Chapter 4 - Crazy young master

How to kill yourself fast, effortless, and painlessly?

I've been wondering ever since I arrived here in this world. When I thought about it, the first thing i thought is: Killing myself with a gun. I tried to search one, I tell you. There is luckily, but I cannot own or have it.

I found out that only people with license, a knight, or musketeers can have that. And I am neither of those, to get a license I must be and official adult —which this body is not— and a person with high standing, which I am. Sadly, i cannot even command the servants or my butler to get me one without my father being notified.

So, I did what a crazy and desperate person i think will do. I ask a knight to come to my room and snatch the gun which I failed again. The knight is too strong and I'm too weak! But I managed to injured myself. How unfortunate.

Did It stop me? No, of course. I did my Plan B, what is it you ask? To stab my self with a very sharp sword or decapitate myself. I recuperate first then asks forgiveness to the knight. He seems very flustered about me asking fo forgiveness and understanding, though.

Then after a total of a week— the medicine here are super effective, and healers made sure to completely heal me from head to toe— I began to take sword lesson.

The body is very familiar in handling swords so I didn't had a hard time. I let 3 more days to pass to lower their guard. Then, while I'm on practice, I ask one of the knight If I can look at her sword. The blade was sharp and cold, the sword is very beautiful.

I complimented her sword before stabbing it unhesitatingly in my chest but alas, she was too fast! So the sword only managed to stab in my stomach. It was excruciatingly painful, I immediately pass out because of it.

This incident alarmed the whole household, mu father even personally visit me with his face full of rage and fury. Mother and brother cried because they thought something happened to me and they're worried to death.

This cause them to lock me up and never ever let me call a knight alone because I might do something crazy again. Which of course I did.

I tried to starve myself to death, which in the end made my family distressed. My father and mother personally fed me, that I have no choice but to eat.

Then again, I hanged myself using the curtains. I was supposed to be successful if not for the voice interfering by attracting the head butler's attention to thinking that an assassin entered my room.

"You're going to stay there until you're fully healed. So, please Isiah. Don't try to kill yourself again, okay?"

I blankly stared at the haggard and worried Duchess Elise. She's completely different when I first saw her three months ago, she aged and look so tired. I kept my lips shut and look away, focusing my attention to the passing scenery.

Three months, I'm here for three months and was trying to kill myself for three months. I tried every possible way to kill myself: I drank poison everyday, I stab myself, I tried to drown myself in the tub, lake, pond, even at the fountain! I once set an empty barn in fire and sat in the middle, only to be saved by a passing patrol Knights.

I also tried to use magic—yes, magic exist here— to kill myself, only for my father to buy a magic suppressing bracelets. Did it stop me again? No. I practiced everyday secretly to break the shackles, then when I did, the first i did, of course, is to conjured a water bubble and put it in my head then set myself to inextinguishable fire.

Again, did i succeed?

NO! Mother called for a higher level Magician to extinguish my fire and to pop the bubbles!

I even expose myself to assassin's, tried to pick up fight with every possible way, To a knight, a gangster, a mob, a commoner, heck I even commissioned someone to kill me!

But was it a success? NO, for the hundredth time. They always find me on time and bring me to a complete stop.

I was curious as to how much the world did not want me to die.

"I'm sorry to be a disappointment."

I spoke in a soft voice, followed by a soft murmur of 'I can't promise'. For these past few months, I managed to assimilate myself here. I became quite attached to this family and got used to the daily life, although it's not enough to stop me from trying to go home.

"Isiah... dear. I don't know what's happening, but I'm sure this has nothing to do with your favorite horse's death. You know, you can tell me anything, right? I'll give you anything you want! Just...stop. Stop attempting to kill yourself..."

I watch how a small drop of tears rolled down to her cheeks followed by the continues fall of her tears. It's sad and pitiful.

I wanted to comfort her and say 'okay, I'll stop', but that's a lie. If I stop, how about my parents? my friends? my lover? how about them?

I can't comfort nor see them. They must've been so devastated.

"Sorry..."

"No, don't say that. Mom's not blaming you or forcing you, just recuperate okay? I'll be happy If i see you healthy and.." Sane? she must've wanted to say that. Because who's sane person woukd kill themselves if they have what i have? Probably no one.

I let my head down and fiddle with the platinum ring and bracelet. Couple of runes and spell are engraved in it, it's a magic suppressor. Stronger and sturdier. Unless I became a 6 circle Mage or 3rd Level Aura User, i can't even think of opening it.

"Young Master, Madam. We have arrived."

With the horse's neighs, the carriage drew to a rest. I gazed out the window after opening the drapes. When I scan the area, all I notice is greenery and a big temple in the center.

Near the entryway, a gigantic faceless statue has been built. The statue's face was hidden behind a veil, and it was dressed in a flowing gown. It was sitting in a languid position, holding a cup of wine in one hand and a dagger in the other, with a bushy shape surrounding it.

It's the statue of the God the temple is praying for. God of Peace and health, Endreida.

"Isiah."

I glance at mother who already exited the carriage and was waiting for me. I sighed before moving and going down on my own.

"Welcome, Duchess Elise Finnel and Eldest Young Master Isiah."

A person in purple priest robe greeted us. Compared to others behind him, his robe has more intricate design showing his higher status than them.

'Is he the crazy young master they're talking about?' Is that my title? Well, I'm a little crazy... can't call me sane.

'He don't look suicidal to me, though. Are the rumors fake?' Can I ask what you think a suicidal person must look like? and what rumors?

'Welp, a noble is going to stay with us! What if he has a temper? Do he hit servant?' Why would I hit a servant when I'm busy finding ways to kill myself? And I do have a temper...

'Kyah! He look so mature...not in a bad way though, Can't believe he's 14!' Me neither, I thought It was 16 or 17 something.

A gush of countless thoughts poured into my head. I winced a little before returning my face to how it used to be. Mind reading, one of the skills I accidentally gained when I tried to kill myself.

It was from a forbidden book that I bought from the black market. The spell was supposed to be instant death after a minute when the spell was cast, I don't know where did it go wrong but I attained Mind Reading and Sensitive Senses.

"I'm leaving my son in your care, High Priest Joem. Please take care of him, we will also do our outmost best to to support the temple."

"Rest assured, Duchess. We will make sure that the young master will be in his top condition when you see him again three years later. Bishop Calico also gave her word that she will handle this with care."

3 years? I'll stay here in two years? It's like they're locking me up here until the coming of age ceremony. Well, not that I care.

"Please. I assumed that we can send people here once in a while? We're planning to send him a tutors so he won't be left behind when it's time to enter the Academy."

"In that matter, you must speak with the bishop. I, a high priest, has no power regarding that. Please understand."

"Okay, thank you very much, High priest Joem."

I decided to stop eavesdropping and walk a little. Our knights eyed me with great intensity and watched every move I made, they must be scared that I will do something crazy again. I stopped walking when I was a meters away to entering the temple.

'Hey, I was supposed to meet the protagonist next month, right?' I asks.

In the original timeline, I was supposed to attend a coming of age ceremony. There I will meet the male protagonist who's a former prince of a fallen kingdom that transmigrated in the body of Count Merli's second son.

I will take great interest in him since he was different in what the rumors say, he was not stupid nor unruly but rather smart and elegant.

⟨‹ Indeed. But because of your crazy antics, you manage to change the route and land yourself in the temple.You manage to severe a blue thread of fate, and changed its course ›⟩

'Blue thread? and, is there no other way to go home? Can't I just kill myself?'

⟨‹Soul, isn't it proven to you for the past few months that you will not be able to kill yourself? Even if you manage to do so, you'll just revived and start again until you finish your supposed role.›⟩

⟨‹ A blue thread refer to the type of fate. A blue thread refer to a small fate like encounter of two people or more, small decision or the place where you should be at. A red thread refers to a major happens in your life. Either that can lead to death or discovery of a treasure. Then a silver, purple and golden thread, those two signify what kind of life you'll lead. Silver leads to small, ordinary, typical life. Purple is something more unpredictable, you van either became a villain or king. The gold, this lead to a sure bloody path of glory.›⟩

I hummed. I don't know anymore, the more I wish to go home, the greater the resistance I receive.

"Isiah?"

I turn around and faced mother who seem to just finished talking with the priest. I throw a glance at her back, I saw the knight and my servants moving my luggage out of the carriage. I retracted my gaze and look at mother.

"I'll be fine. I just don't know when." I reach out and wrapped my arms around her, not giving any chance for her speak.

"You should not worry— Well, a little maybe. I will not die, even if I tried, i will not. Because there's still something for me to do."

"I wish nothing but you're well being, son. Just come back to us well and fine. We will welcome you with open arms."

I moved away and cupped her cheeks, wiping the tears that continue to fall like a falls.

Mother and I spoke for a while, she nagging and worrying about and me, easing her worries and urging her to go.

"Aduie!"

Looking at the leaving carriage, a small part of my heart was taken and felt empty. I Sighed and turn my back as they slowly disappear in the shadow of the forest.

Facing the servants busy dragging my luggage inside the temple. A thought concluded in my head.

"I'll probably won't stay here for too long."
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