I get a call from my mother and she was saying :
Ella , my little girl . How are . I hope your doing well . I miss you so much . Don't worry I just called you to tell you that your father and I have decided to break up . We think that this would be better for us . We want to have a new life and live like nothing happened . So I wanted to tell you to settle down and live with your relatives . Just live your life happily as we do and find happiness there ...
I couldn't hear the rest of her words when I hung up the phone . At that moment , I felt something inside me being torn into pieces. I couldn't explain this feeling, as if a part of me was asking for help and the other didn't know what to do . I felt as if the doors of life were closed in front of me, as if I had been imprisoned in some kind of cage , nobody closed that cage but why can't I get out ? It was something new that had never happened to me before. What is this feeling .
January 21, 2006
At school our teacher gaves us a paper to write on it what we dream to be in the future.
But I didn't know what to write . What I really want to be and what is my dream . In reality I didn't think about all of this . I just wanted to get a good job any job just for having money and helping my family . but now , thinking of it , I was saying that I felt like I was imprisoned in a cage that no one close it , what if I closed the door of this cage , what if the key of this door is with me and I can't get out just when I really love myself . In the past I thought that feelings can't do anything for us but now I think that I know what feelings means , so from now on I'm gonna to find the way to myself ....