( This chapter is heavy in some aspects. Please do not do whatever is written here. Consider consultation from a professional if you have suicidal thoughts.)
Laura was dead.
Judging by the look of the outfit C had, we were there in the classroom for the class representative memorial, not for study. Our trusted class rep had gone deep under the ground for real.
That said, the chances of Han's childhood friend being the killer were undisputed. According to C, who suffered countless resets, Laura was supposed to die at that woman's hands.
Always.
If things were going to what C had seen in those trials, then the scene I was seeing should be after the first official meeting of the main cast for maybe a few days. The memorial should follow the conflict between Laura and the school bully, which led to her death in the storage room with Rachel as the main culprit.
And if my memories served me right, Rachel forced Laura to eat her paper knife. That kind of pain made me curious. How much damage would that kind of torture inflict upon my body? How would my throat be destroyed and my insides shredded? How painful would it be?
Nonetheless, it did not matter too much at that point since my mood was good just from seeing Laura's demise.
Knowing that the class rep was no longer a burden, I felt a sense of relief as if I was able to get rid of heavyweights on my back. Good riddance!
She disappeared, and that was a good thing. Oh, how I wish for that to be the truth! Sadly, what I was probably was one of the previous runs that C always had to be the background character.
Everything that I saw was not real. No matter how much I prayed, it was still not the world I was familiar with.
Because there was another me, sitting next to Han and reading a book, rather than Rachel herself. The childhood friend was somehow gone, and her seat was taken by the other me.
"Hey, Kurokawa?" Han called my name. He had to shout a little through the unintelligible noise of the class to make the other me look up from her book.
I looked at him, and the other me also did the same thing. With the bangs blocking, I could not make out other me's facial expressions that much.
Yet there was still a clear distinction between her and me.
The way she talked.
"Didn't I tell you to call me Kuro? Better yet, call me something worse. "Pig" or "worm" would be sufficient!"
Gentle, caring, and full of ecstasy in her voice, the other me was obviously in a trance. She was...I was simply disgusting.
Was that how I acted in front of Han? Asking to be despised? Looked down upon? How could I be such a shameless woman?
Most importantly, what happened that led to the perverted me? I refuse to believe C that I was just a born pervert. I was simply curious. That was it!
The main protagonist waved his arms to hide his embarrassment. His face turned into a slightly red color.
I just...did not like that look on him...
A grown man, acting like a little girl...How was that attractive?
"N-No! I could never do that! K-Kuro! I-I can't disrespect you like that!"
Other me closed the book she was reading and focused on Han intensely.
"Hey, Han, don't worry. Everything is fine! You can do whatever you want to me."
"O-of course not! You gave me a place to stay for the last couple of days. You even helped me with food and everything! I can never treat you so rudely!"
Last couple of days? So it had been a while since Laura died? What about Rachel? Where was she?
"Don't mention it. You are my savior. Don't you ever forget about that! I will always help you out, with a very...particular...price."
"I...Ah!...I...!" The main protagonist could not say a word and tried waving at his friends to get help.
The other me was practically ignoring everyone else in the class to fawn over Han at this point. She did not even care for the people around her. Well...technically, except for Classmate A and Classmate B, who chose to talk to one another to escape the conversation, there were only the shadow people and C.
So from what I could gather, Han did not get killed by Rachel in the last couple of days because she disappeared. On the other hand, the guy was still alive and kicking, thanks to me giving him a place to hide. And there was some kind of saving event that had happened.
I wondered how we got together. C had not mentioned that at all. All the time, that faceless guy had been saying things about me not being a member of importance on the first day. That made me furious! I should be crucial to him, too!
*Sigh*
Not to mention there was no inner voice of C in my mind. Being in the past iteration of C, he either did not think or could not project his thoughts onto others. With no clues on my hands, I could only presume that saving event to be the one that would happen on the second day.
Finally, Han could say something.
"I am sad to hear about Laura's death."
Other me nodded slightly, then returned to Rachel's desk to enjoy the book. It seemed she lost interest in the topic.
"I don't know why she was gone so suddenly. We just had se...I mean, we were pretty close to each other." The guy continued. His eyes turned down, and he appeared to be in distress.
"She was so young. Who could have done such a thing?" Han said to himself.
Despite his words, I did not catch any misery coming out of him. The phrases were full of sadness, yet they started with the pronoun of I.
That could have meant only one.
He cared more about a one-time fling with Laura than her life.
That was not sadness.
It could have been anything but sadness.
I could not care less about Laura. Still, Han was quite heartless. Although, his feelings were more or less justifiable.
He saved her, and she offered herself as compensation for his efforts. Everything between the two of them was a transaction. Han did not have any feelings for Laura, so there would be no way he could feel dreadful because of losing her.
They were never anything in the first place. I would disagree that Han would go as far as saying I love you to her. Never would that ever happen, at least not to someone like Laura.
*Rattle*
The door suddenly opened, and everyone stood up as a shadow teacher walked into the class.
"...."
He then proceeded to make gibberish noises to gather attention. After that, he walked out, followed by the rest of the class.
"Let's go to the memorial, Kurokawa. It is held in the gym." Han told the other me.
"I know." With the eyes still attached to the book, the other me replied.
Soon, the classroom became empty. Everyone was gone.
Except for one person: C.
The only student to stay was him.
No one paid any attention to C. No one called him. Not a tap on the shoulder, not a yelling to the face. The students all walked by his desk and disappeared out of the door.
Just like how a background should be, he was ignored by others.
*Rattle*
As the last one exited, C stood up from his desk to approach Laura's desk. Unconsciously, I started to walk close to him. I thought that I would be able to make out his expressions if I got close enough.
He proved me wrong.
"Did you see how he treated your death?"
No one answered.
"Do you think it has been a good trade? Your life for his despicable love?"
Still, dead silent.
When everyone was gone, the room was no longer rowdy. The usual unintelligible noise of people had disappered. There was only silence that enveloped every corner of the classroom. A silence so calm and so dreadful that my soul felt cold.
Whenever C talked, I heard his echoes, and that was it.
It was just him.
"Why are you people so stupid? Giving him everything just so he could throw it all away because of his indecisiveness?"
"Stupid! Dumb! Out of your mind!" C shouted.
"You, Kurokawa, Rachel, everyone else! Do you have any idea that you kept dying over and over and over again? All because of one man?" His hand was on her table. The other one was pointing at each of us respectively.
I had no idea what kind of expression he was making at that moment.
But tears were running down his face.
My mouth was sealed shut. No sound could escape from my throat. As for my touch, it did not work in any way. I did not make any noise, nor could I feel him. It was clear that I was put here to observe.
And it tore me apart.
If I could, I would hug him. In fact, I was already doing so. Yet sadly, my warmth could not be transferred to his heart.
C did not notice me.
"Years, after years, after years. Constantly seeing you girls dumping your lives is not a good thing. Why can't you just work with me for once?!"
*Bam!*
He slammed his fist onto the metal desk.
"Just break out of it once!"
I was out. I really was!
*Bam!*
"Watching you guys fuck is not good for me!"
No need to do that anymore!
*Bam!*
"Just fucking break out of this fucking game for once!"
Please listen!
*Bam!*
"Give me a fucking will to live, won't you?!"
*Bam!*
My vision was blurry. Already, I was looking through a mist. The two sides of my face were wet from my own tears.
"The shadow people would not notice me. And you people will always return to the script no matter how desperate I am!"
"Why did I have to be the different one? Why did I have to suffer all of this on my own?! How long until this torment ends?!"
*Bam!*
"For what inhuman crime did I do to deserve this? Why me?!"
Sorry...sorry...I...we could not help you...
C puts his hands on the head, tugging his messy hair as he knelt down.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"JUST KILL ME!!!! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!!!! I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!"
You were not alone, C. Please...you were not alone...
"AAAAAHHH!!!!"
*Slam*
C opened the door and ran as fast as he could. Because of the difference in physique, I had a hard time catching up with him. Weirdly enough, I could see his direction even when he got out of my sight.
He was heading for the roof.
No...NO!
*Rattle*
"FUCK! It's locked!"
Thank god!
"Guess I'll have to break it myself!"
But C was thin...he could never have the strength to do it. I was confident he would lose his anger after hitting it a few times.
*BAM BAM BAM BAM*
Very quickly, he once again proved me wrong.
C was weak physically. That part was correct.
And I was wrong about the grief he had bottled up all those times.
Soon after, his fists were totally disfigured. The bones inside of them were shattered beyond fixing. Not only that, but blood had smeared all over the place, making him stumble many times.
C still did not quit. The pain only angered him further.
Without arms, he started to use his legs.
*BANG!!!*
With a loud breaking sound, the hatch of the door opened.
The roof-top was in front of his face.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
NO!!! DON'T!!!!!
It took C four seconds to reach the edge.
He jumped.
I watched in pure horror and despair as his frail and bloody body dived down with absolutely no power to change his fate.
I tried to reach out to him.
He did not feel me.
I tried to hold his fragile arms.
He did not feel me.
I tried to say he was not alone.
He did not hear me.
That was the life he had been living.
That was the life we had been forcing on him.
"It is a sin for me to ever fall in love."
Those were the last words he uttered.