Confusion really strikes my cores
White and black
Singles and dimes
I could light your darkness but I'm scared to die
Scared?
More like impoverished
At a point I'm so certain
Sure of what I want this to be
And then I mess everything up
Thinking what exactly am I doing
Maybe I shouldn't set rules
Because trust me I always break them
Pull down my own walls and wondering if the person behind the scene is real
I'm scared
Yes I am
Of being hurt
Of all the good and bad things
The things that could go right and wrong
But ironically when I'm with you I don't want the moment to pass
Do I fall too blindly or I just make myself available for advantage
This is not an emotion
It's nothing like that
Just blank
Emptiness
Absolute void
Leaves me asking if you'll come over if the world was ending
It's like nothing I've ever felt before
What if this isn't right
What if all the walls I've built and fell mount up against me
Angry at the waste I eventually make them to be
I really don't want this
I really don't want love but I'm back to the place I begun and this time nothing is creeping up at me
I went in for it
I put myself in this dirt
And I really want it to end already
But another part feels a road has already been set
Who knows maybe this love won't be the usual one I know
With butterflies and chills
And If this one too will fight for me then who am I?
I know the time isn't right and my season isn't due
What if I lay this aside
In hopes of a savior and fate
The same fate I know came through for others
The thing is I don't want to love but it always finds me in a mysterious way
When I've given all up and least expect it
It just gathers up around me and warms into my being
Makes me crave things I want you have nothing to deal with and in the end leaves me in desperate
In love and sat-naved
Falling and protruding ghastly
Happy with little shades of grey
mixed emotions
Unwavering pride
Beautiful soul with unfulfilled hopes
If this is how I'm meant to be, then the last person to utterly grab me would have been gifted in disguised
And if the saying is true
Then it will take a man that finds my maker to find me
©A3