Guardian
a Worm/Destiny Crossover
Chapter 44: Sex and Other Drugs
The entire fucking world came to a screeching halt.
It was...
She...
There wasn't...
Time passed. She didn't know how long she stood there while her brain had a complete breakdown. Roo was still fiddling with what would become the base's security system. She was aware of it with the same distance that she heard her heart thundering in her ears. Eventually, she managed a very strangled squeak. "You want to what?"
Lisa inhaled briskly, as if mustering her courage. Which was ridiculous. She who dropped sex bombs weren't allowed to be nervous. " I think I was pretty clear, babe. I want to get naked and go swimming. With you. "
"No, I got that, I just – I – I – I have no idea what to say right now."
"'Yes' would be nice."
Taylor made an annoyed sound in her throat. "You know how I feel about – hang on." Having become aware of where she was, she went into one of the other rooms and closed the door. There. Privacy achieved. "Okay. You know how I feel about you, and how much I like your uh...everything. I just, um..." Her hands were shaking. Why were her hands shaking?
"...starting to think this was a terrible idea. Okay! Just, uh, forget I said anything. Guess I'll uh, see you later. So...yeah."
"Wait! Lisa! No, don't – !" Too late. Already hung up. She inhaled deeply, then blew it out through her nose. Then kicked the nearby wall for good measure. She glared angrily around the small room before deflating. She sighed again. "Fuck."
What a mess. So what are you gonna do to fix it, she asked herself?
She didn't know. But she sure as hell wasn't solving anything by staying in this closet.
Ha. Closet.
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Come to think of it, she'd never actually been to Lisa's apartment. She knew it was a result – a painful, awkward, uncomfortable result – of an attempt to repair the relationship between Lisa and her parents. In fact it had gone so poorly that, years later, she still refused to talk in detail about it. Not that Taylor, in any way, blamed her. Wasn't like she didn't have her own minefield of past pains. Even so there was a part of her, as she stared up at the faux-brownstone building, that wondered how things could have gotten so bad that an entire apartmentwas considered an appropriate apology gift.
She pushed through the front door and into a lobby that tried to combine opulence with minimalism and succeeded more with the latter than the former. Bare floors, black leather furniture, incomprehensible paintings on the walls. That kind of thing. A man in a suit stood behind a counter festooned with yet-to-be-retrieved packages. He was short, broad-shouldered, and bald. His nametag called him Sean, and he smiled professionally as she approached. "Hello! Welcome to the Prado. How can I help you?"
The Prado? It clearly meant something, but Taylor was in no mood to figure it out. She tried on a smile and said, "Hi. I'm here to visit Lisa. Uh, Lisa Wilbourne?"
Sean nodded. "Okay." He went to the computer the wide-lipped counter had hidden and began to type. "What's your relationship with Miss Wilbourne?"
"I'm her girlfriend." I hope, she added silently.
He nodded again before picking up a landline headset. She could hear the phone ringing and had to force herself not to listen. It was harder than it sounded. Ha. Sounded. She was full of these today. It wasn't at all an effort to distract herself from the fear burning away in her heart. Not one bit.
After a while, she was drawn from her efforts at not thinking about things by Sean. He handed her a guest pass and told her where the elevators were, and that if she'd leave the pass on the desk on her way out, he'd appreciate it, thanks.
The elevator was waiting for her, the sixth floor button already lit. It carried her steadily upwards, droning pleasantly forgettable music through artfully hidden speakers. She drummed her fingers against her opposite wrist.
You're here now, Taylor. What's next? You don't know? Great.
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Something weird had happened. A small part of her asked why exactly are you panicking? She almost tripped over nothing from the depth of the spiral that innocuous, self-asked question sent her down. Why was she panicking? Well, there was a very large concern that her relationship – one that she valued very, very much – had just been torpedoed below the waterline.
But that wasn't it. That had happened after she'd panicked, not before. So backtrack, then. She padded silently on the bare concrete floor of the hallway down to Lisa's door. It had started with the phone call. But why? She'd faced death at least a dozen times, gone face-to-face with monstrous creatures and broken many bones. Just, so many broken bones. So why would she panic at the thought of having sex? With her girlfriend, who she cared for very much and found very attractive?
There was a notion, an idea to blame society. Girls who put out are whores, girls who don't are prudes, that kind of thing. But she didn't think that was it. Or maybe not entirely it.
Then there was the before she became a Guardian. That part of her life she preferred not to think about. A lot of damage had been done to her, she was distant enough to be able to recognize that now. She had thought that she had healed. But maybe she hadn't? Not entirely? It could be that there was still a part of her that believed she didn't deserve to be loved.
It was frustrating, to not have the answer. That was lessened, though, by how she thought that she could see the answer. Just the barest outline, a shadowed figure in a dark alley. She knocked on Lisa's door.
Footsteps from the other side. Drawing closer. She didn't have an answer. She didn't have a plan. She wondered what Lisa would look like, opening the door. Would her eyes spark with interest, maybe a touch of lust and some embarassment? Maybe she'd say something like, sorry about that, I got a little too excited about the idea, how about we just make out for a few hours instead? Maybe she'd be wearing clothes that were kind of casual and all the more appealing for it?
Taylor was still panicking. But she was here.
Lisa opened the door. She was wearing casual clothes, thick sweatpants and a hoodie. Her eyes, oh, her eyes, they were glassy and swollen. Red. Cheeks stained with tracks of salt. And then she said...and then she said, "Are you here to break up with me?"
Taylor opened her mouth, then closed it. A sort of squeak came out in between those actions. Was – had she made Lisa; Confident, teasing, sexy Lisa, her girlfriend, cry? Had she taken this person, this person she...valued...so very, very much, and reduced them to tears?
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
This was, to be blunt, un-fucking-acceptable.
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Taylor Hebert knew what to do. She said, "No. Fuck no." and then kissed her girlfriend. One hand rested gently below the rise of Lisa's hips, the other curled around her cheek, thumb smoothing gently over her cheek and up to her temple. The kiss was slow and soft, a gentle slide of lips and soft breaths. It went on, drawing them into each other, creating a world of two where it was possible to say I'm sorry without ever stopping a kiss. Where the shift of hands, from a shoulder to the back of a neck said it's okay, so am I. It went on, their own little world, building a hearthfire warmth between them.
Then it was done. Taylor's lips pulled away. Leaving the warmth. Their foreheads touched as Lisa looked up at her. Green eyes were clearer, calmer. Lisa licked her lips and smiled, small and hopeful. "I uh, I guess I should invite you in."
Taylor grinned back, wide and goofy and burning. "Yeah."
Lisa's apartment was...there. It existed. Taylor didn't notice a single detail of it. She remembered the warmth and presence of Lisa's hand in hers, the ghost-touch of Lisa's lips on hers, and the fire. There was a couch, which she noticed because she sat on it and immediately pulled Lisa into her lap, into her arms. It wasn't even to keep kissing her. Just. She just wanted to hold her girlfriend close for a bit. Luxuriate in the flame. Lisa curled into the touch, throwing her legs over Taylor's lap and pressing her nose into Taylor's throat, dropping a kiss in the hollow before sighing heavily. "I almost fucked this up." Tension was bleeding, second by second, from her body.
Taylor kissed Lisa's white-blonde hair and lingered, breathing in her scent. She mumbled, "You could never fuck this up." Then her lips curved upward, "Well, unless you really tried."
Lisa grumbled. "I'll show you try." Silence stretched out for half a minute, before, "I thought I was going to lose you."
Taylor fessed up. "I don't know why I got so freaked out. I've been trying to figure it out, and I can't." She kissed Lisa's hair again. "You're not going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere." It was equal parts promise and declaration, given with all the intent she had.
"But you will." Lisa's fear was quiet, mumbled into Taylor's neck. "Sooner or later, he'll hit another city, or they'll bring him down, and even if you win all of that, there's the next one. There's always gonna be a next one. And because you're you, you'll go. Every time. You'll keep going, and then one time – the last time – you won't come back."
There were times, times that crept up on Taylor in the dark moments before sleep, when her brain brought up shameful thoughts and existential worries. In those times she would worry about what being made a Guardian had done to her. What it meant, how it had changed her. How she had looked at the trauma and the fear of the capes in Las Vegas and not had those feelings mirrored in herself. She'd been more scared of talking to all those capes beforehand than the battles itself. More scared of having a member of her team die than dying herself. She wished her Ghost was still alive, not just because she missed him, but also because he would have known what been changed within her.
She didn't know what to say. So she didn't say anything. She just brought her hand up to brush away the remnants of Lisa's tears and hold her close. Lisa caught her hand and pressed a kiss into her palm.
Then Taylor said something stupid. Something she hadn't intended to say. Yet. "I love you, Lisa."
Her heart thundered in her chest, roaring with I didn't mean to say that, but I don't regret it either. Lisa twined their fingers together and lifted her head to smile up into Taylor's eyes. "I know."
"You know?"
"Uh huh."
"How?"
"First, you're entirely unsubtle. Worst poker face on the planet. Second, probably more importantly...I kinda love you too."
Taylor grinned. The hearthfire heat banked, rising slow and inevitable between them. "Only kind of?"
"Just shut up and kiss me."
So she did.
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