After a night of tossing and turning, constantly plunged into nightmares every time I managed to actually fall asleep, I awoke with a pounding headache. Mirella dressed me in a plain, comfortable gown and took my excuses to Mother.
I would not be going out today and I was grateful for the headache because I was too scared to leave the house. The note under my pillow had certainly shaken me.
I wandered aimlessly through the house while the rest of the family was out visiting, doing business, and going about their day as usual. I settled in the library with a book, but found my mind drifting. I was starting to feel closed in, but I did not want to go out for fresh air by myself. I stepped to the door and signalled one of the manservants.
"I would like to take a short walk outside. Will you come with me?" I asked. He nodded and remained at my side as I donned my boots and cloak.
I had planned to remain in the garden, but I found the door in the back fence calling to me. Surely I would be safe with the manservant in attendance. I needed the peace that I found in my daily walks along the ridge.
Just as I stepped out the door, a dark figure appeared at my side. I flinched, then realized it was Del. Blushing, I turned to the manservant. "I will be fine now. Thank you."
He nodded and bowed before returning to the house. As soon as he was gone, Del pulled me into his arms. "Something is amiss," he said softly. "What has happened since I dropped you off last night? You have not been attacked, have you?"
I shook my head against his chest.
"Are you going to tell me? What has you looking so scared and tired, my Jen?"
"A threatening note," I answered, touching the bodice of my gown. There was a small pocket where I had tucked the note so no one else would accidentally stumble upon it.
"Will you show me?" His voice was soft, persuasive, and I nearly pulled the note out, but I stopped myself.
"You do not want to see, trust me."
His eyes took on a suggestive gleam and he freed one arm from around my waist. "Perhaps I should just take it myself," he teased, reaching for the top of my gown.
My vision darkened. I cried out and pulled out of his arms, falling to the ground as I stumbled back. And then I was in that room again, with rough hands pulling at the top of my gown and rough lips pressing unwanted kisses on me. I curled up, trying to get away from the pain.
Del's gentle touch and soft voice brought me back. "Jen," he said, carefully raising me to a sitting position. I opened my eyes and found myself caught in his remorseful gaze. "I am so sorry," he whispered. "I did not realize-"
"It was not your fault," I said, slowly getting to my feet. "I am- I do not like being touched against my will."
"Who hurt you?" he asked, opening his arms. I stepped into his embrace and he held me close, running one hand over my back in a soothing motion.
"It does not matter. It was long ago."
"It matters to me." When I did not speak he sighed. "But I will not press you now. Just know that I am here when you are ready to talk about it."
I nodded and relaxed against him. We stood like that until my body stopped trembling and my eyes dried. Finally, he pulled back so he could meet my eyes.
"Where did you find the threatening note?"
"Under my pillow," I answered softly, trying not to gag as the image on the note rose in my mind again.
He growled. "Take me to your room."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I need to determine how they got in. If we cannot find a way to keep you safe in your room, you will have to move to another. You cannot stay in a room they clearly have access to."
"They may have come in through my window. I usually leave it cracked and there is a trellis right next to it. . ."
He frowned. "Show me."
I stepped away from him and headed for the backyard. He followed, taking my hand as I led him to the wall beneath my window. I pointed to it and he let go of my hand to examine the wall, and the trellis, even climbing the trellis to open the window.
"Does this window have a lock?" he asked.
"Yes."
"And does your door lock?"
"Yes."
"You will need to start leaving your door and window locked."
I nodded numbly. I did not enjoy being handed orders, but his words made sense. I had already planned on doing so as it was, and it felt good to know that he had come up with the same precautions I had.
"I know you do not want to share, but it would help me know what we are up against if I could see the note," he said, dropping back to the ground next to me.
"I do not want you to see. It is. . . not something I would wish anyone to see."
He looked distressed. "Please Jen. You should not have to bear this burden alone."
I shook my head, but his sincere concern slowly unravelled my defenses and I pulled out the note with a sigh.
"Just remember that I warned you," I whispered, handing him the paper. He unfolded it and his eyes widened in horror. He looked away, gagging much as I did whenever I thought of the image. It was burned into my brain and even now, seeing his reaction, I found myself choking as tears stung my eyes.
Folding the paper up, he tucked it into his coat pocket and pulled me into his arms. "Oh Jen," he whispered. "I would do anything to spare you that. Perhaps it is best if we part ways." He muffled a quiet sob against my shoulder. "I do not want to let you go, but I cannot bear to think of the pain you might suffer if you remain close to me."