Derek pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition. The way that woman in the diner had spoken to him with fire in her dark eyes and disgust on that beautiful face of hers had shocked him out of his self-pity long enough to realized he'd made the worst possible first impression on the people in the town where he'd just bought a house. And a band teacher no less. His favorite kind of teacher.
He thought at first she recognized him, and that's why she was staring at him. He hated when women stared at him because of who he was.
By the time he realized he was mistaken, she was in full-blown protective mode, giving him a much-deserved chewing out for acting like such a douche to her student. He still couldn't believe he'd acted that way toward a kid.
He would have gotten in his car and left town with his tail between his legs if it weren't for the house. He really, really liked the house.
He'd decided to come look at it again to remind himself why he'd come here in the first place. Even in the bruised light of dusk the details of the house stood out to him, from the leaded glass of the double doors, to the corner turret, to the scroll work on the gables. He dug a set of worn keys from his pocket, turning them in his fingers as he stared at all those dark, empty windows.
He'd seen lights on in almost every house he'd passed on the way to this one. In windows behind drawn shades. On porches, in kitchens, in bedrooms.
But those were homes.
This was just a house. A big, old Victorian with peeling paint, way too much ivy, and a missing porch step.
Derek's phone buzzed in the cup holder, flashing his best friend's name across the screen.
Guilt rose in his chest, dousing his heart with an extra coat of lead. His sister Rose had called him twenty times in the last two days, and twenty times he'd ignored her. He was sure Adam was calling on her behalf.
They'd always been close. Hell, Adam was a better brother to her than Derek ever was.
"Dude." Adam's words were slow and measured, as always. It was the only way to control his stutter. "Tell me you didn't buy a house in the middle of nowhere."
Derek sighed. "Nope. I bought a house."
He'd made the mistake of taking his manager's call earlier because he'd been stupid enough to think it would be easier to deal with work than family. By now Mike had probably told exactly how stupid he thought Derek was.
Derek hated that asshole. When he got his shit in order, he was going to talk to the guys about cutting him loose and hiring a manager who wasn't such a tool.
He stared at the house — his house — wanting to go inside but for some reason too nervous to leave his car. He wanted to be alone, but looking at the thing he'd bought on a whim just made him feel…lonely.
He'd only ended up in this town because two mornings ago, before the dirt had settled on his father's coffin where it was lowered in the earth next to his mother's, he closed his eyes and stuck a thumbtack in a map.
In his particularly hung-over state that day, it had seemed as good a way as any to pick the place that would be his refuge. And he sure as hell needed a refuge. From the pressure. From the emptiness and guilt.
Especially from his twin sister. He should have at least told Rose where he was going, but he didn't. He was a shit brother, just like he was a shit son. He couldn't even make it to the hospital in time to say goodbye to his father. How could he expect his sister to forgive him? How could he forgive himself?
"Okay...you've been talking about buying something permanent for a while. But don't you think it's sort of...sudden?" Adam smoothed most of the judgment from his voice, but Derek could hear the unspoken accusations. "You should be here for Rose. But you just disappeared. No call, no note. Nothing. You're being an asshole."
What his friend meant was who the hell runs away and buys a house two days after his last living parent's funeral?
"I know. But, I needed this, okay," Derek said.
His words sounded lame, even to him. But he was tired of not calling the shots in his own life. He just wanted to remember who he was, and then he'd beg his sister for forgiveness. Things would be different from now on.
Adam didn't respond for a moment. Here it came. The inevitable reminder of what a terrible person he was.
"Derek, you shouldn't have l-left like that. Rose n-needed you. She's devastated."
Adam was usually pretty good at controlling his stutter. The fact that it had slipped in told Derek how upset his friend really was. It was really the only way to tell. Most of the time you'd assume he only had one emotion. Calm.
"And I'm not?" Derek knew he sounded like a spoiled brat. All he needed to do was stomp his foot. His face flushed with embarrassment at his own behavior, but he just couldn't seem to help himself.
"Asshole." Adam's deep voice was steady again, and Derek could tell his friend was doing his best to contain his anger. "Look...you know I have your back. We all do. Th-that's the point. You should be here. With us. We're your family. Wolf and Seth…they aren't going to let you hide for long."
Another wave of guilt flooded him at the mention of his other band mates. The four of them were in band together in high school, and quickly became inseparable. After a while, they traded in clarinets and saxophones for guitars and microphones, working diligently in Derek's basement to discover who they could be if they worked together.
They started booking gigs right out of high school. Derek on piano, Seth on lead guitar and vocals, Adam on bass, and Wolf on drums. Eventually their following grew large enough that they could call themselves pros, when all they really wanted to do at first was have fun.
They had such a good thing going, they never wanted it to end. He knew they were family in every way that mattered.
Derek sighed and stared at the beautiful monstrosity in front of him.
"I know...but it has a tower." And the thumbtack had felt a little like fate. "I promise I'll call Rose. I'll grovel. I just need a few days to get myself together. Can you take care of her until then?"
Adam's didn't respond for a few moments. Derek thought maybe he'd gotten tired of excuses and hung up. "You know I will. But you better do it."
"I will." Somehow Derek felt even guiltier than he had before he answered the call.
"Does the house really have a tower?" Adam said.
"Yeah."
"Cool." They'd known each other since they were five. Adam understood the importance of having a house with a tower. "But that still doesn't explain why you are in the middle of nowhere. What's the town called again?"
"Maybe," Derek said.
"Maybe, what?"
"That's the name of the town. Maybe." Derek started up his car. "Look…it's a long story. I'm tired as hell. Can I explain later?"
Another moment of silence. "Sure. Just wanted to check in on you. Wolf thinks you finally lost your mind..."
Derek hadn't lost his mind. He was trying to find it. "Nope. I just need some space."
"Not too much space."
"I know. I promise." Derek hung up and pulled out of the driveway. He'd bought a house, but what he really wanted was a home. He didn't deserve to go inside as if he actually belonged here.
His thoughts drifted back to the beautiful woman from the diner. On top of everything he'd done over the last few days, upsetting someone like her seemed like the icing on the fucking cake. He didn't know how, but he had to fix it. He had to apologize to that kid, too.
She was a band teacher. If it weren't for people like her, people like him would never survive high school.
He decided that he'd earn the right to sleep in his house, even if it would never feel real. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept someplace he could call his own. Hotels were great, but it took more than being surrounded by people to keep you from feeling lonely.
Derek sighed and headed down the main road. He remembered seeing a hotel near the highway, but that was at least a half hour drive away. It didn't matter. It's not like he had a bed inside his new place anyway.
He'd slept in hotels almost every night for the last two years. Why stop now?