Despite my efforts, my feet keep moving toward the kitchen where Han was drugged at the same time as C as if I am a mere observer of my own body. I can do absolutely nothing.
Behind me, Laura and Kurokawa are staring while following in my footsteps. I can feel the coldness of the gazes. They want to keep their eyes on me, to make I can not do anything weird.
Around me, except for the soft sound of the footsteps, there is no more sound coming from behind.
Even after kneeling and prostrating, begging for help, they still did not help but watch me leave the room.
Laura and Kurokawa still did not bulge with my prostration. Even when I took down my ego when my head and palms touched the cold hard floor, nothing.
My lowest was a mere inconvenience to those two.
Until I left, they only stared at me heartlessly.
Although mentally prepared, I am still ashamed and disappointed by them.
Now, if my body is not in my control, I can still let them have a piece of my mind.
I am going down, but with grace.
"You, Laura, are nothing but an old Rachel now. It is so ridiculous that I would cry laughing. See these tears on my face? Those are not because of grief. They are there because of you! Is that not just the most hilarious thing ever? I feel like I am looking in a mirror if we talk about our love languages. Your current actions and the old me are so similar. You and I are not much different, you selfish yandere prick!"
"As for you, Kurokawa, look at how much of a coward you are. You nerd!! Kurokawa, can I be frank? You don't even deserve to be among the heroine of this world. I hate you more than the class rep, truthfully. You want to break free of this curse but hesitate to take action. Those who observe are even less than the perpetrator. Despicable. Truly despicable!"
If my body was still under my control, I would have murdered both of you. I regret not doing it from the start.
"Shut it, Rachel. You would do the same if you were in my shoes." Laura coldly replies.
Strangely enough, Kurokawa is silent.
Not that I am going to stop because of that!
"What are you going to do next, Laura? Aren't you going to let Han do the same to Kurokawa as you're doing to me?! Remember, bookworm, what she is doing right now will be done again. Do you think she will let you go off the hook like that?"
Walking in front of the two of them, although I do not know what is really going behind, I can take a guess. Most definitely, Laura and Kurokawa should have a stare-down.
"I should have never begged for help!"
Then again, asking for help was the dumbest idea on my part. Why did I put my trust in those two? That was simply asking for problems.
"Sorry, Rachel. Too bad for you, but this is how it goes."
"Laura's right. Don't you want this?"
Look at the results, Rachel.
Look at it and weep.
Who is going to help you now, you dumb bitch?
When the people around you can lend a hand, they still pretend like nothing is happening. Not only that, but they turn to look at another place, leaving you to deal with an uncontrollable force on your own.
That is the reality of this world, Rachel.
Nay...That is the reality of every world...
People will be the same no matter where you are...
...
Is this what abandonment feels like?
Is this...what loneliness feels like...
It is...cold...freezing, almost...
C...I need you...
No one else besides you could understand all of this. I get it now.
Only you can explain to me why I have to endure this pain. Seriously, I can fully comprehend why this disgusting game and plot are forced upon me.
Why...me?
Why...now?
This is so unfair...
Why could I not be the old Rachel without any knowledge of her own about this world? At the least, it would not feel this painful...
It is because I know about this world and C that I have to suffer this way...
Not to mention Rachel right now, me right now, has two different men in her mind.
Han and one featureless guy.
At this very moment, when my body is being controlled by the system to sleep with Han, I still think about him.
As someone who has been through the same thing, you are the sole person who can make it mean something. While living by yourself, without anyone helping, how did you cope with it all?
I still think about you...
Never mind the reason. Those are simply redundant as meaning is close to nothingness.
Do I need to say why I think about someone? Is it not so obvious?
I just want to be with them! Is that so much to ask for!?
If only...if only one of them did not exist...
This game, this system, if only none of them exist at all...Then maybe, just maybe, I could get to know you a bit more.
C, will you still accept me in another life? Because honestly, I really do not want to do this at all...
You will accept me, right?
You will not shun me away, right?
I will be good this time, I promise...I am not the same person I used to be, can you not see it?
Please...please...do not doubt me for another time...
I have changed...
Really...I have changed...
The fabric in front of my chest feels cold because of the water running from above it.
My face is drenched...
As I drag my heavy feet across the wooden floor, I try to gain control of my body to the fullest extent of my power. Because of that, like a broken doll, I keep shaking nonstop.
Oh...The struggle when I try...
Sadly...it does not work.
To be fair, nothing works anymore...
Soon after exiting the room, I come into the kitchen once again.
There, lying on the table in the middle of this mansion, are two sleeping guys: Han and C.
Since they were talking about finding Han a girlfriend, their positions are close.
Laura unexpectedly walks past me. I know why. As the selfish bitch she is, the class rep is making him unapproachable for me. Until the very end, she is still that overprotective.
Just like the old Rachel, haha.
Hilarious.
Utterly hilarious.
"Hahahaha!" Through my cracked voice, I laugh. "You are so much like me, class rep."
She stares at me, not saying a word. Her body tenses up, awaiting a hit from me.
Sorry, I have no strength anymore...
Ten steps, then five, then two. The distance closes quickly.
Han is now in front of my eyes, snoring. Next to him is the telepathic guy without a face.
If only one did not exist...
My hand reaches out to Han, shaking with each small motion I make. There is one last resort I would like to make.
I am going to take everyone down with me by making a reset. When Han dies, the system should take everything away. Hopefully, when that happens, I pray I will keep my sentience.
Laura, you can protect C away from me.
But you missed Han. As for the bookworm, not much should I consider. Kurokawa will not pay attention to my childhood friend at this point, as C said.
This is the one method I have left to save myself from the disgrace I am about to commence.
Killing Han means the reset of the entire world. Since Laura and Kurokawa are not helping me, it would be better just to die together.
With all my mental energy, my arms reach out as they shake violently. One side of me being controlled keeps holding back, while the other part keeps pushing forward. Han's neck is right there, my breakthrough is right there, and I can do it.
I know I can.
I just need to keep forcing myself.
"Guh!" A forceful groan escapes my mouth. Fighting back the influence, I can feel the pulse coursing through my veins and into my arms. There must be a vein popping on my forehead right now.
Laura shakes her head.
"I see that you are trying to kill Han. Are you seriously going to kill the one you used to love so much? Is this how much your affection is worth? How many years? Ten? Fifteen?"
"Shut up."
"Pathetic."
"Shut up!"
Nevertheless, Laura is right. Fake feelings or not, it should have been in my blood. No. My feelings for Han should be engrained into my entire being itself. Every fiber and cell in me screams for me to stop because this is someone I hold dear.
It is a conflicting feeling.
Soon after I touch Han's neck, I realize this is where I will stop. The forces placed upon me are too strong for me to make the final killing blow.
I can not kill him like this.
The reality is harsh. I do not even have the chance to force a reset. I do not have a chance to undo everything.
C...please...wake up...
Please...
*Woosh*
"Huh!" Laura is tackled down to the floor.
What? What are you doing, Kurokawa?
*Thud* *Bam*
Sounds of something heavy hitting the floor can be heard.
"GAH!!!" Right after that, Laura screams in pain.
"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!? TOUCH HIM, GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!"
This is a one-in-a-million chance! Kurokawa has pushed Laura away from C by using her whole body weight.
Without missing a beat, I immediately reach out for C. It is obviously much easier to move toward him than trying to break the neck of my childhood friend.
"NO!! Stay away from him!" I can hear the scream of Laura while she is trying to get up. She does not care anymore whether he will wake up or not. "LET ME GO!!!"
*Thud*
"Buh!! Tough luck, class rep!"
*Thud*
"Guh! ENOUGH!!"
*Krrrt*
*Chik*
"AAAAH!! DO YOU THINK STABBING ME WITH THAT TINY PAPER-KNIFE WILL HELP?!"
*Slap*
"You BITCH!! LET GO! NOW!!"
*Chik* *Crack*
"AAAAHahahaha!!! What do you have now without your blade!?"
"RACHEEEEEEEEL!!" Laura screams hard.
But then, Kurokawa holds Laura's long hair and yanks it down.
"I'm still here, asshole!!"
"Kyah!!"
*Thud*
The commotion that bookworm created has turned bloody all of a sudden. On the ground, the crimson red liquid is all over the place because of their fight.
I have no idea why she does so, but this is a favor that is close to saving my life.
In less than a second, my heartbeat turns rapid thanks to the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I can feel my whole heating up because of that. Trying to ignore the influence of the system, I push myself to one side, where C is sleeping still.
"RACHEEEEEEEEEL!!!!" Laura's amber eyes have a crazy look to them.
Yet, I pay it no mind.
"Do it!!! NOW!!!!" Kurokawa tries her best to hold that crazy person back.
There is no room for mistakes anymore. It is just the faceless guy and me.
He is there. C is sleeping there.
My hope lies on the table. It is inside of that small and frail body.
The light of my freedom.
...
My hand touches C.
...
An awkward silence starts between us three. At this point, we are all waiting for the final verdict on Kurokawa's sudden attack. Laura has also stopped her berserk stage.
She knows it is too late.
Personally, I am expecting an electric shock.
I am expecting a relief more than anything.
...
One second.
Two seconds.
...
But...I feel the same...
There is...no change...
*pat pat*
Not just merely touching him, I start to rub my hands on his head and his face.
The results were still the same.
No shackles burst open, and no influence disappears,...
I am still the same heroine named Rachel.
"Haha...hahahaha...*hic* Ha...*hic*"
I plunge onto the floor. My knees have given up.
Covering my face with both hands, I try to laugh it off. It is difficult to do so since I keep getting my true weeps coming out.
"Ha...*Hic*...haha...Uwaaaaa!!!!!"
All...is lost...
After all of that...my fate is still sealed...
I just...want to die so bad...
My mental state has now been shattered to pieces. Not waiting too long, the system takes control of my body. The difference is, this time, I no longer have the will to resist.
"Why...doesn't it work? It worked on you!!!" Kurokawa asks Laura.
"I don't know." Laura looks stunned.
*Thud*
My body stands up and pulls Han down to the floor. From here, we will make a trip upstairs.
"P-please...k-kill me..."