'Item 592 complete - verdict: NO.'
Another item - dolphins - were scrubbed off the list. Another point against the humans.
This particular item made the Wisp council member's intern immeasurably sad for two reasons:
1. the poor beautiful creatures were so neglected by the humans - even a Wisp like her made of gas and small particles could do better. And 2. it was now the Wisp council member's turn to present an item.
Her boss towered over her drifting above his concave seat. The light of the distant stars gleamed off his bulbous helmet, hiding his core and multiple legs spilling and wiggling over the edge. Choosing to look like an Octopus- item 259 - made out of gas or shadows.
The humans weren't the first beings she'd encountered that named each other, but it was now one too many. She called him Octo (after item 259) and called herself Pain.
The English word seemed to encapsulate her feelings towards Octo in a metaphysical and personal sense since she could not feel and make squishy expressions. Her core did turn red in Octo's presence though.
'Next, item 593 - Poultry. Statistics have shown this is the most consumed....' The announcer went on, gesturing with his huge horns at the holographic display.
His horns were odd, spiral shapes. Two in front, one behind. Two red ones, one grey whilst his boss, head of council maintenance had three red ones. What was more important then: colour or the number of horns? Were they even able to see all colours? She wondered how many other council-
In her pondering, Pain had floated so high she was level with Octo's eye. A massive hole in his helmet, so big she feared she could get sucked into its vortex.
'What are the options? Quickly we haven't got infinity to wait!'
Then just in her core,
'Um...' she skims through her memories, linking her core to the display, 'Fried, Boiled, Battered, Stewed or Roasted.'
The other six all suggested their choice of consumption, studying the images Pain displayed. Hours of research across Earth's vast networks for a brief but unnecessary discussion. Octo had the final say on his item and he wanted to please the Red Horns.
'Well,' he announces, 'I chose Fried. My assistant will find us the finest example from.....here'
A holographic display of earth appears again and Octo spins before his long arm points to...large island. The map zooms in on a populated region with a waterway running through it.
Luckily, there was one with Fried Chicken in its name. All the locations were crowded with humans, many as bored as her but still no easy access to the food.
Pain zooms in on an alleyway, some loitering workers in stripped garments. Another emerges from a door carrying the Fried Chicken in paper containers. The tall building cast a shadow over the deep alley. Perfect.
She requested a portal gun.
She reminds him it will make things move much quicker,
Pain immediately felt her form being shrunk and compressed.
He still gave her the portal gun after. It was easier than she expected to hold it in her chicken claw.
Pain fired into the wall behind her. She walked through, suddenly hit by the temperature of earth sending her molecules rattling, itching to vaporize. She fired a hole below the humans, watched them fall through into the middle of the court then closed the portal and walked back through the first portal.
Some of the humans were screaming, the others confused stares. They at least had the mental capacity to comprehend the three-dimensional shape of the council members. Others had mental mush immediately and were just eaten.
'Greetings, humans. Up here! You can hear me right?' Pain paused as the humans nodded.
'I'm a talking chicken and servant for this council. Please state your names and bow before the council of extraterrestrial beings.'
There's a grumble, she forgot Octo could read her core and roughly translate what she says.
'Sorry, I meant The Intergalactic Council of Kind Friendly Conquerers. The ICKFC if you will.'
'I'm sorry, the what?' The tall, built one asks, dressed in white and red with a hat over her blonde hair. Her name, Pain read, was Mia.
'Mia, yes? There is no need to worry. You are simply helping the council diplomacy with...how should I word this...space problems.'
Mia turns paler, 'And what do you want from us?'
'Fried Chicken.' she gestures around the chamber with her wing, 'For the council to sample.'
The humans all start talking at once 'Pardon?' 'Why'd you bring us here then?' 'Sample for what?' 'Are you going to sample us too?'
'It's pretty simple, that is fried chicken, yes?' some nod, 'Place it on the circle in front of you and explain how it's made. You can think it and I'll translate.'
The humans turn in to discuss with each other. Huddled, shaking, whispering. Mia was pinching herself.
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Mia pinched the screen to zoom in on the flour bed.
'This is where the chicken is mixed with the flour and spices. You're doing a great job, Robbie.'
'I'm not in it am I? Like my face?' mumbles the nervous cook.
'Of course not.' Mia lies.
Someone peers over her shoulder and pushes the camera down. She can tell it's Ora by the little tattoo on their wrist. As Ora walks past, they shake their head.
Mia and the camera follow, 'I'm not going to post this online. This is to show Seb that our food isn't gross, frozen stuff.'
'Our food?' Ora grins with an emphasized accent, 'Oh dear, those hoteliers have really brainwashed you.'
'If you're not careful your jealousy will brainwash you, dear.' Mia sticks her tongue out and some workers -the cook- make over-dramatic gasps and ohhhs. Ora practically jumps up to reach for Mia's hat. They pull it down and grab the phone from her.
'And what are you supposed to be doing ma'am?' Ora points the camera at her now. 'Let's see you make some chicken.'
The manager shouts at them to move it as Ora follows Mia to her packing station. 'This big machine,' she explains 'Is a pressure fryer, where the chicken is cooked. The open lid ones - like this one that's beeping - are crispy chicken. Closed lids are the original recipe. Now my job usually is to cook, but on breaks, I help the new kids pack. Take the chicken out of the cage - these crispy strips - into the box and pass it over to the front of the house where they'll add it to the rest of the order.'
'Watch Mia stack with speed and no accidents.' Ora says, panning the camera around her.
Mia remembered her first days at the restaurant, almost two years ago now. When Ora had to help her very slow pack. They had a braided ponytail back then with beautiful golden clips.
Which meant when Mia spilt a box over their head it took ages to cleanout. They did end up kissing for the first time in the locker room so it wasn't all embarrassing.
'And where do you like working better? Here or your fancy five-star hotel?' Ora whispers, close up on Mia's face.
Mia checks for the manager whispering, 'Believe it or not the manager here is nicer.'
'I sure am.' Ora jumped, throwing the phone but the manager caught it, 'Liam's back, so I suggest you two go on break. Yes?'
The manager hands Mia her phone, 'Yes, thank you so much, ma'am. Won't happen again.'
The two could feel the manager's heavy stare as they headed towards the exit into the alley.
'Evidence No.19 that Nimi's a ghost.' Mia says, quickly scribbling in her little notebook.
Ora starts laughing till Liam stops them on his way in. He whispers something in their ear. Mia could make out "Ben" and something about rent.
Mia rushes out after Ora and sure enough, Ben, Ora's younger brother was leaning against the wall across in his business clothes.
He'd started going back to "school" properly six months ago but it still seemed weird to Mia. Ben wearing trousers when he'd worn shorts the whole of last year.
'You're late.' Ben smiles, the changed outfit not dimming his sunshiny persona.
'How are you even here? Don't you have a group project?'
Mia jumps and spins to see Seb had been standing behind the door, vape in hand filling the air with cherry-scented smoke.
'Holy-, stop doing that Seb.' Ora groaned.
'No.' Seb's voice was odd, dry.
He worked at the travel agency on the far right across the street. Always wore the same green bomber jacket. Always wore his wavey hair in a stunning bun. Why did he come all the way here to smoke? Always a shrug in response.
Seb was staring at Mia's fist, still clenched, then back up at her, confused. He just about reached her elbow.
'You gonna punch me yet, boxing champion?'
'No.' Mia snaps, she quietly adds, 'I've never done boxing, by the way.'
'We're done for the day, Seb. It's nearly half-past six.' Ben waves, 'Long time no see buddy.'
'Anyway,' Ora waves him off, turning Ben to them, 'what's wrong?'
Ben stares at the floor and then Ora's face, 'I...I didn't get the apprenticeship. The Waterloo one.'
Mia and Ora sympathize, Mia pulling him in for a hug, and Ora squeezing his shoulder. but Ben still smiles, brushing it off as no big deal.
'You applied for like ten though, right?' Seb says, 'You're bound to lose one.'
'This is the fifth one.' Ben mumbles
'But that's not THE problem, is it?' Ora studies him. Mia can finally see the tension in his stance, his fidgeting foot.
'Was it the hospital?' Mia asks.
'What? No, no, no. I'm definetly fine. It...it's about Father.' Ben says and Ora tenses up like they'd been punched.
The little Mia knew was their father was a lazy, controlling prick. Ora walks further down the alley with Ben leaving Mia behind with Seb. Mia watches as Ora's expressions change to that eerie sad smile. Then they're glancing back at Mia, and Ben looks irritated and Ora looks angry.
'Uh oh. Guess whose sleeping on the floor tonight?' Seb croons.
'We don't live together, Seb.' Mia explains still watching Ora and Ben, 'You could say I'm not getting a call goodnight. That's if Ora was as petty as you, and their not.'
'We all have our limits.' says Seb, 'Fact of the matter is you screwed up.'
There's a trill ringing like an old telephone. Seb's ringtone. It's been ringing this whole time.
'You not gonna answer that?'
'It's the garage telling me to pick up my car.' Seb waves it off, 'If I answer I have to tell them what time I'm coming and if I do...I'm avoiding drama.'
'You're avoiding Paul. Again. Who's screwing up here?'
'Did I hear Paul?' Ben approaches cheerfully as ever. It's almost terrifying how good Ben is at masking. He pinches Seb's cheek, 'Are we love sick again, my guy? Let me help you, I'm an experinced people person.'
Ora arrives too, peeking her head through the door to ask for lunch. They wanted the free meal today.
'What happened?' Mia asks rubbing Ora's arm but they shrug her off.
'Nothing.'
Mia gives her a look. They had already gone through this, Ora had promised.
They sigh, 'Ok, there's a kind of problem. Later, ok?'
'Ok.' Mia leans in for a kiss but Ora turns away as the manager arrives with lunch.
Then she was falling.
She smacks into floor, ear ringing.
The floor felt ice cold, a rough silver carpet.
The buckets skid across the floor, chicken spills and the impact echos around them.
Mia looked around, everyone else was here too. In front of them was ... the earth. A hologram maybe. Above it there were statues, no figures...beings? In a circle all around, seating on or above ornate, carved, golden seats. One of them looked like a dinosaur with red horns.
Ora was pulling her up to stand. Nimi, the manager was screaming, "What the hell?" over and over but it sounded half as loud as normal.
The air felt wrong too. They weren't choking but it didn't feel like they breathing either. Like those dreams when you are underwater but you don't drown or hold your breath either.
'Greetings, humans. Up here!'
One of the statue, right above their heads looked like an octopus made out of smoke. A metal helmet on its head. To its left on a smaller seat was a much smaller "smoke" chicken. It was talking.
'You can hear me right?' the chicken said, red light glowing from the centre of its chest.
Mia looks around and the other were nodding. The chicken kept talking. There were seven other giants, made of electric balls or one large boulder. The boulder had a face, kind of. There were actual dinosaurs - triceratops she heard Ben whispering - and a clustered ball of green bubbles.
'The Intergalactic Council of Kind Friendly Customs, the ICKFC if you will.' Mia heard them say.
'I'm sorry, What?'