakra or something or another, every adult knew about it, I didn't." He gave the Hokage a wry look, "I'm kind of upset about that jiji."
"I'd imagine you would be Naruto." Hiruzen said as he turned around to look at the young genin, a far gone look on his eye, "The ANBU with me when I came across you after the Kyuubi's sealing inside of you were quick to spread the word of what happened to others and the news spread like wildfire. All I could do at that point was keep your peers from finding out in the future without your wishing by my decree." He turned towards the window again as he continued to speak, "Naruto remember this. A person is smart, a person is very intelligent, but people are stupid. If people were allowed to separately make their own opinions on you by themselves then things may have been better, maybe. But when people talk about something that puts them at unease then mob rule takes over and that unease turns to fear or hatred."
Naruto frowned and spoke up, "And they didn't bother trying to see me for me, just for what they knew I had inside of me."
Hiruzen nodded, "That's why the few people that gave you a chance and forged relationships with you did so, because they were able to get their own opinions of you away from the populace. And you've handled the treatment of neglect from most of the village magnificently. I'm proud of you every day, never more so than now after you've found the truth."
Naruto walked over to Hiruzen and looked out of the window with him, "Well things are getting better. Iruka-sensei was always there for me like Asuma-sensei is now, Shikamaru and Ino are cool, Tenten helped me a lot when I first started out, Kakashi-sensei is weird but I like him too, Chouji's cool to hang out with, Sasuke-teme I like punching in the face, and Jiraiya-sensei is weird but I think he likes me. Konohamaru and his friends really like me because for some reason they think I'm the greatest, and who am I to crush a kid's hopes and dreams?" Hiruzen chuckled a bit as did Naruto, "I don't know where we are though jiji since you didn't trust me enough to tell me this sooner. I could have handled it."
"Maybe." Hiruzen replied, "But the night you came closest to finding out and the way you are now are two very different Narutos. How do you think you would have handled it if you had found this out the night of your genin exam, because Mizuki was about to tell you if you hadn't cut him off from doing so."
Naruto gulped. He knew that he wasn't in the best state of mind that night. If he had found out that night then there might have been a five-star freakout on the horizon. Someone might have gotten really hurt… someone other than Mizuki.
Hiruzen could see Naruto thinking about it, "And even if I had told you myself, after that night and all that happened, all that you heard Mizuki say, would you have taken it nearly as well as you have here today?" A smile came over the elderly man's face, "I've always expected great things out of you Naruto and you continue to deliver on that front."
Naruto grinned despite the day he had been having, "Old man you haven't seen anything yet. I haven't even gotten close to cutting loose. Just wait until the chunin exams."
"I'm looking forward to it." Hiruzen said, putting a hand on Naruto's shoulder, "If you need anything in the future I want you to feel free to come to me or Asuma. As close as you are you us and Konohamaru at this point you're a full-fledged friend of our clan."
"You've got it Hokage-jiji." Naruto said as he stared at the mountains that had his attention since he had been a child.
XxX
(One Week Later – Team 10 Training Field)
Asuma stood in front of his three seated students as they looked up at him intently, "I'm glad you all decided to show up today and none of you got cold feet." At that, all eyes drifted over to Shikamaru who muttered a quiet 'troublesome', "It's been a crazy five months huh?" Asuma said, thinking back on his time with his team, "And in just a few days we'll see just how you guys stack up in the grand scheme of things."
Ino's eyes shone at the prospect of the challenge lying ahead of them, "I'm ready for it Asuma-sensei. Team 10's the best." She put her hands on her hips and flipped her hair back haughtily, "Naturally you should know that. You did train us after all."
"That I did." Asuma said in amusement.
Naruto stood up next, dusting off the back of his shorts, "Do you think that after the stuff I've been finding out lately I'm going to be anything other than 100% on doing this? Let's get this show on the road already!" He exclaimed.
Shikamaru stood up as well, shoving his hands in pockets of his pants as if he didn't care, "Someone has to make sure these two get through this thing in one piece, and as troublesome as it seems…" He took a hand from his pocket and pointed at himself, "That someone just so happens to be me. Besides, mom would bitch me out for the next six months if I didn't go and do this. So let's get this done." He said, putting his hand out, having it quickly covered by the other two genin on his team, "Are we all set?"
"Absolutely." Ino said.
Naruto grinned widely and nodded, "Let's go kick some international ass."
Asuma smiled and clapped, "Now, now kids… we still have to get to the convoy so we can all head out with the other teams. We don't want to be caught behind and have to travel all the way to Tetsu no Kuni alone."
It was finally time to get underway. For better or for worse the chunin exams were here, ready or not.
Jutsu List
Giga Shintou (Giga Impact). B-rank ninjutsu, offensive. This jutsu requires the user to be able to manipulate wind element chakra and also have advanced skill with the tree-walking exercise, enough that they can use it on other parts of their body nearly flawlessly. The user will stick their hands to the target with wind chakra and will then suddenly and quickly twist and yank their hands away, still keeping the pull active. This will create a vacuum inside of the target that will cause intense internal damage.
Hey You're Not a Genius. Who Cares? Read This and You Won't Suck at Fuuinjutsu (by Jiraiya)
You must take this test before reading this book
Every elite program in the ninja world requires one to first pass some sort of test or examination before becoming a member. Now in no way is my book as cool as say, becoming an ANBU, still I have imposed a restriction on my book for those of you that wish to read it. It's pretty simple. Pass and you're golden, fail and you're screwed. Please return this book to where you got it from and walk away from it slowly, looking over your shoulder with a hangdog look expressing sadness and disappointment.
Now if you score above 40 on this test then walk tall my friend, you can partake in the knowledge on the coming pages. If you score between 30 and 40 you've still got a ways to grow, but you can read this book… still, no one can know you're reading this book. If anyone asks you if you read this book you must say, "No I tried, but Jiraiya-sama's epic tome is far beyond my mental comprehension." If you score below 20 points then sorry about your luck, please put my book down, you cannot use it. Sucks for you. Now let's do this. The book will be keeping score, but for your own mental anguish you should do it yourself as well.
Answer each question to the best of your ability. Leave nothing blank or else the test will not conclude and tally your score. And remember, when in doubt answer the question the way that you think I would, because as we all know I am infallible.
Question #1: Which way is north?
a) Toward the mountains.
b) Over by that lake.
c) Down by the stream.
d) Toward that mangrove forest.
Answers:
a) -5 points. No stupid, the mountains are in the south.
b) -5 points. The lake is in the southeast. Either your compass is broke or you've been eating too many paint chips.
c) +8 points. Correct! You score big!
d) -8 points. While you were answering this question somewhere I am laughing at your topographical ignorance.
Question #2: You know you are about to get into a full-scale fight against a shinobi that you know is on your level. Your chances of victory are 50-50, nothing more, nothing less. He/She knows that you are coming and is prepared for the fight just as much as you are. You look at your supplies or at the area around you. You have to set the tone for this battle. What do you use to begin?
a) A kunai.
b) Your hands.
c) When you enter the battleground, take note of everything around you that you can possibly be used to Kawarimi with at a moment's notice.
d) Launch your best jutsu right off the bat.
e) Try to start a conversation and make witty banter.
f) Teamwork.
g) None of the above.
Answers:
a) 0 points. Having a weapon at the ready when you enter a fight is usually a good idea because your opponent will probably have one too. That's just common sense when you're about to begin a fight to the death though.
b) -2 points. There are exceptions to this rule, such as people that are proven to be able to beat down armed opponents on their level with their bare hands, but if you can do that then why the hell are you reading this? Go put this book down and punch a tree into firewood.
c) +5 points. A well timed substitution can save your life, confuse your opponent, and give you an opening to finish the fight. It's a basic for a good reason you know. Also, it makes your opponent look stupid which can psyche them out.
d) -5 points. No, what's wrong with you? Look, I already said that they knew you were coming so unless your jutsu can liquefy a person's mind from a mile out when they're aware that you're on your way there's no way that would work. There's no surprise and they're on your level as I've previously stated. It's quite clear that you've never been in a fight.
e) 0 points. If you're going to get into a face-to-face fight then you're probably going to start talking to the guy you're fighting inevitably. It calms down the nerves that you might be having. Putting a voice to the face of your enemy lets you know that he's human just like you, and just like you he can be defeated.
f) +10 points. Remember this now if you don't learn anything else from this book. If you have the option of waiting for backup then you'd damn sure better do it. Two or three on one presents a better opportunity of you sleeping in your own bed that night than sleeping on the cold ground for all of eternity. If you have the means then I highly suggest making your fight a team affair. It works out better for you that way. Teamwork: It makes the dream work.
g) +15 points. If you picked this then that means that you have something way more badass up your sleeve to begin that fight with… either that or you were smart enough to realize that I never stated why this fight was happening and that it was pointless. If there's no reason to fight then you don't fight, you go around the potential conflict. No one dies that way and we all keep on moving forward, no harm no foul.
Question #3: Rock, Paper, or Scissors?
a) Rock
b) Paper
c) Scissors
d) Volcano
Answers:
a) +3 points. You are a very direct person. You solve most problems you see by going straight at it and handling them as they come to you. You're not very subtle, but you make up for that by being hard to break both mentally and physically.
b) -15 points. You are weak and serve no functional combat purpose to the things going on around you or your comrades. You would rather try to keep things from happening than solve actual problems and when you do you're too useless to change anything in the first place. You can't solve problems because you're weak and you are easily bent to the will of another. You can't even really stop problems from happening, all you can really do is say that you tried and then tell others what happened.
c) +5 points. You're sneaky and can make moves. You can turn things into what you think they should be to serve your purposes appropriately. You're dangerous when people are stupid around you, but are an invaluable asset when people do the right things in your presence.
d) -5 points. Pssht. Volcano… you freaking cheater. You might as well have picked meteor. If you're going to play like that then I'm not playing this game with you anymore.
Question #4: The leader of your village walks in right now and tells you that he/she wants to promote you and only you alone. You work on a team and you ask him about your teammates and what will become of them. He/She tells you that they aren't cutting it and that they will be left low on the totem pole forever. You are given the option of declining your promotion however, as the leader wants to make sure you think you're ready first. What do you do?
a) Take the promotion and leave your team to take their chances.
b) Ask if you can stick with your team once you get the promotion.
c) Decline the promotion and stay with your team, do your best to get them up to snuff so that eventually you can all be considered for promotions instead of just one at the expense of the others.
d) Stand there and hyperventilate over the choice until you pass out or your village leader walks away taking the choice out of your hands.
Answers:
a) -10 points. Chances are, you will have been with this team for quite some while before you get this promotion, and unless they're all despicable human beings that try your patience every waking moment you see them you will somewhat like if not utterly enjoy them by this time. To just leave them to wither on the vine is not what is appropriate. You were put in a team in the first place to cover each other, the only thing being covered in this case would be your own ass as you climb up the ladder. Good luck getting anyone to trust you again after this though... douche.
b) 0 points. In the end this sounds like the right call, balancing out the best of both worlds, but eventually your team will grow to resent you. You have the promotion and you're not moving on. They won't take it as you looking out for them, they'll take it as you lording your higher rank over them, and that will lead to some problems.
c) +5 points. Your leader never said that they wouldn't promote you later if you declined now. You can always get promoted later, your team needs you now. Find out what they need to work on and drive it into their heads to improve. If you're the one up for promotion then take the reins and be a damn leader, get things together!
d) -15 points. Good going. Now you're in the same boat as the rest of your team. Hope you like being a 35 year old genin you poor bastard.
Question #5: The Hokage has the ability to use a crystal ball in his office to observe happenings on the people within Konoha's walls when there is a free moment in the busy schedule of the modern kage. The restrictions to this are the fact that the knowledge of the person's chakra signature for whom you are searching is necessary, and people with the ability to properly hide their own presence from the sight of the jutsu needed to activate the ball can avoid scrutiny. Now with this in mind how would you use this power in your free time?
a) To keep Konoha safe by scanning all points of interest and possible persons of interest that may pose a threat.
b) To keep tabs on that sweet little hottie that you have eyes for.
c) To spy on the women's side of the hot springs.
d) To spy on the men's side of the hot springs.
e) To see if you can check up your nose to ensure that you really don't have a booger and that it was just a hair making your nose twitch.
Answers:
a) 0 points. A noble goal indeed. But do you have any idea how many people live in this village and how many of them are shifty as hell? There's nobody in this entire village that isn't at least a little bit suspicious, and by the time you get the seat of Hokage you'll know that. We're ninja for fuck's sake, it's our job to keep secrets and that makes us suspicious by nature. You don't have all the time in the day to keep an eye on that many people. That's why you have ninja out there under your employ to do it for you and report things of interest back to you. Duh!
b) -5 points. First of all that's creepier than all hell to keep watch on one person that you like all day long. If the person isn't your spouse then it's not cool, and even then it's pretty messed up… and besides, you're thinking too small with it if this is what you're doing.
c) +10 points. Oh yeah, now that's what I'm talking about. Nothing wrong with that at all, no sir. And if you're a woman you still get +5 points because that's kind of hot actually.
d) …Because of my impartiality and realizing that it takes all kinds in this world I will not subtract points even though I want to take away -75… so I'll just strike a happy medium and give you 0 points for this… unless you're a woman taking this test in which case you will receive +10 points as well because I'm equal opportunity.
e) -5 points. This question was supposed to be a gimme but you still somehow managed to fuck it up. Great job!
Question #6: A small company manufactures small metal ninja tools with a fixed cost of 2000 ryo per day and a total of 35000 ryo at a daily output of 200 weapons. Assume the total cost of this function is linear. Find the average cost function.
a) 35000 = 200x + 2000
b) You can't answer because you are desperately trying to find a graphing calculator of some sort.
c) You took this problem to your super-smart friend to get the answer because damned if you know.
d) You have stared at the problem for the last half-hour trying to work it out to no avail.
Answers:
a) +20 points BUT! Are you sure? I mean are you really sure? Really, really sure? Then show your damn work step by step, and then tell me what the average cost per weapon will tend to be as the cost of production increases. I want to see your junior smartass actually work the problem out right here, right now. If you can't, this part after the answer remains blank, and you were stupid enough to state something that you couldn't aptly explain by marking this answer then you lose -20 points for trying to pull a fast one and being a know-it-all.
b) 0 points. Good idea, but those things cost 800 ryo for just the old models. I doubt you have one on you at the moment. And once you even find it would you even know what to put in to find the answer? Didn't think so.
c) +10 points. If you've got the resources then use them. We're not mathematicians here, we're shinobi. If you can handle the person calling you stupid and lording this over you for the next two weeks then you've earned it. There's nothing wrong with admitting you don't know how to do something, that's why shinobi work in squads. You might want to fix that little problem though if you get the chance.
d) -10 points. Inaction breeds loss. You're on the clock and wasting valuable time as you read this. You've got to come up with the answers quick. No one's going to give you time to think in a battle. Oh wait, you didn't know this test was timed? My bad… Bwahahahaha! Ahem, you've got five minutes left by the way. Yeah! Wishing you didn't skip that brain-bending question number 1 right now aren't you?
Question #7: You step into a battle against Sanshuuou no Hanzo and things don't go quite as planned. How do you respond?
a) The moment you regain consciousness you bolt for the border as fast as your stubby little legs can carry you.
b) Go outside of Hanzo's house and call him out, except this time you use some kind of weapon such as a baton, a broadsword, or a handful of explosive tags duct taped together in a giant ball of apocalypse.
c) Quickly invent some kind of excuse, such as glaucoma, as to why you lost that you can use for the next two or three decades when people ask you why you lost.
d) It just so happened that you didn't get your ass kicked all alone, nope, your team was there to share in the fun. After you wake up from dreamland get into your teammates' faces for getting in your way.
e) Throw your hands in the air and pretend you won. Brag about how you made Hanzo leave you alone all the way back to your hometown.
f) Remain in the area and lick your wounds, taking your defeat on the field of battle like a man.
Answers:
a) +8 points. Excellent choice! If you're in good enough condition to get up and go then go ahead and get your ass out of dodge. Why would you stay after getting your ass reamed by someone that didn't see you as enough of a threat to kill you. Hell, he didn't even capture you. Go fool go!
b) -8 points. Bad choice. Hanzo is a master with exploding tags as well. Most likely he will claim your weapon of choice and beat you to death with it. Don't ask me how you can be beaten to death with a ball of exploding tags because I'm more than certain there's a way.
c) +2 points. I am not a fan of people making excuses, but if you cite glaucoma as being the reason for your loss then you get the 2 points for originality. However if you made up some generic excuse such as you slipped, or your experimental finishing jutsu crapped out on you halfway through then take away -10 points. Why? Because shit happens. It's called an anomaly, mere chance. Those aren't good excuses for jack.
d) -5 points. After suffering such a terrible loss with a man-up advantage, the last thing you want to do is get beat up by your female and effeminate male looking teammates. That would be a career killer.
e) -5 points. An excellent way to look like an even bigger jackass.
f) -2 points. Now some people would say that this is the way to take all losses such as this one but if you chose this answer, fuck you! You think you're better than me? You try getting your ass handed to you on a silver platter by Hanzo and then sucking it up for a bonafide post-fight humiliation interview with those three kids and that dog that were watching us get stomped. Ugh… I had to hang around and help those kids out for years after that just to make them think I was cool… though I wonder what that girl with them grew up to look like… I'll bet she's a 10.
Question #8: You accompany your sensei who is the current Hokage and your student who is the best damn shinobi you've ever seen to a treaty signing with Iwagakure no Sato. Instead of hashing out the details to the treaty and brokering for peace as you would expect him to do, especially after that student of yours tap-danced on the proverbial nutsack of the Iwa war-machine single-handedly, the Sandaime Tsuchikage spends the entire meeting taking sniping little verbal shots at you and your contingent. You don't want any more bloodshed so you don't just leave and return to war, what do you say to handle the situation?
a) "Tsuchikage-sama if you would please just sign the treaty. The losses on both sides have been far too staggering for us to continue this war any longer. It doesn't serve any purpose to anyone at this point.
b) "You'd better hurry up. I hear the shinobi surplus store nearby is selling lifts for sandals half-off for today only to celebrate the end of the war. You're probably all over that deal huh?"
c) "Yeah Konoha huh… I can see why you hate it. All those trees of ours… so tall and arrogant."
d) "If you sign the treaty I'll give you a shirt for your birthday that reads Mustache Rides: 50 ryo."
Answers:
a) -10 points. Is this the diplomatic response? Yes. Is this the way my sensei addressed the issue when it actually did come up at the meeting? You bet he did. The thing about that was, the Tsuchikage was pissed and knew he had to surrender at this point and he was trying to save face by, for lack of a better term, punking us out. Hearing sensei say this just made things worse and my student didn't make matters any better. Everything he said was in the same vein… at the moment.
b) +2 points. If you were there then you would know that this incident was irritating as all hell. He ran his mouth for at least 45 minutes straight one time, giving me plenty of time to get angrier and think up smartass remarks in response. This was one of the first ones.
c) +4 points. Look at a full body picture of the Tsuchikage and tell me that you wouldn't have at least put a smirk on your face when you heard this. This was actually the joke that got my student in on the fun.
d) +25 points. I did not say this. Believe it or not my student Namikaze Minato let that one rip all on his own. That girlfriend of his really must have influenced him on that one because the look on that old troll Onoki's face when Minato spoke up with that one: priceless. This was the comment that stopped the meeting, Onoki had nothing left to say after that one, he just signed the treaty and left. I was never so proud in my entire life, it was way more original than any of my rips.
If you've passed the test then congratulations. Feel free to walk tall and read at your leisurely delight. You are my proud-pseudo protégé, good luck with that. Let your light of greatness shine just like the gallant Jiraiya himself! People like us… we've got tiger-blood! If you failed, then sorry for you, hope you enjoyed reading the book so far, please return it from where you got it. Sucks to be you right now!