Tom? What's a Mudblood?
It's another word for 'Muggleborn.' It means 'dirty blood,' and it's incredibly offensive. It's rather like calling a homosexual person a faggot. Where did you hear it?
Draco Malfoy. He called Granger a Mudblood.
'Granger?' What did she do?
Oh, lots of things. She burned my essay on pixies and fairies, she's still blaming me for the whole 'flying Anglia' thing, and she's infuriated that I think Lockhart isn't the smartest person in the universe.
I'd say Lockhart is the second-dumbest.
Who's the first?
Ronald Weasley.
Thanks, I needed that laugh.
Why did Draco call Granger a Mudblood?
It's a long story.
I have time.
Yeah, I bet you do.
Well anyway, it starts with Quidditch practice -- I'm the Seeker on the Gryffindor team -- and we had to wake up really early, because our Captain is annoyingly competitive, especially when it comes to the Slytherin team. We'd only been doing it for a few minutes, though, when Flint -- the Slytherin Quidditch captain -- came over with the Slytherin team and shiny new brooms. Our Captain, Wood, demanded why they were on the pitch. It was funny; he kept screaming "I booked it! I booked the pitch!"
And Flint told us he had a special note from Snape saying they needed to train their new Seeker. Three guesses who it was, and the first two don't count.
Draco Malfoy.
Right in one. He's a decent flyer, though. But I couldn't say that, because I'm the 'Gryffindor Golden Boy.'
How many titles do you have?
Too many. Anyway, the reason Draco was on the team was not just because he's a good flyer, but because Lucius Malfoy had bought the entire team Nimbus Two Thousand and Ones. Most of the Gryffindor team fly on Cleansweep Fives. Then Weasley and Granger came over, demanding why I wasn't playing -- they still think they're my friends.
Next time, hex them.
I don't know any.
What? But first years learn several hexes! Here: Use Balbuttio, the Babbling Hex, on Granger (she'll spew nonsense) and Ulcus, the Boiling Hex, at Weasley (he'll be covered in burns).
Thanks, will do.
When the situation had been explained to the idiots -- by Flint, because I ignored them -- and Draco said, "Good, aren't they? But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them." I would have laughed, but Fred and George, the Beaters, are like my older brothers, and they have the original Cleansweeps, their family is so poor.
Then Granger said, "At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent."
Which insinuated that Draco was talentless, and that some of the other Slytherins had bought their way in. It's Slytherin, though, that's what they do, so she insulted their House as well. And she insulted Draco's father, who seems very close to his son. I'm surprised Draco didn't challenge her to an honor duel.
She probably deserved that slur.
I think she did, certainly. So that's when Draco said, "No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood."
It's true, no one asked her opinion. I can see why she's in Gryffindor.
I'd be insulted by that, but I'm a secret Slytherin.
So you're insulted that I practically called you a Gryffindor.
Not really... there are a few Gryffindors that I like. But Neville told me he was supposed to be in Hufflepuff, and Fred and George are also secret snakes.
Really?
What's funny is, Fred and George are Weasleys, and every single Weasley has been in Gryffindor for centuries, according to Ronald.
Are they the only Weasleys you like?
Well, I haven't met Bill and Charlie, the oldest two. But I certainly don't like Ginevra, Ronald, or Percy. Ginevra seems to be under the impression that she's going to be the future "Mrs. Potter," Ronald is loud, annoying, and rude, and Percy is practically Granger, but with the authority to take points away and assign detentions.
Ugh. They sound horrible.
Oh! I didn't even tell you the best part! Weasley (Ron) tried to curse Draco because he called Granger a Mudblood, but his wand was broken by the Whomping Willow, and the curse backfired!
What curse did he use?
I have no idea! Apparently, it was supposed to make Draco "eat slugs."
Oh, that one. No wonder it didn't work. That curse is difficult to cast even with proper wand -- and a proper brain.
I needed that laugh.
You're welcome. What happened after that?
Well, Granger dragged Weasley to Hagrid's, and I persuaded Wood to challenge the Slytherins to a mock game. Really, it was just so both teams could get their practice in, and so I could see Draco's strategy.
I can definitely see how you're a secret Slytherin. Who won?
Us, only barely; but that's because Draco, though talented and has a better broom than mine, isn't as talented as me.
Was he annoyed?
At first, but then I said, "Good game, Malfoy. And I think the brooms were a clever idea." He looked shocked for a bit, but he didn't say anything.
That's rude.
Actually, it's an improvement. Usually he'd sneer and insult me. He was probably shocked into silence. And the reason he'd insult me is because Weasley would rile him up.
So it's Weasley's fault that Draco's not your friend?
Technically. That, and I'm a supposed Gryffindor.
That reminds me. Is there a way to get resorted?
Yes, but you'd have to talk to your head of House and the headmaster. You could demand to be resorted, but only Heirs have that right, and you'd have to be the Heir of Gryffindor or Slytherin to do that. The Heirs can also demand that other students be resorted.
Well, I have no idea if I'm descended from either one. Do you know?
Well, I know who the Heir of Slytherin is.
Who?
Me.
Cool. But you can't really demand that I be resorted.
No.
Is there a way to find out if I'm descended from one of the four founders?
You could take a blood test. But you'd need special parchment from Gringotts. It's pretty expensive.
I'm a Potter. My parents were loaded.
True. I suggest writing a letter to Gringotts.
Dumbledore might stop it.
I'm sure you can find a way to get it to Gringotts without it being read.
I could probably bribe Draco to do it.
Good idea. Now, goblins have special greetings, so here's what you should write....