"Sorry.Clara, forgive me, it was all my fault, why did I leave you alone at that time!"
Said Yon as he looked at the night stars that still shine brightly in the sky. Human feelings are truly complicated. You don't know the meaning of it until you lose it.
His eyes are now full of tears, his heart is full of grief and his mind is full of regrets. He clutched his hand so tightly that blood can be seen coming from his eyes.
"If I know about it earlier...maybe even if I lost you, It wouldn't hurt this much now"
"I truly am the worst...leaving you at a time like that"
"I don't know, will you forgive me or not, but I will always be waiting for you"
His every sad words reverberated through the whole place, but there was no one to listen to them. He is crying and sadly more than anyone else.
Looking at the graveyard in front of him, he fell to his knees, as he feels only this may be the only way for him to ask for his forgiveness.
"Why am I always so arrogant and pretentious?... if only I was different, maybe this wouldn't happen"
Said Yon yelling, as he was sobbing, he blames himself...why did he leave her at that time?! Why?!
However, there is nothing to admit guilt now, after all, it has already been done.
As he started to remember every happy moment with her, his eyes again becomes tearier, as tears can't stop coming out of them.
He remembers when he give her his first birthday gift, how happy she was. He remembers when he takes her on a trip, how excited she was. He remember when she was angry, how cute she was. Everything about her, every memory they possess, he remembers all of them.
However, every memory suddenly breaks like a mirror, as he remembers how she died.
He couldn't ever forgive himself, never. He doesn't know what to say now. With that much sadness inside him, he feels like he should just commit suicide right now, to unite with her. However, he still stopped himself, he knew if he tried to commit suicide, he will hurt his parents. As the only son of his parents, he knew how much sad they will be, so much that even they may get a heart attack. He could only burden alone with all this.
He knows this is his punishment! punishment for all he had done. He could only blame himself.
"Forgetting every pain, leaving all work...I have come for you, but you are not with me today...lost somewhere far away."
"I think you will return and clasp my hands...as you will say, don't cry anymore...see I am here"
Said Yon, turning every sad feeling, imagination and expectation of his heart into words.
He wants to meet her very much now, to convey his feelings, but she is not there for him now.
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There are many emotions entwined in the last 4 sentences. I don't know you will understand or not, but I have tried my best to convey sad feelings in them, if you try to imagine what happened, you may understand.
Thank you. This novel will end in 10-20 chaps