Isabelle.
What always accompanied the mention of that name, whenever it reached Aves' ears, was that queasy feeling of having butterflies invade his stomach in droves; it wasn't the bad type, mind you, but it was still a weird and foreign experience whenever it happened — no matter how many times it happened.
Still, Aves didn't mind that feeling because it always meant that Isabelle was somewhere around him, and that there was a chance, no matter how minuscule it was, that a conversation might magically strike up between them, leading to something… more — for a lack of better terms.
Unfortunately, nothing ever happened between them, and that was how it was for Aves during the better half of his college year until, suddenly, he decided that enough was enough and confessed his feelings to her. Maybe it was out of blind confidence, or he may have just been fed up with the status quo that he was subjected to, but he did it and the results were, of course, successful.
And so, after that, instead of feeling the contents of his stomach roiling at the mention of her name, he was always overwhelmed — almost drowned — with a wave of giddiness at the mere reminder that the girl he had liked for the longest time was finally his girlfriend.
Oh, don't get him wrong, Aves didn't like her the way he did just because she was popular and everyone talked about her all the time — God forbid that you don't get that type of misconception. He had, in fact, started falling for her even before he knew anything about her reputation or anything of the sorts; hell, he hadn't even known her name when he first saw her. So, he liked to think that he liked her for who she was, rather than for what people saw her as.
Aves knew that once they left college and dove head-first into the real world of jobs and the everyday struggle, nobody would give two hoots about whether his girlfriend used to be popular back in the day or not, and, quite frankly, he didn't care either. It was for that very reason that he knew his feelings for her were genuine, rather than being one of admiration for her social status. Oh, and yes — cat's out of the bag now — Aves inevitably found himself wondering about what his future with Isabelle would look like after they graduated. Would it be a thorny path filled with challenges that they had to overcome as a couple? Or would it be smooth sailing 'till the day they died?
Whatever it was, only Aves knew how excited he was to experience it alongside her.
Well, whatever…
It didn't seem like any of that was going to happen anymore…
"Oh, him… He isn't my boyfriend."
If Aves said that those words hurt him, he'd be lying. If he said that those words struck his heart deeply, he'd be lying too. As a matter of fact, he didn't feel anything in particular.
No, that, too, would be a lie.
His beating heart, that was practically hammering into his eardrums with every ounce of blood that it pumped, just a few moments ago, went strangely silent as he felt the hands holding onto the box of chocolates slacken and drop by his side.
Even then, aside from that, he felt nothing.
That didn't last for long, however…
Approximately five seconds in, things finally started to change.
Like a glass panel shattering, Aves felt the world around him slowly fall apart as he took in the feeling of blood gushing into his head like a rapid tsunami, inciting a wave of dizziness that sent him tumbling to the side a little, knocking over a few books off the bookshelf in front of him in the process.
Ignoring the rising tide of heat that was essentially amalgamating at the tip of his ears and cheeks — a result of the sudden in-flow of blood — Aves languidly — creakily — turned on his heels and slowly started tracing his footsteps back to whence he came, with no particular destination in mind.
He walked, walked and walked some more, only his slightly hurried breaths keeping him company until they, too, went silent.
A sudden feeling of powerlessness snapped him out of his trance as his unfocused vision took in the sight of a few familiar beings, inching their way towards him, making themselves known: ghosts — three of them, all expressionless in their gait against the monochromatic backdrop that was the world.
Since the whole world around him was black and grey in colour, Aves couldn't possibly tell how far he had walked, while he was in his trance, based on the colour of the wooden bookshelves, and nor did he care…
The vision was back, but that didn't matter anymore…
Aves' brain subconsciously estimated how much time he had left before his body froze up completely, and came up with a solid four seconds; four seconds that he could use to take his camera out and point it at the ghosts.
That was what he had practiced doing over the past day after all…
But, he didn't do that…
An aisle to the side entered his sight as he stiffly side-stepped into it. Feeling his body lose its energy by the millisecond, Aves spun on his axis and softly leaned his shoulder against the bookcase to his left, waiting patiently for the ghosts to catch up to him.
He just wanted to get this over and done with.
The moment he felt his body freeze up as he stood facing the approaching ghosts within the aisle, Aves knew that his time was up. Strangely though, he felt nothing. Despite the looming danger coming for him, Aves felt empty inside. He wasn't panicking like he used to in the past visions, he wasn't scared… his mind felt eerily calm during what might possibly be his very last moments.
The moment the foremost ghost got within arm reach of him, just like with Jason in the very first vision, it slowly raised its grey arm in the air, a few gruesome crackling and popping sounds resounding in the otherwise mute setting as it did so, and touched the center of Aves' forehead with its index finger.
Aves watched all of this happening without shouting any false bravado, or without even letting out a single peep — not that he could've anyway — for he didn't feel like doing anything at the moment.
The next few moments passed by without anything abnormal happening until, suddenly, the ghosts, the one with its arms outstretched included, disappeared in a blink, the environment around them returning to normal as if nothing had ever happened.
A massive headache suddenly assaulted him before he could make heads or tails of the situation, buckling his already weak knees to the ground as he held both of his hands up to his head. Gritting his teeth while taking a few quick breaths, Aves, due to being a little lighter on the feet because of that one incident in the past, was able to stand back up again with one hand grasping onto the bookcase for support.
Another pang of sharp pain threatened to pop his very eyeballs as Aves fought the urge to scream his lungs out. Wobbling a few steps forward, one hand covering his eyes and the other one stretched outwards to prevent himself from tripping on something, he managed to make it into the place that he felt that he needed the most at the moment: the public toilets. Normally, the nearest one available to students would have been a few minutes' walk away, but Aves, with his head on the verge of bursting, didn't see the problem with going into the staff's restroom.
With all the strength he could muster, not minding the restroom's heavily sanitised air hitting his flared nostrils, Aves lurched into one of the empty stalls near him and felt his mouth open up and make way for the hot, rising liquid within his oesophagus as he took a knee next to the toilet.
In what seemed like an endless cycle of retching and gagging, Aves felt the underside of his throat start to sting unbearably, and before he knew it, what followed every cough after that were a few drops of blood that dribbled down the side of his lips and into the toilet, where everything else that used to call his stomach 'home sweet home' was present. Letting out a groggy sigh after having made sure that he wouldn't need the toilet anymore, Aves slumped to the side, rattling the stall he was in in the process, and covered his now much-less-painful eyes with his arm.
Silence returned to the restroom until even that was broken by the sudden outburst of soft giggling that swiftly turned into dry heaves of choking and sobbing. Aves, his eyes still covered, lay pathetically on the ground as he felt all the emotions, that he had missed earlier from shock, hit him harder than a freight train.
He ought to have been celebrating the revelation that the ghosts in the vision won't kill him even if they managed to touch him, but that was the last thing on his mind at the moment. Whatever feelings of jubilation that he rightfully should've had were washed away by how miserable and pathetic he truly felt.
"What a joke… Here I was, thinking about our future… like an idiot. As it turns out, she didn't even see me as her boyfriend." Aves' lips trembled as he fought the urge to cough.
"Is it because I ran away that night? Is that it? But I wanted to apologise to you… I really did… Why couldn't you have given me the chance?" Before he knew it, Aves felt a few warm tears trickling down the side of his cheeks, but he didn't stop expressing himself.
More than humiliated at the idea that their relationship had always been one-sided on his end, he felt sad and confused. Why couldn't she have told him face to face that their relationship was nothing but a farce? Why did he have to hear about in passing, as if their relationship had meant nothing to her?
Did all the time they had spent together mean nothing to her? Was he the only who was truly happy with their relationship?
'What a load of bullshit…'
Aves gnashed his teeth as he sucked in a few mouthfuls of air to try and suppress the pain and dark thoughts that were echoing within his head.
'Even if Isabelle doesn't want me, my family still needs me.' Aves aggressively wiped his tears. 'She may not care about me, but I know that mom and dad always will. As long as I have them, I don't need anyone else.'
Having been able to come to terms with what happened — at least he hoped he did — Aves slowly uncovered his eyes and looked around him.
Aves couldn't tell how much time had passed since he had stepped into the restroom, so he decided that the sooner he left, the better. He didn't want a teacher seeing him in this condition after all.
Pushing himself up off the ground, not noticing anything off about his body while doing so, Aves dispiritedly brought himself in front of one of the mirrors to wash his face and see if anything had changed about it.
"Huff…" Aves breathed out a long sigh at the… interesting sight he was born witness to. He couldn't say that he didn't see it coming, but he didn't expect the changes to be this drastic.
Back then, after the ghosts in the first vision succeeded in reaching him — Aves now knew thanks to what he had recently gone through — his eyes underwent a small change. His irises, which were originally a mixture of brown and black, had lost some of their brownish hue and what replaced it was an argent silver tinge instead. It could only be seen on the outer edges of the irises, so they weren't visible to anyone from afar, but that changed now. Aside from the fact that his eyes now looked more desolate than before, the dull silver colour appeared to have spread inwards, from the outer edges, and stopped half-way, removing all the brown pigment in his eyes, leaving behind a pair of irises that were half-silver, half-black. All in all, including his pupils that have yet to be touched, it looked like his eyes were two thirds black — inner — and one third silver — outer.
Oddly enough, as Aves softly tilted his head here and there to take a closer look at himself, he thought that the sudden addition of argent silver into the mix — now that it was visible from afar — made him look more attractive than ever before. It somehow looked… cool. Unfortunately, he wasn't in the mood to admire his new look as he had a bigger problem at hand: how to cover it up.
Aves wasn't in the right state of mind to start thinking about multiple different scenarios that could play out from having people see his eyes, so he just decided to cover his eyes as best he could, by brushing down a few locks of his black hair, tilting his head downward slightly in order to make that possible, and left the restroom.
He needed to see his family as soon as possible; he didn't want to be left alone with the dark thoughts, that stemmed from the vision and Isabelle, swimming in his head…
He didn't want to admit it, but back in the restroom, when he first looked at himself in the mirror, he was a couple of wrong ideas away from just bashing his head against the wall, hoping that all the pain would come to an end if he did so.
He desperately needed someone to talk to.
With his bag on his back, his neat clothes now crumpled all over again, Aves walked past the students lingering in the hallways, deftly avoiding one or two… annoying brats that seemed to think they owned the area judging by how recklessly they acted. But Aves couldn't be bothered to think about them for a second longer, so he just moved on.
Unfortunately, whatever being that was looking over him right now didn't seem to want to let him leave the campus in peace as, a few minutes later, he stumbled upon Professor Jackson, Jason's older brother, while he was making his way down a flight of stairs.
"Ah, Aves, there you are. I haven't seen you all day. How are you doing?" Jackson perfunctorily asked.
Aves' footsteps slowed down a bit, but he didn't stop walking as he simply and lightly nodded his head. He didn't even feel like looking at the guy, let alone speak to him, so that was all he did as he continued walking past him.
"Hmm?" The professor evidently must've felt confused by the cold behaviour he was subjected to, as could be seen by how he cocked his head to the side a little as he looked back in Aves' direction.
"Is everything okay, Aves?" He asked again, this time a hint of concern leaking into his otherwise gruff voice.
The steady sound of Aves' footsteps tapping on marble came to an abrupt halt the moment Jackson's question reached his ears.
'How annoying.' Aves grimly thought as he peered at Jackson, who was in his peripheral view, through the curtain of his black hair.
Nothing could justify the murderous thoughts he was having at the very moment, he knew that. He knew that more than anything. But, as he raised his once lowered head and shifted it slightly in Jackson's direction, Aves could feel whatever inhibitions he'd had towards committing a crime lowering by the second.
'Just shut up.'
Why couldn't these people just leave him alone?
Letting a student walk past him, Aves turned his body around and started making his way up the stairs again, this time heading for Jackson, who was slowly starting to realise that something was awfully wrong. What he wanted to do once he reached the professor, only Aves and his grisly thoughts knew.
His face impassive, and his gait slow and measured, Aves made sure to keep his eyes obscured from Jackson's line of sight for fear of letting him see the silver colour in them as well as the dark vibes that they were giving off.
Only a few steps away from Jackson now, Aves' hand jerked to the side and firmly took the wooden banisters within his grasp. The action was so sudden that the rest of his body looked like it hadn't been able to react in time, trembling slightly as it came to a sudden halt.
'What the hell am I doing? Am I seriously thinking of killing a man that has done nothing but say hello to me? I haven't even killed a single person in my entire life, so what is wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way?' Feeling as if he would rip the banister off the rails if he persisted in tensing his body any further, Aves let out a turbid breath of air in order to help clear his muddled and conflicted thoughts.
Still feeling like speaking was more trouble than it was worth, Aves, again, softly nodded his head at Jackson and started trudging his way back down the stairs.
A few steps behind, Jackson's gaze lingered on Aves' solitary back for a few moments more, until finally, he brought it down onto his slightly trembling hands. Using his right sleeves to wipe the sweat that threatened to obscure his vision, he brought the other hand up his chest in a failed attempt at calming the raging heart within him.
Closing his eyes slightly, Jackson started reciting whatever prayers his mother had forced upon him back when he was a child in a hushed tone…
For he knew that he had never been so close to death itself, looked it in the eye, and lived to tell the tale.
***
Sitting in the back seat of the taxi he was in, Aves did his absolute best at trying not to think about anything, keeping his brain completely empty, and just let himself relax while taking in the calming effects of the jazz music playing on the radio.
However, despite his best efforts at trying not to do so, his mind inevitably started replaying all of the scenes in which he had come close to killing someone for a very minor reason. He couldn't help it; it was something that had been bugging him for too long. The first time it happened was when he was with Isabelle's friends; the second with the bus driver, and now the third with Jackson, his professor.
At first, the only explanation he could come up with was that the vision had somehow messed with his mind and distorted his thinking — artificially. But after repeatedly experiencing himself almost lose control and do something that couldn't be reversed, Aves realised that the problem actually stemmed from his own insecurities, not anything else.
For example, a random small event that happened to be taking place might, for some reason, turn out to be to his disliking. Instead of ignoring it like he normally would, and move on with his day, he would focus on it, amplifying the very reason that ticked him off, and that coupled with the rising tension he had been experiencing as of late, would cause him to take drastic measures against the otherwise small problem.
It somewhat scared him how far and deep his thoughts would drift off to, whenever he felt annoyed or angry, and so he had more than once tried to think of a solution to the matter.
Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do except trying to keep as stoic as possible. No matter what annoyance was thrown at him next, he needed to be able take it calmly.
And if he couldn't… then he just had to hope that he wouldn't do anything that he would regret later on.
"How long do we have left?" Aves asked coolly, not even bothering to take his eyesight away from the blurry scenery outside of the tinted windows.
"Half an hour, sir." The driver replied.
Aves softly blinked. "…Good."
They were currently en route to his parents' house; approximately an hour of driving to get there from Stars college.
Honestly, Aves wasn't sure what he was going to even begin to say to his parents when he eventually saw them. Should he skip over the fact that the girl he had landed for only a couple of days dumped him mercilessly, and get to the part about the baby? Or should he come clean and tell them the truth?
Truthfully, whatever it was that he had to say, he didn't care.
'I just want to hear their voices, for the sake of my sanity.' If the vision had managed to successfully isolate him, then the break up with Isabelle had totally crushed him.
Not a single second went by without him recalling that he was once again lonely in the world, weighing further on his heart every time he did so.
Speaking of his heart, Aves hadn't really felt like talking to the taxi driver earlier, and would've much preferred to stay silent, but his heart was beating abnormally fast again for some reason.
He had ignored it the first time it happened, right before the incident with Isabelle earlier, but now, he started paying much more attention to it, thinking that it might actually be his physiological reactions trying to tell him something. Or rather, it might be some sort of sixth sense trying to tell him something in the form of physiological reactions; Aves wasn't sure.
Regardless, it was as if a sense of crisis was building up faster within him the closer he got to his parents' house. It made him feel a little impatient.
The setting sun, the one phase of the sun that people tended to enjoy the most, brought down with it a sombre vibe as it rested its rays on the crooked houses of the rural areas; the area within which Aves had spent most of his life. It wasn't exactly the slums, but the houses weren't too far off looking like they belonged to the slums if one took into consideration the state of the houses in the city.
Taking a calm step out of the taxi, despite his racing heart, Aves paid the driver his due commission and started crossing the short distance on the pavement that separated him from his family's house. A few women, older in age than his parents, were gossiping on one of the lawns of the houses across the street. Their voices got a tad bit louder, enough for Aves to hear them, as they watched him take a step onto his house's mouldy wooden porch.
"That's Beth's son, isn't it?" One of the women, black haired, asked.
Another woman, this time having dirt-blonde hair that looked awfully like a wig, confirmed. "Mhmm, I think it is."
"What's he doing here?"
"I don't know."
"Who cares? Listen here and listen good, girls. You see that boy over there? He's… what, 18 or 19 years old? And you're trying to tell me that the mother of a boy that old is only in her mid thirties? I call bullshit! She must have done some of that artificial stuff that you have to go to a doctor for… I can feel it. The question is… with what money?" The last woman, brown haired and younger looking than the rest — yet still quite old — spat.
"Oh, look. He's gone inside."
"Do you think he heard us?"
"Are you even listening to me?" The brown haired woman snapped her fingers repeatedly to get their attention. "Who cares if the boy's heard us talking about his whore mother? I would like to see what he's going to do about it."
"If you want to get attacked by a young man in the middle of the night while your husband is out doing God-knows-what, then go ahead and be my guest. I'm keeping silent on this matter. Until he leaves, that is…" The black haired woman crossed her arms.
"God-knows-what?" Blondie scoffed. "We all know what he's doing…"
Despite the clear insinuations that were being thrown at her, the brown haired woman didn't seem to mind them as she sing-songy said, "Think what you want to think, ladies, but who isn't to say that I'm not doing the same to that bastard?"
Looks of astonishment flashed on the other ladies' faces as one of them gasped. "Really? With who? Is it someone we know?"
The brown-haired lady sank back into her folding chair, simultaneously pointing at Aves' house with a smug smile on her face. "With a boy who isn't much older than that slut's son, I'll tell you that. Oh, and it's not someone you know. But, holy shit is that boy good…" She softly licked her lips.
Astonishment rapidly turned into disgust as the other ladies took a while to take in her words. It should be said that the brown haired lady was way past her prime. So, to be having relations with that young of a man, they could only pity him…
Hilariously though, some of them seemed to be harbouring envy as they continued to silently stare at the brown haired lady.
Suddenly, one of them broke the silence. "Oh, it seems that Beth's son has come out."
"This soon? It's only been a few minutes…" One by one, they all turned their gazes onto the house across the street; specifically, at the boy who took a few steps away from the front door and sat on one of the wooden steps leading up to the front porch. A placid smile hung on his face as he gently supported his chin with the help of his two hands which, in turn, were held up by the help of his two knees.
A imperceivable silver gleam ran through his eyes as they rested their sight onto the gossiping women.
"Is… he looking at us?" One of them whispered.
"It looks like it. Wait, do you think he heard us?" The black haired woman whispered back.
"Maybe…"
"Girls, are you seeing what I'm seeing? I-Is that blood on his face?" Blondie flusteredly asked, squinting her eyes a little.
"There's some on his hands too… Something isn't right."
"I-I'm going inside to call the police. I don't feel safe here."
"You're going to call the police for a little blood? He might've hurt himself for all we know."
"That isn't 'a little blood', sweetie. Are you coming or not?"
"I'm coming with you." The black haired lady stood up as well.
"Rebecca, are you coming?" Blondie tapped on the brown haired lady's shoulder as she hurriedly asked.
Rebecca, the brown haired lady, appeared to have just been awoken from a trance, or a nightmare even, by the way she suddenly started hysterically acting. A tremor ran through her chin as her lips followed it in tandem; her once blank eyes that stared off into the distance regained their focus as her shoulders started shaking uncontrollably the moment her fit of hyperventilation ended. Flicking her eyes here and there, they finally landed on her friend's figure, to whom she immediately nodded and responded to, "Yes, l-lets go."
"Is everything okay?" Blondie concernedly asked, her eyesight flitting back and forth between Rebecca and Aves, who was across the street.
Rebecca didn't respond as she stood up and followed her friends inside the house, her mind still lingering on the horrifying scene she accidentally bore witness to. It was moments after Aves had taken a seat on the porch; her eyes had managed to lock on to his for a brief moment, and ignoring the weird silver flash that she thought she may have imagined, her eyes soon strayed off to the weird boy's side, right in the shadows, where she could have sworn that she saw the black figure of a female standing right next to him.
It might have been her mind playing tricks on her, but for a second, she actually thought that that shadowy figure resembled Aves' mother's figure. Before she could confirm that fact however, that figure suddenly disappeared.
'Maybe I was hallucinating after all…' She thought, right before closing the front door behind her.
Silence returned to the area.
The weird boy in question, Aves, had had his eyes linger on the women's house for a few moments more until, suddenly, he languidly took out a pair of earphones from his pocket, plugged them into his ears, chose a random song on his phone, and hit 'play'. Raising his head so that it was facing the setting sun in the distance, the soft breeze ruffling his hair so that the spreading sliver in his eyes was there for the world to see, he let the calming music drown his mind, washing away all the thoughts in his head in the process.
A few seconds later, the silver in his eyes stopped spreading, the light of the setting sun no longer able to reflect off of them as they slowly went hollow.
A single, lonely tear ran down the side of his cheek; red was its colour as it silently fell onto gravel beneath him.
Whether it was the blood that it had mixed with, or the sun's burgundy hue that caused that change, Aves didn't know…
All he knew was that was the last tear that he would ever shed.