I walk into my local Pure Pleasure.
I make my way to the far back-right corner, where they keep the video games.
I pick up a copy of "Paw Patrol: On a Roll."
I stroll to the check-out, where a beautiful male stands.
I hand the man my game, our fingers touch. His were sticky.
The one made of XY chromosomes said not a word. I pick up a nearby dildo and examine it.
"What are you buying, you retard!?"
I observed the one who said this. It was an eight-month pregnant 49-year-old wearing a sweaty grey tee.
"Please apologize for this outburst, madam."
"F— you!" Shouts the woman.
She charges at me, I front-flip over her, I adjust my fedora.
We both turn around to face each other.
She charges at me once again.
I send a palm strike to her chubby face, and she stumbles backward.
She attempts a wild haymaker.
I throw the dildo at her face; it stuns her.
She is further enraged; she begins stomping on the ground.
I deliver a spin side-kick to her pregnant belly. She flies ten feet backward.
She gets on her feet and begins to panic. She clutches her belly.
Then she starts to cry, and then her stomach starts bulging.
The baby bursts out of the womb like a chicken breaking out of its egg.
The infant lands on the floor and rises to its feet, gurgling at me.
I beckon it to come forth. It breaks into a sprint.
It leaps into the air, and bone claws erupt from its knuckles.
I reach for the four-foot-long vibrating dildo on the nearest shelf. I hold it like a baseball bat.
As the infant flies through the air, I swing the giant rumble stick at the baby, and it sends the babe flying.
The child lay on the floor crying in agony, I swing the schlong imposter downwards and slam it into the baby.
I raise the pleasure rod and see that all that remains of the baby is a red stain on the floor.
I head back to the counter to retrieve my game from the man's sticky hands.
"I shot a rope in pants." Said the man.
I said, "That's nice buddy."
I took the game and moonwalked out of the store to my hoverboard parked on the sidewalk.
I wheel back to my home.
I am then hit by a semi-truck because hoverboards are not street legal.