Emily's Pov
My mind is racing with all the feelings stirring inside me, feelings I've never gotten before, not even once. That is what you get for believing that you're not worthy of anything in life.
Blake is starting me blank in the eyes. I don't even think he knows what's going on now. Maybe he's playing with me, maybe not, but for now, I don't care. I just want to be close to him, as close as si can be. Why I chose it with him, god knows why.
I know I feel safe with him, like I can feel all my emotions and let my inner demons out without him questioning my intentions.
I know he doesn't know how to let go, and not be in control all the time, but this time, I need him to let go and just give in!
"Just breath, close your eyes and let go of whatever control you feeling right now." I play him with his own words. I'm in so much pain, but the pain evaporates when he touches my body, and that's what I need now, physically and emotionally.
"We can't just give in Em, what about your training? You came to me for a reason and this was not it." he kissed me slowly on my neck, not touching my lips once. I've never kissed anyone before, yeah I might have kissed or two when I was still in high school, but that was a dare from my friends. Nothing serious, but there was no attraction from either side.
He sits straight up on the couch with me on his lap. He hooked his arms around my back and pulled me closer to him. After he kissed me on the neck, he squeezed his hands on my thighs.
"Are you sure?" he asked. I know I'm still a virgin and that this might not be the best idea, but I just need to be close to someone, for once in my life feel safe and have the intimacy of someone wanting me as well, well that's what I hope is happening here.
"Yes, I am," I whispered close to his ear. He removed my t-shirt and I hiss out of pain. My ribs started turning blue purple again. I don't think my ribs will ever heal unless I learn how to control the outcome and have the upper hand next time.
I still have a lot to learn, but tonight I don't want to learn anything except for being open to someone.
Strangled sounds escape my lips the closer he moves to my breast. I can feel the tension raising down there, a feeling I'm not familiar with, and it feels so good.
My body started shaking, my body has been shaking before out of fear, but never out of pleasure. My chest is heaving and my breath matches Him perfectly.
"Em, we go any further. You might regret it." What a hell is he doing? I told him I want this. Yes, I know everything might change after this, but I need this. For once I need something from someone else. I've been a nurse, a servant and a fucking punching bag for my stepfather, for once I need something from someone else.
"I told you, I want this, please." he pulled me away from him and the electricity I felt vanished.
"I want you to be sure, I can feel you're doing this because you don't want to feel the pain." he stares into my eyes with so much passion, but I don't need his passion right now, I need him to make me feel whole again.
"Em!" he moans when I moved closer to him, taking his hands and putting them on my thighs. I want to feel anything but this pain that's stirring inside me and minutes from fucking exploding inside me.
My hands claw behind his back, but he pulls away again.
"I thought this is what you live for? Fame and having girls begging you for sex?" I started getting annoyed with the way he rejects me.
"You're not any girl."
"Don't give me that bullshit. You said no strings attached, so here I am, no strings attached." My eyes are watery again, and hate is filling my body again.
"Tell me, would this be your first time?" he asked, knowing exactly what it would be.
I jumped off from his lap, my heart painting for yet another rejection.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything." I pulled my t-shirt over my head and my ribs are in so much pain. My face swelled with every second that passed.
"Well, you're doing a shitty job."
"Em?"
"No, I will see you at the gym tomorrow." I walked to the front door, and he spun me around. Holding my hands.
"You in pain. Just stay so I can take care of you, please," he begged. I nodded, and he took my hand and walked to the couch.
"Just stay here. I will order food and get some drinks. We can watch a movie, and we need to take care of that swelling eye. I will get some eyes." he leans forward and kissed me on the cheek. I closed my eyes for a second, laying on the couch.
I do need rest, and I need the rage to go away. A few seconds passed when Blake came back with a bandage and ice.
He's quit and placed the ice on my swelling eye.
"Pull up your top," he instructed, and placed the bandage around my ribs. Tears escape my eyes as the pain shooting down my spine.
"Sorry." he lets out softly.
"It's okay, thank you." he smiled and placed a pillow behind my back.
"Get some rest. I will order food for so long." I smiled and closed my eyes.
"Are you okay?" his voice is low, and I just nodded while my eyes are still closed. He caress my cheek and disappeared to order some food.
I always end up here after a beat down. I need to learn how to defend myself. I probably would've screwed everything up if we actually took things further, but the rage and anger calmed down. I can actually feel my body relax.
"Here are some painkillers. The food should be here soon." he sits next to me and pulled my feed on top of his lap.
"I can wake you up if the food is here, just get some rest." he smiled when I closed my eyes again.
"Thank you," I mumbled.
"For what?"
"For taking care of me." I smiled with my eyes still closed, and even though I can't see him, I can feel him smiling back at me.