What would it be like if I graduated college? What would I be like if I didn't repeat kindergarten? Will I be able to be in a romantic relationship with my "a year older" crush, if I was able to confess my feelings? Would I already be working my ass off, earning money, paying my rent, and already in Canada? Living my dream as an entertainer than louching around, laying in bed, overthinking about all of these pipe dreams of mine?!
What went wrong? What did I do to deserve this? No, it's my own fault. I was too afraid to act on my own. No one understood me. If only there is a way I could turn back time and change everything how it should've been. But I'm no wizard. I'm not even a scientist. I don't even know if it is possible to time travel. Even scientists can't do that. I'll just have to endure this time. It's not like my life is over.
I'm so ashamed of myself. My parents are working hard just to keep on feeding me. I'm already 22 years old, and I'm not yet working nor even a full grad.
I never think things through, I always went in immediately. Like rushing into a burning building without realizing the ceiling is about to collapse. I am too eager for things, that I never calculate the circumstances. But, it's not like I don't know how? It's just my tendencies, my mannerisms. I don't know if it is my pet peeve, but it seems like it though. Makes me forget to think. Even though I brainstorm a lot.
I wish I could change how my life turned out. I lost my first love. I lost my opportunity to have a job that is my dream. I lost all of my years wasting it on watching anime and movies. I want a restart!
"Lord God! I wish I could go back to when I was young!"
...
"Oh and also I want my memories to remain except for my disorders, thank you!"
After I uttered those words, I smiled emotionlessly knowing that it won't happen.
I continued pondering those thoughts until my eyes were about to shut.
Eventually, fantasy became reality.
I don't know if I regret it or not, but at that time all I can think about is...
How did this happen?